Hey guys! Yes i am still alive! It wasnt meant to take this long for me to updatebut i started a new job innovember working nights in a nighclub so its messed me about abit sleep wise. Its hard to believe i started this story in april, i was still in school then! Its weird how much my life has changed through writingthis story, and now i have this to look back on to remember all the wonderfull and the sad stuff that has happened.

So here it is the last chapter. Enjoy

Chapter 20

Hermione gave Alex a hug as she greeted him from his bed. It was his birthday today, which made it hers as well. She had missed his first one but there was no way she was about to miss his seconded. "Happy birthday little man."

She helped to untangle him from the bed sheets and carried him to the front room. Severus was already up and had insisted on making breakfast for them all. The armoa of sausages and bacon cooking greeted them when they entered the kitchen. Hermione sat Alex down at his own chair and moved over to the stove where Severus was. "Do you need any help?"

"I am a Potions Master, I don't need any help." Severus replied as he whisked the eggs with abit more force than necessary. "House-elfs are made for this sort of work you realize?"

"I am aware of what they are forced to do."

"The centre would be more hygienic if they cleaned."

"Potions work exactly the same."

"You could have a lie in on Sundays instead of getting up to do all the chores." Severus replied silky.

"Tempting but still cruel."

Severus poured the eggs on to the hot pan. His eyes gleamed and he smirked as the eggs cooked away. "Have it your way then…Boss."

Hermione chuckled at him calling her that, it had become sort of a pet name for her that he only used when he didn't get his own way. When breakfast was finally ready Hermione was met with a plate of burnt eggs, bacon, sausages and toast. "I thought you said you didn't need any help?"

"To think if you had a few House-elfs this would be a feast you would be tucking into." Severus said in reply a smirk playing at the corner of his lips as he began to eat his perfectly cooked breakfast.

"You did that on purpose!" Hermione accused as she reached over the table to swap plates.

"No you don't Miss Granger, you have your own which is still perfectly edible." Severus said as he pulled the plate out of her reach. "I spent ages preparing that meal for you. It's very rude of you not to eat it."

"I'm so sorry to offend you; by all means you can eat it instead!" Hermione mocked as she lifted a fork full of burnt eggs and hurled it at him. It landed on his well tailored black robe and slid down until it pooled in his lap, leaving a messy trail in its wake. Hermione burst out laughing at the look of disbelieve on his face. The laughed soon turned to a squeal as Severus threw his own eggs at her, landing in a mess in her hair.

Hermione huffed with indignity as she fingered the egg from her hair, she looked around the table for something to throw back and her eyes settled on a sausage but she was too slow and Severus quickly threw his own sausage which hit her in the face.

Hermione sputtered as she felt the grease spot on her check where the sausage had landed. She grabbed the first thing she could and ended up empting her glass of orange juice over the man sitting opposite her.

Alex laughed as he watched them fling all types of food at each other; he even threw some of his own to join in.

"I can not believe you just threw a sausage at me!" Hermione laughed as she moved from the table with a hand full of eggs. Severus got up to move away from her but found himself slipping on the juice that had went on the floor and quickly lost his balance and ended on the floor.

Hermione could barely hold herself up from laughing as she watched Severus fall down. She got over to him and rubbed the eggs into his hair. She was too busy laughing to notice the arm that was coming up to pull her down and she soon ended up falling on top of him. Both of them laughed as they tried to regain their composer. Hermione looked round the room and took in the mess. "This is your fault."

"I seem to remember it as you being the one who first threw the egg."

"That's beside the point!" Hermione cried as she moved so she wasn't laid all over him. She turned to look at him from over her shoulder and saw he was still flat on his back. His hair had bits of toast init and was wet from the juice. He had egg and grease smeared on his robes and his face was in an expression of pure joy. As she looked at him she was filled with the overwhelming urge to kiss him. She quickly rid herself of the thought and stood up. She took her wand from her pocket to distract herself. "I guess I better start cleaning this up."

"Happy Birthday Hermione." Severus said as he got up himself.

