Chapter Twenty-Six: Gracelessness, Thy Name is Xi Tian
An out-of-place orchid fares sadly in the midst of a training field.
As head of Sun Shang Xiang's elite team of bodyguards, Phoenix had been handed more than her share of bizarre, dubious, and rather unenviable missions. From leading battle raids to being forced to coach a then-bachelor Sun Ce in his attempts at wooing a beautiful unshaved nun, the twenty-two-year-old captain had both seen and done it all.
Yet, a week after the reconciliation between her mistress and the king of Shu, the poised and unshakable Phoenix couldn't help but goggle in dismay upon hearing her newest assignment, even as the aforementioned mistress blithely finished dictating some last-minute instructions.
"…Now, naturally I'm not expecting another Fu Hao(1) by the end of her training, but at least she should be able to tell the difference between a spear and a halberd by the time we have to sail to the Shu kingdom later this week. Oh, and check with Su Lin to see if she has some extra armor she can lend to her—they look to be about the same size, don't you think? Except, of course, Su Lin's shoulders are a bit broader. Also, make sure that Gan Ning doesn't get his paws anywhere near her, you know how he likes to flirt with all my new recruits and make them think that they have to first wrestle with him to show that their fighting skills are strong enough to merit them their position as one of my bodyguards, that spiky-haired pervert! Well, I'd better get going now; my brothers are taking Xuande hunting today, and I've got to make sure they don't end up taking their little fun and games to a brothel; bye!" Sun Shang Xiang rattled off breathlessly, before pivoting on her heels and disappearing in a whirlwind of russet hair and gleaming chakrams.
She left behind the hapless Phoenix, whose only reaction was to blink and remain rooted to her spot—a little bewildered, a little overwhelmed, and noticeably speechless. Several seconds passed before the young captain had recovered enough to take a good look at this 'new recruit' that her queen had latched her with. When she finally did, she could barely suppress a groan of dismay.
The girl was wearing silk. Worse than that, she was wearing pink silk. Pink, delicately embroidered silk. Phoenix didn't even need to take notice of the equally pink flowers in her hair to know that this girl had not been born to ever wield arms. She heaved a sigh. Perhaps a bow and arrow instead?…Or maybe war fans, like the ones used by the Qiao Sisters…
"Come with me," she finally ordered. "Magnolia, is it? No, wait—Sunflower, am I right?"
Xi Tian shrugged, unconcerned. She couldn't really complain about the other girl's forgetfulness—not when she herself had gotten Phoenix's name wrong on more than one occasion, calling the athletic bodyguard Oriole five minutes after first meeting her, and Peacock another five minutes after being corrected.
"It's Orchid, actually," she reminded her captain, who had begun walking toward the training grounds while the two were reintroducing themselves to each other.
"Of course. Now, Orchid, there's no need to be apprehensive; I won't just throw a sword in your hands and send you off to battle," Phoenix was saying, while crossing the distance with smart, loping strides.
Xi Tian, surprisingly, managed to more or less keep up. Phoenix, seeing that the handmaid wasn't quite as dainty as she'd initially feared, began to regain some confidence. Maybe this girl wouldn't be so hopeless…
"Like Lady Sun said, none of us are expecting a new general by the end of your training," she added generously.
…After all, she'd whipped worse recruits into shape. The Lei twins had been a nightmare to train—squeamish, vain, and with attention spans that would put a fly to shame. Plus, they'd kept sneaking off to flirt with Zhou Tai, Gan Ning, Taishi Ci, Lu Xun…
"Just out of curiosity," Phoenix began, as they approached the training grounds and the sounds of clashing metal drifted to their ears, "can you actually tell the difference between a spear and a halberd?"
…And now, look at them: The twins were some of the most outstanding archers in Sun Shang Xiang's unit! Yes, by the Heavens, she could do it! If she had made proper bodyguards out of those two troublesome chits, then certainly she could handle this one girl's training as well!
