This chapter is to all those who reviewed ch12!

Primax, Anarane anwamane, Xylexia, Slytherin Queen, June W, Ceil, Karasu2, Erica Dawn, m482, SataiDelenn, lunamoonlightfawn, flairverona, longlegs564, deedee c, aniamifan1988, Irol, migratingcoconuts06, Phantompirate, kyo's favorite kitty, Spider web, greyphoenix, moira, retarted monkey, zoe, Pathatlon, rinny08, angela danton, lilsnape, miakoda, Zenni, Transylvanian, christieannaAnna, Dragonero, severus-fan, Natsuyori, Saiya-jin girl, Hahaha-evil

It isn't the author who makes the story but it is those who read it

CHAPTER 13

"It's driving me mad Poppy, every male I see, of age of course, I want to pounce on them! Even Hagrid has been tempting me!" Hermione cried in expiration, she was at her 24 weeks check up. "I can't go on like this, I knew the hormones would be hard to deal with but I'm foaming at the mouth every time. It's like I've go a radar that turns me into a sex-crazy-mad-woman every time it spots potential humping."

"What about Severus? Would he not help you in your condition?" Poppy winked as she retracted the medic-measuring tape. "Your fundus is just below your navel now, every thing is fine."

"It isn't! I'm going to be reduced to a carnal beast by the time this child is out and I've still got three months left!" Hermione thrashed her head visualizing her point. "Severus wouldn't touch me. I'm here to give him a child not for him to shag me!"

"Then you must trick him into it then. Make him think it was his idea, he would be willing to sacrifice his body for the good of helping out a woman in need." Poppy chuckled. "If you feel the need to pounce on him, go ahead but just make sure you keep to the bed and not a potions table."

"Poppy! Slugs and all kinds of things are cut up on those!"

"Exactly, and be careful which way you do it as well, I found that the 'Spoon' was the most comfortable during my pregnancies." Poppy laughed as Hermione began to blush. "I'm only playing dear, don't worry about it. Now every thing is fine but I want you to be aware of the signs of a premature labor."

"Is it a bigger risk now?" Hermione asked her hand instantly moved to cradle her stomach, she could feel the baby all the time now, and she could even tell when he was awake or not.

"The risk has been the same through out but now we have reached the stage where if a premature birth was to happen, if caught in time the baby has a good chance of surviving." Poppy nodded gravely. "So if you feel cramps more than five times in an hour. Or if there's any bright red blood, low, dull backache or intense pelvis pressure. Come see me straight away!"

"I will. Thank you Poppy." Hermione tried her best to smile as she heaved herself of the bed to begin her journey back to the dungeons for her lesson with the first years.

"I'm not coming out!" Hermione called from the locked bedroom.

Severus sighed, he couldn't even remember what had caused her to run and hide anyway. They were sitting at the table enjoying a nice meal when he mentioned the robes she had on were inappropriate for potions work. He hadn't the chance to finish his sentence before she had run off crying about being unattractive. "Damn hormones."

He wasn't in the wrong this time. Her robes were inappropriate, the sleeves were too long, and what if they dipped into the cauldron? She could get hurt. "Hermione, I did not say that you were unattractive, now come out."

"It's what you meant though isn't it! Poor Hermione Granger too ugly for even Snape to fancy!" Her voice was muffled by sobs and the door separating them.

"That's just absurd! Now open the door so we can speak like rational people or I'm blowing it down!" Severus yelled. she could be so frustrating at time. Every thing was going fine, they were going fine.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Hermione walled.

Severus had had enough, releasing his wand he ripped down all the wards before blasting the door of its hinges, yes he could have just used the door knob but he felt the need for a dramatic display. He would put her straight; he was not going to put up with her whining for any longer.

"Severus-" Hermione said meekly from the corner were she had crouched herself.

