Severus Snape was in a really bad mood. He was tired, his back hurt as hell and so did his head.
It was Thursday afternoon, and that meant that he had had a day containing Gryffiondor and Slytherin 5 years, Huffelpuff 1 years and a double potions with Gryffiondor 7 years.
Which of course meant Potter, Weasley, Granger, Longbottom, The Weasley twins and last but not at all least the whole FRIGGIN Huffelpuff class.
He was SO looking forward to getting to bed now. He just had one thing left to do that evening and than could cuddle up under his warm silk sheets and get his well deserved beauty-sleep.
He was now on his way to McGonagall's office to get a copy of "quidditch-practice-schedule-thingy".
He finally reached McGonagall's office and knocked. No answer. He knocked again, a little harder this time. Still no answer. He knocked a third time, but still no sound from inside the office. Severus was banging really hard on the door now, getting lots of curious looks from bypassing students. God! He was really not in the mood for this. Were was that bloody woman when you needed her?
Fine, he thought. He needed the schedules and he needed his sleep. He would simply just go get them himself.
He withdrew his wand and unlocked the door. That woman should be a bit more careful with locking her office, he thought. Even a first year could get into her office without to much thinking.
"So, where could she have put them?" He whispered to himself. Probably the desk drawers, he thought and went over to her desk.
He looked through the parchments lying on her desk. Nope, not there. So he started going through her drawers one-by-one. No, no, no, not there. He had gone through three of her drawers and had now reached the bottom drawer. It was locked.
Hmm, secret hiding place, eh? Severus thought. He unlocked it the same way he had unlocked the door and started going through the parchments inside. Essays, tests, essays, essays, letter.
Ah, there! The schedule was lying almost on the bottom of the pile. He took the small piece of parchment and was about to close the drawer when he spotted something else lying there. A survey? Just like the surveys they had stole from their students, except from a small difference. This wasn't written by a student. This survey had Minerva's name on it.
Severus smiled a small smile. McGonagall had written a survey? He sat down in McGonagall's chair and started reading the parchment. His smile grew bigger as he read and when he had finished, he was grinning broadly. So, this was the real McGonagall?
He copied the survey as well as the quidditch schedule, locked her drawer, picked up his own parchments and left her office.
When Severus was back in his own chambers, he sat down on the couch and picked up Minerva's survey again.
He could do it to. Let out his inner secrets on this piece of parchment. No one would see it. Maybe it would lighten his mood a bit to. Yes, he would do it. It would be fun. Quite fun indeed.
Starting time? 21:33
Personal
Full name? Severus Amandus Cornelius Prince Snape. don't laugh!
Nicknames? Sev, Sevvie, Snapie-poo, Snivellus,
Birthday? 13. March
Age? 32
Sex? Well, I'm not quite sure. I love women, but I also like wearing what women wear. ;)
Siblings? Nope. Don't think my mum wanted more children after she had me.
Star sign? Pieces.
Single or taken? Single at the moment. But if Trelawny asks, I'm taken. She just won't leave me alone.
Hair? Black, long, and shiny… or maybe it's greasy, but I like calling it shiny.
Eyes?
Best and worst features (in your opinion)? Best: well, I've got an incredible six-pack if I may say so myself. Just ask McGonagall. Worst: I can't smile. Bet people wonder why I always smirk, it's because I simply can't smile. Why? I've got…em…I've got dimples.
Blood? Yep. It's green and sticky and tastes yummy:D What? You don't believe me? Fine! I'm halfblood and I'm proud of it! Don't tell my Slytherins though.
Pets? I had a cat once, but after I started working here it reminded me more and more of McGonagall so I had to get rid of it. It was a nightmare to get out of the shower everyday wondering if it is McGonagall or just your cat who's staring at you. yes, I DO shower
A bit more personal
First kiss - who/where/when? I'll tell you when it happens. Kidding! Of course I've been kissed. Lilly Evans/potions classroom/5 year. Still wonder why I have a grudge against Potter? He ran of with my girl. Now there's the real reason!
Ever pashed? Hell yeah!
Still a virgin? What, you kidding me? I'm a real, mean, sex machine. Once again; ask McGonagall.
Current crush? HAGRID! Oh hagrid! Come to me, make love to me, touch me, take me! Excuse me…Have to go barf now!…………………………………… okay I'm back. Nope, no current crushes.
Ever had a crush on a teacher? Like Minerva wrote on her survey, there were only old teachers when we went to school, so, EEW!
Who do you hate the most? I would say Longbottom, but he actually makes my classes fun. So, I would have to go with that overgrown dragonfly with the inner eye up in the attic. That woman will be the death of me one day.
What do you sleep in? Pajamas, flannel. They're lavender and really, really comfy.
School
What house are you in? Slytherin to the bone!
Who is your favorite teacher? I'm wondering…would you believe me if I said Professor Trelawny?
Who is your least favorite teacher? Well…I guess I don't really have to answer that, now do I? ;)
Favorite subject? I was really fond of History of magic. Whoa! I believe I'm the king of sarcasm, aren't I?
