6. The memory remains

Pony's POV

"Pony?"

I winced again when Darry's voice broke into my thoughts another time.
I turned around and asked surprised, "Huh?"

Darry watched me a moment before he repeated his question, "I've asked ya what ya wanna do today."

I thought a moment about it.

"Um, I don't know yet..." I answered then.

"You're gonna meet this girl, this Claudia, again?" Darry kept on asking.

I looked at Darry surprised while Two-Bit and Soda repeated Claudia's name at the same time and looked at me quite surprised as well.
Only Steve didn't say anything but just looked at me with a half-hearted interest.
And in that moment I was extremely grateful to him that he hasn't said anything again.

Only Two-Bit couldn't stop his curiosity once again and asked right away, "Claudia? Is this perhaps ya girlfriend, Ponyboy?"

I sighed, cast a short and quite angry glance to Darry, and turned around completely.

If Darry and I would have been alone I would have said something unfriendly to him, but because Soda was here with us I let it be.
Darry and I keep to the promise we've given to Soda and argue only very rarely, anyhow when Soda ain't close by.
Once when he wasn't there though, it simply could happen that we both forget our promise and still argue nearly as in former times.
Darry doesn't leave me alone and I don't see why I should put up with everything from Darry.
But actually it was good that Soda was here now and I had to pull myself together.

"Well, firstly I don't know if I'm gonna see Claudia again, 'cause secondly I don't know where she lives and thirdly no, she's not my girlfriend. Any other questions?" I asked already a bit mad and I hoped they would notice my hint that I wouldn't talk about it.

But how should it be any differently: they didn't get it or maybe they wouldn't get it, I don't know.

Anyhow Soda asked, "She's nice at least, ain't she?"

I really hoped that Soda would get it at least and drop this topic.
But I really was wrong.
He's just too curious...

I rolled my eyes and answered, "Well, anyhow she was yesterday. I met her only yesterday for the first time and who knows if I'm gonna see her another time and by the way..."

Two-Bit interrupted me, "Well, but she still could become ya girlfriend then, couldn't she?"

I cast also an angry glance to him and continued, "...by the way she's a few years younger than I am, I guess. I evaluated her at about 12 at best anyhow."

"Well, that's a reason, but no bar." Two-Bit couldn't help but saying.

And I slowly began to lose my patience.

"Aw, come on. Leave him alone!" Steve said all of a sudden and came unintentionally to my help with that.

And in this moment I was more grateful to him than before.
My hero of the day, um, or rather just of the hour, ya don't have to exaggerate it like that!
Though I wouldn't have told him that never ever!
And so the others let off of me as well and I was relieved and turned towards the washing-up again.

When I finished it I walked to my room.
I literally sensed the partly worried glances of the others in my back when I walked away without talking much.
And I also could imagine their conversations about me where they talk about how much I changed since the 'accident' and how I would have shut myself off to them more and more.
And I can guess as well that Steve would say something again and Soda would stand in for me and stick to me then.
And Darry would consider dragging me to all psychiatrists, who should help me to deal with my grief.

Do you really think I would rather talk with them than with ya?

And then they would talk about what else they could do to help me.
But that would lead to no result.
That's all very well, but ya don't help me with that not one bit.
I need time; time ya maybe won't or can't give me, 'cause it maybe could last for ya too long.
But what shall I do then?
I just can't forget them that fast and easy as you do - anyhow as you pretend to make it - and simply live on as if nothing has happened.
I don't even know by myself what could help me, how should you know it then?

In the meantime I arrived at my room.
Then I took a book and started to read.

I really would have liked to read Gone with the wind once again, but I still couldn't.
It was still much too early, because the memories related to that book still were too painful.
Maybe I'll make it sometime again to open it without grief and read in it as I've done it in former times before the whole disaster.
It doesn't work yet.
And it probably wanna last quite a while until I'm ready for it.

Soon I was so busy with reading that I didn't notice at all how fast half of the day went by.
Just when Darry called me for dinner I put my book aside.