A/N: I'm sooooooooo sorry for the three-month-long hiatus! Between first quarter of college and writer's block settling in halfway through this chapter, any semblance of regular updates pretty much went down the toilet…until now! MOO HA HA! Okay, that just made absolutely no sense whatsoever…Anyways, I'll stop babbling now. Here's the horrendously overdue Chapter Forty-Seven! Ta da!
Chapter Forty-Seven: Oaths and Confessions
Loyalty versus Love; Duty versus Desire.
It had begun to rain, fine mists of liquid silver sailing down from the still-sunny skies and creating tiny bursts of color on the leaves and ponds below.
Outside Xi Tian's court, the various species of birds—General Jiang Wei's gift aviary, as Amah had so eloquently called them—had been galvanized into noisy action as soon as the first cool drops began to splash down from the Heavens. The arrogant pair of peacocks were squawking with shrill indignation, swishing their drooping tails about and tottering for cover beneath the nearby magnolia trees. Safe in their copper cages, the various songbirds were amusing themselves with yet another melody. This new little aria was almost taunting in tone, as its dozen composers hopped in excitement and looked down contemptuously at the awkward peacocks waddling below.
In the midst of this symphony of raucous squalls and musical notes stood Yinchun and Firelight. The two handmaids were leaning over the mahogany railings enclosing the front veranda, enjoying the beauty of the newly formed rainbow and laughing in spirited delight at the impromptu avian performance chattering by their ears.
"Hey let's try this," Firelight suggested mischievously, before removing a showy red rose from her hair and tossing it in the direction of the peacocks.
One—the more imprudent of the pair—wandered out from beneath the shelter of its tree to examine this pretty new present. Immediately, the icy rain overhead drenched the foolish bird from head to splendid tail, causing it to screech and clumsily flee for safety.
Inside the veranda, the two handmaids dissolved into fits of merry giggles, before the elder of the pair cleared her throat and suggested, "Miss Xi Tian should see this; I'll go inside and get her."
And with that, Yinchun turned around and entered the house in a rustle of deep rose portieres. Firelight was left outside to continue teasing the dimwitted birds by herself.
"Ai…come here!"
Yinchun giggled to herself when she heard the feisty scarlet-clad girl sing out, before a chorus of oriole melodies and peacock shrieks drowned out Firelight's laughing voice. She was still smiling into her violet handkerchief as she stepped into her young mistress's chambers.
"Miss Xi Tian?" she started to say. "Miss Xi Tian, Firelight and I were—"
The smile was quick to slip off her face when her eyes settled upon the slumped form of her mistress. Miss Xi Tian was crying! No, it was more than that—she was leaning her head on Amah's enormous lap and weeping as if her life were about to end.
Yinchun paused, stunned, and for a few moments could only gape in speechless silence. When at last she found her voice, she took a tiny, hesitant step further into the room and spoke up timidly: "Miss Xi Tian…are you…are you feeling well?"
Amah looked up and quickly shushed the handmaid.
"Miss Xi Tian's fine," the old woman announced briskly, in a voice that left no room for arguments. "Go back outside to Firelight; Miss Xi Tian needs to be alone for now."
Yinchun nodded mutely, her eyes still wide, her lips curved into a troubled frown.
"Ai." At last, she nodded obediently, before turning around and softly padding off to rejoin her fellow handmaid on the veranda.
Amah followed the girl's progress with still-sharp hawk eyes, and only until the soft whisper of silken draperies had signaled Yinchun's departure did she begin to speak again.
"Don't worry, Miss Xi Tian. Yinchun's very discreet; she won't say a word of this to anyone," the old woman murmured in a soothing voice, gently patting her charge's raven hair in much the same way she'd comforted her a thousand times before when she was a little girl.
Xi Tian didn't bother to even lift her head.
"I don't care if the whole world knows," she sniffed petulantly into Amah's embroidered apron.
Amah looked alarmed at this potentially dangerous declaration.
"Miss Xi Tian, you can't mean that," she chided. "Think of the scandal that would cause—think of how devastated your father will be."
Xi Tian was silent.
Amah continued stroking the girl's head, the gesture soothing, almost lulling, mimicking the way a doting mother rocks her baby to sleep.
"Oh, my poor, poor Young Miss," the old woman lamented. "Why didn't you tell me all this before?"
"Because I didn't want you to get hurt." Zhuge Liang let his eyes flicker across the horizon to the eternal stretch of water beyond.
"You know I would never willingly deceive you, Zilong, but in this instance…" His voice trailed off, as his swan feather fan slowly swished back and forth in the absence of explanatory words.
Zhao Yun pressed his lips into a thin line.
"I'll be twenty-five soon," the handsome warrior mused, picking this topic seemingly out of the blue.
When Zhuge Liang failed to respond, Zhao Yun repeated, his voice soft: "I'll be twenty-five soon. I'll have fought in a thousand battles, marched on a thousand campaigns, slain a thousand enemies…"
"Not even the greatest heroes are immune to heartbreak," Zhuge Liang broke in sensibly.
