Half Blessing, Half Curse

by TD Master

Ranma 12 BtVS crossover, Xander is sold to the Chinese mob by his father in between season 1 and 2 of Buffy.

22. part 22

Title:

1/2 Blessing, 1/2 Curse - Season 1 - 22?

Author:

3D Master

Feedback:

3d.masterchello.nl

Website:

http/members.chello.nl/-jg.temolder1/

Rating:

PG-13

Keywords:

X-Over Ranma ½ / Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Action, Humor, Drama, AU.

Summary:

The eggs are not so bad this time around.

Disclaimer:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its characters do not belong to me, but Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Productions. Ranma ½ belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.

----22----

Spike rolled up into his hideout in a wheelchair, a thick book in his lap. He grimaced, as he watched a fully powered Drusilla make preparations for something from her deranged mind. A few minions were around, and Spike addressed a few, "Hey, you!"

The group of five minions turned and came over. He handed out a small piece of paper, and said, "Follow the instructions to the letter. You will be finding me two items, that you'll bring me."

The vampire had a cocky streak, and bending over a bit, said with a grin, "Are you certain your little mummy lets you?"

Spike's hand snatched out, and grabbed him by the throat, pulling him very close to himself. "Do you want to bloody live, or should I send you to hell?" Spike hissed out, as his claws drew blood.

"Live, live," the vampire gurgled out, barely managed to get air past the viciously powerful grip.

Spike nodded and turned to the other four, "Anyone else think just because I'm temporarily in this here contraption, they get disobey me?" The vampires quickly shook their heads. Spike nodded again and pushed the vampire he held with this right hand back. He held out the paper, and said, "Then get going."

-----

Buffy's fist moved with enormous force through air. She grimaced as she saw Xander bend back just in time. He kicked out with his right leg and she avoided the kick, by twisting sideways to her left. With a yell of effort her left fist connected with Xander's kidneys. Xander groaned, but had his muscles tightened so he was well protected. He staggered while turning around. Buffy didn't give him the opportunity to recover and followed up with a right to Xander's chest. When it connected, she grimaced satisfactorily. Xander jumped over her leg sweep though, and in turn gave her a good solid upper cut. Buffy groaned with the pain as she was launched into the air, but with effort and ignoring the pain she managed to go in a backward somersault and then stretched out again, smashing both her feet into Xander's chest who had come after her. As Xander was flung back with a grunt, Buffy landed on her hands and flipped further onward.

Breathing heavily she watched as Xander got up from his position against the wall of the library's second level. Above him was the wooden railing. Buffy's eyes widened with surprised as Xander suddenly came at her with great speed, and obviously power. She managed to block his first punch, but after that came a flurry of blows she couldn't block. A few moments later, with an elbow across her right cheek, she slumped into unconsciousness.

An exhausted Xander staggered back, and bent over to lean on his knee. His breathing was labored, and there were several bruises on his face. "Fuck," Xander sighed out, and then forced himself to stretch out, groaning. He looked over to see Giles, Jenny, and Willow watching the fight, and taking him and Buffy in. "She's definitely the Slayer," he offered. Slowly he walked over to a chair at the left table and let himself fall into it.

"Wow," Jenny said with a little surprise, "She's definitely better."

"Indeed," Giles added unable to suppress a proud tone.

"You're telling me?" Xander asked still breathing hard.

Buffy in her tight workout outfit groaned, and slowly came to. She sat up, and groggily took in the library, with the exhausted Xander and the others sitting around. "Damn," she groaned and slowly got up. "I still can't beat you."

Willow was the one who spoke up, "Yeah, what's with that lately, Buffy? You seem hell bent on beating or friend and love-interest to death for the past weeks."

"Well, no that, uh . . ." Buffy - also breathing hard but Slayer healing rapidly bringing it under control - then decided to come clean with the feelings she had, "The Order of Teraka. They managed the almost kill me a few times, the same for you, and some of them were human - /human/!" Buffy looked down a bit, apologetic for her outburst and then continued, "I'm the Slayer, and I felt useless and weak. I want to be strong, I don't want to be useless anymore . . ." Buffy whimpered weakly, defeated almost, "I want to fight alongside Xander and Lotion and you guys and actually make a difference, help protect you and others. I mean I'm the Slayer, I'm supposed to be stronger than even the strongest human so I can take on the strongest demons, right? I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get my ass handed to me on a silver platter by anything with even just a little bit of power by hell's standards."

Xander came over, besides his exhaustion and took her in a tight hug. Willow only arrived a moment later because she was further away. She was a red whirlwind when she took Buffy and Xander in her arms.

After the comforting session was over and the three of the broke apart, they looked over embarrassed to Giles and Jenny but found them in each other's arms, relaxedly. "All right," Xander decided to take over, looking at Buffy, who perked up at the tone of his voice, "I was going to do teach you this tomorrow so you had a time to rest, but let's eliminate this whole 'I'm useless' bit, okay?"

"Okay," Buffy said, wondering what he was talking about.

"The Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire technique," Xander said with a smile, while Buffy's eyes became huge. "Now, Buffy, it's really simple once you figured it out and have enough energy to pull it off; punch using your chi, not your muscles, to make the movement. Like a leaf that's caught in an air current, it can move ver fast. You need to get your arms get caught in your chi."

Buffy nodded, tried, and failed miserably. Xander grinned and came over, giving her pointers. She tried again, but failed. Xander then gave several more pieces of advice, and indeed Buffy's hands moved very fast.

Buffy looked with wide sparkling eyes at her hands, and Xander said, "All right, now perform it on me so we can see if that was fast enough to consider a real Chestnuts."

Xander walked to across from Buffy and beckoned. "You better be ready, Xan," Buffy said with a grin. She took a few rapid steps forward, and yelled, "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire!" At the same time she made the technique and her fists flashed with amazing speed. Xander did his own Chestnuts, but as a defensive moves, blocking all of Buffy's.

"Yep, that's it, Buffy," Xander said with a proud grin, "you did it!"

"YES!" Buffy roared out suddenly, while an evil gleam formed in her yes. "Lotion can't! Time for some payback; I'll kick her ass!" Buffy then raced out of the library.

"What? No! Buffy! AAAH!" Xander yelled after her and then prepared to follow her.

"Let them get rid of some estrogen, Xander," Jenny said with a unconcerned smile. Giles nodded.

Xander gave them a horrified look, and said, "Kiss of Death remember?" He then raced after Buffy but he was still somewhat tired. "Damn Slayer healing," he hissed under his breath in the hallway outside the library. Willow looked stricken and then raced after both of them.

Giles and Jenny looked at each other, and Giles said, "Oh, boy."

-----

Buffy entered via the back entrance to Lotion's and Deo's house. In the small backyard / courtyard, Lotion and Cordelia were sparring. They looked surprised and stopped as Buffy came noisily barging in. "Alright, Lotion, payback time," Buffy said with a huge grin, cracking her knuckles. "For all the times you knocked me and my fellow Slayer out, I'm going to beat you up good."

Lotion smirked, and asked Cordelia, "Pig-nosed girl really likes pain, doesn't she?" She turned back to the advancing Buffy and said, "Maybe you should get a job at an S&M parlor."

"Yeah, as the mistress," Buffy returned the joke calmly with a wide smirk. That made Lotion's eyebrows rise and take Buffy in more carefully. This wasn't the quick to anger and charge in Buffy, which was mostly a sign of her weakness. Buffy added, "And I'll take you with me as my slave." Lotion's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Oookay, I'm out of this," Cordelia said backing away to the side, having no interest in getting in between the two super powered girls. She wasn't weak herself, but she knew she couldn't get anywhere near the Slayer, let alone Lotion, or was the other way around from now on. Either way, judging from the seriously sharp insults they'd thrown each other, it was best not to get in between the two.

A moment later the two hot-headed girls clashed. The tall, Amazonian Amazon versus the short-statured, ex-cheerleader Slayer - it would be an epic battle. The fact that Buffy deflected Lotion's first two punches, ducked underneath the kick, and landed a solid blow to Lotion's stomach attested to that more than anything else. Normally, Buffy'd be knocked out with just one punch or kick, but now she was the one that landed the first punch. It made Lotion back up and seriously reevaluate her opponent, as well as bring Deo out to the backdoor to take in the fight.

Lotion then surged forward, twisted her body to avoid Buffy's next blow, and slammed a solid fist across Buffy's cheek. The slayer staggered back under the force, but stayed standing instead of being launched off her feet and slam into a wall. Indeed, her chi control and absorbing the strength of blows with her body had greatly increased. Buffy blocked Lotion's next right with her left hand, and kicked hard into Lotion's stomach. The Amazon bent over a bit, but refused to be fully doubled over. With a angry yell suddenly grabbed Buffy's shoulders and slammed her knee with all her power into Buffy's stomach.

"OOF!" Buffy wheezed out as she sucked int air. She had breathed out before the impact and tightened her muscles to absorb the blow, but it had still been magnificently powerful. Seeing Lotion attempt a follow up with high kick, Buffy suddenly made a leg sweep to the Amazon's standing leg. But Lotion jumped up, making Buffy mix.

Buffy grinned evilly as she sped up her twist and stood up, Lotion was still in the air at the perfect height. "BUFFY NO!" Cordelia, Lotion, and Deo looked surprised as Xander burst into courtyard and made the scream.

Buffy didn't listen.

"Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire!" Buffy yelled, and to Deo's surprise the Slayer actually did pull off the extremely difficult technique - no doubt taught to her by Xander, because there was no way the dumb blonde would be able to figure it out on her own. Within the next second, Buffy landed more than a 100 powerful punches into Lotion's stomach, who was gasping in pain and for breath. The chestnuts finished, Buffy decided to add one final power right cross across Lotion's chin before she even landed.

"Agh!" Lotion exclaimed in pain as her head snapped back before she was launched across the courtyard. Pain blossomed in her face, and some blood flew from her mouth, which filled with a metallic taste. A moment later she crashed painfully against the wall of the house and slumped down, only half conscious, groaning.

"Yes! YES!" Buffy yelled out with girly shrieks, jumping up and down like a small kid about to be handed a candy store. "I beat you! I did it! Payback is bitchy, revenge is better kept in the fridge, and more of that! WHOOW!"

"Oh, no," Xander muttered - he was too late, his eyes transfixed on Lotion's prone form, which was starting to stir.

Buffy quit her happy behavior and looked a little perturbed at her boyfriend, "I finally defeated the pompous, unfeminist pain-in-the-ass, and /that's/ what you say?"

Coughing for breath, Willow came staggering through the door and fell through her knees. "You . . . fast . . ." she managed to wheeze out, trying to catch her breath.

Xander payed her now mind, just looking with dread as Lotion steadily became more active. Cordelia look at the small gathering of her friends and wondered what was going on now. "Xander?" Buffy prompted and then looked as Lotion slowly got up.

Buffy looked at the Amazon who was starting to get a bruise on her chin. Buffy got ready in case she had to fight again, smiling a bit. Lotion spit out some blood, and then slowly came walking over to Buffy. Buffy got out of her fight stance and looked surprised at Lotion. She had expected a lot, but not Lotion walking over to her gently, seemingly swaying her hips slightly. When she was about two meters away, Lotion moved her lips in a kissing position. What the hell? It was only men they were marrying weren't they? Amazon defeat man in combat . . . yes, definitely man only.

"Catch," came Deo's voice, breaking the silence and a sword twisted through the air, and Lotion casually caught it. Buffy took a step back, and watched in shock as Lotion started bending over to reach her cheek, still wanting to kiss her it seemed. The sword brought it all back to her. '/Kiss of Death./' That was what Xander had said. Defeated by a woman outside of the tribe. Buffy froze in shock. It was one thing to fight her unarmed, but a sword would allow Lotion to slice her in itsy, bitsy, little Buffy-bits, and that was not something she was looking forward too.

"No!" Xander ran over with all his speed and placed himself in between Buffy and Lotion, arms spread out.

Lotion straightened back up, and said with a resolute but painful voice, "Step out of the way, Xander . . . it's tradition."

"You're going to spend the rest of your life in jail?" he countered Lotion, knowing the cops would come after her.

"Step out of the way," Lotion spoke with a growl, pain in her eyes.

"I won't let you kill her, Lotion, that's a guarantee," Xander said dangerously.

It was Deo who answered this time, "It must be done, son-in-law. Honor demands."

"Fuck honor, and fuck you're antiquated traditions," Xander hissed, angry now. He looked close into Lotion's eyes, and said angrily, "I will /not/ let you kill her, Lotion. I /will/ kill you first, and I don't care what kind of deal about dating we got. You will keep your fingers off of her." Lotion and Deo looked stricken, and Xander pressed on. "Do you really want that, Deo? Not getting me is one set of dishonor for your daughter, but being killed by him, or her mother killing him to keep it from happening - what will the tribe say to that?"

"It's tradition, defeated by woman not part of the tribe, kill woman," Lotion said almost pitifully pointing her free hand at Buffy, who instinctively put herself behind Xander's protective form.

Xander wracked his brain, and repeated, "I will not let you do it." Then he had an idea, "Consider her part of the tribe then. You're friends for god's sake, practically family, think of her as an honorary Amazon!"

"Hmm," Deo said rather loudly, stepping outside the house. "Every Amazon as a right of passage and adulthood must undergo a ritual. Someone not born of the tribe may join it by undergoing that same ritual."

Lotion and Buffy perked up. Buffy looking over Xander's shoulder, while Lotion looked back over her shoulder. Lotion's eyes widened, and said, "They may?."

Cordelia, always keen, got up and said, "Hey, I think it better I do that too, what if I accidentally defeat Lotion in a sparring match? And your tribe is nuts if they actually consider this and especially that an offense worthy of killing someone."

"I'm not going to become an Amazon!" Buffy said indignant, seemingly revolted with the idea.

"Buffy, please," Xander said.

"No," Buffy said and then noticed Lotion's eyes narrowing.

Xander turned around, took Buffy by the shoulders and looked deeply in her eyes, "Buffy, please, for me? I don't fancy having to fight Lotion and Deo . . ."

Buffy looked up into Xander's brown orbs, and felt herself grow weak. She sighed and said, "Oh, oh well, fine, okay. But don't you think just because I'll be 'part of the tribe', I'm going to kill any girl not part of it who manages to defeat me, or marry any man who gets lucky."

"That is your choice," Deo spoke diplomatically. "Although the tribe will consider you dishonored should that happen, but I don't think someone who doesn't care about that will take any value to what the tribe thinks of them."

"Damn, straight," Buffy grumbled folding her arms across her chest. "Not that I have no honor, but I have higher honor."

"Oh," Lotion started, preparing to put the smack down on Buffy for that slight.

"So what does this ritual entail anyway?" Willow interrupted quickly to stave off another catfight - although that could be fun to watch; problem was they'd be really fighting, not dragging each other around in the mud tearing each other's clothes off. Willow had found a few of her dad's Playboy tapes, which made her blush a little - luckily she was still red with the heat of running here.

Deo nodded and explained, "The women must sit on a symbol with two members of the tribe who will be witnesses to the pledging. Amidst fire and envoking the goddess the applicants must pledge allegiance to the tribe, there will be some chanting and asking the goddess for her blessing. Finally, one will get a tattoo on her right upper arm." Deo pulled up her sleeve showing that the tattoo. The tattoo was an intricate design of circles, a few quare crosses, and some more exotic symbols - the whole was very colorful. Undoubtedly the symbol had something to do with the Amazon goddesses and possibly gods, as well as the Amazon tribe, its history and their philosophy. Deo then added, "The whole ritual is done naked . . ." Xander visibly perked up, as did Willow a bit, while Buffy and Cordelia looked shocked at the announcement. Deo finished, ". . . this to show you have nothing to hide, no weapons snuck in to kill people with, and you tell the bare naked truth, it's very symbolical."

While Cordelia and Buffy were still digesting the thing, Xander shared a quick smirk with Willow who returned it. Then he said, "Ah, I think me - that is, Lexa - should join the Amazon tribe as well. Indeed, should some Amazons come this way, I don't want to be condemned to death if I feel its necessary to beat a few up."

Buffy looked shocked at Xander now, while Cordelia folded her arms across her chest and said dryly, "You just want to see us naked."

"Moi? What for?" Xander asked innocent, "I'm just concerned for my life, that's all."

"Hell no!" Buffy exclaimed once more indignant. She turned and told to Deo, "Tell him he can't join us, girl-Xander or not."

Xander looked at Buffy, and told her, "What's it to you? I've already seen you naked." Buffy shot Xander a deadly glare, that made take a step back. "I'm just saying . . ."

Lotion was the one to tell Buffy, "Lexa welcome to join, in fact, I insist on it - future husband should be part of the tribe."

"What? But why? What do you care? /Should/ he marry you, he's automatically part of the tribe!" Buffy exclaimed.

Cordelia rolled her eyes and explained dryly, "That way she can show of her magnificent body and have Xander inevitably make comparisons between her, and you two, and she'd have better chances."

