Return to Middle Earth
Kayo
Chapter VIII: Lembas Bread and Wild Berries
Soon enough, Legolas had found parchment and a quill to write with. As Legolas was busily writing a letter to the deceased Gandalf, Shawn shoved all of Chloe's things back into her bag, except for the trilogy book. He wanted Legolas to read it. They hadn't taught him to read for nothing! This was Shawn's last hope. Maybe if Legolas reads about the entire fellowship, he'll remember. It was a long shot, seeing as how the book mark idea hadn't panned out. But he was running out of options.
Thaniel grabbed the digital camera before Shawn did. "Mani naa ta?" (What is it?) Shawn didn't need a translation for the wonder in Thaniel's eyes. He grabbed the camera back and put it up to his eye, all the while saying,
"Don't touch it! It's a camera, and it's a really good one." SNAP! A quick flash of light, and Thaniel was looking around in bewilderment, before Shawn continued. "And now your image is here!" Shawn lowered the camera down to Thaniel's view, and Thaniel saw himself looking at an image of himself before it flashed away into blackness.
I'm just waiting before people start shouting, "He's a witch!" Or maybe I'll get lucky and they'll call me an Istari…doubtful, but a guy can wish, can't he? Shawn glanced over his shoulder and saw Legolas still going at the letter. He sighed and put the camera in the bag, along with the fake One Ring that was hidden amongst the blankets. Shawn held back a chuckle, imaging what it would be like if everyone remembered Sauron and the One Ring of Power, then saw the fake one. Humorous indeed.
Norbert, the new pet squirrel of death of Shawn, was jumping around like crazy on his leash that was tied to the bed post. Shawn didn't really want to know why, though he assumed either hunger or like…horniness? Hey! Don't look at Shawn like that! All males happen to get that urge, and Norbert didn't have any prostitutes to bang, so he couldn't blame to poor deprived squirrel of his…needs. Ew.
I should just let Thaniel and Norbert "get to know each other," thought Shawn. Hell knows that Thaniel would bang anything he can get his hands on. Once again, ew. Rather than think about such perverted and nasty thoughts, Shawn picked up the LotR book and put it on the desk beside Legolas.
"I want you to read this. This is my last chance of you remembering Sauron and the quest and everything." Legolas put down his quill and looked at the book.
"T-he…t-hhhe." Legolas sounded out.
"The, Legolas. The word is 'the.'" Shawn hit his forehead.
"Oh, right…The Loorduh off the Rrrihnguhs." No. This was not happening. They had taught Legolas to read! Jared had used his swashbuckling Istari magic to make Legolas learn wicked fast!
"WTF?" Said Shawn, actually saying the letters, "w, t, f." "Legolas, can you not read anymore?"
"I knew how to read this language?"
"Legolas…you're speaking this language…"
"Well I knew that!" Legolas was being such a dumb blonde right then, it wasn't even funny.
"You know what Legolas, forget it. It seems like I'm doomed to be raped in your little world and then die when Sauron finds Frodo and gets the ring and enslave everyone, who he will end up raping; since that's what every fangirl dreams of. Ew." Nicely put, Shawn.
"No I won't." Said – hey wait, who said that?
Shawn looked around the room. Legolas was back at his letter, and Thaniel was stroking Norbert. Ew. Looked like Shawn was beginning to lose his mind, which really wasn't a surprise to him, hearing voices and all. People heard voices in Middle Earth and were still considered sane, right? Look at Gollum! He sort of heard voices, and he turned out all right! A little dead, but that's okay!
Oh man, this sucks. Stomach growl. I need food.
"Legolas. I need food."
Legolas's head shot up. "Okay! I will send for some lembas bread and wild berries!" Stop being girly, Legolas!
"No no! That's okay. I want to make some of MY food. Where's the kitchen?"
"I am almost done with the letter. I can bring you there. Perhaps you should take the bandage off your head though. Silmaril will kill you if she spots you." Shawn didn't have a death wish. "Thaniel can stay here with Norbert."