"What is it Hermione?" Severus sneered; he was going to yell but seeing her huddled into herself, her face raw from crying reminded him of his childhood days and how often he would find his mother in that very same position. Seeing Hermione like was like a slap in the face. There was no running away from it, he would be his father. He moved to squat next to her, his anger depleted leaving him hollow inside. "Talk to me and I will find away to make it better."

"You can't make it better." Her breathing was coming in short gasps.

"I can if you just tell me." His voice was soft.

"My mum warned me she was a pregnant-in-all-direction's woman and its going too happened to me! I already got her cellulite! I'm just so fat and ugly nobody's ever gonna want me!" Hermione's sobs increased again and Severus was at a loss.

"I'm not good with crying women Hermione, even worst with pregnant ones. You're going to have to tell me how to make you…better." He tried to say it as softly and sincerely as he could but he never did have a way with words.

"Make me feel beautiful." Hermione sniffed looking through her eyelashes at Severus.

Severus stood back up and regarded Hermione; he stood silent for a few seconds before moving to the hole where his door use to stand. Severus shocked his head and sighed. "I can't make you feel beautiful Hermione, you already are."

And then he left her in the room to cry alone.

It hurt him to walk away from her in such a state but didn't she understand what she was asking him? He could move Hermione as far away from him as humanly possible, and yet it still wouldn't change his fate. He would be his father, with or without Hermione.

He knew he was running away, he did it as a child, run and hide from his father's fists. Run and hide instead of saving his mother. He was a wizard, he knew how to use his wand and yet he did not stop his father, who was a simple Muggle, he had watched and cried as his mother pleaded. Pleaded for her life.

It was only when her body had turned cold and the blood on the floor started to dry did he think to use his wand. He did not case the killing curse, but the effect was still the same. It took longer and made a lot of mess but the outcome was still the same. The ministry had done a good job to hush up that tragedy in the summer of his third year, a cover story was made and he spent the rest of the summer locked in a padded cell at St Mungos.

It was Albus that stopped St Mungos from being Azkaban instead. It was Albus that become his guardian, yes he still had to stop in a children's home during the holidays but it was better than an orphanage any day. He owed Albus his freedom, both past and current. He will never be able to repay him for what he had done, but Severus could cure him. Even if it meant turning his back on having a family.

He would server Dumbledore until the day he died. It was a duty that he had to do. To repay for the countless sins that swallowed his soul.

Taking the option of drinking his troubles away, Severus cracked open a new bottle of whiskey and set to drink it dry. And as he drank heavily all he could think about was how he was running away again.

Hermione wiped her face on the ruff wool sleeve of her robe. She had dressed to have him notice her. Which he did but not in the way she hoped. Is the only thing he sees when looking at her is the fact she is a student? Well semi-student but nevertheless did he not see her for the woman that is crying out for his attention? She craved him to notice her, to see her as a woman. No, to see her as the woman he could love.

Her tears were real but they were not shed because of what he said. They were shed because she had failed. Maybe the hormones were helping to add her suffering, traitorous things. Hermione was lost; he had said she was beautiful so why did he run away from her? Cuddled in the corner she thought of her mother and the traits she had passed on to her. What would she pass on to the baby in her stomach? Her hair? Thinking of these things sent a bolt of realization through her; she was going to be a mummy herself.

But how could she be a mother to a child that come his birth wont belong to her?

Resting her head against the hard wood of the wardrobe Hermione empty her head of thoughts and willed her tears to stop. Exhaustion fell over her and sleep was quickly given in to.

When she awoke she found that it was morning and she had been moved on to the bed, her robes were creased but her shoe's was removed. Her head felt thick and her eyes heavy. Moving to sit up her muscles protested; it would seem that sleeping on the floor was not a smart thing to do. Reaching for the lamp next to the bed she noticed a piece of parchment with her name on. Turning the light on and picking up the note she settled back into the covers to read.

Hermione,

I have taken over your lessons for the week so you are free to do what you want.

Severus

Hermione was sad to remember it was the last week of school. The skies were always sunny with the June sun, which Hermione couldn't see for the curtains were closed, and students were becoming excited. Hermione had planned to have some fun with the lower years being as they didn't have their exams.

