Return to Middle Earth
Kayo
Chapter III: I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt
Legolas was deep in thought as he walked the magical halls of Mirkwood. The halls were neither magical, nor hall-y, but for the sake of being unable to grasp the shier beauty of the palace of Mirkwood, Legolas let all the beauty go unnoticed. After all, he had lived there for over two thousand years. Some things just stop stunning you by then.
In any case, Legolas kept thinking about the human that his sister said her party had found. He was so sure he had something to do with why he couldn't remember where he was for the last few months. And the eyes…she had said his eyes were strange. Was he a Haradrim? That could explain a couple things, like the memory loss. Haradrim were crafty people, but Silmaril would've recognized one and killed it on the spot. No, there was something else there.
Legolas found himself fiddling with the trinket that dangled off his braided hair. Neon thread? And the silver heart wasn't actually metal. Where did it come from? He rubbed his eye angrily from the poison ivy that just HAD to touch it.
While momentarily blind, Legolas didn't hear the soft pitter-patter of Elven feet slowly approaching from behind. Only when an arm was thrown around his waist and finding himself looking at the floor did he realize someone else was in the corridor. First thought: attacker!
He tried to elbow the person off his back when he was greeted with a, LEGOLAS! You're back! The weight shifted off him, and Legolas rolled over to see his best friend, and comrade, Thaniel sitting on the floor beside him. Tears were almost brimming in his eyes. Well, that was more than Silmaril had to offer when she found him!
Thaniel wrapped himself around Legolas. I thought you were dead! We had a ceremony! Legolas…I couldn't live knowing you were dead! Legolas was touched by his friend's emotion.
It's alright now, he pulled Thaniel's face to his level, I'm not dead, nor are you, so forget the pain you suffered. I'm here again. To some, this "intimacy" might be labeled as something more than it seems. But in truth, Legolas and Thaniel were like brothers. How this came to be is but another story, and shall be told at another time.
Where were you all that time? asked Thaniel as they both picked themselves off the floor.
I do not know, Legolas answered honestly. And I don't know how my father is going to react to that sort of answer! Thaniel gave out a laugh.
Not too well…nice rash…Fall into a poison ivy bush?
I guess in a manner of speaking. I don't know how I ended up there.
Before Thaniel could give his idea what had happened, which of course was along the same lines as Silmaril had thought, only more perverted like Jared's thoughts, another figure was running down the hall towards them. Legolas recognized the broad shoulders and the finely trimmed beard of the elder Elf. The royal circlet of Mirkwood lay upon his head in a manner of dignity and honor; the King of Mirkwood – aka, Legolas's dadoo.
What emotions were displayed on the king's face? Joy, anger, confusion – His son was back! And unscathed…sort of…Thranduil didn't care. He ran up to his son, almost like in one of those movies where the two people run towards each other and kiss. Only Legolas and his father didn't kiss. That would be considered incest. Rather, tears burst from the King's eyes as he bear hugged his youngest child.
It was a touching scene, both royals forgetting their positions and remaining what they truly were deep down; a father and a son reunited. Even if neither of them knew where Legolas had been over the span of several months. Thaniel began to shuffle on his feet.
My son! Where in Arda have you been?! Much to Legolas's dismay, it seemed his father wouldn't delay on his interrogation. Thranduil held tightly onto Legolas's shoulders, as if to make sure he would never leave him again.
Legolas took a deep breath in and said, To be truthful, I do not know. I have been trying to remember, but my last memory is of sneaking off that night I got a letter from…I mean… Legolas, a sneaky Elf, horrible liar.
Thranduil raised an eyebrow. This is all because you snuck off that night to meet a girl?!? And she held you captive and used you for these past months?!? No wonder you look so disheveled! Did she smack you in the eye? Legolas turned a brighter shade of red than was already on his face due to the poison ivy. Why did everyone think he had been kidnapped by a maiden?!?!
Very angrily, Legolas shouted, NO! I was not kidnapped by Lanfeir! She didn't want to do anything more than…… Legolas, terrible terrible liar. None should ever trust him with secrets. Thaniel attempted to hold back a chuckle and received a death glare from Legolas. Of the two, Legolas was stealthier, and perhaps better with his Blades of Doom. But it was Thaniel who was the better liar. I mean…Father, why did you hold a burial service for me? Time to shift the guilt onto the dadoo.