"Nevertheless," Zhao Yun replied, with a quiet dignity rarely found in men of his youthful years," there was no need to try to protect me from the truth."
With those words, both men relapsed into silence. Their boat rocked gently back and forth, as it continued its long trek across the unfathomably green waters of the Chang Jiang. For a few minutes, the two passengers on deck seemed content with staring wordlessly at the majestic horizon, unwilling or perhaps simply unable to carry on their difficult conversation.
At last, Zhao Yun broke the silence. Turning around so that he was facing his Prime Minister, the young Tiger General looked at the Sleeping Dragon straight in the eye and asked unflinchingly, "When will the marriage take place?"
"In six months," Amah murmured, parroting the words her mistress knew only too well. "Just think of it—in only six months' time, my Young Miss will no longer be a 'Miss,' but instead become the cherished new bride of one of our kingdom's most promising young officers. Your father couldn't ask for a better match. At last, after ten years of misfortune, the House of Xi is finally rising once more. Heaven smiles upon us again, and especially upon you, dear child."
Xi Tian nestled her head on her voluminous sleeves and continued gazing off into nothingness, as she dully pretended to listen to what the other woman was saying. A fresh line of tears slowly trickled down her exposed cheek, betraying that she was still fighting to reject the truth of her nurse's reasoning. Jiang Wei's gold kylin rested heavily against her chest, and only felt as if it were somehow getting heavier and heavier with each word, each phrase, each piece of advice Amah spouted.
"Now, Miss Xi Tian, it's not so terrible being engaged to General Jiang, is it?" The nurse sounded almost pleading, as if she were begging her mistress to accept the inevitable nuptial arrangement. "After all, he's young and clever and so very handsome, and any fool can see that he loves you very much. You are truly lucky to have General Jiang, even if you don't realize it right now—"
"But I don't want General Jiang!" Xi Tian at last burst out, throwing herself violently onto her bed and burying her face into her pillows. "I don't want General Jiang, or General Lu, or anybody else! If my father were to offer me a prince, I'll not have him! I only want…"
Here, her voice trailed off, and she sank back behind the safety of her sleeves and pillows. Her face was flaming with scarlet mortification, as she realized how close she'd come to blurting out her disgraceful desires in front of her faithful old nurse.
But still, Amah knew. Amah always knew.
"You only want that young warrior from Shu…but now that you're in Wei, he's an enemy of your kingdom, an enemy of your family…Miss Xi Tian, General Zhao Yun is your enemy now," she murmured sadly.
No response.
"You're not yet twenty, Miss Xi Tian," Amah at last broke the heavy silence. "You're still such a child."
She paused, and looked ready to weep alongside her mistress. With tremendous effort, the old woman managed to control that impulse, and weakly petted the girl's head. She had to stay strong, for her mistress's sake, or else the poor girl would have no one to lean on…
"You're still young, Miss Xi Tian," Amah continued, gently stroking her charge's raven hair and discreetly dabbing at the corners of her own red-rimmed eyes. "You still have so much left to learn. Someday—perhaps not today, perhaps not tomorrow, perhaps not over the first year of your marriage to General Jiang, even—but someday, you'll learn to accept all the responsibilities you were born into. You'll learn that such things as duty, loyalty, and honor must come before the foolish whims of a young girl's heart—because those things are forever, while a first love is as ephemeral as a season."
Xi Tian scowled.
"I am not a child," she asserted petulantly. "No more coddling and babying—if I'm old enough to get married, I'm old enough to be treated as an adult."
"Then as an adult," Amah interrupted, "you must be prepared to make all the necessary sacrifices. You must understand that in some cases, you'll have to forego your own happiness for the greater good. Are you truly ready to do that?"
"What other choice do I have?" Zhao Yun's voice was low, although whether with apathy or discouragement, or possibly even both, one couldn't tell. "I certainly can't ride brashly into Wei and steal her away on her wedding night."
Yet the young Tiger General could very well do that, and the strategist standing beside him knew that fact quite well.
It was only after a pensive pause that Zhao Yun revealed the reason reining him back from ever attempting such an escapade: "It could spark yet another war amongst our two kingdoms, and I'll never allow Shu to be dragged into my personal affairs."
"An admirable vow, General," Zhuge Liang spoke succinctly, his fan moving in an elegant white swish of swan feathers. "However, I have to wonder if your resolve will stay this unwavering as the day of Xi Gu Niang's marriage ceremony draws nearer and nearer."
Zhao Yun failed to reply for several seconds. When he finally answered the other man's veiled challenge, his voice was devoid of any emotion, yet at the same time firm with the strength of the mythical dragon that was his namesake.
"My first love is the Shu kingdom," he vowed. "It always will be. No woman can change that."
"And on the upcoming campaign against the warriors of the Ma Clan…?" Zhuge Liang let his sentence dangle on this questioning note.
"You have nothing to worry about," Zhao Yun declared flatly. "Whatever happens with Xi Gu Niang, I will not forget my duty to our Lord Liu Bei."