It was nice to have the whole day to herself but being as they weren't leaving the castle for the summer, Hermione had wanted to teach as much as she could, just so she had something to do.

Resigning herself to the fact that Severus must have some sort of wrapped reason behind her having the week off, Hermione pushed herself out of bed and moved to take a bath. A long hot bath with lots of bubbles.

Hermione was worried, it was two weeks since she woke up to find his note about having the week off, she had not seen Severus at all that day nor did he sleep in the same bed as she. He didn't speak while they ate meals and after he was finished he would go back out. He didn't sleep in the same bed as her and he looked worse and worse as each day passed. Hermione was left to her own devices and would often go to talk to Poppy or Minerva. When she had stopped up waiting for Severus to come back, he arrived drunk. He had told her to stay away from him, that he wasn't good enough. Before stumbling in to her old room. She had tried talking to him but he just snapped at her and left.

It was being normal for him to come back drunk every night and to have another drink before going to bed.

But tonight Hermione wanted some answers. She had brewed some Veritaserumearly that day; yes the ministry was the only ones to control the use of it legally but she couldn't go on like this.

Reading her book, or at least trying to read it, Hermione felt her stomach flutter; she didn't know if it was from the baby or nerves. She sat on the couch for a few more hours before the door opened and in walked a drunk Severus.

"Go bed" Was all he said when he saw her on the couch as he walked to the drinks cabinet.

"I want to ask you something first." Hermione spoke her voice giving away nothing.

"Really?" Severus slurred raising his full glass in a monk salute before drinking it empty in one go. It was show time.

"Why are you drinking so much?" Her voice sounded unsure. Was this the right way to get her answers?

"It helps me forget the man I am." He seemed shocked that he answered, it only lasted a second before he figured it down to the drink.

"What man is that?"

"My father." He sighed.

Hermione was taken back from his answer, was this the root to all his demons? "Why don't you sleep in the same bed as me any more?"

"B'cus I'm my father."

"Is that why you wont make love to me?"

"No." He swayed on the spot, the alcohol getting the best of him.

"Then why?" Hermione felt her chest tighten. Did she really want to know the truth?

"I wont answer you!" His voice raised abit but Hermione pressed on.

"Why Severus?"

"NO!" He shouted wrapping his arms around his head. Was he fighting the serum?

"Answer me!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" He screamed before collapsing on the couch, arms still round his head.

"Severus?" Hermione asked quietly. Severus was saying anything but his chest was heaving slightly.

"I cant-" It come out in a sob.

"Cant what?" Hermione couldn't believe what she was doing, here he was crying and she was still asking questions. She wanted to stop but she needed to know.

"I cant love you." Severus moaned.

"Why not?" She was so close to finding out the truth.

"B'cus my dad, I don't want to be like him. Help me!" Severus reached his arms out to Hermione and she moved to his side.

"You will never be like your dad, Severus. Nothing like him, do you hear me?" Hermione asked as she took his hands in hers. He lay with his eyes shut, tears falling from them, sorrow and desperation etched on his face.

"Yeah," He answered, his sobs quieting now.

"Do you want to come to bed?" Hermione asked rubbing circles softly on his hands. What had she caused to happen? What had gone wrong?

"Yeah." Severus answered sounding like a small boy who had just fallen and hurt his knee. Guilt ate at Hermione.

She helped him up and lead him to his own bedroom, she would move to her old room, after all it was Severus' room, why should he sleep somewhere else? It was hard to support his frame wither pregnant body but she managed. He slumped on his side of the bed and said nothing as she helped remove his shoes and his heavy robe, leaving in his trousers and shirt.

"Goodnight Severus." Hermione spoke as she went to leave.

"Stay." His voice was harsh from crying and it reminded her of a time she had asked him to stay with her. She understood how it felt to need some comfort, some one to fight the nightmares away. Make you feel as if your not alone. She said nothing as she climbed in next to him.