Thranduil held his composure, much to Legolas's disappointment. Legolas, you were gone so long. There was absolutely no sign of you. Last month, a search party found the skeleton of an Elf. What were we supposed to believe? Silmaril didn't buy it though. She was convinced you were still alive, just out of reach. That explained why Silmaril wasn't as ecstatic as Thaniel and his father – she knew he was alive somehow. Legolas, are you sure you remember nothing?
Yes, interrupted Thaniel, are you positive Lanfier didn't whisk you away into a deep cavern and chain you to the wall? Legolas felt his face growing hotter once again.
NO! And please stop insinuating that! He turned to his father. I must ask you something. What is being done to that human that Silmaril's party found in the forest? Is he well?
Thranduil looked a bit confused. Yes, he is healing. A spider tore a hole in his stomach, but the healers did a fine job stitching it together. He should be grateful for his luck. Why do you ask? Do you know him?
I am not sure. But, I feel that he has something to do with why I cannot remember where I have been the past months.
Thaniel gave a smirk. So it was a GUY who stole you away!
WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?!
~*~
Perhaps waking up in a strange bed wasn't as entirely as bad as Shawn once thought it was. Though having the most beautiful chick alive there to welcome you back to life could have had an effect on Shawn's thinking. Wait, stop! Can't forget about Nina! Pause for consideration as the cheeks of his "angel" turned a slight shade of pink. Was that embarrassment? Never mind. I love you. Well, he tried to say it. All that came out was, "Wah woff ooo." That wasn't cool. He could say angel but he couldn't proclaim his love?
The Elf maiden girl angel gave him a sympathetic look before lifting a glass to his lips. Shawn didn't even care what it was. She was hand-drinking him! (He couldn't say hand-feeding him since you can't eat a drink.) He greedily swallowed what was in the cup…until he noticed how bitter and downright gross it was. Take it away! Take it away! He flailed his arms about to knock her arm away, which he succeeded in. He also succeeded in making the rest of the liquid pour onto his dress. She bolted upright and gasped as her silver dress was stained with the red-crap.
Shawn sat up too, trying to apologize, but almost collapsed in pain when he felt his stomach move. However, the she-Elf was fretting over her dress in that beautiful language that Legolas spoke (as if Shawn knew the difference) so Shawn felt the need to get out of the bed.
When she saw him standing, she freaked even more. She pointed her finger at him, commanding him to do something, all the while looking at her dress, then she shouted toward the door. What the hell? Was she calling the guards? Wait! I'm not trying to do anything! I'm injured! A cripple! CRIPPLE!
"I'm not going to hurt you – I swear!" He held his hands up to show he meant no harm. Too late. Three big Elven guardsmen (Shawn figured) with really long swords in hand charged into the room and saw the red-stained dress wearing Elf angel pointing at Shawn. Hey, wait a minute! You heal me to kill me?!? Ahh! This isn't 'The Princess Bride!'
He clutched his stomach and backed up to one of the ornate walls. He half-realized that he was bare-chested. He did what he thought any normal person in his predicament would do. "Legolas mellon nin! Legolas mellon nin! MELLON! Shawn equals mellon! Mellon to Legolas damnit!" The three Elves held their swords still pointed at Shawn, though they hadn't stabbed him yet. He saw that the woman had raised a hand to stop them. Did she control them or something?
She said something to them. He supposed along the lines of, "Back away from the deranged maniac human." But who really knew what Elves said? Before he knew what was happening, the woman had walked over to him and was standing right in front of him. The guards were slowly moving their way around him, and away from the door. She started to reach out towards him to do hell knows what. If he timed it just right…
Before she could take a step closer, he darted between her and one of the guards. He expected them to come after him, being a "deranged maniac human," and since they were Elves and therefore had really good sense, but they let him run out the door. Sort of. Angel Elf followed him out the doorway. He staggered down the corridor, clutching his side where the spider had pierced him. Blood was seeping through his bandages. That wasn't good. She's going to make me drink that crap again! No way in hell, Elf-girl!
See Shawn run. Shawn runs pathetically. Run, Shawn, run!
