Buffy sat on the sofa in the living room that everyone in the apartment building shared and watched as the group gathered to leave for dinner. She wished she were able to go with, but she knew that this would be her chance to try to resolve things with Spike without any interruptions. Thankfully, he had declined the invitation as well.
"Are you sure you don't want to join us?" Angel asked from the doorway as everyone left.
"No, I'm good. I think I am going to go up and crawl into bed. I feel drained." Buffy told him. She hadn't lied, she did feel drained, only it was more emotionally drained then physically.
"Okay, we shouldn't be too long. If you need anything I have my cell with, and don't worry about Spike. I made it clear that you weren't feeling well and that he shouldn't bother you. He said it wouldn't be a problem, he has things he needs to do, but if Captian Peroxide does make a nuisance of himself feel free to hit him over the head with a heavy blunt object."
Buffy smiled at his comment and watched as he followed the others out of the building. She waited a few minutes to be sure that they had all left then made her way upstairs to the end of the hall where Spike was staying.
Buffy knocked lightly on the door at first, not sure if she had the courage to do what she knew she had to. When she got no answer she knocked again, a little more boldly this time, but still there was no answer. After knocking one last time she waited for a minute for him to answer, when there was none she turned to go to her own room. Just as she started to walk away from the door she heard the knob turn and the creaking of the door as it opened. She turned around to face the door and her face turned a deep shade of crimson. At the opened door stood an almost naked Spike, the only thing covering him was a white bath towel. His bleach blond hair curled from being wet and water droplets were trailing down his face and bare chest. Buffy felt her mouth go dry and had forgotten what she was even doing there in the first place.
"Something I can do for you, pet?" Spike asked noticing her obvious embarassment.
"I...I...uh" Buffy stammered trying to find some form of words. She felt like a total ass now and wasn't sure that she was going to be able to talk to him, so she turned and made to leave, but Spike called after her.
"Wait. Don't go. Please. Stay. I'll go throw some clothes on. Just, don't run away again." Spike pleaded with her when he saw that she was about to run off. He didn't want her to go, he was surprised that she was even there in the first palce. He hadn't been very nice to her after their morning break, but she had pissed him off again, so he told Angel that she hadn't gotten much work done in retaliation. Faith had talked to him during their lunch break and had exlplained why Buffy had been less then thrilled about training him, that it didn't have anything to do with him on a personal level. He understood what she was saying, but he didn't want the explanation from Faith, he wanted it from Buffy.
Buffy decided not to go, but she wouldn't turn to look at him. She didn't need to see him in his towel clad state, that image was already burned into her brain. "Okay, I'll stay. I won't take up much of your time anyway." She replied quietly.
"You can take as much time as you want." Spike told her, hoping that she would stay for awhile, that she had read his letter, that she wanted to sit and talk about what has happened between them.
Spike walked out of his bedroom, dressed in black jeans and a black t-shirt. Buffy was sitting on the sofa waiting for him, trying to decide what she was going to say. Everything that she had planned on saying to him before he opened his door had vanished after seeing him fresh out of the shower.
"So, tell me, what brought you knocking on my door?" Spike asked as he sat down on the opposite end of the sofa in his apartment.
Buffy glanced over at him to make sure that he was descent then looked back down at the floor sighing heavily. "I just, I wanted to apologize for this morning at break. I didn't mean for my comment to sound so directed towards you. It didn't have anything to do with you." It was a partial lie, but she still wasn't sure she wanted him to know that she had read his letter. There were too many questions still going through her head about what he had told her and she didn't want to discuss it. "Faith said that she told you why I said it. She was telling you the truth. I'm not one for being the trainer. I like to do my work, get it done, and not have to worry about what any one else is doing. I just wanted you to know that."
"I understand. When Faith explained things to me I felt bad for ratting on you like that. I'm sorry if I got you in trouble. I just figured that you didn't want to show me the ropes because of our personal issues so I told my poof of a cousin that you hadn't gotten much done to get revenge."
"It's okay. There was no trouble and I deserved it."
Spike didn't say anything. Mentally he was disagreeing with her, but he couldn't seem to make himself speak. It wasn't like him to be unsure of what to say. Spike was assertive, always spoke his mind and didn't care what damage it did to any one else. Now, sitting here with his best friend from his childhood, from the time when he was truely happy, things were different. He didn't want to say the wrong things. He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want her to run away. He didn't want to lose her again. Right now in this moment, he wasn't Spike, he was William. The little boy that had clung to Elizabeth's friendship as though his life had depended on it. The little boy that he thought had died. Finally he told her that she hadn't deserved it, but neither of them said anything after that.
