Chapter 9
"I want you to go back to Hogwarts." Hermione stated as she near enough threw Severus dinner on the table. It was still Boxing Day and Hermione was still not speaking to Severus more than she had too. It was clear that she had made two mistakes, Sleeping with him and wanting to sleep with him. Yes apart of her did it for Albus but that was just a small part. She had gone to him from need. It was too soon to let him in and it was too soon for him to let her in. Yes they had their past but it was the future which they were working towards.
Severus regarded the gravy that had splashed on the table and looked back up to Hermione. He had no idea what he had done to offend her. After breakfast she had stay upstairs in her room until she had come down to cook for him again. He watched her fold her arms and sneer at him. Moving he plate out of the gravy he spoke. "Before or after you've finished with your little show?"
"You've never cared have you? I've just been some project to you this whole time. I regret every thing of done with you, from sleeping with you last night to seeking you out on the night of my parent's death. I bet you loved it when I was in a state like that, poor little Gryffindor. I wasn't so brave that night was I? You loved the idea of me being in pain didn't you? You're just some sadist prick!" Hermione had now balled up her hands into a fist. "Get out of my house, you bastard."
Severus sat as he regarded her, when had her parents ever been an issue between them? He stood from the table, if she wanted him to leave he would. "I shall be going now then Miss Granger."
Severus left the kitchen and followed the rooms until he was out of the house. He didn't look back as he walked the block to the nearest apparition point. She would have to return to Hogwarts tomorrow her self as it was planned that way. Severus was still trying to understand why he had allowed her to speak to him that way and not set her straight her in some way. He had not spoken of his true feelings behind her parent's death as she had not asked. Nor would he tell her. This whole thing only made his choice for Albus to live or die even harder. His future with Hermione was not set; it was about as unstable as a two legged sheep. However with Albus, it was simple, he would bring him back and Albus will continue to put Severus through hard times and destroy his chance of having a family.
What was a family worth to him anyway? It wasn't as if his own family had been anything special. He disapparated to Hogwarts.
Once comfortable in his living room, glass of whisky in hand he thought about his options. It was clear that his worries were catching up on him. He had taken Hermione last night, had let her see him in a different light. Was it too soon? A child is what was needed through all of this. Just one child, he had gone for a surrogate mother rather than for love and a family. No ties were not to be made, a child would be born and Albus would be saved. It simple when put as that but when you added one bushy Gryffindor, a past of want and desire and add plan strong-headiness and you get what they are left with. He wanted her. When she had slept next to him it had been the best sleep he had in ages. No dreams of his past haunting him. It was bliss.
With this all in mind was it possible to achieve what was sought after? What he had worked endless at for nearly the past year. He need answers, he needed the guidance of Albus.
Albus was the focus in this madness, it was for him. Would it not be a waste for Albus not to be cured?
Hermione hugged her bear close to her. The bear was given to her by her parents the Christmas before they died; this was the second Christmas she would be spending alone. With out her parents, without Harry or Ron to cheer her up. She had even pushed Severus away. The soft fur of the bear was wet from her tears. Hermione had taken the bear from that box in the back of her wardrobe. The box that contained her life with her parents.
She had been wrong in the way she spoke to Severus, had accused him of everything she blamed herself for. Projected her fears onto him. He had not dissevered the way she treated him and yet he did not rebuke her for it either. Gathering her Gryffindor nobility around her as a shield she left her bear on her bed and sat at the desk. It was time to write to Severus and to apologies. Yes, she could tell him tomorrow but she would not sleep a wink if she didn't clear the air between them.
She pondered on how to start the letter, who should she address it to? Severus, sir or professor Snape. Sighing she wrote all three down
Dear Professor Snap/Sir/Severus
It would be too formal to write Professor. After all the way she had spoken to him was not one of a pupil speaking to a teacher. Sir held the same meaning, just less official. Screwing the parchment up she started a fresh.
Dear Severus.
I wish to apologies for my behavior and anything I may have said/did to offend you. It is clear I am not the victim of some cruel mistreatment but it is you. I hope you will except this and forgive my horrendous outburst. You gave me the chance to have the wonderful experience (Hermione became stuck again here, what was she to say as it was regarding their 'time' together. She didn't want him to think that she was trying to flatter him to forgive her but wanted to show she enjoyed it, quite a lot really.) of creating a child and yet I still throw it back in to your face. Which is deeply regretted on my half (Yes she did regret it, how was she to convince him to do it again after that?)
I am not making any excuses for my behavior as there is none. It was uncalled for as well as being unjust. I was surprised you didn't hex me three ways from Sunday for the way I spoke to you. This year has been hard for me to adjust too; not only have I lost my parents and helped defeat Voldemort but I have lost my first child. Fair enough, the child is yours by rights but I had condemned that baby because of spite. It was not until it was gone that I realized even though it is yours, it was still apart of me while I carried it. (Here she felt tears burn her eyes). It has been a year filled with more grief than I wish to experience in a life time and you have for some reason (maybe your a glutton for punishment) been there through each time. I should not have spoke of my parents. It was nether an issue before and shouldn't be one now.
Hopefully if you do forgive me you might be in a well enough mood to come spend the remaining hours of my time here with me.
Deeply sorry
Hermione.
Re-reading through it several times she thought about not including the invite for him to return. He had not been gone five hours and here she was begging for him to return. When had his company turned to meaning so much to her? Taking a risk she left the invitation, she had now passed the ball into his court. Let him do what he wished with it. Summing a Hogmeade's owl, Hermione attached the payment for using their owls and the letter. She then released it back into the sky. It was getting dark and Hermione doubted Severus would come.