He had called her name again, Hermione noticed as she looked on at the man before her who was is in the middle of a nightmare. For the past three months his nightmares had happened every other night, and every time she hadn't gone to him yet. It was only a nightmare; he could survive it on his own. Her name was muttered again, Hermione found herself wondering if he did this on purpose. But how could one fake a nightmare as violent as the ones he was having? She knew it wasn't possible but it was nice to hide from the truth. And what was the truth exactly? If she was honest with herself she would admit that the truth was the fact that he needed her as much as she needed him.

So why didn't she go to him?

That was another question that haunted her. Why did she stand at his door and watch him suffer? Had she developed a sudden sadistic side? Of course she hadn't, she was just scared. Scared that is she went to him he would reject her. Yes, he says he loves her and needs her but would he say that afterwards? Legally Alex wasn't her son; Severus had the power to change this. Yet he didn't. Was he just feeling guilty for hurting her and wanted to make it up to her? As soon as she let him back into her heart would he spit on it again?

She didn't want to know the answers. Why? Because it was another thing that scared her, what if the answers were the ones she didn't want to hear. And somehow to Hermione, the answers to these questions will be given if she went to him. She didn't understand how she had linked the two together but it was how it was. She knew that if she stood by his door and watched him fight his demons that she would be safe. Safe was what she needed, she wasn't sure if she would be able to survive having her heart broken again.

She loved him. He was already in her heart, the risk was already there, but he didn't know this so she was still safe. So this was how she spent her nights, watching him battle with himself, while going through her own battle. She wanted to go to him, wanted to be the mother to her child but still…it wasn't safe.

Severus sighed as he cleaned up the mess from his potions. It was his turn to close up tonight, Hermione was already upstairs making dinner for them both. Warding all the doors he made his way up the stairs to join her.

"1, 2, 3" Alex's small voice greeted Severus when he opened the door to the living room. It was hard to believe that he was two. His magic had advanced greatly and Severus had found himself having to teach Alex how to hold a wand to help channel some of his power. Severus looked around the room and was reminded of what time of the year it was by all the Christmas decorations Hermione had put up, the room reminded him of the time when she had decorated Albus' chamber their first Christmas together. "Boo!"

Alex's voice pulled Severus out of his memories. He looked down and saw that Alex had come over to him and was now hiding himself in his robes.

"Boo!" Alex cried as his head reappeared, His hair was messed up and stood on end from the static that had created from rubbing it on the wool robes. He didn't leave Severus chance to reply before he re-hid himself just reappear seconds later. "BOO!"

Severus was confused as to what he was meant to do as Alex head disappeared once again. He hadn't played with Alex before, was he just to stand here as a make-shift tent for him to hide in? Playing with his son had always been a concern for Severus; his father had never played with him. What if he hurt him?

"BOO!" Alex screamed.

Severus was caught off guard and Alex made him jumped slightly. The sound of his son laughing baffled him. Was this what he was meant to do? Jump?

"Boo!"

Severus faked being startled and jumped a little again, just to be sure if this was the right thing to do. His reaction was rewarded with more of Alex's laughter. Severus smiled and chuckled. As foolish as he felt pretending to be scared by a two year old, playing with his son was one of the best moments he had ever had. The next time Alex shouted boo Severus even let out a little "Argh!"

"Dinners done!" Hermione called from the kitchen braking up their game.

"Come Alex, your mother is waiting." Severus paused mid-step. This was not good. He hadn't meant to say the 'M' word but it had slipped out. It had felt natural to say it. After all she was technically his mother but the contracted was still legal. Severus had forgotten about that scrap of parchment he had made her sign years ago.

A lot had changed since then; he had made the contract to protect both him and his heir from the surrogate mother. The idea of falling in love with the surrogate had never entered his mind. He didn't design the contract with Hermione in mind. He never imaged it would have been her to be the surrogate. But he was glad that she was. He was thankful to have her back in his life. He was proud to have her as the mother of his child. So why didn't he let her? It was something that she clearly wanted, so why hadn't he burnt the contracted already?

Truthfully, he didn't know. He hadn't really thought much about the contract. During her stay with him he had been more worried about finding himself falling in love with her than the contract. He had pushed her away in hopes of saving her from himself, never had he thought of pushing her away for being Alex's mother. It was something they both wanted and he had the power to make it so. And so he will, tomorrow he will find out that contract and burn it.