"Me?" Lotion replied with even more innocence that Xander. "No, I'm thinking of the tribe. To have a fighter of Xander's and Lexa's caliber in the tribe, would bring great prestige."

"I think I want to join as well," Willow spoke with a little smirk.

Buffy turned around and faced her best friend with shock, "Willow? Why? What happened to 'these Amazons are nothing but weak-willed, pathetic girls who're potential abuse victims?'"

Cordelia sighed with the obviousness, and once more coolly explained, "She just wants to see us naked too, as well as Lexa."

"Me?" Willow answered with the same innocence. "No! Since becoming a witch, I'm interested in Goddess rituals, this one seems very interesting. Of course, I've always been interested in the Amazons and there way of life, it is interesting, even if they aren't quite the champions of women as I saw them. Besides, best friend here, wouldn't let you go through the ordeal alone."

Buffy looked with utter disbelief that Willow had managed to say that with a straight face. "Willow," she said with disbelief and disappointment.

"What?" Willow answered innocently, already imagining the upcoming ritual, and noticed Xander had the same twinkle in his eyes as she had, while having the smile of the cat that ate the canary on his face that was threatening to form on hers as well.

"Then it's settled," Deo said, saving Willow from Buffy's scrutiny. "You four will become Amazons. We shall hold the ritual Saturday." She then turned around and went back into the house.

"Don't look so smug," Buffy warned Xander, who quickly hid his smile. "How the hell am I going to get this past mom?"

"Lie by omission of certain details," Cordelia supplied with a grin, actually starting to look forward to it. There was a certain appeal to being present to see how this disaster would end up.

From outside came the sound of a heavy bike, making everyone look toward the sound. The sound turned off, and a familiar voice called, "Lotion!" The still opened back entrance gate, swung open, showing Pike Ambrose.

"Oh, no," Lotion said, shaking her head. "What's /he/ doing back here?"

"Lotion!" Pike called with everyone looking at him with wide eyes, except for Lotion who looked down embarrassed and continued shaking her head. "I have trained with great karate masters; I can defeat you in combat now, and take your hand in marriage."

"What?" Buffy exclaimed, while Lotion walked toward the gate grumbling annoyance.

"I can't believe this," Cordelia muttered, while Xander sighed, already knowing the outcome of this.

"Let's get this over with quickly," Lotion muttered as she reached Pike and pushed him outside.

The other four occupants of the yard exited along with the two. Lotion stayed with the gate, while Pike backed away a bit to the right in the alley. He went into a karate stance, and said, "Don't worry, my beautiful angel, I will go easy on you."

Lotion rolled her eyes, while the other's eyes widened in disbelief. Buffy spoke up with concern for her ex-boyfriend, "Pike, she's more powerful than a Slayer. A few months- . . ."

"Not now, Buffy," Pike interrupted her with anticipation in his eyes, "this is important."

"But . . ." Buffy whimpered in defeat, as Pike came forward at Lotion who just stood there with her arms by her side, looking decidedly annoyed.

"Yah!" Pike yelled throwing his first karate chop, which Lotion deflected with an air of indifference. "Yah!" came Pike's second chop, which she tossed aside easily. Tired of this ridiculous game, Lotion threw one devastating punch to Pike's chest, using mostly her chi so she wouldn't break every bone under her fist. "AAH!" Pike yelled in pain, and surprise as he was simply launched backward, in a big arc through the air. "Woaw!" he added.

Lotion watched him fly away with satisfaction, and then saw a man carrying a big tray of eggs coming from a side street from behind a wooden fence. Her eyes widened as she noticed Pike hurtling right for him, and since she recognized the man she yelled, "MR. WHITMORE, LOOK OUT!"

"Huh?" Mr. Whitmore muttered, stopping and looking up from the eggs to his left. Thus, Pike did not slam into the teacher, but only in the eggs and the teacher's hands holding them. Pike tumbled down, along with the eggs. He crashed painfully to the floor, and then the eggs slammed on top of him and the pavement around him. They broke, and the insides of the eggs splashed over him, covering him instantly in red, blue, and whitish sludge.

The five teens ran over, as Pike lay lolling half-unconscious on the floor, covered in egg gunk. "Blalolanieeh," he said, eyes rolling about randomly in his sockets.

"Are you alright, Mr. Whitmore?" Willow asked concerned at the slightly overweight, middle-aged teacher.

"Ah, fine, Ms. Rosenberg, but the eggs for the parenthood experiment are ruined," Mr. Whitmore spoke indicating the broken eggs and the young man covered in them. "I will have to buy new ones."

Pike spit some of the gunk out of his mouth with a disgusted look, and blabbed, "Sheee's amaaazing."

"Well, look on the bright side, Mr. Whitmore," Xander said with a big grin, "They were all rotten eggs obviously. Now the classroom won't stink."

"It does seem that way, Mr. Harris, always look on the bright side," Mr. Whitmore spoke with a smile.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Whitmore, he was bothering me, and . . . uh . . .well," Lotion spoke with an embarrassed smile, hoping she wasn't going to get in trouble.

"Oh, no, Ms. Lu, knowing a healthy dose of self-defense is a must for girls these days," Mr. Whitmore said with a smile to the Amazon. "I'll have to go back to get a new tray of eggs, unless . . ." The teacher looked down at the still out of it Pike, and said, "What about him?"

"Oh, don't worry," Buffy spoke up, taking a few steps forward to stand at Pike's head. "He's my ex, I'll take care of him . . . uh, I didn't mean killing him, obviously . . . just give him a shower . . . not with me in it . . . you know what I mean . . . sorry, I didn't wish to sound snooty, Mr. Whitmore . . . I'll shut up now."

"Don't worry, Ms. Summers. I'll see you in class tomorrow, students," Mr. Whitmore said pleasantly, then turned around and walked off to buy new eggs.

"Ugh," Buffy commented at the dirty Pike. She grabbed his left hand which seemed slime free, and pulled him to sitting position.

Pike blinked, and looked up. "Buffy," he said, and Buffy nodded glad.

"Come on, get up," she ordered, taking Pike low around the waist where there shouldn't be any gunk. "I tried to warn you, didn't I? She's stronger than a Slayer, although no longer stronger than me."

As Pike rose to his feet, looking with in-love eyes at Lotion. The Amazon narrowed her eyes at Buffy and warned, "Don't be so smug, Slayer. You might have defeated me just now, doesn't mean you'll defeat me all the time."

"Come on, Pike, I'll get you a shower, ew those eggs stink," Buffy said and supported him toward his bike. She turned around and said, "Guys, I'll see you guys later okay? Mom's taking me to the mall, and I shouldn't be late."

"See ya, Buffy," Xander and Willow greeted.

"That loser is Buffy's first boyfriend?" Cordelia asked in disbelief at the vagrant. "No wonder she's all messed up, if she didn't start out that way, he'd have make sure she ended up that way."

"You mean, like you had this huge crush on loser Xander?" Willow asked sweetly.

"Hey!" Xander exclaimed as Cordelia turned to look at the witch, up ahead Pike started his motor and drove off with a very careful Buff on the back, making sure she didn't go into the gunk.

Cordelia told Willow icily, "Temporary insanity, already cured. I've got a lead guitarist for a boyfriend now; super cool, nothing like loser Xander."

"HEY! I'm standing right /here/, you know?" Xander called out in disbelief.

"Anyone call future husband loser again, I will beat them to a pulp," Lotion warned, still pissed Buffy managed to defeat her, making her test the bruise on her chin.

"Thank you," Xander said with a smile at the Amazon, who smiled back, and batted her eyelashes at him.

-----

"Mother, what are you up to?" Lotion asked once the others had gone.

"Nothing, dear," Deo said with a smile.

"Oh, no! I don't trust you, you agreed to that solution much too easily," Lotion exclaimed. "What are you up to?"

Deo opened a cupboard and pulled out a scroll. "Nothing, dear, just preparing for the ritual," she said again.

"Mother, if you try anything, I will hurt you," Lotion warned angrily.

"Sweetheart, my daughter, I have only your well-being in mind. Trust me when I say, that constantly trying to kill a stronger-growing Slayer might be bad for your health. That is the only reason why I agreed to it, and why I now prepare for the ritual," Deo answered her calmly.

Lotion held up the curved sword, and asked dangerously, "Is that why you tossed me this to kill her with?"

"You still had the element of surprise then, if was obvious the happily jumping Slayer wasn't expecting you to try to kill her," Deo answered Lotion calmly.

Lotion scrutinized her mother for a long minute, and then said, "/Don't/ try anything." She then hung the sword back into its rightful place, and walked to her room.

-----

"I cannot believe you," Buffy muttered as she got off Pike's bike, her nose still wrinkled at the awful smell. A very dejected - and disgusted with the smell as well - Pike slowly got off as well, taking in his ex's new home. "You actually want /her/ as your wife, and you thought you could beat her up with a few months of training. What do you see in her anyway?"

Pike looked with disbelief at Buffy, opting not to speak and get more of the disgusting egg taste in his mouth, since it was still plastered over his face. Buffy rolled her eyes, and said, "Despite the boobs." Pike narrowed her eyes at her. Buffy sighed with frustration, and said, "Let's just get you a damn shower first."

Buffy opened the door, and her mother's voice sounded from within immediately. "Buffy, you're late. We're supposed to be off- . . . what's that smell?" The figure of Joyce Summers entered with the visible field in the living room from the hallway. She looked through the same door to the hallway where Buffy and Pike stood in front of the front door. "You!"

Joyce Summers came forward with an angry look, while a surprised and afraid Buffy tried to calm her down. "Mom, he's just here to use the shower, he got his ass handed to him, and rotten eggs splashed all over him," Buffy quickly burst out.

Pike looked a little afraid at the angry mother, who spat out, "You vagrant, dumb, dropout. You better not try and corrupt my daughter again, you- . . ."

"Mother!" Buffy said sharply, blushing with embarrassment, "He's not here to corrupt me. Hell, he's not even here to get me back. He wants Lotion, she's the one who kicked his ass, because he's decided to beat her in combat according to that ridiculous 'ancient Amazon tradition', if you remember. I just offered a shower because that's what good exes do, right?"

Joyce blinked, and then asked Pike, "Really?"

"Yes, the angel Lotion, one day she shall be mine. I /will/ find a way to defeat her and marry the most beautiful woman in the world," Pike muttered with a sweet smile and a look in his eyes that would be characterized with hearts if this were a cartoon. Suddenly his expression changed and he started spitting, "Ptuh, ptuh, ptuh, ew." Then he closed his lips stiffly again.

Joyce immediately perked up and pointed up the stairs, "Well, in that case, my shower is your shower." Buffy rolled her eyes, while Pike made a grateful bow, not daring to speak again. He started up the stairs. "He's quite a nice young man, isn't he?" Joyce said with a big grin. Buffy rolled her eyes again and started for the stairs.

Joyce sniffed the air again, and then told her daughter, "A shower and a change of clothes wouldn't be a luxury for you either, Buffy."

Buffy stopped and looked down at her sweaty, dirty workout clothes. She raised her arm and smelled her arm pit. Wrinkling her nose, she offered, "Was working out, be right back."

Buffy raced up the stairs and easily sped past Pike, and dragged him into the bathroom, the second door left to the right into corridor. "Okay, towels are in the cupboard above the sink," Buffy said, pointing right to the large cupboard above and to the left of the sink. "Wash cloths are there as well, but mom and me are going to the mall, and we're already late so I'm taking a quick shower first, okay?" Pike nodded, not wanting to talk.

"AND YOU DON'T GET TO WATCH!" came Buffy's mother's voice from down stairs.

"Exactly, wait in the hallway," Buffy said pointing out the door. Pike left, Buffy closed the door, and then muttered to herself, "How does she do that? Is she psychic, or did I inherit Slayer hearing from her?"

"MOTHER'S INSTINCTS, YOU'LL GET THEM TOO WHEN YOU MAKE ME A GRANDMOTHER!"

Buffy groaned, eyes wide, at the scary vision. Someday she had thought, but she was sixteen for gods sakes, those thoughts shouldn't arrive till ten years from now, just the pleasantries that made them should be on her mind! She quickly stripped, and got in the shower.

A few minutes later, having given herself a thorough but quick cleaning with shampoo, she raced with towels tied around her to her own room. She got herself a new set of underwear, and put herself in tight black pants and a tight purple to dark pink shirt, which hugged her form. It had a v-neck but stopped short just before any cleavage became visible. After putting on a pair of shoes with middle-high heels, that allowed her to move but just gave her sexy, feminine air, she went back out into the hallway. She stopped for a moment and called out, "Pike! We'll leave keys on the kitchen table in case you wanna go out before we return, key?" There came an answering mumble, and Buffy quickly went down the stairs, finding her mother finishing a cup of tea in the kitchen.

Buffy stopped when she looked up, noticing for the first time how rather clear sound from the bathroom was rather clear in the kitchen. She had never been in the kitchen while someone showered. She turned to her mother, scrutinizing her, and asked, "So, does mother's instincts make you buy a house that allows you to listen into your kids when they're in the shower?" Joyce shrugged innocently, sipping the final tea away and got up to put the now empty tea cup in the dishwasher. Buffy sighed and turned around, and then suddenly her eyes went wide, while her cheeks flared red. Washing wasn't the only thing she did - had done - in the shower. There was just no way . . . her mother would at least vacate . . . no, absolutely no way that her mother even heard that little . . . uh, uh. Buffy started walking, and said quickly, refusing to look at her mother, "Let's go, we're late remember?"

"Yes, dear," Joyce said with a completely innocent tone while catching up to her daughter.

-----

Joyce and Buffy walked through the mall. Buffy had been busy working up the courage with everything she had and finally managed it. "Mom," she started, hopefully.

"Mmh," came Joyce's reply as she checked through the list to see they had everything they should have so far.

"I need to become an Amazon," Buffy said weakly as they walked along.

"That's ni- . . ." Joyce suddenly stopped in her tracks, and turned to her daughter who had stopped as well. "What?"

"Yeah, it's this ritual. We'll all be sitting in a circle, chant some stuff, make a pledge, and that's it," Buffy said with a smile, looking at her mother's face and knowing what the answer was. "Willow, Xander, and Cordelia are doing it too, it's nothing big."

"I suppose if they jump off a cliff, you'll jump too, claiming it's nothing big," Joyce told her daughter with a measured look.

"It really is nothing big," Buffy said nervously.

"If it isn't, why do you /need/ to do it?" Joyce asked her daughter suspiciously.

Buffy shrugged and said, "Because . . ."

Joyce narrowed her eyes further, making Buffy gulp, and said, "What are you not telling me?'

Oh, shit! Her mom always could see straight through her. Oh, please let this be enough. "I'll get a tattoo on my upper arm," Buffy confessed.

"Absolutely not," Joyce stated resolutely and started walking again.

Buffy caught up to her quickly, and whined, "It's really small, you barely see it, in fact nobody probably will, it'll be underneath the sleeve. And it isn't some tattoo for the heck of it, it's this entire symbolic, historical, ritualistic thing with deep meaning. It isn't like I /want/ a tattoo."

Joyce stopped again and turned to her Buffy, and asked exasperated, "Then /why/ do you /need/ to become an Amazon?"

"Uh, well . . ." Buffy fidgeted, and after making sure nobody was close by explained, ". . . because if I don't, Lotion will try to kill me for the rest of my life, or hers whatever the case may be."

"WHAT?" Joyce screamed out loud in shock.

"Sh!" Buffy hissed. Then continued softly, "It's another stupid Amazon tradition; when a woman not of the tribe defeats you, give her the Kiss of Death and kill her."

Joyce sputtered, and then said grimly, "I will have a word with that Deo."

Buffy's hands started waving in panic, and she said, "No, don't. That won't help, she actually tossed her daughter the sword she could use to make Buffy-slices."

"What?" Joyce muttered again, this time panic and concern on her face.

"Didn't happen, I'm still intact," Buffy said quickly, trying to calm down her mother. "So, mom, I kinda have to. Please? Just chalk it up to the Slayer side of things, it won't actually influence my life, I don't have to go live in a hut in the desert tying up men or anything. I'll be an Amazon in name only."

Buffy watched her mother visibly make attempts to calm herself down; something she'd seen her mother do a lot more times since she found out her secret. Finally relaxed, but obviously concerned still for her daughter's well being, she sighed, "Okay, fine."

They started walking again and Joyce started rummaging in her purse, while saying, "Buffy, since we were late, and Everyday Woman closes early today, I want you to go there quickly and get the dress I reserved, while I go get the flyers for the opening and our food before they close."

"Everyday Woman?" Buffy wondered while Joyce pulled out a receipt, "why not just go to Mumus R Us?"

Joyce looked directly at Buffy, and said, "Don't insult your mother when she just gave into you, she might change her might."

"And then what?" Buffy half-challenged, partly because she wanted to protect her mother from herself, or rather her sense of fashion.