Norbert's belly was being rubbed. Shawn started fearing for his little pet squirrel. "I'll take him with me! We need some owner to pet bonding…" Shawn grabbed Norbert's leash and dashed out of the door, Legolas not far behind, holding his completed letter to Gandalf. Thaniel was left in his bed, totally out of the loop.
--Nooo! Not my squirrel! Why! Why does this always happen to me!-- Right…
It didn't take Legolas long to deliver Shawn to the kitchen, where all the cooks stared at the weird looking human. Legolas had forgotten that Shawn was different than every other human in this world. It wasn't because of his raven black hair, which was starting to look grungy from not being washed, but because of his eyes. Luckily, for Shawn, many of the female Elves took to him, seeing Shawn as someone exotic. Despite not knowing how to speak Sindarin, Shawn had assured Legolas that he'd be fine cooking something for himself. Legolas doubted that, since Middle Earth didn't have that wonderful thing called a refrigerator. Even so, Legolas left Shawn to his own devices.
Legolas was walking down the hallways of his home. It felt great to be back here in Mirkwood, rather than Shawn's world. Actually, he would've felt better that he was home in any case. Legolas had this feeling that before he had met Shawn, he had been somewhere not good. Someplace where he didn't want to be, but he knew his presence was needed. Weird, wasn't it? Legolas knew he wasn't remembering something, and not just because Shawn was freaking out. There was a blank spot in his memory. He only remembered sneaking out to see that maiden, Lanfeir. Wait a gosh darn moment! Legolas had promised to hook Shawn up with a maiden after he had done that prank on him. Lanfeir was nice, and very beautiful. Shawn would like her!
But first, to deliver the parchment! Legolas jogged the rest of the way towards his father's chambers. There was a hawk that had pledged itself to the King of Mirkwood, though it would help the Prince as well. Legolas saw the ornate wooden door that led into his father's room. He knocked, with no answer, and let himself right in. He remembered that his father and Silmaril were at a meeting with the representatives from the areas around Mirkwood. He'd just tell his dadoo later about sending a letter for Gandalf. Using his Elven stealth, he crept through the various rooms dedicated for dictatorial work and living space. Next to his father's big desk loaded with papers, he was an open cage. They never closed it. The hawk, Mirky (Legolas had named it when he was little, and the hawk was REALLY old…), could fly in and out for food whenever he wanted, unless he wanted to hunt some poor defenseless mice.
Luckily for Legolas, though, Mirky was sitting on the high-backed chair that went along with the desk. Legolas smiled at the bird and took some string. After he tied his letter to Mirky's leg, he told him, --Bring this to Gandalf. Please be swift!-- Flap flap flap, and Mirky was gone from the room. Legolas sighed, and started his journey to find Thaniel something to eat.
Speaking of something to eat, Shawn was having a dandy time trying to communicate with the assortment of Elven cooks, mostly women.
"All I want to make is a doughnut! Do you have any dough? Bread? Hello? Do you understand the words coming from my mouth?" All Shawn got in return were smiles from the many women. I'd like this if not for the fact that I'M HUNGRY! Shawn just sighed and resigned himself to a small corner in the kitchen with a stool. And there he sat trying to think of something he could make using these medieval looking tools. Then again, dough was dough no matter what time period the recipe was from, right? Right? Well, Shawn assumed so. He saw a nice looking lady with dark brown hair pulled together in a braid that went down to her hips. Wow. Hair is like THE THING in Middle Earth. I bet if any of these people went to Earth, they'd all become hair dressers. He tapped the woman on the shoulder, and through many various hand movements and random words on both accounts, Shawn got a slab of dough. What kind of dough? Shawn didn't really know. Did he dare to take a taste? Yes.
"BLEH! Is this lembas bread?" When the women heard the word lembas, they all started laughing and smiling and shaking their heads. "I guess so…" It seemed as though Shawn wasn't going to escape from the toxic bread. (It wasn't really toxic, Shawn was just really sick of it.) It had such a bland taste. Shawn decided he'd help it, just a little, then form it into the shape of a doughnut, and then make Thaniel eat it! Stupid Elf.