He gathered her close and breathed in the smell of her hair. He clutched to her like one would to their teddybear after they had a nightmare. "Night Mione."

She didn't answer him back but laid there wishing she had never given him the serum. What would the morning bring?

Severus woke to find he had a mouthful of hair that wasn't his. Opening his eyes the room spun but he could make out the form of Hermione sleeping next to him. What had happened last night? "Hermione?"

"Hmm" Her voice was laced with sleep and made Severus heart ache. She sounded beautiful even when she was half awake.

He didn't want to spoil the moment by wakening her more but he needed to know. "Why am I here?"

"Don't you remember?" Her voice had lost the heaviness that come with sleep and even had a slight edginess in it. It made him wonder even more what had happen.

"No." He felt stupid by admitting he didn't remember. How much did he drink? Did he do anything to Hermione?

"You come back drunk again." Hermione said as if it explained every thing. At his silence, she turned to face him. He had forgotten what she looked like in the morning, it made his chest tighten. "You told me some things."

"Like what?" Severus was scared by what she had said. What did he say?

"Why are you scared of being like your father?" Hermione questioned.

Severus felt his heart stop and he pulled the covers off him, happy to find he was still dress, and went to get out of the bed. He needed to get away from her. What had he said? Why had he said it? Why couldn't he remember?

"Don't run away again Severus, talk to me." Hermione spoke holding on to his wrist. She knew what he was doing. She knew he was going to run again.

"Why should I talk to you?" He asked as he settled back in the bed and Hermione looked away from him, a sign of guilt? What had she done to him? "What have you done?"

"I put Veritaserum in your drink last night and asked you why your drinking. I tried to speak to you before but you never stopped round me long enough to answer me. I had to know Severus." She spoke fast and rushed through it. She had drugged him?

She had drugged him! Severus felt his rage boiling and his face sneered down at he now frighten woman. "HOW DARE YOU! IT WAS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

"It was! I needed to know!" She tired to explain, repeating what she had already said.

"WHY?" It was a simple question that Severus shouted but the answer had so many consequences he was afraid of the it.

"It doesn't matter." Her voice was quiet and she tried to hide in the covers from him.

"Why? Hermione? Why did you feel the need to drug me to get the answers you just 'needed to know'?" He sneered this time, the shouting had past, and his throat was still raw from last night.

"Because some way through this charade I thought you liked me Severus! I thought you cared for me like I care for you!" Hermione cried. "I needed to know if you loved me!"

"Well I don't so you can get over that stupid school-girl crush." Severus was struck by what she had said. Did that mean she loved him? She couldn't though, nobody could. He wasn't the type of man that people loved.

"I'm not a school girl! I'm a fully grown woman Severus! Why cant you see that!"

"I see it every day, even in my dreams. Its not a very hard thing to over look. You haunt me, like a siren. Tempting me to a life I know I cant have, what I don't deserve." If she wanted to know how much of a hopeless case he was, he would tell her every thing she 'needed to know'.

"You do deserve it. You've done so much for us, all of us. None of us would be where we was if it wasn't for you."

"So its pity? I don't want your pity. I am a type of man who needs to be locked away. I killed my own father when I was 13. He was the first one but he wasn't the last. They have been many more and even a few that I raped before."

"Severus-' Hermione cried out before he cut her off.

"No, I am damned. Nothing can save me." Severus sighed before finally moving off the bed. "Hermione, find a man who's better then me. Who wont treat you like dirt. Save your love for some one else and let them worship you. For I cant."

"Cant or wont?" Hermione asked.

"Both."

"Where does this leave us?" Her voice was thick from emotion. Guilt overwhelmed Severus and he needed to get away from her.

"Where we were before it turned it to such a mess. Square one." Severus sadly shook his head and left Hermione to shed the tears she had been hiding from him.

These things needed to be said, the air needed to clean.

Both of them 'needed to know'.

Hey guys you can still vote on the names for teh baby! either Alexander or Alastiar!