Joyce shrugged. "I'll just have to buy a sniper rifle, kill Deo and Lotion to protect you, go to jail, where you can visit me, and I'll be behind glass wearing a horrid, all-orange outfit that'll make a mumu look fashionable, and you'll have to go live with Giles, you're middle-aged watcher turned librarian," Joyce said with a sweet but hard smile, while Buffy's face gained a new depth of horror with every addition Joyce made. "He'll probably have lots of books lying around, possibly no tv."

"You wouldn't dare," Buffy said with absolutely horror.

Joyce inclined her head, and smirking told her daughter, "You wanna take that chance?"

"Uh," Buffy grumbled, snatching the receipt from her mother's hands, "I'm going already."

"That's my girl," her mother said with a grin and walked off toward the printers.

Annoyed Buffy walked toward the escalator and took the one going down. She casually looked around, bored. A couple, a girl in a short, blue dress and a guy in jeans, a blue shirt and a cowboy hat went up on the escalator next to hers. For a moment she thought how horrible their clothes looked and turned her head right, where there was a nice reflective surface . . . only showing the girl and the other shoppers, but not the cowboy. Buffy's eyes widened and then she turned her head left and up where the girl and the cowboy moved upward. She looked around, looking for a way, but didn't find anyone but the one she didn't want to take. She placed her hand on the middle rail, and jumped smoothly over it, and attempted to run up the stairs. Unfortunately there were other shoppers and she was forced to go up slowly, excusing herself constantly and asked to pass - the ceiling was two low for her to simply jump up.

Finally back at the second level she looked around, and found the cowboy and his date entering a room in the back. Buffy quickly veered slightly to the left in their direction, and ran after them. She entered through the same door and entered a barely lit room. She passed an arcade machine and found the room was full of them. There was giggling and slightly dirty suggestions, the first from a female voice, the latter from a male voice. A midsection blocked the view of them though, and so Buffy navigated around it. She found the girl bent over a pinball machine, with the guy behind her pushing against her and pawning her everywhere.

"You know it's illegal to that in public?" Buffy asked smartly, and the two of them looked up. She frowned and added, "I think it's illegal to that anyplace, actually."

"Get lost, little girl," the girl bit at Buffy, "go back to kindergarten."

"Yeah," the cowboy joked along, "come back when you're no longer under age - then again." He whispered something in the girl's ear which made her giggle, and Buffy - although not hearing it - roll her eyes.

"You know, you should really find out more about the guy's you decide to fuck, haven't notice he doesn't have body temperature?" Buffy wondered out loud, taking a step closer.

The vampire realized Buffy knew what he was and vamped out, his fangs close to the girl's neck but she still was oblivious to the danger. That was until the vamp's hands tightened around her arms, and said, "Well, well, go out for dinner, and you get dessert freely delivered."

Buffy looked incredulous at him, and said exasperated, "Can't you guys come with /any/ new material. Seriously, this is getting really old."

Meanwhile the girl had forced her head to look back, and looked into the demonic, yellow-eyes face and screamed out loud, trying to struggle. The cowboy focused on the struggling girl, and Buffy struck. With one smooth rapid movement she planted her foot in his face, and he staggered back on the impact. The girl screamed again, and ran off.

"Not even a thank-you," Buffy muttered as she placed herself in front of the cowboy vamp. "Everyone's ungrateful these days, no manners, you must be pissed about that as well."

The vamp snickered and licked his fangs. "Oh, well, I like eating just dessert anyway," he told Buffy.

Buffy rolled her eyes as he charged her. She ducked beneath his clumsy punch, which she most likely would have considered a decent one a few months ago, and slammed her fist powerfully into his stomach. The vamp doubled over with a painful groan, and the only reason he wasn't gasping for breathe, is because he didn't need any. With a rapid roundhouse kick Buffy sent the vamp flying till he crashed painfully into the wall. Buffy had already followed him over there. She pulled out her stake, and before the vamp had time to recover she rammed it home. The vampire looked shocked, and then he turned to dust.

"Slayer one - vampire zip," she said with satisfaction, slapping her hands. She smiled until she remembered. "Mom's mumu!" she said with a pained face and sped out the arcade hall.

She quickly ran down to the escalator, and ran down with everything she had - which wasn't much because once again she had to excuse herself and weave past the shoppers on the stairs. Reaching the bottom she turned to the right around back and ran. Behind the escalator there was a way right, and further onward. The 'Everyday Woman' sign was visible, and so Buffy sped up. Her eyes widened when she saw a guy start to close the grates in front of the shop from the inside. "NO, NO, WAIT!" she called, slamming against the grate, only ten centimeters from the floor. "Please let me in!"

"Sorry," the guy said muffled, smiling.

"Ah, come one!" Buffy pleaded pulling out the receipt. "I don't have to find anything, it's already waiting for me, not even paying for it, I got the receipt and everything! You just have to hand it over, /pleaaaase/." Buffy gave her best puppy-dog face, but eight hours of work made the guy immune.

The grate touched the floor with a resounding final thud, and he said, "Come back tomorrow."

"Oh," Buffy moaned her shoulders slumping, and then she let herself sink down to her knees, her hands sliding along the grate. "Mom's gonna kill me." Her eyes widened, and then she let herself sink further down, placing her head pitifully on the floor. "Slayer one - vampire one. This is /soo/ unfair!" She looked up at the ceiling at called, "Couldn't you give me a break this /once/?" She gave two sobs which were part fake, part real; exaggerating her emotions, and she dragged herself upright along the grate. She turned around and found a few kids and two grown ups looking at her theatrics. "Never seen a girl before?" she questioned them bitingly and they quickly moved on.

Pouting she started her long trek toward her execution, which she reached a few minutes later. Poutingly she stood next to the table, at which her mother was already sitting, having two plates of fast food on it. Joyce looked up, and noticed a certain something missing. "Where's the outfit?" Joyce asked sharply.

"Well, you see, it's like this," Buffy started thinking about how to make this look positive. "I was too late, but his much," Buffy said, bringing two fingers very close together. "Grate wasn't even fully closed."

"Buffy," Joyce said with disappointment, "can't you even pick up an outfit? You were distracted again weren't you? Was it a boy?"

"Kinda," Buffy said, letting herself drop into the seat across from her mother like a sack of potatoes.

"Buffy," Joyce said still sharply, but with a decidedly motherly-advice tone added to it, "boys may seem like they the entire world to you right now, but . . ."

"The dusty kind," Buffy interrupted with a pout. Joyce blinked at Buffy. "Saved a girl's life too," Buffy added softly, reflecting that her mother knowing the big secret was a good thing after all.

"Oh," Joyce said, not quite knowing what to say, both disappointed she didn't have the outfit yet, having to come back, and proud that her daughter had saved another life.

"But can she thank me, nooo," Buffy complained softly. "She just runs away screaming like a girl."

Joyce suddenly realized something, and was starting to think Buffy was making it up to get out of punishment and pointed, "But it's day out."

"Out, yeah, inside there's only artificial light, no sunlight," Buffy muttered, looking up at the many lamps and pointing at them. "Which can't be good for my complexion, or my eyes," she complained onward.

"I thought vampires slept during the day?" Joyce asked softly.

"When they're tired, I'm sure they try to do their sleeping during the day," Buffy muttered, slowly unfolding the paper wrapper around her hamburger. She halted for a moment, frowned and added, "Which I'm not even sure about if they even get tired. I should ask Giles."

"So I have to worry about the day as well?" Joyce asked not liking this at all.

"Yeah, definitely not invite any crouched, heavily cloaked people in during the day," Buffy said dejectedly and took a bit from her hamburger. Then she added still with a full mouth, "Of course, it could just be someone allergic to sunlight. Back in LA I thought I was so clever; house with drapes, almost killed a normal human with allergies." She swallowed, her well chewed bite. "Is he smoking though, definitely a vamp - no matter how allergic to sunlight, no human starts to smoke, certainly not with a heavy cloak," Buffy philosophized, then took another bite. "There's always the demons though, but most of them you'll notice from afar . . . unless they come out your toilet." Joyce looked horrified at her oblivious daughter, who swallowed again, and added, "Life sucks." Buffy blinked, and then put her hamburger down, "And to think that on the day I finally kicked that dumb Amazon's ass - somebody up there better start noticing Buffy Summers' file and realize they need to make some serious amends."

-----

A cowboy vampire searched through the mall well after closing time, having crashed through a window, triggering the alarm - not that any cops were coming at this hour. "Lyle?" the solid vampire called out. "Lyle!" he called again - he still didn't get any answers. He reached the arcade and searched through it, soon finding a pile of dust. He took it in for a moment, trying to think of a way for it not be what he thought it was. Him being not to bright, couldn't come up with anything else, and screamed, "LYLE! I will find who did this, and avenge you my brother!"

-----

Mr. Whitmore finished writing 'sex' on the blackboard, and underlined it thoroughly. He turned around, and looked around the classroom. "Sex. It's an important part of life, as well as a powerful drive in human behavior. With you teenagers with hormones raging through your bodies it is even more powerful. Who here hasn't wasted time with sex in one form or another when they could have been using it for something more valuable?"

"Yep, right here, uhuh," Xander said, raising his finger, remembering all the times multiple women were vying for his attention, as Lotion made similar vocal proclaims and raised her finger as well. Buffy, not too scholastically talented, looked from one to the other and raised her finger uncertainly.

"Ms. Summers, Ms. Lu, Mr. Harris, that was a rhetorical question," Mr. Whitmore said with a bit of a smile. Buffy rapidly withdrew her finger, as Xander and Lotion lowered theirs more casually, while the rest of the class laughed at them. Xander and Lotion didn't seem to mind, while Buffy blushed, ducking close. Next to her sat Willow who flashed her a smile. Buffy gave her a frown in return.

Mr. Whitmore walked around his desk and leaned his ass on it, and said, "Of course sex can have some serious consequences. Anyone here know one? Mr. Harris."

"When the other one is still in love with someone else, there's the real heart ache, let me tell. Horrendous disgusting pain, although the benefits are worth it," Xander said with a big grin, making everyone look at him in a completely different light than the laughter earlier. Buffy in the meantime ducked away slightly embarrassed, while sporting a secret proud grin.

"Uh, yes. Anyone else?" Mr. Whitmore asked. Lotion raised her hand rapidly. "Ms. Lu."

"When your future husband doesn't have the same morals as you, better kill your rivals before you announce to him and he can lay down the law, or else you're stuck with ugly girls, and man-hating bitches in between you and him," Lotion spoke sincerely, drawing glares from three girls, while Xander looked down in disbelief. The rest of the class laughed out loud at the perceived joke.

"Uhm, right," Mr. Whitmore said, shaking his head fighting not to join in the laughter. When the laughter died down Buffy's hand was up in the air. "Ms. Summers, you have something more along what I had in mind?"

Buffy nodded vigorously and with a gesture from the teacher she said, "Icky and deadly diseases. Don't leave the condoms at home!"

"Very good, Ms. Summers, that's a very good point," Mr. Whitmore said, and Buffy smiled happily at the compliment. Then shrank down and remembered she and Xander had /not/ used condoms. How the hell something that was good, felt so right, could be done so wrong and be so screwed up was still beyond her. "Anyone else know another one?" Cordelia and Willow raised their hands, and Mr. Whitmore pointed to Cordelia, "Ms. Chase."

"Getting knocked up," she stated bluntly, making students laugh.

"Ah, pregnancy, correct," Mr. Whitmore said with a raised voice so the laughter died down. He turned around and raised the lid of the square box of eggs. "And from pregnancy comes a child. Now to make you all acquainted with the burdens and responsibilities of having a child, I have brought these." Mr. Whitmore indicated the eggs, and continued, "For the next week these will be your children. You're expected to keep it intact, keep it clean, take time away to feed it, although you won't 'actually' be able to feed it. I wish I had the budget for the baby dolls with computer chips, instead you will have these." He pointed to his other side where a stack of notebooks lay. "You will have to keep a log of everything you did. So pair up, and come get your child and log."

The students came forward, Cordelia with Oz who had sat behind her. Willow quickly went to Xander, but he told her gently, "Sorry, Will. Several dates, being fair means someone else gets a chance, plus she asked earlier." Lotion stepped up next to Xander and smiled at Willow. Willow looked dejected, but accepted it. She watched Lotion and Xander walk forward in front of her and get their egg and notebook. More students paired of, and when she finally reached the front, only Buffy was left.

"Ah, congratulations, Ms. Rosenberg and Ms. Summers," Mr. Whitmore told the two and then looked over them to the class. "Our token Lesbian couple," he quipped and the class laughed while Buffy shrank down and grabbed an egg, while Willow got a notebook.

-----

"So, how's muff diving treating you girls," a joking remark called out.

Buffy grumbled in extreme annoyance as she sat down at the lunch table. Willow sat down next to her, while the others had already sat down, Cordelia and Oz included. Xander decided to stick up for his friends and called back to the guy, "Better than giving blowjobs for you, no doubt!" The joker got laughed at, much to his annoyance.

"I can't believe this," Buffy muttered in pain. "A lesbian couple, how did it come to this?"

"Hormones, dear," Willow supplied with a big grin, finding this might actually be more fun than playing mommy and daddy with Xander. Buffy looked over at her and then groaned.

"I'll be the laughing stock of the school. Worse, I can't be gay. I've already got enough people and demons trying to kill because I'm a tasty morsel as well as the Slayer, I don't need the average gay-bashing crowd to try as well," Buffy muttered out, and took in the egg she and Willow had wrapped in some paper tissues normally reserved for cleaning one's hands and mouth after eating.

"Say, Buffy, did we adopt or get artificial insemination?" Willow asked, patting a pen against her chin looking thoughtful at the notebook. "And if the latter, which one of us got it? Who's the father? Did we pick someone out of a book? What were our criteria? Or did we ask Xander to help?"

Xander blinked at the last part of Willow's babble. Buffy sighed, and then decided to plunge right in, and answered with a sneaky smile, "Xander, probably, and if so, why bother with the artificial. I'm sure Lotion was so kind to lend us- . . ." Xander spat out the water he was drinking at Buffy's suggestion and the images it generated in his mind, it sprayed, fell on him, and a moment later there was Lexa.

"Stop trying to steal my husband and father of my child," Lotion interrupted sharply, raising the egg in the air. She indicated it, and said, "Think about her, you immoral sluts."

"Or not," Buffy said chastised while Willow was blushing. Lexa was looking around briefly to see if anyone had noticed - if they did, they probably decided to forget it, because no one was screaming their lungs out.

She then picked up what Lotion had said. "Her?" Lexa questioned her 'wife'. "She's a she? You certain? I was kinda hoping for a son."

"Our second will be the son," Lotion told Lexa with a wide grin, making Lexa perk up. "And if you want, the third as well, or we could go back to a daughter." Lexa blinked at that later.

"Wow," Willow muttered looking at Lotion, "you're serious about the children, aren't you?"

Lotion nodded, "Why do you think I came for my husband? Very important to Amazons to provide the next strong generation for the tribe."

Buffy groaned and landed her head on the table right next to her child, making the egg shudder. "Look out, Buffy," Willow said a little concern, reaching for the egg to make sure it wouldn't break or roll.

"So what's the gender of our kid?" Cordelia asked Oz, then taking a bit from her sandwich.

"Male," he said without looking up from his lunch which he started to eat. "And we'll have five, all sons."

"Five?" Cordelia exclaimed in shock. "No way, one, and no more."

"Five, foot down, both in fact," Oz said, pointing at the feet on the ground.

"One," Cordelia returned with narrowed eyes, while the other four friends looked at the two with amusement.

"Five," Oz casually remarked, and continued chewing.

"One," Cordelia said, lowering her voice, and then took another bite.

Oz actually looked over at her, and then said, "Four."

"One."

"/Four/."

Cordelia rolled her eyes, and said, "Fine, two." Four pairs of eyes moved Oz.

"Three." Four pairs of eyes moved back to Cordelia while chewing food.

"/Two/," Cordelia returned tersely now.

"Two and a half," Oz said completely serious, apart from the tiny spark in his eyes.

Cordelia gave a grumble, and then said, "Okay, but if the third comes out intact, I'm chopping it in half. And you better make sure that band of yours makes some bucks, preferably big ones, because if you think I'm paying for all those diapers on my own, you've got another thing coming, buster - that other thing being: work."

As they had gotten to know Oz better over time, they had found he barely made an impression, so the expression of horror was only more poignant and funny when it filtered on his face. The others sniffled, and even Cordelia smiled at it. Oz nodded, and said, "Don't worry. The Dingoes will make it big."

"And you better be still with them when they do," Cordelia replied with sparkling eyes. Oz grinned a bit - he loved cheering Cordelia up, and nothing seemed to cheer her up more than a good verbal spar.

"Okay, now we've witnessed that disturbing exchange," Buffy said, having images in her mind of Cordelia with a meat cleaver going for her baby. She turned to Willow and saw in her wide eyes she had the same idea. Buffy wondered if there was something wrong with them if they considered Cordelia actually carrying out her threat, or if it was Cordelia's sparkling personality that was the problem. "Will, do we have a daughter or a son?"

"Hmm," Willow thought about that for just a moment, and replied, "A daughter would be fun, but a boy being raised by two women - it'd be a nice experiment."