She was right. He had shown up. It was now nearing 1am and Hermione had final given up hope. She pulled herself up from the couch, switched of the T.V and lights and headed for bed. She was abit disappointed that he hadn't shown up but after the way she had treated him, she wasn't going to hold her breath for him to turn up in the next few minutes. Reaching her bed, she quickly changed into her sleepwear and climbed into bed. Emotionally drained from the day; it wasn't long until she fell to sleep.
In her dreams she saw her parents around the Christmas tree, Both smiling and happy while they unwrapped gifted. They hugged Hermione and kissed her as they wished her a merry Christmas. They had gotten her a bear but a bigger gift was waiting upstairs for her. Running up the stairs, her parents followed. They cheered her on when she looked around the room, searching for this gift. Her mum told her it was in the wardrobe. Confused Hermione didn't go in the there but continued to search around. Her mum was yelling at her now. "It's in the wardrobe, go in there, you'll be safe and don't come out."
Hermione saw that her mum was scared. Why was she scared? It was just a gift. Who was dad talking too? He was at the bedroom door shouting at them. Her mum got up and pushed her inside, locking the door.
"My daughter isn't here."
But I'm here Hermione thought as she peered through the gap. What was happening? She couldn't see anyone but she could here the screaming, pressing her self closed to see, Hermione jumped as an eye looked back at her. She screamed as the doors slowly opened. It was them. "NO" they were going to get her. "Don't" "Please" "No"
They reached inside to grab her and Hermione screamed and knew that it was the scream of the dead.
"Arghhhhhhhhhhhh!" Hermione heard her voice echo as she woke. Her heart was racing and her pajamas clung to her from her sweat. She looked around her room tried to get her bearings back. She was in bed at home. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths. Then she heard the floor boards squeak. Her heart jump and she snapped open her eyes in the direction of where it came from. In the shadows she could make out the outline of figure. They were back, it was the Death Eaters. Hermione yelled "Leave me alone!"
The figure moved forwards, into the light streaming in from the window. It was then she could see who it was.
"Severus?"
"You had a nightmare." Severus stated. He didn't move from where he stood.
"I know. You got my letter?" Hermione watched as he took out a piece of paper from his pocket.
Severus opened it out and read from a line. "'A glutton for punishment.' It would seem that you are right." He smiled then, it was small and would have been mistake for a twitch if did know Severus that well. "What was it about? Your dream."
"My parents. And I'm sorry."
Severus folded the letter away and moved to be next to Hermione. He stood on something soft and looked down to find it was a bear. Picking it up he smoothed down the fur and placed it on the bedside table. "Your forgiven. We all have our ways of dealing with the past Hermione."
"I dreamt that it was at Christmas that they died and not at Easter." Hermione sat up and patted on the bed for Severus to sit down. Her parents had died during the Easter break. They were all in her parent's bedroom when they had attacked. Hermione was pushed and locket into the wardrobe by her mother while her dad tried to stale them. She had been forced to watch through a small gap as her parents were killed before her. They had began to trash the house and set it alight while they looked for her. Someone had peered into the wardrobe and found her but the sounds of people apparating into the house had scared them off before they could take her.
"It is at the holidays that we miss our loved ones the most." Severus spoke softly with a sad look on his face. He was there during the raid and it had been Avery who had found her, had he not informed Albus before Hermione would not be alive today. She had come to him that night. Sought him out from the rest, crying of the guilt she felt of just standing there and watching her parents die. He had offered her no words of comfort, he had just replied that it was properly for the best that two muggle's were killed and not a witch. After all it was not those Muggle's who could help defeat Voldemort. It was the following 29th of December when Voldemort had finally been defeated. That was a year ago in a few days.
"Thank you for coming back."
"How could I not take up that invite after you admitted it was your fault?" Severus Chuckled. "I have a punishment for your bash behavior; you get to mark the rest of the essays. Saved the best for you, first years."
"Oh gosh, I would rather juggled with Ashwinder eggs and set myself alight then mark those." Hermione moaned as she thought of the first years, she had learnt that it was hard to get them to remember anything and three-quarts of the work handed in was just copied right out of the text book.
"That could be arranged." Severus smirked. If there was one thing he loved about having apprentices is that he could give them all the boring work.
"Don't tempt me." Hermione yawned as she spoke. "What time is it?"
"Just gone 3. I would have arrived sooner but I wanted to do all the marking so that it was only the first years left. Just to make sure you will mark the correct ones you rule-breaking miscreant." Severus chuckled as she pulled a face of self righteousness. "Its late and we have the next batch of Wolfsbane to work on once we return to the castle plus you've got marking to do."
"Urgh, talk about Christmas cheer." Hermione scoffed and pulled the covers above her head. Reemerging some what dishevel from the blanket Hermione smiled at Severus. "Sleep with me, I feel saver. When I'm with you."
"No monkey business?" Severus quirked an eyebrow as he pulled off his shoes. He had hoped he could share a bed with her again, not for the same reason as last night, but she had calmed his sleep and it would seem he might be able to do the same for her.
"Not unless you wan too?"
"Hermione." Severus tone was one of warning and of being tired out as he slipped of his clothes, while keeping his trousers on, and climbed into bed with her.
"I know. Good night Severus." Hermione sighed and turned so that her back was to him, fluffing up the pillow as she did so.
"Good night Hermione." Severus watched her drift off to sleep and then final moved so he was in the spoon position, his arm over Hermione, and holding on to her. There would be no more nightmares tonight.
Yet again im sorry its short. I have a job-thingy tomorrow where i find out if i have a job or not and now im going down the pub. Dont forget to reviews chickas!