9. Emotional wounds

Pony's POV

The next day actually passed by as all the others: I got up, ate something, did the washing-up, went on reading in my book and even painted a picture once again.
Anyway, it wasn't that much what I did.
I had my summer vacation that's why the days were more or less all the same.

And there I really didn't do something with someone, I often was alone; sometimes I didn't mind, sometimes I did.
Maybe except with Curly, but I know that my brothers don't like it that I hang around with him so much.
They're even right that I could get into trouble, when I often hang around with Curly.
Even the name Shepard stands for trouble by itself!
And trouble just ain't that what I imagine and want. Not at all!

There I notice very clearly that I'm missing my best friend I've done so many things with in former times.

Aw, in former times...
That was a very long time ago. An eternity!

And in such moments I miss Johnny the most.
But I can't change nothing about it.
Unfortunately, he won't never ever come back again...

Directly after lunch I asked Darry if I'm allowed to go to the lot again around evening to meet Claudia there.
He permitted it.
And this time he didn't start to introduce Claudia to them.

In the late afternoon I went to the lot to be able to talk with Claudia a bit longer.
On the way there I considered what I should do when she ain't there yet, because I would be there earlier than yesterday.
I probably would have to wait.
There wasn't another choice for me since I still didn't know where she lived.

But when I arrived at the lot I saw a person sitting on a log.
And when I came closer I recognized Claudia.

"Hey, Claudia. You're already here, too." I stated surprised.

"Yes, as ya see I'm already here as well." Claudia replied and moved so that I could sit down next to her.

"How did ya know that I already would come here earlier? Do ya perhaps live near the lot or why are ya here that early? Ya perhaps didn't wait for me here the whole time, did ya?" I asked.

"No, don't worry. I didn't wait the whole time here for ya. I came here a while ago to enjoy the quietness. I think it's beautiful here. It seems that there ain't many people, who know and use that place. That's why I like it. Well, yes, I don't live very far away from here. And I didn't know that ya would come here earlier, but somehow I've even thought that. You've been here very often in the past, haven't ya?"

"Um, yes, I used to. Though not alone, but with my best buddy Johnny. The lot had become his home for him, 'cause he wasn't welcome in his parents' home. His dad beat him up and his mom ignored him. We - my brothers, my friends and I - were his true family." I said and looked sadly at the ground.

"And now this ain't possible any more?" Claudia asked, but it sounded more like a statement.

I nodded.

"Johnny died some time ago. I miss him so much...
And even if the memory of him is hurtin' so much, I just have to return to that place over and over again.
Over here, where he had spent so many nights, 'cause he wouldn't go to his parents' home. Over here, where we both went through so much. We've spent here several hours; have laughed and also cried together. But this ain't possible any more, 'cause Johnny's dead now. But I still like to come back to this place, even though it's hurtin' me.
But I like that place; I find it also very beautiful and above all reassurin'.
And every time I'm here, I get the feelin', Johnny still would be alive. He still would be here. I sense him here and that turns this place into somethin' very special for me. Here I can give myself to my grief all alone.
And... oh, excuse me; I wouldn't burden ya with my problems." I suddenly interrupted myself.

"Hey, ya don't have to apologize for it and also not to feel ashamed. It's as a matter of course to mourn for a friend.
And you're also allowed to it.
Don't let nobody tell ya that you're not allowed to mourn for him!
The grief's even necessary to cope with the events.
But the sorrow must not become rampant. It must not drag ya down so far that ya forget ya own life 'bout the grief and don't live on any more. The loss of a beloved person is a very tragic thing, but though ya must not forget above it that ya still have a life by yourself, which you're allowed to - and also should - live. So, ya grief is entitled!
And a good step to handle it, is to talk 'bout it. Believe me, this is really helpin'!"

I looked up and watched her admiringly.
How did a perhaps 10 year old girl manage it to be that wise?
Her answer gave me the creeps.
And her words gave me a bit comfort though.
They nearly seemed to me as if Johnny would have said them to me by himself, but this couldn't be possible!

I shook my head.
I wouldn't indulge in my sad thoughts now, but enjoy the time with Claudia.

That's why I asked her, "Tell me, where do ya actually come from? Ya don't live here for that long yet, do ya?"

Claudia shook her head and replied quite hesitantly, "No, I haven't been here for so long. I've lived in a neighbor town of Tulsa until recently."

Ok, I already got it; she wouldn't like to talk about it!
This move probably made her sad, because she had to leave her familiar surroundings and all her friends to begin a new life here.
Maybe that's why she wouldn't like to talk about herself and her past.
And I understood it and didn't push her to it.
She should tell me when she was feeling ready for it.