Author's notes: Many thanks to Lorellipsis for the beta and for putting up with me.
Kavanaugh has finally done it. I can't imagine how he's going to get away with this. To be really honest, I don't know how he's managed to, so far. But this will definitely be the end of Dr. Kavanaugh's social life.
The first victim is Dr. Brown. She goes to the coffee machine... pushes the button... I'm wondering how long it'll be before she realizes nothing's happening. Now she does. Her reaction - well, lack of reaction - is a bit surprising. Probably she's too sleepy to do anything.
Elizabeth! I should keep quiet. She's going to the coffee machine... the button... nada! I have to admire her composure. She does seem disappointed. She sees me and waves her left hand, while the coffee cup is in her right hand. I wave back... hoping she won't think I'm responsible for this. She knows I wouldn't be that cruel.
I hold my teacup with both hands, enjoying the warmth and scent coming from it. I really can't understand these people...
Carson's next... Are his eyes closed? He's in for a surprise. The button again and… Well, nice reaction, Carson. He's staring at me. As much as he can, while not opening his eyes any more than needed. He's coming this way.
"Good morning, Colonel." He sounds even worse than he looks.
"Morning, Carson." I took a sip of my tea before saying that. Bad move. Now he looks pissed.
"Enjoying yourself this morning, lad?" He asks as he takes a seat opposite me.
"It wasn't me."
"Really?"
"Yup." Or should that be nope? He knows what I mean.
"About five minutes ago, Dr. Martins came over here, got a cup o' coffee and announced t' us that there'd be enough for everyone. Some good news after a night's work in the lab. She even announced it t' Rodney."
Was that supposed to make me happy? I was really looking forward to seeing Rodney's reaction. But now, as I think about it, maybe not...
"So, lad, who do y' think-"
"Kavanaugh."
"Oh." Now this is funny. Carson is speechless... staring at the coffee machine that has no coffee.
"And how-"
"He came in, filled a tray full of cups with coffee and then left."
"Oh, th'-" I didn't know the Scotsman even knew those words. I guess we all still have secrets up our sleeves.
"So, Doc, what're you up to now?"
"I'll jus'... go about my day." And with that, Carson rises from the table and leaves. Maybe he was going to get some sleep without coffee.
Oh, Lorne! This will be interesting... Wait! He's not going to the coffee machine, he's coming my way, with a cup of... coffee in his hand.
"Good morning, Sir."
"Morning, Lorne. Where did you get that?" I gestured toward him with my cup.
"What?" He's looking to see what he's got on him! These people are odd! Why don't they expect me to speak like any other normal person around here?
"The coffee, Lorne!"
"Oh well, Sir, from the coffee machine."
Okay, I know, the question seems a bit odd, but he doesn't know... "When did you get it?"
"Last night I came to get a cup of coffee, planned to finish some reports..."
"Major, I haven't given you any reports for a month..." And it's about time you did those - don't think I forgot! Well actually, I did – but Elizabeth always reminds me.
"Yeah. Well, I planned to do them, but fell asleep. And this morning I took my coffee and... Sir, what are you looking at?"
"Rodney." He's just come in and is headed for the coffee machine. The anticipation is almost killing me.
"Why?"
"Wait for it..."
"All right, what's the meaning of this? Are you people trying to be funny, because guess what? You're not." Rodney is pissed. Big time. He sees me and has the same look on his face as Carson did. Why does everybody jump to the conclusion that I had something to do with this? He's in for a surprise.
"Morning, Rodney."
"You may think it is Colonel, but I can assure you that, as of now, it's not. What happened? That doctor... whatever her name is, came in just before with a smile on her face and announced, there's coffee. And yet now...?" he gestured frantically at the coffee machine.
"Oh." Kavanaugh is funny - he actually means to upset Rodney. And he's sitting just over there, with a cup of coffee in front of him, which he's holding onto like it's his life's work.
"Well, I can't imagine who would have the nerve -"
"Kavanaugh." This name has an unbelievable effect on people. Rodney, for example, looks worse than he would if he'd just eaten a lemon. A whole bunch of them, actually.
"Sir, he's over there." Lorne could be dense sometimes.
"Kavanaugh!" Rodney's scream was not a surprise.
"They'll never find your dead body! As a matter of fact, you won't even have a body after I'm done with you!" I wonder, briefly, if we should stop Rodney. He's going at quite a fast pace towards Kavanaugh, who's still just sitting there with a smug, contented grin on his face. That will be gone pretty soon. Still, we should do something...
Luckily, Carson intervenes. It would be his job to patch-up Kavanaugh, so it makes sense.
"Now, now, lad, it's jus' a cup of coffee. Ye should'ne destroy a working relationship like the one y' have with Dr. Kavanaugh, just because-"
"Have you lost your mind?"
Good point, Rodney. I have no idea what Carson has in mind, but he seems pretty determined as he drags Rodney back to the table.
"Colonel, why don' ye bring us two cups from o'er there?" That's the least I can do. Wonder what he has in mind. As I place the cups in front of them, Carson removes a small bottle from the pocket of his lab-coat.
"Sorry I could'ne come any sooner. We've been pretty busy – we had some lab results back..." Carson was moving slowly and Rodney was mesmerized by his every action. Strangely enough, there was coffee in Carson's little bottle.
"It seems there's been a virus in a Science Lab. Nothing too serious... we had t' take everyone out and check the place o'er. I hope Dr. Kavanaugh won't be too upset t' find his lab locked." And with that, he poured coffee into both cups and reached for his headset. "Elizabeth? Are y' in your office? Find yourself a cup and we'll come and join you for the morning coffee."
Now that I think about it, it would be great to drink a cup of coffee, but I have a feeling Carson isn't going to offer one. Maybe Elizabeth will. We've arrived at her office and they're all drinking their coffee and talking about some funny thing Zelenka said. Sometimes I wish I knew these people better before we came here – back on Earth. Maybe then I would've understood that it's not so much the coffee that they needed, but the chat that goes with the cup of coffee in their hands. I get a cup from Elizabeth's cupboard and walk over to the table. Carson sees me and, without a moment's hesitation, empties the small bottle into my cup.
"'Bout time, lad."