Then he will find away to get Hermione back in his arms were he longed for her to be.

Hermione looked at the clock for the 7th time, it was now 3:27am on Christmas morning and Severus was still having a bad dream. It was the worse one yet. Hermione didn't care if this was all some sort of cruel trick on his side she couldn't bare to watch him any longer. She moved from the door frame and went up to his bed. She reached out gradually towards him.

"Severus, wake up. It's only a dream." Her voice was a whisper, her hand still not touching him. She reached out abit further until she could shake him carefully on his shoulder. "Wake up."

Severus startled at her touch and scrambled around on the bed in a fury of covers and pillows. He stopped moving and Hermione saw that he was now sitting up against the headboard. She could only hear his heavy breathing, yet she knew he had wakened. "Severus?"

"Hermione?" His voice was thick with sleep and confusion.

"You had a nightmare."

"Oh." His voice was a scratchy whisper.

"Its half three in the morning."

"Oh."

"It's Christmas Day."

"Oh."

"Want to come have some tea in the living room?"

"Ok."

There was some more rustling of sheets as he moved from off the bed. Hermione looked away as he pulled on a dressing gown over his boxers, even though it was pitch black. She led the way to the living room and sat down on the couch, Severus sat next to her. He was quiet and looked to be still lost in his dreams. "Sugar?"

"What?" He asked frowning turning his head to look at her.

"With your tea. I know you normally don't take any but-"Hermione smiled sweetly trying to think of how to finish the sentence without 'you look like shit'. "You look like you could use the extra energy."

"Hmm." Was all he said in reply.

Hermione shrugged and conjured up a steaming pot of tea, two cups, teaspoons and a bowl full of sugar. She set herself to making the tea's while she watched him through the corner of her eye. What was so scary about his dream? Well there was only one way to find out. "What was the dream about?"

"What?" This seemed to snap him out of his thoughts. He looked around the room as if just realizing where he was. He turned her all the foggy-ness gone from his eyes. His eyes bore into her as if searching for something. After a few seconds he spoke. "Nothing, just some dirty cauldrons."

"Oh." Dirty cauldrons? She knew he loved his work but that was abit much. He was clearly lying but she wasn't going to press him to tell the truth. She picked up a cup and handed to him. "There you go, I put two sugars in for you."

"Thanks." He answered while still looking at her.

The silence felt heavy and Hermione hurried to find something to fill it. Her answer come as the floo fired up and three parcels, neatly wrapped, shot through and landed under the tree. Looking at them she turned to Severus. "Would you like to open the one from me?"

"Its abit early isn't it?" He raised an eyebrow. She knew he wasn't in the mood to socialize at the moment but she wanted to cheer him up before he spent the rest of the day in a sour mood.

"It is morning technically and its only the one present." Hermione said as she moved to find the present from under the tree. She returned moments later with a neatly wrapped square box. She settled herself back down and handed him the parcel. "Open it."

Severus sighed but undid the bow and ripped off the paper anyway. He was met with a mahogany wooden box which had a lid. Opening the lid he took in the three gleaming potions vials. He marveled at them and wondered what they were made of.

Hermione, as if she heard his unspoken question, answered. "They are made out of crystal."

Severus carefully lifted one out of its slot and held it up so he could watch the light reflect of them. "They are beautiful."

Hermione smiled as she spoke. "I know its not a lot but I thought you would like it more than another book."

"Indeed." Severus replied as he gently placed the vial back. He looked at Hermione and knew that it was time to give her one of her present as well. He bent down and grabbed the present and handed it to her. "Its not much of a present but I think that you should have it,"

Hermione unwrapped it with a frown on her face. She quickly opened the box that was underneath and pulled out the small urn from in side. "You gave me an urn?"

"Open it?"

"This isn't were Crookshake disappeared to?" Hermione laughed meekly but opened it nonetheless. She poured the contents on to her hand and frowned at the ashes that landed on it. "What is it?"

"The contract." Severus replied and Hermione looked up at him in shock. He stared into her eyes and moved the ashes from her before taking both of her hands. "I want you to be apart of Alex's life. I want you to be his mother."