They had reached a wide expanse of flat land by then, and were greeted by the sight of two Wu officers practicing their swordsmanship: Zhou Yu and Lu Xun were sparring against each other, while Xiao Qiao stood at the sidelines, happily cheering her husband on.
"Oh, definitely, I can tell the difference between the two," Xi Tian replied with an unconscious proud tilt of her head. "A spear is like what General Zhao is always carrying around, while a halberd is like what my former fiancé—ah, I mean, my former mistress's fiancé—used to always carry around."
…Of course, as soon as the Lei twins had perfected their skills with the bow and arrow, they'd immediately transferred themselves to Zhou Tai's unit so as to better dazzle their enigmatic, scarred hero with their newfound prowess…
"…Eh heh…right." Phoenix's shoulders sagged upon hearing Xi Tian's bright reply, all her previous confidence deserting her with a near-audible whoosh. "Well, how about we just stick you with a war fan instead of a pole arm?"
"But first," she suggested, edging her companion forward so that the latter might get a clearer view of Zhou Yu and Lu Xun's practice, "how about you simply observe a duel? Think of it as an introduction to the art of war."
And a few minutes of peace, the young captain silently added. After all, how much trouble can one girl be if she's just watching Wu's best warriors practice?
Sima Yi looked appreciatively at an adorable handmaid dressed in sunshine yellow as she charmingly poured tea for the men present. The sweet-faced beauty finished her task and moved to stand behind her master's chair, just as Old Man Jia finished consulting his books and looked up.
"These are all auspicious days on which to have a wedding," the fortune-telling master declared, pointing at the pages with one gnarled, bony finger.
Cao Cao and Sima Yi exchanged meaningful looks over their teacups, before the latter cleared his throat and began nonchalantly, "Then you agree that the pair is, without a doubt, well-suited for each other, Master?"
Old Man Jia coughed into his shrunken fist, muttering, "I was mistaken in my initial assessment of the maiden and her young gentleman. It is now clear to me that there couldn't be a better-matched pair under the Heavens, saving of course yourself, Lord Mengde, and the eminent Lady Bian."
When he finished speaking, he took a sip of tea, afterwards setting the porcelain cup down and wiping at his lips with an expensive-looking brocade handkerchief…a handkerchief which had been noticeably absent before his first visit with Sima Yi.
Sima Yi himself now settled back with a pleased smirk on his face. His right arm was a soft blur of violet silk as he slowly fanned himself, apparently mulling over the full effects of Old Man Jia's proclamation. He finally nodded to himself, and motioned his winsome handmaid forward.
"Ying Ying." His voice, though soft, hinted that his was a command never to be disobeyed.
"Ai?(2)" The bright young girl was instantly at his side, her friendly russet eyes sparkling with an endearing smile.
Sima Yi leaned over and whispered some instructions into her ears, causing her lips to part slightly, as though in surprise.
"Don't just stand there like a silly girl," her master reproved irritably, when Ying Ying seemed to hesitate. "Go on."
"Ai," the handmaid repeated obediently, before hurrying away in a whirlwind of yellow silk.
How much trouble can one girl be if she's just watching Wu's best warriors practice? Obviously, a lot! Phoenix inwardly fumed, her mind a frazzled turmoil of frustration and disbelief. She should have known better than to assume that a handmaid named after a flower would be safe to have around weaponry! Or men! Or especially men carrying weaponry!
Xi Tian's training had started off on a reasonably good note. She'd kept her hands to herself, and refrained from speaking too many words as she watched the sparring between Zhou Yu and Lu Xun. Phoenix had suspected that this new reticence of the normally pert handmaid's was a direct result of her not paying enough attention to the two men's fighting techniques to really comment on them. Nevertheless, things were going smoothly, and Phoenix wasn't about to complain.
The problem arose when, towards the end of the sparring, Zhou Yu managed to knock away one of Lu Xun's Flash Fly Swallow sabers. It had spun several yards across the ground before coming to a rest at the startled Xi Tian's feet, and its owner had politely asked the handmaid if she would mind returning it to him: A harmless request, except that Xi Tian had proceeded to drop the blade when she reached the boy. Needless to say, somebody had almost lost his big toe that morning!
