Okay after what has been forever, I have finally found time to post updates. My computer is still waiting for me to take it into the shop for repairs, so in the mean time I have been borrowing a friends and writing as much as I can at once. My dsl has been disconnected so I am burdened with troublesome stone age dial up, because of this I don't go online much, so I have decided to post the next 10 chapters all at once. I really do apologize for making you wait like this, but hopefully this will make up for some of it. To those of you that have left reviews, thank you so much I really do appreciate it. Now onto business.
Once inside the bathroom Buffy locked the door and walked over to the sink. "What is wrong with me?" She asked her reflection. "Did I actually just get jealous because Faith was rubbing Spike's stomach?" She sighed heavily as she went to the toilet to relieve the pressure that was making her bladder ache. She had had to go to the bathroom for awhile, but for some reason she couldn't pry herself away from watching Faith tutor Spike. When she sat down on the cold porcelian she heard something fall onto the tile floor at her feet. A glance in the direction of the noise showed her what had fallen, there on the floor, was the envelope that had been in the back pocket of her jeans. "What the hell." Buffy said to herself, admitting defeat as she picked up the envelope and tore it open looking at the numerous pages in her hands. "What did he do write a book?" That was her last thought as she began to read the letter.
Dear Elizabeth,
I know what you are thinking, you're thinking that this is some pathetic, please forgive me, I am so sorry, letter. Well, it's not. If you think I am going to crawl around on my hands and knees and beg for your forgiveness, I'm not. Yes, I am sorry it took so long to come back. Yes, I am sorry for what happened when I did stumble upon your new life, but I have come to learn things don't always happen the way you want them to, and you just have to learn to accept that. I had planned on coming back much sooner, planned on a happy reuniting, but that's obviously not how things happened. When I came back from the bar I was going to tell you, but you found out before I had the chance. I wanted to explain everything to you, but you were being just as stubborn as you always were and didn't want to listen to what I had to say. So I am going to explain things to you now in this letter. It's the only way that I can think of to get you to listen to what I have to say. When my father told me that we were going away and that we weren't coming back I thought I was going to die. I didn't want to leave. I loved my life, my friends, you. I didn't want to leave you behind. My dad wasn't even going to let me say goodbye to anyone, but I told him I had to tell you. My heart broke that day as I stood on your front porch and saw the hurt that you felt. I promised that one day I would come back for you and I had always intended on keeping that promise. Dad moved us all off to England and I despised him for what he had done. From the moment the plane landed I did nothing but cause trouble and rebel against him and everything that he wanted. By the time I had turned 16 I had gotten expelled from two schools and then that was when I had met Druscilla. The girl was off her rocker, always talking in riddles and talking to people no one else could see, but I didn't care, she treated me as though I was her everything. It was because of her that any remaining part of William was destroyed, I was from that point on, Spike. I cut and bleached my hair and discarded any clothes that resembled my former self only wearing black because that was what fit who I had become. Dru and I were together for about six years. I did everything for her, anything she asked no matter what the penalties would be. On more then one occasion I came close to being locked away. When I think back to the time I spent with her I don't know what I was thinking. I never loved her. I was only with her because without her I was alone and I didn't want to be alone. I don't think my father even realized what I had become and if he had he brushed it off. The only one that still fought to try and keep me from becoming a lost cause was Jenny. When I was twentyone she was diagnosed with cancer. Within the next year she had become extremely ill. I didn't want to lose her. Even with the trouble that I had caused she was always there for me, she treated me as if I were her son, she always had, and I couldn't leave her side. That was around the time that Druscilla started to rag on me about leaving England. She had gotten bored with life there and wanted to move some place else. She wanted me to go with her, but I couldn't leave Jenny. I owed it to her to be there for her in her time of need. Dru was really upset with me, telling me that I didn't love her and that Jenny shouldn't have been more important then she was. She even threatened to kill me, but I wouldn't go with her. Eventually Dru gave up and left England for some place else. Jenny hung on to life until six months ago. When she passed away I had lost the last person that meant anything to me. First there was my mom, then there was you, then Dru, and then Jenny. After Jenny was gone I thought about packing up right away and coming back to the states to look for you, but I didn't think that you would even remember who I was, so I didn't. There wasn't a day that went past in the last thirteen years when I hadn't thought about you. No matter what trouble I was causing I would think of you and wonder what you would think of me if you knew what I was doing. The first few years all I could do was think about the day when I would come back to Sunnydale, but as time passed it seemed less likely that I would ever come back. Eventually you got the better of me and I decided that I had to know for sure so a few days ago I packed up some of my things and boarded a plane to California. When the cab driver dropped me off in front of your old house I couldn't find the courage to knock on the door. After almost fifteen minutes I decided to go a different route and went to see if I could find some of our other friends. It amazed me that even after all this time I could still remember where everyone lived. I tried Willow's place first but