He heard people talking down the next hallway. Maybe they would save him from the mad woman who wanted to poison him or better yet, pretend he was a voodoo doll and poke him with lots of swords! He turned the corner and cried out,
"I will not be your personal voodoo doll!!!" and he proceeded to run smack dab into a hard body. He fell onto the marble floor, his elbow taking most of the impact. That would leave a really nasty bruise there. His stomach hurt like hell, but he managed to sit up and see who he ran into. Clear shock filled his face.
"Legolas! Oh thank you dear lord! There's a mad woman following me and she's trying to poison me with this evil drink and then her little guards came in and they were going to kill me but I got away and now she's chasing me and I think she's a witch and you gotta help me!!!...Legolas? What happened to your eye?" He noticed two other male Elves looking at him with bewilderment.
Legolas, do you know what he is saying? asked Thaniel, quite disturbed at the human who was profusely bleeding through his bandages.
Legolas lifted himself off the floor. That was the third time today he had been thrown to the ground. I…don't know…Maybe.
Why is he talking to them?!? SAVE ME DAMN YOU! Shawn was kind of cold without a shirt on…Suddenly, he felt a hand smack the side of his face. His head whipped to the side, and the others were looking at who had hit the invalid. Silmaril stood in her stained dress, huffing at Shawn.
How dare you spill that on me! Bloody human! And tearing open your stitches! They're going to get infected!
Shawn scuttled himself behind Legolas. When in doubt, hide behind an Elven Prince. "Legolas! It's the witch!"
"Who are you, and why are you calling my sister a witch??" Legolas asked suddenly, not even noticing he had switched tongues.
Why me?
tbc…
Responses to Reviews:
Lindiel Eryn: Yay for sequels! Legolas will get his jolt, I can promise you that. But I can't promise what he'll remember ^_~ I'm still working on the details of the rest of the quest, hence why this isn't updated that quickly. I need to sit down and do some thinking, lol
lolly pop3: WAI~ I updated! It's midnight, but I did it! If I may quote Jack Sparrow, "Drinks all around!"
KatFay: I liked the first one better too. But that was because I had that all planned out. I knew practically everything that was going to happen in that one. The only thing I didn't get to have was I wanted Legolas to shovel snow. Something about Legolas shoveling snow is just so…sexy. =^_^= Thanks for reading it!! Reviews=sweet nectar of the fanfiction world!
Das Blume: Uhh, I hate when you write out a really long review and then you click it and it's GONE. Ya, I don't blame ya for not wanting to write it out again. -_- I rarely do, lol. Jared is like a mastermind behind the scenes. He KNOWS THE FUTURE. Well, not really. But if he did, that'd be cool. Hahaha, that's right, guys are guys; no matter how pretty, no matter how beautiful their eyes are, no matter how gorgeous their six packs are…never mind…
Nina: Yep, Jared, Nina, and Chloe get to sit around and watch Legolas fight and WEAR HIS CIRCLET! WAI~ Wow, you were almost thrown out? I think I'd DIE if I were ever thrown out of a Lord of the Rings movie. Especially during a heart-breaking scene or a scene with Legolas in it ^_^ I should've made Jared like, touch Nina or something. The thought never occurred to me though. Huh..
Froggy: No matter what you do to Legolas, he will always be hot. No matter how many battle wounds that will leave sexy scars. Shawn's going to do some major damage to the culture of Middle Earth. And it's going to be FUN! (Imagine Shawn cooking and you'll know what I mean.)
WeaslyTwinsLover1112: Yea, if anyone were glomped by Nina and Chloe, it would be a really good memory to be wiped from their minds. Well, seeing as how most of the readers out there in the fanfiction world, none of us will have to worry about being glomped by another girl…hopefully!
Vaniwen Calenlas: heehee, Silmaril and Shawn are going to have an interesting relationship. That is all I can say as of now.
A big thank you to everyone who reviewed, and especially to those who have put me on their favorite's list! I LOVE YOU ALL! Sorry for the lateness, but thanks to Lindiel Eryn for inspiring me to get off my lazy arse since I have a 4 day weekend. I've been too busy with finals and my PS2. But look forward to more updates in the coming week or two! (New semester=3 electives=only one honors class HOORAY!) Leave some love!