Successive visits to Taishi Ci, Lu Meng, Sun Ce, and Zhou Tai had sadly yielded similar results. When Phoenix, in desperation, had taken her charge to Gan Ning, the ex-pirate had promptly taken to flirting with his lady guests, turning his bodyguards into flower-gatherers and serenaders in an effort to impress the easily-impressed Xi Tian.
Phoenix shook her head, observing the handmaid walking beside her out of the corner of her eyes.
"I have a feeling there is only one man around here capable of training you without losing a toe or gaining a new scar," she muttered under her breath.
It would be a cruel surprise to the unsuspecting Xi Tian, but the exasperated Phoenix simply had no other choice left.
"Gao ci."
With those words, Old Man Jia shook out his sleeves and departed, his bent figure leaning on a cane as he discreetly left the room.
Cao Cao took up the teapot that Ying Ying had left behind, and poured an adequate helping of the beverage for both himself and his strategist.
"Oolong tea," he murmured, sniffing appreciatively at the distinctive fragrance of the hot liquid. "Refined, lightly fermented, and made with under-boiled water. A good choice, Zhongda."
"Thank you, Lord Mengde," Sima Yi replied politely, raising his own cup to his lips and blowing lightly at the steaming drink to cool it.
He looked up when he sensed, rather than saw, his king arch an eyebrow. Setting down his cup, Sima Yi cleared his throat before asking, "Something troubles you, my lord?"
Cao Cao's response was to take a sip of tea.
"I was hoping you would take this opportunity to explain your matchmaking business to me, Zhongda," he hinted meaningfully, his mouth and mustache partially hidden behind his teacup.
Sima Yi darted a discreet look at the doorway, and the two soldiers standing on guard dutifully closed the doors to ensure privacy. Only when this precaution had been taken did Sima Yi feel comfortable enough to reveal his plan.
"My lord, if you'll recall, on the day that Old Man Jia first came here, we were in the middle of discussing a re-conquest of Jingzhou," he began.
"Go on."
"Had we not agreed that to truly win over the people of that province, we must first secure an ally they both recognize and respect? An old magistrate, perhaps, or a war hero from that region…or maybe even a well-loved former governor?" Sima Yi drawled.
Cao Cao set his cup down with a bang, nearly sloshing darkly-colored tea over the smooth mahogany surface of his desk.
"Lord Xi!" The name was uttered in a harsh whisper, as a light of realization began to dawn upon the cunning king's eyes.
"Lord Xi is a wasted and sickly man, old before his years," Sima Yi observed bluntly. "He has little time left on this earth to live."
Cao Cao was silent for a few moments, as he brooded over this new plan that his strategist was unveiling. He slowly raised his eyes, as piece by piece the puzzle came together, and mused out loud, "On the other hand, there is still one surviving member from the House of Xi…"
"Its last daughter," Sima Yi agreed. "And if an officer of Wei, a young suitor whom Lord Xi is known to be quite fond of, boasts Xi Gu Niang as his bride…"
"…Then it will certainly bring Wei one step closer toward earning the trust of the citizens of Jingzhou," Cao Cao finished.
Sima Yi looked pleased.
"Lord Mengde, I'm honored that you understand and approve of my strategy." He bowed deeply to demonstrate his gratitude.
At that moment, the doors to the room slowly creaked open, and Ying Ying stepped inside.
"My lord, I have brought the young general as per your request," she announced in a spirited tone.
Both Cao Cao and Sima Yi looked up.
Jiang Wei stood at the doorway, a mask of mild confusion lingering on his boyish face. He stepped uncertainly inside the room, and bent in a respectful bow when his superiors glanced in his direction.
"You wanted to see me, General Sima Yi?" the handsome trident-wielder asked politely.