Successes? I'm not really that successful, but I guess it's a success to become as good at potions as I am.
Rule breaker? Let's change that question, shall we? rule breaker's victim? YES!
Friends
Besties? Hmm… Lucius Malfoy is a really good friend of mine I believe.
Loudest? Xiomara.
Shyest? Flitwick. Well, maybe he isn't shy, it's just that we can't hear him when he tries to talk to us. And it's often a bit hard to see him, so we don't always notice he's there.
Who do you go to for advice? Albus or Minerva.
In life
Ever:
Been Close To Death? You've never heard what Black put me through during my school time have you?
Been Cursed? I'm not that popular among the students so…
Killed Someone? I was a deatheater once you know.
Saved Someone? Saved Harry twice actually. Once from falling of his broom, and once from a werewolf. Have no idea why though.
Been in love? I believe everyone has gone through that before.
Smoked? Quit 6 years ago, my skin turn yellowish, it actually looked like I had a small tan.
Gone skinny-dipping? Once, but I lost a bet with Pomona. Me and McGonagall had to go skinny-dipping together. What a figure on that woman…mmm…:D
Broken the law? One word: DEATHEATER. Is there a law against that b.t.w?
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? That's pathetic. Men don't cry. Well, maybe once. But there had to be done something drastic and I did it. They tried to put me in detention for Christ sake. D'you know what that would do to my rep?
Made yourself throw up? No!
Kissed a toad? I threatened to do it to Longbottom's toad once just to be mean.
Been rejected? Far to many times, maybe I should wash my hair a bit oftener.
Fallen for your best friend? Lucius? Of course, he is so cute! And once more I have to barf!
Used someone? No…that's just mean.
Been used? Yes, I just said that it's mean, and people are always mean to me. Sniff
Most embarrassing moment? When McGonagall used this one spell on me. Halluzinoh or something. That was nasty!
Dream job? Well, I guess it's no secret that I'm dying to get the DADA job.
Role model? The giant squid in the lake. Don't you see the resemblance?
Goal in life? Getting my dream job.
Special talents? Potions. And I'm really great at scaring the shit out of my students.
Favourites
Animal? Snakes
Colour? green
Food? pizza
Drink? brandy
Place to shop? I don't really shop, but I believe I like the chemist's in Hungary. They have many interesting things for my potions.
Spell? Levicorpus. Invented that one myself.
Thing you own? My wand I guess. What would I do without it?
Thing to do? Make potions and yell at innocent students.
Quidditch team/position? Slytherin. I was a darn good beater. It was the best feeling ever to knock potter of his broom.
Motto/quote? You have to keep on moving. After all, no dog has ever pissed on a moving car.
Morning or night? night
Summer or winter? winter
Lefty or righty? righty
Gold or silver? silver
Last…
Person to make you cry? That must have been Minerva. She got mad about some Gryffiondor I had bothered and punched me. That woman really can throw a decent right hook.
Person to see you cry? Minerva
Person you were mean to? A 1 year Huffelpuff. Called her a dimwit and sent her out of my classroom.
Time you fought with your parents? I never dared fight my parents. My mum was to nice and my dad was to scary.
Time you made a wish? Earlier today I wished that Longbottom would blow up so I could yell at him. My wish came through of course.
Time you laughed? When I read McGonagall's survey.
Time you read a book? In class today.
Thing you ate? A gummybear during my last class. I believe Jordan noticed me because there was a whole new bag of them when I came back to my office after dinner.
What
Are you scared of most? Werewolves. Nasty creatures!
Are you listening to right now? Britney Spears. Relax… it's on the radio, though it is kind of catchy.
Are you wearing right now? Robes.
Do you think of these surveys? Hilarious!
Is your biggest hope/dream? To get my dream job!
What's worse:
Barfing on your date or your date barfing on you? Barfing on your date. That would be embarrassing. I've done it though. Never saw her again.
Seeing someone die or you dying? Dying, because I've seen many people die and I'm used to it.
Being helpless or doing something you will regret? Being helpless.
Most likely to respond to this? Albus
Most likely not to respond to this? Sybill.
Time now? 22:13
Severus looked down on what he had just written and frowned. Had he just written this? Best not to let anyone see it, he thought.
He folded the parchment and put it under one of the cushions on the sofa. Ah, sleep, he thought. It would be wonderful.
But he had been right. The survey had in fact changed his mood to the better…
A/N: Severus and Minerva is supposed to be the two most normal surveys. I'm thinking of making some of the others a bit more crazy.
My next victim is either Albus or Trelawny. Not quite sure yet. Feedback please? Anything you would like me to change?
Thanks soooo much to those of you who reviewed my first chapter. I'm most grateful to all of you: capnsilver, jess-88, Silver Snape Silk, AngelFYI13, Slim Shady, Psychoangel, phoenixtear19.
Slim Shady: Yes I know. McGonagall is supposed to be old, but in my imagination she has always been quite young. I picture her under the age of 30 and about 5 years younger than the marauders. Not everything in this story fits that age, but I'm not that accurate with that. :P