While Shawn busied himself with finding where all the ingredients he needed were, Norbert the black squirrel with the red beady eyes was fighting his leash with all his might. The rope that Legolas had tied around his neck was now tied around the stool that Shawn had been sitting at. Shawn was distracted from his "pet's" antics. Lucky for Norbert. Stupid human was worthless. Though he did come in handy. But never mind that. Norbert had to escape this darned tether he had around his poor little squirrel neck.
A few well placed bites and Norbert gnawed his way out of his leash. If a squirrel could speak, this one would be shouting, "Freedom! Freedom! Take that you fing human!" Alas, Norbert refrained from speaking. Better if he kept quiet.
Along the floors and in the shadows he crept. Through the halls and many passages Legolas had taken Shawn through to the kitchen. Norbert backtracked all the way to Thaniel and Shawn's recovery room. Luckily, the door was slightly ajar, and Norbert slipped through without making any disturbance. Thaniel was laying on his bed with all the covers thrown off his body. Apparently, he was hot. So very hot. Oh man, was he hot. Sweat trickling off his torso, still bared so the bandages around his shoulder wouldn't get disturbed. And the next moment, chills! The blanket was wrapped tightly around him. Make up your mind, Thaniel!
Norbert sneaked his way around the room until he found what he was searching for. A bright pink bag was brightening up the room in the corner of the room. Norbert dashed over to it and using his tiny little paws, started to open the bag. He started throwing all kinds of things out; pads, wrappers, a brush, some make up. Though that wasn't good. The make up was in a plastic container and clanged on the floor where Norbert threw it. Thaniel definitely heard this and shot right up, which wasn't a good idea. All the blood rushed to his already pounding head. Looking over at the floor, he saw his good ol' buddy Norbert half buried inside that girl Chloe's bag.
--Hey there little guy! Did you run away to come back to me?-- said Thaniel with a drawl. When Norbert continued to chuck things out of Chloe's bag, Thaniel spoke louder. --Stop throwing that stuff about and come over here.-- His Elven charm should get Norbert to stop. But no. Thaniel was getting angry. (Not too patient was the Elf when he was all injured and hadn't taken his medicine.) --GET OUT OF THAT GIRL'S BAG, SQUIRREL!--
Norbert heeled on his legs and pointed at Thaniel. --Insignificant Elfling! How dare you raise your voice to your superior? When the world is mine, you shall be the first to know my wrath!-- And with that, he was back digging in Chloe's bag.
Thaniel stared dumbfounded at the back with the squirrel arse coming out of it. --Must be feverish…-- he muttered before dropping back onto his pillow and staring at the ceiling.
Norbert's movements were suddenly halted. He saw what he wanted. At the very bottom of the bag, no doubt. He made the dive to reach for it and…
He was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable. Legolas Greenleaf, of Mirkwood. For a time will soon come when Elves will shape the fortunes of all.
Legolas stood holding Norbert's tail in his hand. The bugger was squirming and trying to bite his hand, but Legolas easily controlled the sad excuse for a mouse. --How did you escape Shawn?-- Legolas asked no one in particular. --Looks like we will just have to fix that.-- He put down the fruits and bread he had gathered for Thaniel and went back into the drawer where he had found the rope before. Seeing nothing strong enough to hold the squirrel, he opted to go retrieve a small cage from the stock of cages that were used to host birds. It didn't take long. The Elf in charge of storage was a little bewildered to see the Prince carrying a black squirrel and asking for a cage, but stranger things had happened.
Shawn, Legolas, and Thaniel were all gathered back in the room. Thaniel, much to Shawn's joy, had put a shirt on, and Legolas showed Shawn Norbert.
"Whoa, I totally forgot about him. Wow. Well, thanks for getting him a cage." He stuck some of his experimental bread through the bars for Norbert. Shawn himself had yet to try it. Well, now was a good a time as ever. All he had done was add sugar, some more butter, and anything sweet he could find; berries, mostly. The bread had turned a dark pinkish brown when it had come out of the fire. He took a small bite and waited. And to his surprise, the misshapen, strangely colored, fake lembas bread tasted really good. Like, really good! Shawn had baked his first loaf of pseudo-lembas bread!