her mom was reluctant to give out any information other then that Willow was away at college. From there I tried Xander's. His mom gave me an address where I could find him so I went there next. His girlfriend answered the door when I got there. She told me that he was working in construction and was off at one of the sites. I asked her if she knew you and she told me that she did, but that no one had heard from you in a year. I asked her why and she said that I should talk to your father. I debated not going to your house to talk to your dad, but I had to know what happened so I went back to where I had originally planned to go and knocked on the door. When your father answered I almost didn't recognize him. He looked much older then he should have, the signs of stress and worry etched into his face. I introduced myself and a look of sorrow passed through his eyes. He invited me in and told me the story of what happened. I asked him if he knew of any place where I could look for you, but he didn't. Then he asked me if I was going to try and find you. I didn't see how I could. I didn't know any of the people that you had been friends with other then Xander and Willow and if they hadn't heard from you either then I didn't know where else I could look. When I told him this he broke down telling me that he just wanted to know that you were okay, that you were alive. He knew it was his fault that you left, he pushed you to do things that you didn't want to do. He blamed himself for you leaving. He told me that if I changed my mind and I did go in search of you and if I did find you, to let him know. He told me that he didn't even have to know where you were, he just wanted to know that you were all right. I used the phone before I left and called my uncle, Angel's dad and explained what was going on. I didn't have any where to go and I just needed a place to stay until I decided where to go next. He told me to go to the airport and he would have a ticket reserved for me to go to Los Angeles. He said that he would talk to Angel and get him to give me a place to stay until I got my bearings. I didn't want to come here, Angel and I don't get along if you haven't noticed, but my uncle said that was all he would do for me so I took the offer. What other choice did I have? I sat at the airport all night until my flight on Sunday morning. I was so tired, but I couldn't sleep. My thoughts were on you all night and during the short flight to L.A. I was disappointed that you had moved on with your life, that you hadn't waited for me. I knew I shouldn't have expected you to, there was so much time lost in between and it broke my heart all over again. I was also disappointed that you had left the way you did and that you didn't seem to care. I vowed that if by some miracle I did happen to cross paths with you I would be sure to give you hell for what you had done to your friends and family. When Angel picked me up at the airport Sunday morning I was in a bad mood and seeing him hadn't made things any better. We fought the entire car ride to where you all live and we were still fighting when I saw you walk down that staircase. I was immediately drawn to you in a way that I don't think I can even explain. You were absolutely magnificent and there was something about you that called out to me, something familiar. I knew that no matter what happened I would make every effort to get to talk to you, to get to know you. Finally you let me in and sat down and talked to me as though I was worth it even though Angel had warned everyone to be wary of me. Then you told me the story of Sunnydale, the same one that matched the one I heard the day before. When I put two and two together, I freaked out a bit. I didn't know what to think. I was really mad at you because of what you had done, yet there was this feeling of relief. You were alive, you were okay, you were right there in front of me. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't. The anger wouldn't let me give you the privilge of knowing exactly who I was, so I left. I went out for a walk not sure where I was going. I thought about calling your father and telling him that I had found you, but I knew it wasn't my place, so I didn't. Instead I went to a bar to forget about my troubles for the moment. I don't know how long I was there, but Angel's step sister showed up somewhere in the midst of my outing. I thought that Angel had sent her out to keep an eye on me, turns out it was one of her favorite places. I was complaining to her and made a comment that she knew was about you. When she asked me if I was refering to you I said yes, then threw your real name into the mix which caught her off gaurd for a moment. From there she figured out who I was, apparently I am known as Boy Wonder. She told me some stuff that she knew from what you had told her and we had a nice little chat. I walked out of the bar afterwards to come and talk to you, still shocked that you had held on for so long. But, I was too late. By the time I had gotten back to my rooms you had figured it out on your own. I don't blame you for being mad at me for not saying anything. I was an idiot. All I wanted to do was tell you everything that I have just told you in this letter, but you wouldn't listen so I opted for this choice. I'm not expecting this to make things right as rain, but I am hoping that if you at least take the time to read it then you will understand what has happened. I didn't intend things to go the way they had, but as I said earlier, things don't always go as planned. If you are willing try to clear this mess up, then I am willing to try as well. If you aren't, then please know that I wish I would have kept my promise sooner.
Love,
William
When darkness falls
When sleep calls
When I lay down my head
As I crawl into bed
Though I can't touch you
I still feel you
You still touch my heart
No matter how long we've been apart
We are still close it seems
When you are in my dreams
Buffy wiped a tear from the corner of her eye as she slowly started to fold the letter back up. "Hey B." Faith's voice echoed through the door. "Did you flush yourself or what? You've been in there forever. It's time to take fifteen."
"I'll be out in a minute." She called back to her. 'Did I really just read this sitting on the toilet' She asked herself.