"I…oh Severus." Her vision burled with unshed tears as she looked down at the grey mess in her hands. With shaking hands she filled the urn back up and looked back up to Severus. His gaze was heavy and she knew he was letting her see in to his heart, into what he guarded the most. A tear dropped from her eye and she buried herself into his arms. The urn was forgotten as it rolled off the couch and landed with a soft thud on to the plush carpet, it's tightly sealed lid keeping its contents from escaping.

"Shh Hermione." Severus soothed as he stroked her hair. He didn't know what to make of her reaction so he stuck to comforting her as he searched for his voice to speak the words he had long to say. His voice was thick of emotion as he finally let the words pour out of his mouth, like sand would pour out of a shattered time-turner. "I've been a fool. All this time I had you in my life and I was scared. Its stupid I know, ive faced and killed many Deatheater's but give me a woman who has stolen my heart and I will hide like a little boy. I love you, Hermione. I have for a long time and I tried to push you away like I have with every one else. Even after you had gone I was still trying to push you away. Out of my dreams, out of my thoughts, you haunted me."

Hermione's arms tightened around him but he continued. "What I have done to you is unforgivable and cowardly of me but don't let this stop you from being the mother to our child. Both Alex and I need you. You have given me two reasons to live, Alex and yourself. Don't you see? You have become my world."

"Oh Severus!" Hermione choked as she pulled back to look at him. It was all out in the open now, Severus had exposed his beating heart to her and she would do the same. She searched his eyes to make sure he was speaking the truth. Her face wet from tears she spoke in a soft whisper. "I love you so much."

Severus face broke into one of pure joy as the words echoed in his head. She still loved him. He felt like his chest would burst as his heart pumped faster. He moved his hands to how her face. He brushed aside the fresh tears with his thumbs and with a heated look he finally lowed his lips to hers to give her the kiss that spoke a thousand words.

He got lost in the taste of her mouth, the feel of her teeth scraping against his lips. Was this what being loved felt like? Hermione let out a small moan as he deepened the kiss and he felt his body respond. He pulled her close ad let out a gasp of his own when he felt her hand entwine in his hair. "Hermione."

His voice was ruff and thick with want, the sound sent silvers down Hermione's spine and another moan left her mouth. She spoke between the kiss her voice husky. "What is it?"

"We need to stop. As much as I would like us to continue, I think it would be best if we take this slow." He closed his eyes as he spoke and basked in the feeling of her tracing his neck in feather like kisses.

"I think two years of waiting is enough." Hermione answered and let her tongue dart out to swirl across the sensitive spot at the base of his neck. The sound of him chuckling made her open her eyes, not realizing they had fallen shut.

"Two years is indeed quite enough time to wait. Let me take you to my bed, I will not make love to you on a couch."

Hermione's stomach fluttered at his use of the word 'love'. "Love?"

"That's what I intend to do if you will let me." He spoke, his eyes searching hers, a soft smile playing at his lips.

"Not in your bed, we might wake Alex." Hermione said as she returned to kissing his neck.

"Do you intend to make a lot of noise?" Severus asked as he relaxed into her advances.

"If you are up to the task of making me." Hermione sighed as she ran her hands up and down his chest.

"That sounds like a challenge." Severus replied as he quickly stood up and scooped Hermione up into his arms. He carried her into her bedroom and laid her on the bed, her giggles sounding like sweet music to his ears.

Hermione quickly made work of removing his dressing gown and then helped to remove her own nightgown. Lying in nothing but her knickers, Severus stared at the beauty before him and he remembered how lucky he was to have her love and how much of a fool he was to want to throw it away.

Hermione frowned at his piercing look at her, did he not want her now he saw her motherly figure? She moved her hands and crossed her arms around her chest. "What's the matter?"

"It's nothing Love," Severus said as he lowered himself down to her and gently pried her arms from around her. "I was just thinking that this is the most, amazing and wonderful Christmas present I have ever received. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too." Hermione smiled and moved to capture his lips with her own.

The end.

I want to say a big thank you to all the reviews and a even bigger one to those who stuck with the story through-out. This chapter is deicated to all those who helped me write this.

thanks for all the surrport

xxx