I know, i know. Its late. I didnt keep my promise. But that was because i was bussy quiting my job! yay for me

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Chapter 10

"You've got to be kidding me?" Hermione exclaimed. It was the New Years Eve and even though Voldemort was defeated on the 29th it had been decided that the celebration would be held over New Year's. Hermione had just finished getting ready for the ball which is being held in the great hall. She was wearing her new red satin dress for the first time since she brought it from her shopping trip just before September. She had pulled her hair into a clip at the back of her neck, this way she didn't have to worry about it falling down or being in her face and her face was dusted in a light covering of make-up. Once she felt she was ready she had left her room to find Severus in his dressing gown arranging his lesson plans for the New Year. It would seem he didn't in tend on going tonight. "You are expected to be there!"

"I am expected of nothing Hermione, I've done my part." Severus replied his voice one of indifference as he looked up at her to quickly take in what she looked like before returning to his work. Hermione huffed as she moved in front of him. Realizing that he wasn't going to look at her she pulled the parchment from under him. Severus placed the quill down and leaned back into the couch, he regarded her for a few seconds through hooded eyes before saying in a cool voice. "That wasn't a wise thing to do."

"Just stay for the opening ceremony. Please?" Hermione moved the parchment behind her back as if to hide it from him. They were back at the castle and neither had spoken of their stay at Hermione's house. It had become another unspoken issue that was never to be brought up again, however Hermione now did spend the nights in the same bed as Severus. Nothing sexual ever happen, it was merely a comfort thing between them. Both needed the other, both not willing to admit their loneliness.

At first Severus had justified their sleeping arrangement for the welling being of Hermione only, it was when he woke to find her no longer in the bed and have panic gripped his heart, that he realized that it was for him as well. She had only left for the toilet and had returned moments later but the fear of waking with out her again kept him awake for the rest of the night. He tried to push her away the next day, they had only been sharing a bed just short of a week but already he felt as it had been the norm all along. He had achieved which he was set against. He hadn't wanted a companionship but now the idea of fancying a real family, to play the role of loving husband and dotting father swirled through his mind, luring him into the worlds of 'could be's' and 'what if's' and 'if only'. It was a world he was scared to enter, it was a world he wished he was part of.

"I worked in the back ground; I am hated by most, wanted dead by a few more. Simply put, I've out lived my usefulness."

"Stop being so morbid! Do you not think that we've all out lived our usefulness for the war? Merlin knows I'm no longer needed. I helped the sick. I fought for the light. The only thing that the world needed after the war was a hero to worship; they have Harry for that but what of the rest of us?" Hermione smiled sadly. Many had died bravely in the war, thankfully most of the Order had survived through their intense training and inside knowledge, it was the less equipped that had perished.

"You're still young."

"So are you! You're what? Twenty years my elder? That's a pinch of salt compared to Albus. Not only that but you are also one of the most accomplished potions master's in Europe, if not the whole world. Out lived my arse!" Hermione rolled her eyes and chuckled. Throwing her arms up into the air in an overacted show of faux dismay. "You've got five minutes, unless you want me to drag you there in your pajamas?"

"What makes you think-?"

"Just get ready!" Hermione interrupted laughing; he was more stubborn than a mule some times.

Severus watched as Hermione danced around the room with one of the young men that had been surrounding her all night. To say that she had most of the male attention was an understatement. Wizards of the highest and lowest stature had approached her at least once this evening and as always he was left forgotten, to watch from the side lines. She did look wonderful though, her face flushed with bliss, her eyes alit with pleasure. Shaking his head softly to clear his thoughts, Severus was left to ponder on finding a solution to his current problem. She was pregnant and she didn't know it yet.

He had only known himself for a few hours, she had been complaining of being tired for the past couple of days and had taken to having naps mid-afternoon. It was during this nap earlier today that he preformed the per-parvulus charm. He was a bit taken back to see the white light enfold her but it was not impossible to become pregnant so quickly. He would still continue his research on his modified sperm, other than that he could do nothing but wait and see if this child could save Albus. Would a link so weak be enough?

His dark eyes stayed on Hermione as she continued to enjoy herself. To see her grow big with his child was something that Severus never thought he would wish to see. This woman, this amazing woman was giving him a gift of an heir. He felt confused with the conflicting emotions running inside him. Here she was, not pretending to be anything other than what she was, not trying to hide it either. Her emotions were worn on her wrist like jewelry, her strong sense of right and wrong determining her actions, almost naive at some points. Her intelligence recognized by even the most elite people. She had healed and cared for so many people during the war. He would just taint her, curse her like he is cursed, she would be better off with one of the men she had danced with tonight.

There was no other option; he would push her out of his life forever when the child was born. She would not finish the apprenticeship with him, he would arrange for a potions master more worthy of her to complete her education. He didn't deserve the happiness he desired.

"Severus! Come dance with me?" Hermione's voice broke through his thoughts; he had stopped watching her some time ago and her sudden appearance had caught him of guard and not quite sure what he was doing he replied.

"Yes."

Severus followed her, his mind still planning for the future. As he took her in to his arms and looked in to her eyes all he could think of was the inevitable pain he was going to cause her in less than a year. He led her around the dance floor in time with the soft waltz that played in the background. He dared not to look at her. He will tell her of the pregnancy tonight and deal with the rest when it came.

Until it comes to his parting with her, he would do his best to make the remaining months a pleasant experience on both sides.

"Tonight was fantastic!" Hermione smiled as she flopped down on the couch and kicked off her shoes. She frowned when she saw Severus staring at her. "What is it?"

"I have some news."

"Good or bad?" Hermione asked uncertainly.

"That's yet to be seen." Severus moved to sit next to her on the couch. It was not wise to sit in reaching range of her as her reaction to the news could be physical. "From our time together at your house-"

He paused here because of the look that was sent his way by Hermione. "-you've become with child."

"Oh my god!" Hermione screamed throwing her self on to Severus in a tight embrace. "That explains why I've be up and down like a yo-yo these pass days. Did you cast a spell to see?"

"While you were napping earlier today."

"This is fantastic Severus!" Hermione cried pulling away from him.

"Is it?" His voice was soft, uncertainty played on his face. Was it fantastic to have a child which might not save Albus? It was a risk. To have a child with a woman who he denied having affection for. Would it not taint their relationship, would he grow to hate the child for being a part of a woman he could not love? Would he turn into his own father?

"It is! A life has been made Severus. Each live is a gift. This is our gift." Hermione smiled, her eyes alit with joy.

Severus tried to echo her joy and happiness but found it impossible as he kept on thinking how he would not be able to enjoy this gift with her. Fear of being the man who had tortured him and his mother so, kept him from embracing neither the gift that is fatherhood nor the gift of a woman to love.

He would not allow himself to be the man he has fought so hard to forget.

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