Buffy and Spike sat in uncomfortable silence for a long while as both of them contemplated what to say next. Buffy had originally come to Spike to apologize and then afterwards she had planned on retreating to her room before any other conversation could begin. She didn't want to risk staying too long in fear that he would start to ask her questions about reading his letter. Now, however, she couldn't seem to find the courage to leave. 'Maybe I should tell him' She thought to herself. 'Maybe. But what do I say? Maybe I could just hint at it, not just tell him I read it.' Buffy turned to Spike and watched him intently for a few minutes before she took a deep breath to say something.
Spike had been deep in thought, trying to decide what to say next, what to say that wouldn't make her mad or upset. He had hoped that by now she would have read the letter he wrote to her. It might not have fixed things between them, but he had hoped that it would have at least made her understand what had happened, why he hadn't come back sooner and why he had reacted the way he had when he realized who she was. He was still finding it hard to believe that she had come to him and apologized. There was something different about the way she was acting compared to the last twenty four hours. Spike glanced to his left and noticed that she was watching him. He gave her a small smile and saw her draw in a deep breath.
"Spike" Buffy said cautiously, unsure if she should be doing this.
"Yeah, Pet." He replied hoping that she wasn't going to tell him that she was leaving to go back to her apartment.
"I just, I wanted to say thank you, for not calling my dad and telling him where I am. I know the way I left was rotten, but at the time it was the only thing I could think of to do. If I had told him that I wanted something different then he would have fought with me about it and I would have lost. I never meant to hurt him, but by me staying I was only hurting myself."
Spike was silent for a moment. He wasn't sure how to respond to her statement. He was still upset with her because she hadn't talked to her father in over a year, yet, he understood why she had run away. "It's not really my place to call him, it's yours. If you wish to go on hiding then that is your choice, but your father is..."
"Worried." Buffy finished for him. "I know. I'm just afraid of what will happen if I call him. I don't want him to make my decisions for me anymore. I want to be able to live my own life. If I knew for certain that he would respect what I wanted then I would call him."
"If I could promise you that he would do that, would you call him?"
"How can you be sure that he would?"
"Just let me call him. I can tell him that I found you that I know where you are and that you are being well taken care of. I'll talk to him for you, but I won't tell him where you are and that if he promises to let you do as you please, maybe you will call him yourself."
"I don't know, Spike."
"Buffy, do you miss your father?"
"Sometimes."
"Then let me call him."
"Spike."
"Yeah?"
"Xander and Willow, too?"
"If that's what you want, pet."
"That's what I want."
"Then I'll call them."
"When?"
"When you give me the word."
"Thank you."
"It's not a problem."
"Spike?" Buffy said again this time her voice more timid then the first.
"Yeah, Pet?"
"Why did you come back?"
"Because I made a promise."
"You didn't have to keep it."
"Yes, I did. I would have hated myself for the rest of my life if I hadn't."
"Why?"
"You were always there for me, luv. You didn't care that I was geeky little Willy. You were my best friend. I loved you. No one has ever been able to fill the hole in my heart that was created when I was taken away from you. There hasn't been a day since then that I haven't thought about you." Spike admitted as Buffy watched him through watery eyes. "Even when I was with Dru, I still thought about you. I told myself that I should move on, that you probably had, but I couldn't. Something just wouldn't let me let go."
"I held on for so long." Buffy whispered trying not to choke on her words as her emotions started to become more then she could handle.
"I know." Spike replied remembering his conversation with Faith the day before, but he said nothing else. Again silence filled the room.
The sound of the entrance door to the old hotel banged shut and Buffy jumped up from where she had been sitting. She turned to look at Spike who seemed to be deep in thought and hadn't noticed the sound that had come from downstairs. "Spike." Buffy said getting his attention and breaking him away from his thoughts. "I should probably be on my way."
"Right." Spike replied standing up as well. "Wouldn't want to give off the impression that we are getting along or anything like that."
Buffy sighed. She hadn't meant for him to take it like that. "Spike. It's not that. It's just, well, it could lead to a lot of questions I'm not ready for yet."
"Like what? From who?"
"Faith, mostly. She knows a lot about our past and what happened. I just don't feel like discussing this with her yet. I want us to work things out first."
"So you want to work things out?" Spike asked hope filling his heart.
"Maybe." Buffy replied walking towards the doorway to the hall. "I just, I need some time." Before Spike could say anything else Buffy walked out of his apartment.