"Okay, a boy it is," Buffy said with a little smirk, checking out the egg, and giving a light shake of her head at the ridiculousness of the banter as well as how close to home it was. "His name is Alex."

Willow nodded vigorously, and wondered, "I wonder if the curse carries on through sperm. Perhaps Alex is Alexandra as well."

"We should get some water and test it out," Buffy returned with a grin.

Lotion glared at Willow and Buffy, "Which part of 'don't try to steal my husband', didn't you get?" Lexa shook her head, snickering.

Willow backed her body back as far as he could and said, "Artificial insemination, shees."

"Which one of you carried him then?" Cordelia asked rolling her eyes.

"I did," Buffy answered immediately with a proud grin, while Willow looked at her oddly. "Slayer strength, that way Willow doesn't have to suffer an aching back."

"Noble," Oz commented calmly.

Willow didn't agree though, and she said indignant, "Who says I don't want to suffer an aching back if it means carrying Xander's child?" Lexa choked on her food, and coughingly tried to wash it away with the water in her bottle. As Lotion patted her back, Willow continued, "Besides, I could always do a levitation spell, and problem solved."

"But Willow-" Buffy tried.

"Uh, uh!" Willow said, raising a finger. "I'm the one who carries Xander's child and no buts."

When Buffy's protest whimpered away, Cordelia said with a grin, "Well, we know who's wearing the pants in that relationship." Buffy glared at Cordelia.

"You can have the second one, sweety," Willow placated Buffy with a pat on her head. "Ouch," she said as Lotion's fist hit her gently in that sensitive spot on her upper hand.

"I warned you," Lotion said with a glare.

"Hey," Lexa said with a bit annoyance, "I'm the one who beat you up and now you have to marry me, remember? I married you, got ourselves a lovely daughter, and so I'm faithful, but as far artificial insemination goes, only I decide where and how often my sperm does or does not go. And I'll always be there for my two lesbian best friends."

"Sorry," Lotion whispered, while Buffy groaned, and Cordelia snickered.

The Slayer muttered, "I'm doomed."

"That's a safe bet in this highschool," Oz said approvingly and cool, making Buffy glare at him, and Cordelia snicker a little louder.

"Lexa! I didn't know you were here!" a male voice came from behind the buxom brunette.

Lexa groaned, "Nooo, not again."

Deke Fisher arrived next to her, with big loving eyes. "I have not yet given up, my love. I ghag . . ."

Lexa had gotten up and wrapped her hand around his throat, "Which part of 'no' didn't you get huh? The 'n', or the 'o'? /What/ does it take to get you off my back?"

"Lexa," Willow called warningly.

Lexa grumbled and eased his hand, allowing the quarter back to speak. "But why not give me a chance? Just one? One date?" Deke whimpered out, his ego quite a bit deflated by the continuing rejections - painful rejections. "It isn't like I'm that Japanese pervert who just grabs your boobs?"

Lexa grinned evilly suddenly, and said, "Do you want to know? Do you /really/ want to know?"

"Uhm, yes?" Deke said, uncertain.

"Okay, I'll show you," Lexa said, and started walking. "Come one," she said and her friends looked with confusion. After a step Lexa stopped, and turned around to Lotion, "Got our daughter?" Lotion held the egg up and then put away safely. Lexa nodded, and continued, dragging Deke along.

The five remaining friends looked at each other for a moment, and then got up. "Lexa," Willow called concerned as they followed Lexa and the nervous quarterback. "What are you doing?"

-----

The hike had turned into a dead run, and took some ten minutes. Deke was huffing and puffing, while Lexa was just breathing a little heavier than normal. A bit behind them were the others, who apart from Buffy and Lotion were just as much huffing and puffing as Deke. Deke vowed he would have to up his endurance training if three girls could outrun him and stay so well. They had arrived in front of Xander's old house - his parents' house, now his mother's house, an old, run-down, dirty, ringy-ding of a house.

"Now I'll tell ya," Lexa hissed out, then continued in a more normal tone, "you're grades are bad, and despite how good you think you are, the football team isn't winning, and there've been no scouts, which means no football scholarship - you're not going to college, at /all/. Which means, that'll be your house." Lexa pointed at her parents' house and Deke looked at it with wonder. "To be precise, you'll be /renting/ the house. Whatever job you'll be landing is going to be pathetic, you'll be drunk half the time, and watching tv all day like the lazy sack of potatoes you'll be, while beating up your wife and kid every chance you get. Someday that kid will turn you in to the cops, and you'll rot the rest of your life in jail. Welcome to your future, and I will /not/ be your future battered wife. Get it?"

Deke's face was stuck in wonder, and then slowly turned sad, before he whimpered out, "But-but I don't wanna be a drunkard, lazy pig, and I don't wanna abuse anyone." Tear stained his face by now.

Lexa rolled her eyes, and said, "Too bad, time to accept it . . . And stop crying. Take it like a man, damn it!" Lexa then kicked him in the stomach, doubling him over as he flew backward till he crashed against the fence of the garden of the house behind him. There he stayed sitting. Lexa nodded satisfactorily and walked the way he came. His friends looked in wonder at the crying, defeated Deke, and then turned around catching up to Lexa.

"Wasn't that a little too harsh?" Willow asked, still queasy at the crying Deke.

"No," Lexa growled.

-----

Willow and Buffy entered Buffy's home, grinning about something or other. They walked inside and looked left into the living room. There sat a dejected Pike, who looked up. Willow carefully kept the egg in her hands, as she looked at the still bruised guy. "Hi, Pike," Buffy greeted a little nervously, not quite knowing how to deal with her ex and his crush on the annoying Amazon.

"Oh, hi," Willow said, even more nervously. Willow had gathered her confidence since Lexa whirled in their lives, but if Buffy didn't quite know how to handle the, in her opinion, pathetic guy, how could she.

"Hi. I can't believe I still couldn't beat her, I worked so hard," Pike told the two girls.

Buffy rolled her eyes, her nervousness forgotten, and said, "Oh, grow up. She's been training since she was a kid, she's stronger than a standard Slayer. Now matter how hard you worked, you'll never bridge the gap in strength within a few months."

Pike nodded, and then suddenly got up with an enlightened face. "Yes!" he said with revelation, and the two girls looked at him with some hope. "I'll have to beat her on skill then!" he yelled, making Buffy and Willow's jaw drop. "Must find a new, extremely skilled sensei!" Pike spoke and then burst toward the door, bumping into Willow on the way, making her lose the egg.

"Wah!" Willow exclaimed as the egg started sailing over her back as Pike sped past her. Buffy's eyes went wide, and Slayer reflexes kicked in. She jumped, and caught the egg just before it could hit the floor - instead she crashed to the floor, lying on her side, looking at the egg as if mentally willing it not to break. "Oh, thank god," Willow said with relief as the front door slammed close again. "I'm going to turn him into a toad for almost killing Xander's son!"

"Will, it's an egg," Buffy interrupted her angry friend dryly. Willow turned and looked down at Buffy, who slowly got up. "I know the little speculation was nice and all, and funny, and it's important for our grades - but it's still just an egg."

"But, it's this whole symbolic thing," Willow countered, as outside the motorcycle roared and rode off.

"It's an egg," Buffy repeated pointedly, aiming a finger at the white egg in her left hand.

"Okay, fine, it's an egg," Willow relented. "So, we going up to your room to discuss how to raise our son?"

"Yep," Buffy said with a grin and the two friends went upstairs.

-----

Lexa and Lotion stepped into his apartment, and she placed 'their child' on the kitchen counter. Lexa joined her there, but first got some warm water to turn back into Xander.

"So," Xander said, pulling out the notebook, "father's back. I suppose we should decide on how to raise our daughter." He wrote down his and Lotion's names as father and mother first.

"We're not going to cuddle her. Amazons believe in letting children learn through experience, including pain and failure," Lotion explained with a grin. "Not like I read about these people that just give their child every bit it wants, and take them to a doctor for a tine scratch."

"Yeah, me too. Train her, and our sons afterwards too, of course, in the ways of martial arts the moment they can walk, make them grow strong and capable, but not forgetting to play time either of course," Xander philosophized.

"Sons? Sons bad at training, we learned to leave them be when it comes to fighting," Lotion said with a little hint of sadness.

Xander snorted, and said, "Amazon sons perhaps. No, my sons won't be like that, they'll be strong and powerful like I am, even if I have to train them myself in the midst of all-hail-women country."

Lotion's eyes sparkled, and said, "You promise? There hasn't been a strong male in centuries."

Xander nodded, grinning, and said, "We most not forget to teach them a sense of responsibility though."

"We boil the egg," Lotion said a grin. "Toughens our daughter up but good, perfectly shows what we mean with the words."

"I was thinking the exact same thing," Xander said with a grin, scribbling what they were going to do, and the reasoning for it in the notebook. "It also makes it much more difficult to break." Lotion grinned evilly as she nodded, and Xander pulled a pan from a cupboard in the counter. He filled it with water, and placed it on the stove. Then put the egg and turned on the fire. Looking at it with a satisfied grin for a moment, he put the lid on, and turned back to Lotion. She sat on a stool and stood right across from her. "Okay, we should split the responsibilities. You take her one day, and I the next?"

"Sounds good," Lotion answered smiling, and was surprised to find his lips against hers. It was a quick kiss, and he broke it off again, she looked questioningly at him.

"You look sexy as a mother," Xander said with a smile and a shrug, wondering how he could ever make a choice if it had to go between just Lotion on Willow. If Buffy was in the running the choice was easy, but . . . Willow was amazing, Lotion was amazing. Willow was his bestest friend since forever, Lotion was this fiery, crackling, gung-ho girl that definitely intrigued him, while Willow this strong, powerful, responsible girl, but had learned to loosen up and enjoy the ride. They were like Buffy split in two, really, he reflected with a little bit of surprise.

Lotion placed a passionate kiss of her own on his lips, and then opened her eyes, looking into his. "I wish you had already chosen, and that you chose me," she told him smokily.

"Yeah, well," Xander said and backed away a bit. Buffy considered him her 'boyfriend' now - problem she considered that bastard Angel her 'boyfriend' as well. She knew he expected a clear choice - he wasn't going to share her with Angel, either all of her, or nothing at all. How the hell did his life get this complicated? Oh, yeah, daddy sold him to the Chinese mob - then again, he wouldn't have it any other way. It was just too amazing what had happened since that fateful day; he'd take the curse with the blessing. "Wanna stay for dinner? I'm a mean cook."

"Sure," Lotion answered with a smile.

"Don't need to call your mom for permission?" Xander asked.

Lotion said, "Nope, but I'll leave her message where I am later, I just want to kiss you till her daughter as toughened up." She leaned forward.

-----

"So did you ask you're mom, yet?" Buffy asked Willow, sitting next to the witch on her bed. "About becoming an Amazon, I mean."

Willow nodded, and said, "More like somewhere in between of informing and asking, really."

"And?" Buffy said hopefully, not wanting to sit there without her best friend - even if she was there to ogle naked girls.

"I quote: 'That's nice, dear, have fun,'" Willow answered bitterly.

"You're mom is so cool," Buffy replied with a shy.

"'Cool?'" Willow echoed, looking at Buffy like she was crazy. "/Your/ mom is cool, let's you be yourself and supports you, but still shows she loves you, lays down boundaries. My mom just doesn't care what I do as long as I don't make her look bad."

"Oh, sorry," Buffy replied and an uncomfortable silence grew, Buffy not quite known what to say or do at that.

Willow spoke up, then, "You know, I don't care what Lotion says. Xander did it for real with one of us, he just didn't tell her."

Buffy laughed. "You're right, Will. He'd keep it a secret, and not even consider it cheating, because he would consider it an honorable duty to help out us poor lesbians!" Buffy said loudly, and the two went into a giggle fit.

"Lesbians?" a female voice filled with several strong emotions questioned, the biggest one being confusion. The door to the room opened, and in peaked Joyce.

"Oh, hi, mom," Buffy managed to sputter out amongst giggles as Willow just snickered. Buffy picked 'their son' from the nightstand to her right, and held it up. She forced her laughter under control, and said, "There weren't enough guys, so we're a parent couple - a gay one. Meet our son Alex."

"Oh," Joyce said and a small smile.

"He's Xander's," Willow cut in with a grin. "Artificially inseminated . . . /officially/."

Joyce smiled broader, then snickered at their ridiculous game of speculation, remembering good times like that when she was a teen. Joyce was glad, happy, that her daughter seemed to be able to do some normal things after all, and not just slay vampires. Buffy then said, "We haven't decided in which one of us he grew though."

"Me of course, if it isn't artificial," Willow said without thought, the most natural thing in the world.

"Why?" Buffy asked wryly, and with a little suspicion and anger.

"Well, because . . ." Willow started with an obvious tone, just about to say how Xander wouldn't consider it fair, and Buffy would consider it too cruel if she got Xander twice and Willow not once. She caught herself just in time, realizing that Buffy's mom probably wouldn't know about Buffy no longer being a virgin - and she really didn't want to see Xander headless, she heard Joyce wielded a mean axe. All her considerable brain power focused instantly on a solution. ". . . X-xander and you wouldn't consider it fair if you got him f-first - while I was pining away for him all this time."

"Oohkay," Joyce said backing away toward the door, "time to get out of here before I give in to the urge to lock Buffy in her room till she's thirty."

"Mom," Buffy said with the patented tone of teenagers all over the world when embarrassed with their parents. Joyce turned around and was about to leave with a smile on her face, when Buffy called out, "Mom!" Joyce stopped and turned partially back. "Uh, could Willow sleep over for the rest of the week?" Buffy asked timidly and sweetly, using the patented tone of teenagers all over the world when wanting something from their parents they thought would have difficulty getting - only to have a whole verbal assault ready and waiting because after all didn't they ask nicely?

"Why?" Joyce asked surprised, as surprised as Willow looked.

"Well, us lesbians can't get accidentally pregnant you know, lot's of planning," Buffy explained, while Joyce frowned. Buffy hurried along, "So it's very unlikely we'd be living in different houses across town - if this experiment is supposed to simulate having a baby, she should be here with me, shouldn't see?"

Joyce pondered the question, and then nodded, "Okay, but only if Willow's parents agree."

Suddenly giddy at the unexpected prospect, Willow spoke up, "Shouldn't be a problem getting their permission, they're not exactly Mr. and Mrs. Involved."

Joyce frowned and then nodded, any last doubts she may have head evaporating immediately, and said, "You can call them downstairs, then tell me." Willow nodded with a grin and got off the bed.

-----

"Hmm," Lotion muttered chewing the steak in mushroom sauce he had made. Xander smiled and took a bite of his own food, and nodded approvingly. They were sitting across from each other at the low living room table, while Lotion held the egg to her left breast with her left hand. "You're amazing in the kitchen," she muttered with a mouth full of food. Xander grinned, and watched Lotion take the egg away from her breasts. "Done," Lotion said with a smirk.

Xander put a new piece of meat in his mouth. After placing the fork on his plate, he picked up a pen and wrote down in the notebook while saying what he wrote, "Eighteen oh-three, mother starts breast-feeding daughter." He continued writing and speaking, "Eighteen oh-seven, mother burps daughter."

"My daughters don't burp," Lotion said perkily. Xander looked up at her with an incredulous look. "Oh, all right," Lotion said, realizing the falsehood of that statement, and tapped twice with her finger on the back of the egg - the front of which now had a face drawn on it. "There, burped."

Xander grinned, and said, "We're going to make great parents someday."

"I can't wait," Lotion told him with a seductive look.

"Not necessarily with each other, you know," Xander answered her.

Lotion shrugged and told him, "We seem to be making a great team in that regard." Xander quickly stuffed his mouth with some potatoes.

-----

The bell rang, and Buffy opened the door. "Hi, Cordelia," Buffy greeted with a smile.

"Hurry back, honey," the overly sweet voice of Willow came from the living room, making Buffy and another woman unseen by Cordelia snicker - most likely Buffy's mother she figured. "Our son needs both his mothers."

"I will, hon, don't worry," Buffy called back with a large grin, and Cordelia rolled her eyes. After Buffy closed the door behind her, she asked, "So, where did you leave your son?" Buffy was in a comfortable jeans and shirt, and finished putting on her black jacket.

Cordelia in contrast was in a tight outfit, a zipper pulled down low enough to show her cleavage. The pants and long-sleeved top were apart, and were made of some substance Buffy had lost the name of. It was something that was a lot like rubber, protective biker suits, but flexible, and much thinner so Cordelia could easily move in it. Cordelia had dubbed it her 'Slayer suit', or 'Slayer fashion'. As she had said, 'Comfortable, fashionable, practical, and still sexy enough to distract any evil guy and lesbian-inclined evil girls.'

As Cordelia turned around and went to walk next to Buffy, she replied, "With my husband, and do you realize how tacky this whole thing is?"

Buffy nodded, having caught herself thinking and saying some icky or at least tacky things during the whole parenthood ordeal. Of course, it was quite a lot of fun, and she answered the cheerleader, "Yeah, but a good kind of tacky."