Zhao Yun strode briskly across the labyrinthine gardens of the Wu palace, his Fierce Dragon held expertly in his hands. Enough days had been wasted on parties and post-wedding merrymaking, and the young Tiger General was anxious to return to Shu. It was never wise to leave any territory unguarded for too long; else, the ever-ambitious Cao Cao would surely invade…
He stopped when his ears detected what sounded like a faint, muffled sneeze erupting in the air. Had he heard right? Was someone else there? Zhao Yun's eyes scanned the seemingly deserted garden—graceful willows, towering dogwood, never-ending grass that swept across the landscape like the feathers of a peacock's tail…
Wait! What was that discordant note of lotus-pink doing amidst all the greenery? Zhao Yun felt a smile tug at his lips, as he instantly guessed the identity of the handmaid hiding behind a row of white-frothed hibiscus shrubs. A few furtive steps were all it took to close the gap between himself and the girl in pink. For a few seconds, Zhao Yun thought about setting down his spear and covering her eyes with his hands, just to see her reaction. He decided against the prank when he recalled that she didn't exactly take too well to surprises—her accidental plunge into the Chang Jiang was a particularly unforgettable reminder of that.
"Don't tell me you're trying to avoid your training, Orchid," he teased, and had to chuckle when Xi Tian nearly fell forward with surprise upon hearing his voice.
After looking frantically behind Zhao Yun and determining that he was alone, Xi Tian calmed down enough to bewail, "I had to run away! I couldn't stand another minute of being around that horrid old man!"
Before the amused-looking Zhao Yun could even ask for the "horrid old man's" name, Xi Tian had already pouted and whined, "Tell me, why must General Huang Gai wear such an indecently small suit of armor?"
Zhao Yun didn't know whether to laugh or feel surprise that the only impression of that gruff but fearless old veteran Xi Tian had gone away with was that he was inappropriately dressed for his age.
"He's so rough and swarthy, and so awfully mean, and he won't stop hollering at me, and the words that he spat out—Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Xi Tian screeched indignantly, when she felt Zhao Yun's hand wrap around her arm and pull her up.
"Taking you back to your training," came the laughing reply. "You can't expect Lady Sun to accept you as her handmaid if you don't know how to fight."
"But I'll die if I have to go back and get hollered at by that scantily-clad old bull!" Xi Tian wept, trying futilely to resist.
"It'll only be for a few more days. We're heading back to Shu at the end of this week," Zhao Yun pointed out in a comforting voice.
Xi Tian stubbornly jutted her chin out, struggling to break free from his grasp.
"I don't care; I'm not going back," she huffed, pinching at his biceps with the hope that the stinging sensation might induce him to set her free. "Leave me alone! It's too hot a day to be training, anyway; I want to go take a bath."
Zhao Yun dropped her arm, and slowly began to redden as soon as the too-intimate word "bath" escaped from her innocent lips. Both fell silent, as the full implication of what Xi Tian had just said slowly sank in. Zhao Yun struggled against the inappropriate ideas and images trying to assault his head, his blush visibly deepening with each passing second until his entire face and neck felt uncomfortably hot.
"Ah…ahem…" His throat suddenly felt dry. He coughed a couple of times, before trying again. "Orchid, if you detest General Huang Gai's training methods this much, I'll talk to Lady Sun and ask her to transfer you to my own unit."
Xi Tian instantly brightened up, forgetting her embarrassing little slip moments earlier as she chirped, "You mean that? And I won't ever have to go near an armory again, either?"
"Well, I was hoping that you would continue your training, just under my care instead of General Huang's…" Zhao Yun's voice trailed off, when he saw the beginnings of a moue emerging on her face. "But, since you'll probably just run away and hide again, I suppose it'll be little use to force you to learn how to fight. It'll be difficult to explain to Lady Sun and Lord Liu Bei why I'm keeping you, though, if I'm not teaching you in the art of war…"
"Oh, that's easy." Xi Tian flashed her most winning smile: "I can be your handmaid instead!"
1. A Shang Dynasty (1766 B.C.-1121 B.C.) Imperial consort and female general who participated in several war campaigns.
2. An expression of realization or agreement.