"Legolas! Taste what I made! It's so good!" Shawn shouted and shoved a couple pieces to both Legolas and Thaniel. They looked at each other warily before both Elves ate their pieces. Well, Shawn thought they were eating it until their eyes started watering. Then they started making really weird faces. "You don't like it?"
Legolas forced himself to swallow it. "Shawn, how can you eat that? It is too sweet!"
"No way! This is like, mildly sweet!"
"Shawn, that is not mild."
"Yes, it is!"
"No, it is not."
"Don't make me bitch slap you, Legolas!"
"What-slap? Why would you slap me?"
"ARGH!"
Norbert just rolled his eyes from inside his temporary residence. Fools.
tbc…
Responses to Reviews:
Namarie an Lalaith: Bane of Feanor? Umm well actually, I got the name after reading a tiddle from the Simarillion (I think I spelt that right, lol) and I saw a jewel called a silmaril or something like that. I don't really remember. I had made up the name and written it down and then I stopped reading the book, so I can't really recall. But she's named after that jewel.
Delf-the-Pirate: Love the name! Squirrels. What can I say about squirrels? I've never seen a black one. Darn. And I love Thaniel. He's so pervy and sexy. I think everyone should have a round with him!
Froggy: Haha, yep, I made Leggy pretty evil. I don't think he would do that for real, but hey, I can be a little OOC if I want. Hell, I've got an OC, so Leggy's definitely a little out of character. I hope you didn't spontaneously explode! Sorry it took so long! ;;;
Nina: Ahh, now I understand the squirrel and the scholarship story! Lol, I wish I could chase a squirrel. I saw a raccoon the other day. Yep, I did. I was running and I saw it. I saw it while I was running. And it was standing and then running when I was running when I saw it. EVIL FILIPINOS ROCK ON!
Kitten -: Legolas will shortly stop pushing Shawn and Thaniel together, much to my dismay. Lol, and I'm the one writing the story! But Shawn's gonna go out with…WHOOPS! Can't give away a spoiler! Haha, you laugh so hard that it hurts? I'm happy that I can illicit that kind of pain! It's like, happy pain! And this I can say: Nina and Chloe won't be coming to Middle Earth. Sorry!
WeasleyTwinsLover1112: No biggie Weasley girl! Did you see HP3? THEY ARE HOTT. They kinda remind me of the Beatles but with red hair, haha.
Lily of the Shadow: Sorry my friend, this is not pre war. This is real time. Frodo and Sam are currently traveling with Gollum, Gandalf is undecided (living or death) and Aragorn and Gimli are running across that big ass plain in chase of the uruk-hai. And Merry and Pip are in their custody.
lolly pop3: Mm, I know many people that don't like slashy slash slash. So that's why I'm making this just more humorous than anything bad. If I'm ever gonna do a slash with them, I'll make a giant warning at the top of the page or something, lol. Though I doubt it. I don't think I could write it. I want Thaniel too much to give him to Shawn. Haha
asp: Jared will show up, but more towards the end of the fic. I don't know when that will be. I don't want this fic to be more than 15 chappys. But I can promise you that Jared will show up. He'll be in at least 2 or 3 chapters.
Coolio02: Thank you! I feel like I'm funny or something! Lol, and I'm continuing as the inspiration hits me.
Das Blume: Haha, maybe Shawn will turn gay or something. Heh heh, or not. Males kissing IS hot. No doubt! I can't wait to play with the digital camera. I really can't! NEXT CHAPTER I SHALL! Hmm maybe I'll do a Thaniel pov when I write the Leggy and Thaneil story. But thanks for the supports!
Oh man, so many reviews. I LOVE YOU GUYS! Keep reviewing! They make me happy and want to write! Especially when I get them like…a week or two after I post. I don't know why. Those ones always make me get off my arse. So thanks Das Blume, whose review I got at my boyfriend's house! (Had to wait till today to write but that's okay!) So in any case, have a wonderful summer vacation y'all and leave some love!