"Ugh," Cordelia muttered in reply, and then looked up. "Perhaps I should hire a nanny," Cordelia said, while Buffy shook her head. "What? It's done in real life," Cordelia returned, and took in Buffy who looked up at her as they walked down the pavement. "Hmm."

"No, I'm not going to be your nanny," Buffy returned half-annoyed, the other half still amused and happy.

Cordelia replied, "You could use the money." Buffy whipped her head back and glared at the cheerleader. "Okay," Cordelia told her, raising her hands in an I'm-backing-off gesture.

-----

The two girls were in the graveyard. They had been walking along and spotted a vampire off in the bushes. Cordelia had claimed him, and was ready to take off. "I'll keep an eye on you," Buffy said with a grin.

"Oh, please, it's just one vamp without swords to defend himself with," she said as she drew two swords from the sheaths on her back. "You better keep an eye on yourself." Then she was off.

"Just in case he gets lucky," Buffy called softly after her, and indeed kept peering through the bushes. That was, until she turned to her right to check out a presence. "Oh, Angel," she said, a smile on her face as the souled vampire entered the cemetery from the forest there.

"Ah, hey," he said with a smile, the long black duster looked good on him.

"You're not scheduled for patrol tonight," Buffy said with a mock disapproving tone as she walked up to him.

Angel shrugged, and said, "The schedule doesn't say I can't come out and dust some vampires anyway."

"True," Buffy grinned and then wrapped her arms around his neck, before entering in a passionate kiss with Angel, which lasted . . . and lasted . . .

"There, that's one more dusty- . . . oh, for crying out loud," Cordelia said, first with happiness then annoyance as she returned and found the Slayer in her vampire's arms. Annoyed she moved over to a gravestone and leaned on it, waiting. After a minute, she got back up, and said, greatly annoyed with her fists in her sides, "Hey, don't you think we she could get back to patrolling and leave the hormones behind for a bit?" Buffy and Angel continued kissing. "HELLO!" Cordelia said loudly, finally breaking the two apart, "Evil is afoot, likes to kill people, draining them of their blood, go dust when you kill them, which is our job?"

"Right, yes," Angel said a bit chastised and looked down at the smiling Slayer in his arms, "We should get back to patrolling."

"Okay," Buffy said, and started kissing Angel again.

Cordelia rolled her eyes with annoyance, and said, "Hey, horndogs, get a room /after/ patrol, will ya?"

Buffy broke apart from Angel for a moment, and told her, "If Oz were here, you'd do the same." Then she went back to kissing.

Cordelia grumbled, and then hissed out, "Yeah, guess why Giles decided /not/ to team me with him, /not/ to team you with Angel or with Xander, /not/ to team Xander with either Willow or Lotion either, but team him with Oz? Perhaps so we /wouldn't/ be doing nothing but making out and letting people die because we failed to dust vamps?"

Angel broke apart, and then forced himself away from Buffy with a lot of willpower, and said, "She has a point, Buffy. We better continue patrolling."

"Okay, fine," Buffy said with a smirk and started walking. Angel walked next to her, and the two were looking at each other as they walked.

Cordelia rolled her eyes in annoyance and caught up with hem, and said, "I see that me without enhanced vision is going to have to spot the vampires . . . hormonal dumbasses."

-----

The three of the had reached the next cemetery, much to Cordelia's annoyance. The fact that Angel was still around and the damn star-crossed lovers were still looking into each other's eyes was annoying. And who would want to look in his pale face anyway? Didn't she ever see him by day? She must have, inside of a house, with him in the shadows. Ugh. She supposed is was good luck Xander had two, and when she was still after him three, other girls after him - all the time - or he and Buffy would be just as bad as Buffy and Angel were now.

Cordelia saw a vampire come up behind some tombstones, dusting herself off from sand. "A newby," Cordelia said, and looked at Angel and Buffy.

Buffy's eyes flickered over to Cordelia, and she said, "You want him?"

"Her, it's a /her/, oh, fuck it," she said with exasperation and drew her swords then ran at the newby vampiress.

The new vampire grinned as she saw three tasty meals . . . that was until she noticed one of the meals drawing two large, very-sharp-looking swords, as well as a murderous look on her face. Deciding this place had gone nuts, she turned around and ran for the forest at the end of the cemetery. "Don't you dare flee!" she heard the meal that apparently liked to bite call behind her, and she decided to run as fast as she could.

"Damn you, bitch!" Cordelia screamed and ran after the fleeing vamp with everything she had. This sucked, this seriously sucked. She was sprinting and the vamp was getting away anyway. With all her new martial arts skill and strength, as well as these nifty razor sharp blades Giles had given her, she could take on a vamp quite easily - despite their superior strength and speed, they were clumsy and more importantly, usually dumb - dumber than the humans that inhabited the body before a demon took it over. Simply fleeing though, the superior speed was too great an advantage - didn't take any skill or intelligence to run after all. "Shit," Cordelia hissed as she entered the forest, and saw the vamp pull away from her. She was starting to get tired, and she told herself, "Gotta train my speed." She then pulled her right arm back and hurled one of her swords forward like a spear.

The sword swished through the air with great speed, and a few moments later her aim was true. The sword imbedded the vampire straight through her chest, and yelling in pain she sank to the grounds.

Off to the right of the event a cowboy vampire by the name of Tector Gorch saw the event, and he looked with rather surprised eyes how the mortal didn't slow down one bit, then severed the female vamp's head a moment later as she was trying to get back up. The vamp dusted, leaving a sword which the brunette picked up. "Slayer," Tector whispered his conclusion. "You killed my brother!" he then roared and stormed forward, closing the distance quickly. Only five meters away he made a quick draw to his century old Smith & Wesson revolver, and fired.

-----

The sound of the gun being fired jerked Buffy and Angel out of each other's dreamy vision instantly. "Oh, my god, Cordelia!" Buffy said shocked, and then surged forward. Then more gunshots rang out.

"AAAH!" Cordelia's distanced scream came, making Buffy falter for just a moment with both relief and terror, then ran onward. "You stupid super hero slut! One of them is /shooting/ at me! Come do your job!" once again sounded off in the distance.

With fear gripping Buffy's heart she sped onward, easily outrunning Angel. She surged through the growth, and quickly came across a vamp wearing a cowboy hat and shooting a cowboy gun. Cordelia was hiding behind a tree, but quickly moved to hide behind another one as the cowboy vamp came closer. Wasting no time, Buffy grabbed a stake and flung it with all her might, and all her supernatural aim. The stack twisted through the air, and a moment later slammed in the demon's back, who jerked and started to sink through his knees. The hat left his head, just before the body turned to dust. The gun landed on the ground, and the hat neatly floated down to cover the ashes.

"Cordelia, are you alright?" Buffy called out loud.

The cheerleader peaked from behind a tree, seeing Angel come up behind Buffy, and then emerged. She took in the shot-up side of the tree she had been hiding behind before the latest one, and then walked over to Buffy and Angel, sheathing her swords, and hissing, "You two go back to lovy-dovy or kissing, and I swear I'll hack of his head, right after I see if hacking off his other head and what's it attached to is enough to stop you two."

Angel took a step back for security reasons, gulping at Cordelia's pissed expression. "You wouldn't," Buffy blanched, making Cordelia growl.

Buffy swallowed and decided to change the subject, and took in the remaining hat. "Shees, what is it with the cowboy theme and vampires these days? I dusted another one dressed like that yesterday," Buffy pondered, and suddenly her face turned to horror. "I didn't miss some new fashion trend, did I? Please don't tell me vampires are more trendy than I am," Buffy whimpered. The concept that she, Buffy Summers, once queen of Hemery High, and trend setter for all seasons didn't know a new fashion trend, but some corpses did, was too horrible to contemplate.

"No," Cordelia said with a huff, "do you see /me/ wearing cowgirl clothes and hat? The cowboy look is still just as out as a century ago, except in Texas. They were probably real cowboys, this one was shouting about me killing his brother." Buffy sighed with relief, much to Angel's silent amusement. Cordelia squatted down and picked up the gun. She stood back up examining it, holding the gun the way it was meant to be held, and said, "Yep, judging from this, real cowboys turned vamps."

The gun went off, making Cordelia jump, Buffy scream, and Angel yell out with pain. "Aagh!" Cordelia yelped tossing the gun away.

"You shot me!" Angel groaned out, staggering back holding his side, then fell to his ass. "Argh!"

"You shot Angel!" Buffy yelled in fright and sank next to him, pulling his coat aside and ripping apart his shirt.

With more painful groans from Angel, Cordelia said, "Well, sorry, who knew the damn trigger was that sensitive? Ever tried pulling the trigger on a toy cap gun? Besides, he's a vamp, he'll live and he deserves it for almost getting me shot up." Buffy looked up at Cordelia with a scowl, but the cheerleader just shrugged, and said, "What?" Buffy turned back to a newly groaning Angel, a guilty look on her face. "And you quit being a crybaby, you're a vamp, a bullet shouldn't bother you," Cordelia spoke then grabbed him by the shoulder and forced him to his legs.

"Ow, owowowow, OW!" Angel yelled as he was forced along, getting to his feet. Buffy quickly got to him and support his staggering form. Buffy looked with concern at the blood staining Angel's blue blouse and his duster. "It'll heal, Buffy" Angel gasped out. "Just hurts a little. OUCH!"

"A little?" Buffy asked him with a raised eyebrow.

-----

Xander entered the school library, the egg in the pocket of his sleeveless shirt. He found he was the last one in at the quick early morning briefing. "So," he said walking up to the table having everyone present, "anything new on the big bad front? No one trying to end the world?"

"Nope," Cordelia said with a smirk, "but an old bad has been aching good." Buffy glared at her.

"What?" Lotion asked, from her sitting position.

Xander pulled up a stair as Cordelia explained, "Some crazy cowboy vampire tried to shoot me. Buffy dusted him, I picked up his gun and accidentally shot Angel."

Xander snickered as Giles, as usual reading a book, said from the second level, "He was not part of the schedule."

"He decided to lend a helping hand anyway," Buffy defended her second boyfriend.

"And got shot for it," Xander said with a big grin, "I like it, I /really/ do. The Hellmouth punishes immediately."

"How's the babies?" Willow butted in perkily, to take the whole group off that self-destructive path.

"Oz is a good baby sitter, he has potential," Cordelia supplied with a grin. Oz gave a stoic nod. Then she pulled the egg from her stylish back pack, and put the egg, dressed in a stylish doll pants and doll top on the table. "See," she said, and everyone looked surprised at the dressed egg. "What?" Cordelia asked at their surprised faces. "You didn't think I was going to let my kid wear something unfashionable, or heaven forbid go naked, did you?" Giles gave a barely audible, long-suffering sigh at the antics of his charges, and disappeared back into the stacks of books.

Sheepishly Willow pulled her naked egg from a pocket in her perky, low cut blouse, and said, "Alex is doing fine."

Xander pulled out his naked egg, and showed it to everyone saying, "Conda is great as well."

Cordelia rolled her eyes, and said, "Of course, just when you thought the challenged dress-sense was healed, they bring their kids along naked."

"Oh, please, that's a real stretch, Cor," Xander told his erstwhile nemesis with a grin.

"Conda?" Willow prompted.

Lotion spoke up with a smile, "Ancient and respected Amazon female name."

Buffy blinked and then muttered, "Lotion and Conditioner, mother and daughter."

"That's not funny," Lotion bit back and narrowed her eyes at Buffy.

Buffy blinked, and noticed Lotion /really/ didn't like it, and said, "Sorry." Buffy put her feet on the table, leaning her chair back with a grin. The bounce made Xander's 'daughter' start to roll. "Oops," Buffy said, as the egg reached her, and she quickly grabbed it before it could fall to the floor. Buffy smiled ready to give it back to Xander and then frowned, felt the egg. "How come your egg feels weird?" Buffy asked testing it.

"It feels weird?" Lotion asked concerned and Xander took the egg back.

He tested it, and said, "Nothing weird, why?" Lotion relaxed again.

"It feels different from our egg," Buffy said wit a frown.

Xander grinned and said, "Boys and girls usually feel different, Buffy. It thought you knew that by now."

"Oh, very funny," Buffy said, trying to scowl and look angry but failing miserably.

Cordelia snatched the egg, and her eyes widened. She looked at Xander and asked sternly, "You /boiled/ your egg?"

"Yeah," Xander answered with a grin, snatching the egg back, making Oz raise his eyebrows and take in his own son.

"YOU BOILED YOUR EGG?" Buffy and Willow exclaimed as one, sitting up straight in one movement - except not quite. Buffy's eyes widened when her half tipped over chair wouldn't would go smoothly back, and balanced and then fell over backward. "OW!" she said as she tumbled over the floor. "Ouch, oof, that hurt."

From the stacks Giles voice sounded calmly, "Do be careful with the furniture and the floor, Buffy. It doesn't have Slayer healing."

The rest snickered at that, but Buffy quickly got up and glared at Xander, "You boiled your egg! You boiled your daughter!"

"I boiled an egg which is standing in for my daughter," Xander answered with a huge grin.

Willow in the meantime was shocked at Lotion's lack of reaction, "Why aren't you saying anything? Xander just boiled your daughter."

"And I helped him with it," Lotion answered him calmly.

"WHAT?" Willow yelled in shock. "How can you do that to your daughter?"

"It's called rather crudely, 'tough love'," Lotion answered with a grin.

"Yep, you see we raise our daughter to be tough, we teach her martial arts, train her body, learn her responsibility early on, let her fall so she can learn how not to, and how to handle when she does, we won't cuddle her, and hug her, and walk after her with a pillow just in case she falls," Xander explained with a proud grin, drawing two dropped jaws to him, "Perfectly shown off by hard boiling the egg - it also makes it more difficult to break." He casually tossed the egg over to Lotion who caught it, and placed it in a pocket in her long, form hugging Amazon dress.

"But that's cheating! You're cheating!" Cordelia exclaimed with an indignant tone.

Giles had returned at his position overlooking his charges at the commotion, and said, "Actually, it's an ingenious albeit devious way to go about getting to the goal - especially with that reasoning by it."

"Well!" Cordelia said indignant, standing up, as Xander and Lotion basked in Giles' comment. Oz rose with his girlfriend, "We'll see who has the last laugh when Mr. Whitmore fails you."

Horrified, Buffy took her son from Willow and cradled it protectively away from Xander and Lotion on the other side. "I could never do that to our son," she said with some distrust to her friends.

Lotion nodded and said with satisfaction, "That's why by the time they can walk, our daughter will kick your son's ass in everything."

Willow got up as did Buffy and gave Xander and Lotion a superior glare, then left to join Cordelia and Oz to go to class. Xander laughed, and then told Lotion, "Did you see their faces? I can't believe they're so upset about an egg!"

"I can," Lotion returned with a grin, "they're upset they didn't think of it themselves."

Xander snickered and got up, "Let's get to class."

-----

The school day was over, and so the six members presently making up the Scooby Gang were walking out of the building. "So, I gotta go buy fertilizer," Xander started, and pulled out his and Lotion's egg. "Do you want to take care of her, Lotion, or do you think she'd like a shopping trip with her dad?"

"I'll take care of her," Lotion said quickly and took the egg from him.

"Fertilizer?" Willow asked with a confused face.

"Yeah," Xander said with a smile. "The plants on the balcony for shade need a bit more than just water and a change of soil now and then, it seems. They're withering away, need to go to a speciality store, and get some advice from an expert along with the right products."

Lotion seemed distasteful, and so Buffy decided to make use of the opportunity, and said, "I'll go with you, Xan, if you don't mind a side trip to the mall. Mom needs me to pick up some new clothes for her still, and I can help with plants if you need me too."

"That'd be great," Xander said with a grin, as he turned right at as they reached the street. Buffy went with him, while the others had to go left. "See you later," Xander greeted. The Scoobies returned the greet, apart from Cordelia, and Oz who gave a characteristic grunt that meant the same thing.

A bit later Xander and Buffy walked along. "So what do you think of my feminine wiles to get me alone with you?" Buffy asked innocently.

Xander looked down at Buffy and said a dumbfounded tone, "I had to go to a store and you offered to go with."

Buffy smirked at him, and said while batting her eyelashes, "Sometimes feminine wiles come in the form of taking the right opportunity."

Xander rolled his eyes, and said, "Those are the wiles of an economic. The dancing you did when that halfwit serenaded me and half the guys wanted to jump you, /those/ were feminine wiles. And I know the difference, I got feminine wiles these days, you know."

Buffy chuckled and went in front of him, placing her arms around his waist and looking up. "After everything you heard Cordelia say about me and Angel, I figured you need a little reassuring you aren't of the picture yet." She moved one hand from his waist, and used it to pull him down and placed a scorching kiss on his lips, tongue slipping inside moments later. A few moments later Buffy broke the kiss, and she asked to Xander who still had his eyes closed, "Reassured?"

"Very," Xander sighed opening his eyes, "I would be much more reassured if you dumped /him/ though."

"Yeah, well . . ." Buffy sighed, turning around and starting walking again. Xander joined her, and she continued, "I can't turn off my heart."

"I'm not asking you to, just the parts were /he/ resides. I'm willing to operate," Xander offered with a grin.

Buffy smiled back at him, and said, "You'll just have to live with it, Xan. Till I make a choice I have /two/ boyfriends. Just be grateful I don't demand you stop seeing the other two . . . that is, /if/ I make a choice." Buffy turned to look straight forward again, and added, "More and more I'm thinking: two boyfriends, can work completely. If men can have harems, why can't a girl?"

Xander rolled his eyes, and said, "Just don't ever expect me to jump into bed with a corpse, demon-animated, souled or not."

"Don't worry," Buffy grinned evilly, "I know which of my men to keep apart and which to put to work together . . . about Oz, do you think he's cute? Or should I just go with Jonathan, I know you find him handsome, and I don't have the hassle of stealing him from Cordelia."

"Buffy Summers, /don't/ joke about that /ever/ again," Xander said pointing a warning finger at her.

"Who says I was joking?" Buffy asked barely keeping her smile from blossoming into laughter.

Xander growled, and Buffy started running, laughing out loud. Xander sped after her, and called out mock angry, "Come back here, woman, so I can give you a proper spanking!" Buffy gave a mock scream of fright as she sped up, Xander right on her heels.

-----

Xander and Buffy came walking out of the plant store; Xander carrying two bags, and Buffy a small little one. They stared ahead at the houses on the other side, and Xander muttered, "Wow, I didn't know you had to do so much to keep a plant growing. Don't they usually do that all by herself?"

"Yeah," Buffy answered with wide eyes, "but I believe I understood something about plants not being in the right climate and native soil and companion plants and animals or something." She turned her head to Xander, and added, "I'm not sure, most of the time I kept thinking, 'I wish Giles were here to translate.'"

"Me too," Xander answered and looked down at the two heavy bags. "Do you think he scammed me?"

"If so, I'll kick his ass for you," Buffy offered sincerely.

Xander looked at the bags again, turned to fully face Buffy, and said, "I need a kiss."

Buffy smiled at him, and replied, "You scamming /me/ now?"

"Could be," he said and bent forward a bit.

Buffy grinned and took a step forward, then planted her lips on his. After a while they broke apart, and she said, "You can scam me any time."

"I need another one, to forget how heavy the bags are," Xander said with a pout.

"Oh," Buffy replied and kissed Xander again, their eyes closing to savor the sensation in their mouths.

From above sounded, "Oh, shit! Look out below!" The woman was far too late with her warning. Halfway 'look' Buffy and Xander were splashed with cold water, instantly soaking their hair, faces and the upper parts of their jackets. Xander and Buffy didn't care, they kept kissing each other . . . that was until the concept registered to Buffy. Xander had gotten a little shorter - their height differences easier bridged - her lips got a little softer, and her tongue a bit softer, smaller but no less ferocious in its exploration. It was good, it was enjoyable, very nice even - Buffy didn't care until it filtered through her mind Xander was now Lexa; a girl. She jerked back, and looked up into Lexa's face. She opened her eyes, and Buffy saw the pain there. "Really sorry!" sounded from above, but Lexa and Buffy didn't pay attention.

"Sorry," Buffy echoed the woman's sentiment, guilt in her eyes, obviously realizing what it meant to Xander/Lexa. "First time, I knew it could happen, but . . . unexpected. I won't flinch away again, I promise. I suppose this is nothing something you ever have to worry about happening with Willow." The last Buffy tacked on out of nervousness, and feeling stupid for it.

"No, problem," Lexa said with a forgiving smile, while thinking, -You jerk away from a girl, but not a room temperature corpse?-

"Let's get to the mall, huh?" Buffy asked, and Lexa nodded.

-----

Buffy had her mother's outfit slung over her shoulder as they left Everyday Woman. The earlier incident forgotten, and Lexa asked, "So, how is Angel? He lived? Is he alive? Bullet came out?"

Buffy sniffled, eying Lexa's bouncy breasts contained in the now tight top, buttoned low, with a little jealousy. It really wasn't fair that a guy could have that magnificent breasts after getting cursed to be a girl. Buffy wasn't truly envious anymore, but there were times when she was reminded of unfairness of it all. "He's fine," she answered Lexa.

"You sure? 'Cause, again, I'm willing to operate," Lexa answered her with a grin.

Buffy rolled her eyes, and then that said thoughtfully, "Hmm, I definitely need to consider that third member of my harem. He can keep you two from killing each other when I'm not at home, or spend time in the mistress bedroom for some peace and quiet."

"What did I just tell you?" Lexa said with a dangerous voice. Buffy looked innocently at her, and then ran off again. "Buffy!" Lexa growled and ran after the blonde.

Buffy looked behind her, and called back, "You know, I still can't believe you boiled your daughter." Xander sighed.

-----

That night Buffy arrived at Angel's apartment and was let in. "Hey," Angel said, letting her in. "I-I'm sorry."

"For what?" Buffy asked confused.

Angel looked down ashamed, and said, "For almost getting Cordelia killed. I should have controlled myself, won't happen again."

Buffy rolled her eyes as she entered the apartment deeper, and asked him with a smile, "What is it with you and brooding? Is it some kind of fetish or something? Should I strike a brooding pose if I want to turn you on?"

"A-a- . . . I-I . . . uh," Angel stuttered out.

Buffy grinned at him and sat down confidently in a chair. Angel started to get nervous under her scrutiny, and he said, "I can only be with you at night, when you have to patrol, and I'll endanger you and your friends. I can't take you into the light, I can't give you children, I can't make- . . ."

"God," Buffy interrupted with a perky grin, "now you're sabotaging yourself. You really /do/ have a brooding fetish." Angel stuttered something unintelligible and Buffy got up. Like a predator with a seductive look in her eyes she sauntered over, heavily swaying her hips. She placed on finger on his chin, loving the power trip, and whispered, "You don't have to, silly." Angel's surprised look went up several notches into complete shock and confused. Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his, most notably their crotches, and she said, "I've been thinking, and I like this more and more. I won't choose between you and Xander - I just take you both. That way Xander can take me into the light, give me children should I want any, and you can make me happy while he sleeps. Slayers need less sleep than normal humans, you know. There, I'll be completely happy, but to accommodate your brooding fetish, you get to brood about your position while I'm out with Xander during the day, and when I carry his children. What do you think?"

Buffy pressed herself even closer to him, and enhanced the seductive nature of her smile, while Angel tried to grasp the concept and stutter out a response. "If you really love me, you want to make me happy, and not take away my day life," Buffy added, and kissed him deeply. She broke it a short while later, and looking sweetly up into his eyes she waited for an answer.

Angel coughed, then cleared his throat. He squirmed underneath Buffy's logic, her body pressed against him, and the fragile, sweet, seductive eyes. He never stood a chance. "O-okay, I-I I'm willing to sh-share," he muttered out.

Buffy grinned and kissed him happily. She relaxed a bit, and looking into his eyes, she said, "I was a bit evil using that against you, didn't I?" Angel's eyes widened at that. "So I should think of a reward for you," Buffy said thinking and smiling up at him. "Don't know what yet. Now I gotta find a way to get Xander to accept it, he's going to be a lot tougher to crack." Angel's eyes stared diagonally down, straight through Buffy's forehead. Buffy thought for a moment, and then noticed Angel's look. "Please don't take that as an insult to your manhood or anything," Buffy said with a smirk.

"I-I won't," Angel answered, but Buffy wondered.

The Slayer broke away from him, and found the Angel's tv. She smiled and said, "Tonight we're going to sit on your couch, and watch tv. Like the average, normal couple we can be, see?" Angel nodded.

-----

Buffy's living room

The next afternoon

Buffy, Willow, Lotion, and Lexa were sitting on the couch and the chairs. They had done their homework together, and were now just talking and watching some tv. Buffy and Willow, and especially Buffy, were nervous. Despite having learned to get reasonably along with the Amazon, and even in their minds having accepted Xander's Halloween accusation they were friends, this was still the first time Lotion was in Buffy's house; the same going for Willow's.

Lotion didn't mind, and was her usual hyper self. In fact, Buffy and Willow were pretty certain the Amazon didn't even notice. Lexa was her usual sexy and teasing self as well - as a girl, Buffy and Willow found, Xander enjoyed being more . . . 'prickly' was what they had come to call it. Why that was, they didn't really know; although Willow had posited the theory that as a girl he/she didn't need to impress Buffy, which unsurprisingly affronted Buffy a little bit.

She had gotten over it though, and was now engrossed in watching a guy on tv so fat they needed to blow a house wall, and use a crane to get him out of the house. "It's horrible," Buffy commented with large eyes, "it's disgusting, he's horrendously ugly, as well as amazingly eeew . . . and yet I can't stop watching."

"I can change the channel for you if you want," Lotion offered happily.

Buffy turned her head to her newest, and most annoying friend, glared for a moment, and then with a softening look said, "Please hurry."

While Lotion picked up the remote and started zapping, Lexa chuckled, and said, "He wasn't so bad. If you looked at him from a certain angle, he was kinda sexy."

Three disgusted faces and equally disgusted voices sounded throughout the living room, each giving their own interpretation of, "Eeeeeuugghh."

Lexa laughed, and then was reduced to giggles. "Oh, the disgusting notion was worth your reactions," Lexa said, continuing to chuckle and giggle. Willow picked up a pillow and slammed it over Lexa's head once. "Hey," she said. An alarm beeped, and Lexa sat up. She pulled her left wrist in front of her and checked the watch. "Time for Conda's nap time," Lexa said with a grin, and Lotion nodded.

"What?" Willow wondered out loud, while Buffy looked dumbfounded at Lexa, who pulled the egg from a pocket of her tight blouse.

Lexa placed the egg on a table and pulled out a handkerchief which she placed over the egg. "Sleep tight," Lotion and Lexa wished the egg at the same time while Willow and Buffy's faces looked even more shocked.

Lexa pulled out the notebook, and while she wrote the same, she said, "16:30, mother and father put daughter to bed." She then put the booklet away again.

Buffy shook her head, and said, "But you boiled it!"

"Yes, to raise her properly, train her well, so?" Lotion asked the Slayer.

The blonde groaned and let herself fall back in the couch. She then got back up, and said, "You're actually taking this serious, really serious, Xander?"

Lexa shrugged, while Willow added, "Even if you didn't boil it . . ."

"My mother's instincts must have come out," Lexa grinned at his oldest friend and somewhat girlfriend. She stopped grinning, and said seriously, "Actually this has got me thinking, which probably means I was right."

"You, thinking?" Buffy mocked him.

"How?" Lotion asked, always interested in her future husband.

"Well," Lexa scratched her ears. "Kids. Pregnancy. I was somehow wondering if I could actually become that; what it was like. Before this whole thing I couldn't be possible so I never even thought about it, you know: not even thinking about girls, mothers . . . but now . . ."

"What? You wanna?" Buffy asked incredulously gesturing to Lexa's stomach with both her head and her right hand a bit.

"Oh, no, at least not anytime soon," Lexa answered, leaning back and looking thoughtfully at the ceiling. "I did always kinda expect it to happen some day, with the whole kids thing, except I never thought about it. Always something of future concern, and now I'm wondering; both sides of the fence so to speak."

"I will make a great mother one day," Lotion decided to butt in.

Lexa moved her head to grin at Lotion, while Willow spoke, "Hey, this is heavy stuff here, can't you put our little competition for her heart aside for a few moments. Go on, Lexa."

Lexa smiled and said, "I suppose that's about it; I'm still too busy thinking about everything to have come to any conclusions."

Lotion smiled, and said, "I have mine all thought out. Yours. I used to consider which of the males of the tribe I choose to marry. There were some nice ones, but all so . . . well, weak, and far too nice, and sweet. Kind is good, love kind, love a good man. Nice and sweet means no backbone, just clean and cook, as they were taught by their mothers and fathers, obey your wife always. I always supposed I could fall in love with one, just like mom did, but . . . ugh . . . mom raised me in her image I suppose . . . then, out of the blue, one heavily slam in my face and out cold I went, the face of a handsome, hot, and /male/, so very /male/ stranger the last thing I saw before all went black. Then the ideas changed - strong, equal man capable of talking back, and talking with me, thinking with me, and strong healthy children. Only thing changing all the time is exactly where we'll live. Best day of my life."

Everyone stayed silent for a moment, and then Willow muttered, "Hadn't really thought about it like that." They looked at her. "Amazons." Then she explained further, "I always looked at it from my perspective, women in the men's positions, never considered the men's positions, and how they'd be . . . well . . . raised - I suppose is the most neutral way of describing it - and what that would mean for relationships." Willow thought for a few moment, then said, "I can actually see now why a man capable of defeating you in combat - not beating you up for the hell of it - would be alluring, one taught to be strong."

"Yep," Lexa echoed, "wouldn't want a partner, whatever gender, that just knows how to say 'yes, dear', either. Which doesn't make it too wondrous why a lot of men protested for women's rights seventy years back, he?"

"Yeah. Well damn," Buffy said, folding her arms across her chest and pouted. She looked at Lotion, and explained, "Now I can't dislike you for that anymore either."

Lotion grinned at Buffy and said, "Oh, I'm flattered."

Buffy glared at her and said, "I still dislike you for being so annoying."

Lotion shrugged, and looked over at Willow. The witch in training looked a bit surprised, and then smiled, "I've been thinking about kids since I was some ten years old. Wedding too. Never new for sure if I wanted them, but I've definitely imagined what they'd be like, with every crush I had. Lately I've been imagining strong martial arts and witches the next generation guarding the Hellmouth."

"Must be a favorite past time of girls," Lexa said, and then straightened up, looking at Buffy. The Amazon and the witch turned to Buffy at well.

Buffy's eyes widened a bit, and then said with surprise, "Uh . . ." Silently she asked with her eyes if they meant her, and then swallowed. "Ah, well," Buffy said with a sad smile. "I've been thinking of my possible future kids when I was little as well . . . stopped when I was called." They all looked sadly at Buffy, who explained, "I've been to busy thinking of ways to avoiding death, stopping vampires, and how I could forget about any future with any husband and kids; so never a problem when I fell in love with a vampire, almost like- . . ."

"WHAT?" Joyce's scream came from the kitchen as she stormed into the living room. Buffy's eyes were wide and in shock - she had completely forgotten! The one thing she hadn't shared with her mother yet, and her mother being in the kitchen. "VAMPIRE?" Joyce reached the couches and looked at Lexa sitting in the middle of the sunlight streaming in from the large forward window. "What's this about a vampire? Evil? Dust?"

Lexa, Willow, and Buffy were quiet, scared of Joyce and what she was going to do to Buffy. Lotion had no such qualms and relaxedly explained, "Her second boyfriend, Angel. Some gypsies cursed him, returned the person he was before the demon took over back to his body, put his soul back. Apparently he's a good guy now, a nice guy according him and a few others. I think he's a better guy in the vacuum cleaner." Buffy and Willow glared at Lotion, having completely eliminated any chance to break this is easily as possible to Joyce. Lotion misunderstood completely, and said, "What? Xander thinks the same thing."

Buffy and Willow groaned. "Don't you groan!" Joyce said angrily. "Buffy, ever since the big reveal we've been talking much more. I like that we restarted our relationships, I thought you were hones with, would come to me for advice, you even told me about your confused feelings for Xander . . ." Buffy looked with horror, while Lexa blushed lightly. ". . . so what's this about the vampire? Why haven't you told me?"

"I . . . well . . . I . . ." Buffy started, while Joyce ire grew by the moment.

Lexa decided to help her friend out, and explained, "Because, Buffy's mom, deep down she knows how bad it is to fall for a 240-year-old, demon-animated corpse that can't enter the light, and was hiding in the shadows like a coward last school year. It's just her heart that's the problem." Buffy looked at him in shock and disbelief that he knew that. "Ampata taught me that," Lexa said smiling.

"/Ampata/ knew?" Joyce said angry that even a two-week exchange student know the whole deal, but not she, Buffy's mother. Lexa winced, and mouthed 'sorry' to Buffy.

"He found out accidentally," Buffy said quickly as explanation, hoping she wasn't grounded for the rest of her natural life.

Joyce's anger deflated, she sighed, and said, "I suppose our talks, especially about parts of your love life are far more than I could ask for . . . but a vampire? 240 years old?"

"He looks young," Buffy defended herself. "If he looked 240 . . . well . . . I didn't really know he was a vamp at the time I was falling for him - it was really more like, sorta in the middle." Joyce sat down defeated on the armrest of the chair Lotion was sitting in. "He's good, he really is," Buffy added whimpering.

Joyce thought for a moment of forbidding Buffy to see the vampire again, but realized that wouldn't stop her daughter, only alienate her, and she did say she trusted her daughter's ability to handle herself. She sighed and said, "I suppose there's nothing to be done about that except cutting out your heart, and that seems a bit counter productive. Can I at least, meet, this . . . male life form. Does he have an address?"

"Y-yeah, I'll give it to you later," Buffy muttered, and then there was silence.

And more silence.

For once even a non-bunnied Lotion was silent; just to grasp the full scope of the situation.

"You're a mostly heterosexual girl," Willow broke the silence, having mustered all her new-found confidence, and all her brain power to think of a topic to get across her lips, wanting the uncomfort to end. "I say that means you're fully functional. Of course, to be sure you can just stay a girl for a month and see if you get a period." Willow cringed the moment the words came out her mouth, and fully grasped what she just said - Lexa's face proving her sudden realization. From the verbal torture of her best female friend, she just started the verbal torture of her best male friend.

The others looked surprised at Willow for a moment, and then Buffy gained an evil grin. "Yeah, Xan, you did say you wanted to explore what it's like to be a girl, there's nothing more important or better to experience to find out about being a girl," Buffy said, glad the whole situation was away from her. Lexa looked uncertain, and Buffy delivered the punch line, "Or were you lying about that, and just wanted to toy with us?"

"Well, no!" Lexa exclaimed, and then faltered, gulping.

Joyce, glad the horrible moment was over, and glad she could apply her mother skills again, as well as help out her daughter's friends, said, "Buffy does have a point, actually - about know what it's like to be female, I mean, not her little entrapment." Lexa looked up at her, disbelieving what she said. Joyce continued, gently, "You have a rare gift here, Xander. I know at first glance exploring being a woman didn't include exploring that particular physical aspect of it, but there's a lot more to menstruation than just dripping blood; emotions, and mental processes for one thing." Joyce than smiled at Lexa, and continued, "It isn't just pain, and cramps and irritability, it has its good points as well, and if you're lucky you won't have the bad at all. The big bonus is you can for certain say if we're all overreacting about the whole thing - should you find we are, none of these would ever be able to pull, 'I'm pmsing' on you ever again."

"Hey!" Buffy protested a bit, thinking it would be just her luck that Lexa's period would be a smooth ride and Xander never gave her any slack ever again once a month.

Willow felt guilty over putting Xander into this mess, and so she asked Lotion, "Hey, Lotion, you don't have a problem with your future husband turning out all girly after a period?"

"Nope," Lotion answered with a big smile. "Xander and Lexa already more man than whole tribe could handle. I think a period would only make him even more man; he /is/ my future husband that learned the Chestnuts in days where an Amazon takes months, after all, and in most cases not till she's twenty-five."

"Thank you for the vote of confidence, Lotion," Lexa offered with sarcasm. Lotion just nodded with a smile. Lexa continued, "I can't." She looked up at Joyce and said with a smile, "I like what you said, Mrs. Summers, but . . ." She turned back to all her friends, and continued, "skipping the occasional class because I went there as Lexa, okay, but they're going to notice for a whole month. I would miss tests, which means I wouldn't pass, and I'm not going to put my whole life on hold just to experience a period. For one thing I want to graduate with my friends, for another I want to get out that hell hole as soon as possible. After graduation there's always time."

"You definitely shouldn't sacrifice school for this experiment," Joyce said, once again motherly, saying the truth, and glad it helped the kind, young man, and occasional young woman out. Lexa nodded with satisfaction, sighing with both relief and a little regret.

"Dang," Buffy said, and sighed.

-----

"Catch!" Xander called with a grin and smoothly tossed the egg across the distance.

They were on the lawn in front of the school, and Lotion smoothly caught the egg. Then tossed it back. Cordelia, Buffy, and Willow who sat in front of a tree heaving lunch looked at them with the evil eye. Oz barely batted an eyelash.

Around the lawn there were more 'parents', who looked with horror and disbelief at the display. One girl managed to bring up the care to ask, "H-how can you be doing that?"

Xander turned his head to look at her as he threw the egg back to Lotion, and answered with a smile, "What, playing catch with my daughter?" The girl nodded, following the egg with horror. Lotion caught it, and once more it didn't break open in sludge. "Have you never seen parents toss their baby up just a bit and catching it? Same thing, just with both of us." He caught the egg that Lotion threw back, then looked back at the girl. She nodded just a bit, and Xander explained, "Seen how much the babies smile?" He held the egg out and pointed at the face with a big smile they had drawn on their egg, and said, "See, our daughter loves it too, she's smiling happily."

He then casually tossed the egg back to Lotion who was a few meters away from. "But, aren't you afraid she'll break."

"No," Lotion answered, tossing the egg back, "we raised our daughter to be tough." Their classmates looked with disbelief at Lotion's statement.

Except for the female Scoobies, who continued to give the two the evil eye, and Oz who stayed his laid back self. "Damn, cheaters," Willow muttered.

"What type of people /boil/ their daughter?" Buffy huffed pissed off. She looked over and saw 'Alex' lying on a soft hanky in between Willow's legs, safe and sound. "Look at all we do to keep our baby boy safe, and they . . . /play/catch/."

Cordelia nodded, and checked up on her son in the stylish and safe backpack, while doing so said, "When Mr. Whitmore fails them, we'll see who has the last laugh."

Oz looked up and said, "Didn't he say you couldn't fail this, that it was about the experience. I know he didn't say it outright to keep some people from just tossing the egg first chance they got, but . . . that's what it came down to, right?"

"They /boiled/ their daughter," Buffy pointed out. Oz nodded and shrugged, not feeling the need to argue the point.

Cordelia checked out her well-dressed egg, and said, "Nice and fashionable. I'm like the best mom, ever."

"I think being a mother takes a bit more than buying stylish clothes," Willow pointed out.

Cordelia whipped her head about to look at Willow. "As apposed to keeping my child naked, and boiling him," Cordelia shot back with narrowed eyes.

"Hey," Buffy defended 'their' choice - or rather their pride not to follow Cordelia's example after her scathing remark the other day, "Alex is a beautiful child and he can choose his own clothes - he likes his shell. You're just being cruel forcing your clothes on top of Jamie's own clothes, you might as well boil him by putting him in a pan and turn up the fire."

"The shell is the skin, not his clothes," Cordelia shot back with narrowed eyes.

"Is not," Buffy returned.

"Ladies," Oz interrupted, drawing two angry gazes to him, "it's a free country. Let's just sit back, relax, leave each other's parental choice to yourselves and berate Xander and Lotion for tossing their boiled daughter about like a piece of meat."

Buffy and Cordelia immediately whipped their heads back to the tossing couple, and Buffy muttered, "Abusers."

Cordelia added, "Cheaters." Willow gave Oz a grateful smile, and he returned a small smirk.

-----

Cordelia, Lotion, Deo, Buffy, Willow, and Lexa stood in front of a tattoo parlor. "So exactly why did we have to meet here again?" Cordelia asked out loud.

"The tattoo for the ritual tonight," Deo explained casually. "Apparently one can't just buy tattoo supplies and set tattoos yourself in this country. So instead of doing it properly during the ritual, I am forced to improvise and must have them set right now at this shop."

"Oh," Willow said a little timidly, but then steeled herself. If she could wear these days what she was wearing now, and had her hair, getting a little tattoo was nothing. She took a breath and she went for the door first, the others following.

"Ah! Deo!" the man apparently setting the tattoos said from his counter. Unlike the cliched look of a tattoo parlor owner, he was well groomed, and didn't seem to have any visible tattoos on his body. "The food was delicious as usual; you are a true wonderful addition to our town." Deo smiled and gave only a tiny bow. The man took in the girls and said, "I suppose these are the girls that want the tattoo."

"All but my daughter Lotion," Deo confirmed. "Two Amazons need to be part of the ritual, and since this is supposed to be part of the ritual, she should be present during the setting of the tattoo as well."

"Well," the man said rubbing his hands in anticipation, taking in the beautiful girls. "I readied all the colors, and it will be a honor working on such beautiful women."

"Just don't try to take a peek," Cordelia warned him.

"Oh, no," the man said with complete honesty, "I would never do that."

-----

That night, they had gone to a place in the desert, that Deo had scouted out earlier. She was now drawing the same intricate symbol in the sand that they all had tattooed on their arm. The sight reminded especially Willow of the tattoo and she winced. She pulled up her sleeve and looked at the cushion of bandages that covered it. It had hurt quite a bit when it had been put on.

Once Deo was finished with the symbol in the sand, she looked up at the dark, starry night. The symbol was some ten meters in diameter, and so plenty of place for all of them to sit around. The elder Amazon then went to her backpack and pulled out ten red candles. Deo made one step from the outside of the symbol, at the head of it, and placed the candle there. Then circling the symbol a meter outside of it, she placed the candles with an even distance between them. Behind her, Lotion lit the candles one by one with a box of matches; and the flames burned as red as the candles. A rather thick trail of smoke pulled upward from each candle, and left a powerful odor.

Once all the candles burned, Deo nodded with satisfaction that all was right. She went over to the back pack, and pulled out a bowl and a bottle. The bottle was filled with a yellowish fluid, while the same symbol that was on the ground and their arms was on the bottom of the bowl. She poured the bowl full of the liquid, and closed the bottle again after placing the ground at the head of the symbol. She went to go stand there, and asked everyone, "You have the papers?" All the yet-to-become-Amazons pulled out a piece of paper containing the Amazon chant written in how to pronounce it in the western alphabet, they would have to chant later, as well as the pledge in English. "Good," Deo said and pointed to the edge of the symbol. "Find a place evenly dispersed around the edge of the symbol, stand there and place them on the ground there."

The girls did as told. Lotion was sitting closest to the head where Deo was, then came Lexa, Buffy - exactly opposite Doe - Willow, and finally Cordelia. Deo nodded in satisfaction, and raised her hands to the sky, then she intoned, "We have gathered here under the sky, in honor of our ancestors and the goddess Xi Ama-lang, remembered only by us, the Amazons, her honored companions. We shed our coverings . . ." Deo nodded at the others as she started unbuttoning her top, and the others started undressing as well. As she continued talking without pause she tossed her top in the middle of the symbol, and the girls did the same with her clothes, ". . . to show we came here in good faith, that we have nothing to hide, and came unarmed."

Buffy could not believe she was doing this. The top, and now her jeans weren't such a problem - she was used to bikinis on the beach - but now, and worse, she knew two of the girls present enjoyed naked female bodies the men enjoyed naked female bodies; actually one of those two girls really was a man. Mustering her courage she unhooked her braw and tossed it on the growing pile of clothes, feeling suddenly very conscious as warm desert air caressed her breasts. Left from her Willow put her blouse on the pile and proved she hadn't worn a bra at all.

Willow herself would normally have been extremely nervous about the whole ordeal, if she weren't so excited about watching naked female bodies. She unabashedly watched as Lexa shed her top and revealed her creamy, round, large c-cup breasts. As she started pealing off her short skirt she looked over at Buffy, a smile creeping up her face as she took in her best friend, who was obviously much, much more nervous than her. Deciding to protect her best friend just a little, she looked over to Lotion, and had to admit the annoying Amazon was beautiful. Muscles, curves where needed; if she wasn't so annoying and a clear rival for Xander/Lexa's affections . . . She moved on to Deo who just finished tossing her underpants on the pile, and Willow's eyes widened. She may have been older, and one giant bitch, but everything was very much still where it was supposed to be. Deciding lusting after the woman responsible for several ordeals was bad, Willow looked over to the final girl; Cordelia. Oh, yeah, the 'I hate Cordelia'-club had most definitely closed its doors. She was completely unaware of the grin on her face.

Lexa had no problems with shedding her clothes. She knew she was smoking hot, and showing it off, including her trimmed pubic hair and the beginnings of her vagina was no a problem, it was practically a privilege. Better yet, she could let her gaze go around the circle, deciding to save the best for last. With a bright smile on her face she studied Lotion's lovely body; the triangle between her legs looked inviting - not as short as her own pubes, but there was definite proof of grooming. Her mother was no less delectable, and Cordelia was almost as smoking as Lexa herself. Her breasts were prominent, and slightly bigger than Lexa's and Lotion's who were about the same size. Cordelia's pubes were non-existent though, and Lexa's eyebrows rose approvingly, growing a bigger grin. Then came Willow, and Lexa smiled. Willow's breasts were the smallest of them all, but they were most definitely not non-existent. The rest of her body was lovely, the red, short pubic hair proving she was a natural redhead. The physical training had done her good; although it had gotten a backseat lately to her magic-control training lately and although she was sexy to begin with, the somewhat enhanced muscle-tone enhanced her already considerable sexiness. Their eyes cross, and they smiled an almost devious smile at each other - that is to say, they smiled a fully devious smile at each other. They were very much enjoying the view.

Finally there was Buffy - before Lexa looked over, she took a deep breath in preparation. Wow. The blonde was amazing. Although he/she had seen her naked before, it had only been for a short while; most of the time they'd been busy kissing and pressing their bodies together. She was not passing up the opportunity to study her more closely. Albeit the shortest of them all, Buffy was no less sexy. Her legs with Slayer-enhanced strength and muscles seemed as inviting to have wrapped around as they had been back then. Her hips flared nicely and her tummy had a fantastic shape, a tightness of muscles, mixed with just the right amount of fat to have shape. Her breasts were lovely, perking out, even more now that she nervously, defensively wrapped her right arm underneath them, grabbing her left arm. The nervous pout, framed by blonde hair and adorned by her lovely, cute nose, and amazing bluish eyes finished her look. It was an odd, yet lovely reversal, to see the great Slayer the least comfortable of all of them - it made her seem all the more beautiful.

Deo finished her speech, "With our nakedness, we also show the trust we give each other. We are the same whatever superficial differences we have, we recognize each other as sisters, and accept each other and our other sisters who could not be present at this great moment." They were all naked now, the only thing still on the Scoobies bodies was the patch that guarded their tattoos.

Once Deo had finished, Buffy looked over to Lexa timidly, and asked softly, "Could you try not to look, Xan?"

"Sorry," Lexa smirked, "not possessed by a demon, can't turn my head backward."

"Very funny," Cordelia interjected with a scowl, "at least try to put the grin away . . . that goes for both of you." Willow blushed, and attempted to look innocent and totally not smiling while staring. She failed miserably.

Deo grinned at the exchange, and Lexa just gave a shrug at Cordelia. "Now we sit," Deo said, and sat down, the others followed suit.

Cordelia grunted and said was on the female members of the Scooby Gangs mind, "Did this /have/ to be naked? Nice wide panties would be nice, now I have all this sand in my ass."

Despite their own somewhat discomfort, Willow and Lexa couldn't help but smile while looking over at Cordelia, and from her to the other girls. Lexa felt herself grow just a bit moist, and her nipples were hard. This was definitely an advantage being female - arousal was far less obvious, she reflected.

Deo picked up the bowl, and held it to the sky, continuing, "Bless this drink, All-But-Forgotten One. Enslaved to the monster god of mountains How-too, you were used and abused. You picked up the sword and slayed your master, freeing yourself from obsession; then you went to the one who gave you to the monster, your father Di-guan, slaughtering every male in between him and you, mortal or god. You destroyed his kingdom, and locked him, chained him, the same hell he condemned you. It's the reason why he forgives everyone today, because he still can't forgive himself for what he did to you . . ." Deo took a small sip from the fluid and handed it to Lotion, while the non-Amazons listened to the story with curiosity.

Lotion then raised the bowl and continued the tale, "Xi Ama-lang, honored teacher, in the state of hating all men, you found us - a group of lost women, with wailing children, three thousand nine hundred and sixty-eight years ago. A tribe of farmers on the run, with no knowledge of the way of the sword." Lotion took a small sip, and returned the bowl to her mother.

Deo then raised the bowl, and spoke with a new power, a grander tone, "Rider of the Celestial Horse, you took pity on your sisters, and took us into your protection, taught us the way of the sword, and the bow, the life of a warrior. Then you asked us how we came to be as manless as she, and so we told you; told you how the bandits came to our village, and we had no way to defend ourselves, how the men sent us away, and remained to fight - not to win, not to defend, they knew peaceful farmers could not defeat battle-hardened bandits - but to buy us the time to flee with their lives . . ."

The Scoobies looked surprised, shocked even, especially Willow. Deo continued undisturbed, "you were surprised and moved, and you realized that not all men are evil. You increased your training, taught us to tame the horse, and then we rode back - for vengeance. And vengeance we took . . . afterwards we made a pledged. We pledged that from that moment onward, no man would have to sacrifice their lives for us, in honor and remembrance of men's sacrifices, we would take up the sword, become warriors, teach our daughters to protect our honored men. We forged this symbol then, to mark our passage, and our promise, which we burned into our very beings. Today we are gathered together for another group of worthy warrior women to join us, and make the same pledge, to fight and protect our tribe, to guard our men in return for the protection they bought us with their lives so long ago, and burn it into their beings." She took a sip from the bowl again, and nodded to the Scoobies.

Buffy, Willow, Cordelia, and Lexa, all rather moved by the tale and the surprise origin of the Amazons, only slowly looked down at their arms. Steadily they removed the patches, revealing the tattoos. Willow's, Cordelia's, and Lexa's were still slightly smudged, their skin still healing. Buffy's was perfect, her skin already healed due to slayer healing. "Figures," Cordelia muttered with annoyance.

Deo handed the bowl over to Lexa, and said, "Make the pledge, then take a sip."

Lexa nodded and picked up her paper. "I, Lexa LaVelle Harris, hereby pledge loyalty to the tribe, and the ideals it stands for. I pledge to stand by my sisters, fight along with them, and guard the tribe from all human and inhuman evil in honor of our ancestors, and the honored men who bought our lives with theirs. With this pledge I am an Amazon, and will be so to best of my abilities, and conscience." Lexa then took a sip of the alcoholic drink.

Lotion spoke up, "I recognize the pledge, made by Alexander Lexa LaVelle Harris in good conscience and faith."

Deo spoke up, "I recognize the same, Alexander Lexa Harris is an Amazon, now so accepted by all of the tribe."

Deo made a gesture and Lexa handed the bowl over to Buffy. The blonde gulped, and took out her paper. "I, Buffy Anne Summers, hereby pledge loyalty to the tribe, and the ideals it stands for. I pledge to stand by my sisters, fight along with them, and guard the tribe from all human and inhuman evil in honor of our ancestors, and the honored men who bought our lives with theirs. With this pledge I am an Amazon, and will be so to best of my abilities, and conscience," she read out loud, and took a swallow from the drink.

"I recognize the pledge, made by Buffy Anne Summers, in good conscience and faith," Lotion spoke solemnly.

Deo added, "I recognize the same, Buffy Anne Summers is an Amazon, now so accepted by all of the tribe."

Willow was next, and finally Cordelia, the same pledge and recognition sentences spoken. Deo held out her hand and Cordelia returned the stone bowl. The Amazon placed it on the ground, and spoke, "Four new Amazons are here, joined in blood and the fires of coming battles, we honor them." She lit a match, and then put the remaining alcohol drink afire. As it burned, Deo gestured to their papers, and the whole group started chanting the Chinese chants.

As they did so, the flames on the candles steadily grew in size, and the wind around them bit by bit grew stronger, whirling in a gentle twister around the group. The first thing to notice was the large flames that rose above them, making them stop their repeated chanting. At the same time all the Amazons groaned out and grabbed their right arms, noticing the tattoo, the symbol of the Amazons glowing the same bright red as the candle's flames.

"What the . . .?" Lexa muttered out and then looked at Deo in anger. "What did you do?"

"/This/ is -not- my doing, future son-in-law," Deo answered with completely seriousness. "This is /not/ supposed to happen."

"Oh, no!" Willow exclaimed wit fear in the gently breeze, "This can't be the Hellmouth's influence, can it?"

"-No, my sister, this is not the Hellmouth,-" a voice sounded from the wind, both loud and whispering at the same time. In the middle of the circle, above the clothes formed something in the slow twister - a face, then a woman, then something else. It never completely showed, always falling apart before it could form, a light came from whatever it was, but then was gone, and returned, the light was never bright or full enough to really be considered a light.

"Xi Ama-lang," Deo spoke in shock, recognizing the face and figure in the fleeting moments there was something recognizable.

Lotion blurted out in utter shock, "Can't be. Last time she was supposed to have appeared was so long ago, it's nothing but myths and legends."

The goddess who seemed to have a face facing each on of them, most definitely smiled for a moment, and then said, "-How could I miss this momentous occasion, my sister?-" She tipped toward Buffy a bit who looked wide-eyed, "-A Slayer, the protector, the Amazon beyond Amazons, . . .-" The goddess tipped toward Lexa who had the same expression and spoke, "-. . . a woman that is a man that is a woman, carrying the name Protector of Mankind . . .-" The goddess tipped toward Willow, and said, "-. . . and a witch all joining the tribe at one time.-"

"Hey!" Cordelia called out annoyed, "What am I, chop-liver?"

The goddess actually chuckled and tipped her amorphous form toward her, and spoke,"-No, singling you out. A girl known to be utterly selfish only a short time ago, willing to give her life to protect her friends, sisters, and brothers from evil - a true Amazon - and joining the tribe as well. How could I possibly not bless these myself? Welcome sisters, and may your lives be long and fruitful, filled with joy, love, and glory in these interesting times. Welcome to the tribe.-"

The gentle twister fluttered away, the form of the goddess withered, and then the candle flames went short again, all while the tattoos stopped glowing. All was quite. Lotion and Deo looked with amazing wonder at the scene.

"Oh, just /great/!" Buffy cursed throwing her hands in the air and dumping it on the sand.

"Yep," Willow said in defeat.

"Shit, and running comes to mind," Lexa grumbled.

Cordelia finished, "You really have the shittiest, stupidest goddess ever, you know that?"

The four of them got up and started grabbing for their clothes from the pile. "What?" Lotion asked in shock.

Lexa looked at the still sitting Amazons, and explained, "In some circles - China, I believe - that would be considered an outright curse, and if it wasn't that, wishing us that on top of the Hellmouth jinxed us for the next thousand years or so."

"Uh, guys?" Buffy started looking distastefully at her panties she was holding up, "should we put them on or go home naked? She did do the whole jinx thing right on top of them, you know?"

They all paused, and then Cordelia bit out, "I'll risk it, after all, it isn't like we're not doomed anyway."

"She's right," Lexa said and started dressing.

Lotion piped up, "Don't you guys think a goddess' blessing's power would defeat the Hellmouth's energies?"

Willow said with a distasteful look, pulling on her blouse, "I wouldn't assume that, be very, very careful." Lexa nodded.

-----

A few days later, Xander, Buffy, Lotion, and Willow were walking along toward Xander's apartment. "So," Buffy started, "are you guys looking over your shoulder every chance you get as well?"

"Yep," Xander said.

"Uhuh," Willow said.

"Are you really that worried?" Lotion asked them. "I believe in the goddess. Couldn't be that any bad stuff that comes along was already coming along, but now we live through it and find love despite it?"

"Nope," Xander answered.

Buffy explained, "Anything bad that was coming, will be worse, and we'll get a whole slew of bad stuff that wasn't coming on top of it."

Xander moved a little a head of the others, and said, "Something bad is coming, something really bad because of that damn goddess stupid blessing. I just know it." A car drove by, through a small pool of rain water, and it splashed on Xander. Lexa sighed with annoyance and she said, "Oh, yeah, it's coming alright."

The two four of them reached Xander's apartment complex not much later. It was then that the heavy voice sounded. "Lexa!" The four stopped in their tracks and slowly turned around. There stood a demon, blue skin, three meters tall, and arms like tree trunks. A few horns, and razor-sharp teeth in a long snout finished the look. Lexa felt pity on whoever had to make the demon's pants.

"Oh, yeah," Lexa said nodding. She took a step forward and looked up at the monstrous demon. "That would be me."

"What do you want?" Willow called out, and then shrugged at her friends disbelieving looks, saying, 'What? You don't know? Start with mayhem and death.'

"You're hand in marriage, Lexa," the demon spoke with a big grin. Four dropped jaws looked at him.

Lexa recovered first and turned to Lotion, commenting dryly, "You still think we're not jinxed?" Lotion took a step back. Lexa looked back up and asked, "And what if I refuse?"

"Then I will defeat you in combat, and you'll /have/ to marry me," the demon answered her.

"Future son-in-law!" sounded from the right and a moment later Deo skidded to a halt, looking up at the demon. "Oh, I felt the portal through which he came opening. I came to warn you."

Lexa nodded, annoyance growing in her. Buffy lost her cool first, took several steps toward Deo and yelled, "This is /your/ doing! Your damn goddess blessed him, and you /still/ can't leave him alone?"

Deo countered, "A blessing from the goddess would only make it more important for Lotion to marry Xander, but I had nothing to do with this! Why would I send a demon after future husband? I want him to live, to marry Lotion, not dead and buried."

"Then how does it know Lexa became an Amazon and the stupid rule of being defeated in combat?" Buffy snarled at Deo.

The Amazon shrugged, "Ask him."

"/Mother/!" Lotion hissed in anger.

"-Enough talk!-" the demon demanded powerfully. "Is it yes, or do we fight?"

"No," Lexa said and pulled the egg from its safe pocket, and she continued, "Hold on a moment, I have to- . . ."

The demon's fist slammed into Lexa and she staggered back, coughed and dropped to the floor screaming in pain. She let the egg go and it rolled onto the pavement. Any protests of Lexa not fighting the demon died instantly with the others. They backed away with the sudden movement. Too surprised they didn't do anything immediately and, the demon noticed the egg. "What's with the egg?" it asked, shrugged, and brought his foot down upon it.

"NO!" Lexa screamed and jumped forward, managing to cover the egg just before the foot crushed it. Instead it slammed on Lexa's back and she screamed in pain.

"You're trying to save an egg?" the demon asked confused.

"Urgh," Lexa groaned in pain, rising herself off the egg. She grabbed it, and then quickly tossed it over to Lotion who caught her precious daughter delicately.

As Lexa painfully got to her feet, the demon muttered puzzled, "Why would you take a beating for an egg?"

"Nobody touches my daughter," Lexa hissed in return.

"An egg? Don't humans have live births?" the demon asked in confusion.

Lexa jumped up painfully and landed her most powerful fist into the demon's stomach, while roaring with the effort. The demon didn't anything but take a step back and keep smile plastered on its face; or with the snout, that's the best explanation they could make out of its expression. Lexa looked rather shocked, it felt like hitting stone, except that it didn't break, and she'd thought she'd at least make the demon wince a bit. "Impressive, you really are as strong as claimed," the demon said still smiling.

The following fist to Lexa's face and upper body sent her flying back several meters till she slammed against her apartment complex. She groaned in pain, and slowly got up. The demon grinned out loud and said, "You are beaten, Lexa, you'll have to marry me. Even if you weren't, you cannot possibly hope to defeat me."

Buffy, Willow, and also Lotion were fed up with the demon attacking their best friend with impunity. They readied to attack it themselves, when Deo's voice interrupted, "Future husband! The demon cannot marry you, if you're already married!"

"Already married?" the demon asked dangerously.

"His male form defeated my daughter, that means he can to marry her," Deo explained out loud.

"Male /form/?" the demon questioned.

"Jusenkyo curse," Deo explained with an intense look on her face.

"So that's it!" Willow hissed angrily. "This is why you summoned the demon!"

"I did not," Deo answered indignant, "I'm just handed future husband a way out."

"I'm . . . not marrying . . . you!" Lotion called out loud with some difficulty, getting better. "You don't even apply, 'When and Amazon is defeated by a man.' You're not a man, you're a demon!"

"It is close enough, future husband, marrying my daughter is your only chance," Deo called out.

"Mother!" Lotion hissed, not believing this.

Lexa laughed out loud, "How do you know he won't kill everyone here but me, if I go marry Lotion."

"Because the tribe would hunt him down and kill him," Deo answered immediately, "If he knows the Amazons, which he obviously thus, he'll know that should he kill Amazons, especially to avoid a tradition he himself sought out to marry you, we would hunt him down to the ends of the world and beyond to kill him. He can kill one Amazon, he can kill a few, but not all of us, and they will find out about what happened here."

"That is most annoyingly true," the demon hissed angrily, eying Deo with distaste.

"Marry my daughter, or marry the demon, those are your only choices," Deo said sharply, stressing the importance. Buffy, Willow, and Lotion were too shocked at sudden events to come up with anything to say, instead they just looked from Deo, to the demon, to Lexa and back again.

Lexa grimaced, then snarled and with a quick motion jumped up to the main entrance. She opened the door and entered the building with some difficulty, grumbling all the way. Everyone looked surprised at a fleeing Lexa. That couldn't be! After a few moments of confused silence, the demon roared, "Come out, Lexa! Or I will destroy the building and anyone in it!"

"HOLD YOUR HORSES! HAVE SOME PATIENCE!" Lexa's voice screamed out rather clearly. The demon bent to his right and noticed Lexa standing there on her balcony. "I'M GETTING MY WEDDING DRESS ALREADY!" Then much more sweetly and innocently Lexa called out, "You wouldn't want you sweet sexy, fiancee, love of your life, to marry you in a pair of faded jeans, now would you?"

The demon blinked twice, and then with a smile and surprising sweet voice said, "Oh, of course, take your time my love."

Then Lexa disappeared back into the apartment, calling from it, "I should warn you though! My cooking is spicy!" The demon seemed happy about that.

"What?" came from Buffy and Willow, looking completely flabbergasted at what they heard Lexa say.

Deo had her jaw dropped as well. "This can't . . ."

"MOTHER!" Lotion snarled and walked over to her. She grabbed her mother by the collar and hissed, "You underestimated future husband's pride! AGAIN! Now he go marry a demon, and IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"I- but- I-" Deo muttered.

The front door of the complex opened again, and Lexa came out, in a short skirt and a white blows tied off underneath her breast. "Oh, yoohoo! Down, here sweetums!" Lexa called and the demon looked down, smiling instantly, when he saw Lexa shake her breasts at him and bat her eyelashes. "How' my big, strong, honey bear?"

Then she jumped up high to the demon's head, and landing against him, while saying, "You and me are going to be soooo happy together!" She wrapped her arms around his snout, and as she planted a big kiss right smack on the demon's happy nose, her left arm tuned on a lighter. The demon made a smooch face and went to plant a kiss on Lexa's whole face, and she tossed something in his mouth with her right face. Then with a grimace she rammed her right fist in his nose, and the demon gulped involuntary and surprised. She then pushed off his chest with her feet and somersaulted backward, saying, "5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . ." She landed with a grunt of pain and some difficulty. She straightened up while saying, "2 . . . 1 . . ." She pointed at the confused-looking demon, and with a might explosion his entire upper body splat apart, the upper part of his skull landing horns first into the soil. Blue and green pieces flying everywhere.

"I warned you it was spicy," Lexa muttered as the remainder dropped to its knees and then keeled over. There gas started forming, and the remains of the demon started to decompose slowly.

Lexa turned to her friends and Deo, who were still looking with surprise at the demon's violent end. "You used a bomb," Deo said then, and Lexa stalked over her.

"Well, they sell such big bags of fertilizer, I had some left, and didn't know what to do with until," Lexa said and pointed at the demon corpse. "Some detergent, and a few other choice chemicals and . . . 'Anything goes' martial arts is what I've been taught, I decided to take it literally. Oh, and uh, next time a demon comes for my hand in marriage, I'll make a few more, and use them on you. You're stronger than me, but that doesn't mean some explosives can't even the playing field."

"I didn't . . ."

"I don't care," Lexa said with a huge grin bordering on insanity, "I don't care if you're lying then as well, I don't even care if you're telling the truth. Boom. Understand me?"

"Perfectly," Deo answered.

Then once again grumbling in extreme annoyance, Lexa stalked back into her apartment complex.

"Wow," Lotion and Buffy said together.

-----

As Mr. Whitmore handed out the grades to the parenthood experiment, he said, "Well done, almost all of you." Buffy looked at her and Willow's grade as Mr. Whitmore handed it to them. She looked happily at the B+ and showed it to Willow who was sitting next to her.

A bit later Mr. Whitmore was done, apart form Xander's and Lotion's assignment, who looked at each other a bit. Mr. Whitmore continued speaking as he walked to the front of the class, "I have to do this last assignment apart from the rest . . ." He reached the front and turned back to class. Cordelia and Buffy looked with vindication in their eyes, while Willow looked a little concerned for her childhood friend. "A clear case of cheating," Mr. Whitmore spoke, and with a gesture he kept Xander and Lotion from protesting. He continued, ". . . in any other case. Xander and Xion here boiled their egg, making it much easier to keep in tact. Oddly enough, despite the cheat, the rest of their assignment and their essay is much more detailed then many of the rest of you're assignments - and the explanation for boiling their egg is, quite frankly, brilliant." Buffy and Cordelia looked shocked, Willow smiled neutrally, while Xander and Lotion's faces got bigger and bigger grins. Mr. Whitmore explained further, "They took the egg as the metaphor, and boiling it as the metaphor for a raising a child style that was designed to make them strong very fast. I've never come across anyone who took a way of cheating at an assignment, and then did more in the surrounding work to justify it, making a perfectly rounded assignment. Should I fail them I know they're going to take it to the board, and I'll now the best I can get out of it, would be to make them do it again, because they have definitely done the work." Mr. Whitmore grinned, "So, Ms. Lu and Mr. Harris, as an applause to the ultimate cheat, and all the good work you have done, I can only give you the only A+ on this assignment."

"But they cheated!" Cordelia exclaimed in disbelief.

While Buffy added, "How can you give them an A+ in parenting when they /boiled/ their daughter!"

"They boiled an egg symbolizing their daughter, Ms. Summers," Mr. Whitmore explained to her with a grin.

"This isn't fair," Buffy said and let her head fall down on the table, and the class burst out in laughter.

To Be Continued . . .

Author's notes:

Finished! And so is the third part in the Dana saga! I'm still waiting for my second beta-reader to finish it, and then I'll put that one up as well. I hope you guys enjoyed this, and had lot's of laughs, and you give lots of feedback here: 3d.masterchello.nl.