15. The truth, part II

Pony's POV

I was confused, sad and shocked at the same time.

How could all this happen?

I was so confused that I went to bed right away.

And before I fell asleep the thought came over me that Claudia maybe really has been a ghost, because I doubted by no means any more that it was one and the same person, who I've met and who had died nearly a year ago.

And slowly most of the things made sense now: the fact that Claudia was at the lot nearly all the time, when I was there as well; the clerk of the movies, who gave me the two tickets, although he probably had seen only me and then the thing with the Socs.
Of course they had to think then that I've been alone with them the whole time and that's why I have to be the one, who insulted and attacked them.

But what was about the poem?
She probably also could read my thoughts in the shape she came to me.

And when I continued to think about it sleep came over me.
In that night I dreamed, though it wasn't one of the nightmares I got once in a while.

I dreamed about Claudia and my dream felt as real as the last few days I've spent together with Claudia - or rather with her ghost.

She spoke to me in my dream, "I'm sorry, Ponyboy, that I suddenly wasn't there with ya any more when ya would have needed me the most."

And she looked at me apologizing.

I asked her in the dream, "Um, are ya really that, what I think you are? A ghost?"

"Well, some would call me ghost; other people would prefer to see me as a sort of guardian angel. And I rather would also answer to it that I'm a guardian angel. I was a guardian angel for ya, ya guardian angel, ya companion."

"Then it's really true..." I murmured.

"Yeah, I died. Almost a year ago, as ya already know.
After the accident I was turned into a ghost or an angel, call it as ya like.
And in that shape it was allowed to me to return to earth once more, to be a guardian angel, as in ya case.
But I just wasn't allowed to visit and protect my own loved ones.
So I was sent to Tulsa, to ya.
But I only was allowed to stay with ya only 5 days and only show to ya, 'cause you're the one, who suffers the most from the death of a certain boy.
The reason why I was allowed to stay with ya a period of 5 days was that you've also spent that period of time with the already mentioned boy. 5 days, the last 5 days in the life of this boy."

I stared at her and stammered, "Do... do ya really mean Johnny? My best friend Johnny?"

Claudia smiled and nodded. "Yeah, Johnny is the same as I am now. He wanna tell ya somethin' on that way."

So Claudia pointed behind herself into a turbid mist.
And a figure appeared out of the white haze and came towards us.

I couldn't trust my eyes and that's why I asked bewildered, "Johnny? Is this really ya, Johnny?"

"Hey Pony! Yeah, it's me!" the figure greeted and stepped next to Claudia.

"Oh, Johnny..." I whispered and hardly could hold the tears back.

"Ya don't have to be sad, Ponyboy. Please, don't be sad. Everything's all right.
I'm sorry that I can't be with y'all, with ya, any more.
I'm fine now, although I miss y'all, and especially ya, Pony. But I'm loved now where I am.
And I ain't alone. Good ol' Dal's here as well. He says Hi to ya. He's completely different now than ya remember him.
Gee, ya should see him! Ya wouldn't recognize him at first, honestly!
He doesn't hate anyone no more and that's good.
Dally and I see y'all from there where we are. We see, what you're all doin'.
And we also see that our death, especially mine, affected ya more than the others and that you're still full of grief. This is also the reason, why Claudia was sent to ya.
She should care 'bout ya and comfort ya. Yeah, she should help ya with ya grief.
We know that the others cope with our death more or less, but ya don't.
That's why Claudia should be by ya side in that time we've spent together before I died, 'cause I can't do it any more.
She should help ya to cope with the grief and get over the loss, so that ya can live airily again.
It doesn't do ya any good, when ya mourn for us, for me, the rest of ya life. Ya only run yourself ragged with it. You're gonna get pretty sick some day and I'd like to prevent that.
Ya shouldn't mourn ya whole life, ya life is just too worthwhile for that. Ya should live airily again and above all laugh and enjoy ya life, even if we can't take part on it any more, at least not actively any more.
But as I said, we can see y'all, so that we can take part on ya life though, we witness it as well, in another way though.
And in addition to this Claudia should take care of it that the Socs don't do anythin' to ya any more. And she has done that today, too.
Ya can be sure that the Socs ain't gonna come near ya. They're gonna leave ya alone once and for all in the future. They think of course that ya would have attacked 'em. They don't know anythin' 'bout Claudia.
I would have liked to come by myself, but it wasn't allowed to me and also not to Dally to come to ya. We ain't allowed to go to our own loved ones any more, 'cause this would unsettle the bereaved and maybe give 'em false hopes. So Claudia had to do that." Johnny said.

And I remembered that this probably had been the longest sentence Johnny ever had said.
And tears were running down my cheeks at this thought.

"Don't cry, Pony. Everything's gonna be all right." Johnny comforted me, as in old times when he still was alive.

He placed his hand on my shoulder and I was glad to feel his proximity once more, even if it only happened in my dream.

After some time Johnny meant to me, "I'm sorry, Pony, but ya slowly have to wake up again. This means, we must say goodbye."

I looked at him sadly.

"Ya don't need to be sad 'bout it. I and Dally are always gonna be with y'all, and I know that we're in ya hearts in any case.
We're always gonna take care of ya and watch ya. You're really never ever alone. We're always with ya.
I want ya to live again. There's no use to mourn on and on.
Ya only make yourself and others unhappier than before with it. Be happy again.
Forget what happened and just look forward. Ya don't have to worry 'bout us; we're fine.
And don't reproach yourself. Everythin' in life has a meanin'.
It also ain't ya fault, please remember that!
We're gonna see us again sometime. One way of it are ya dreams. I wanna visit ya in 'em, if ya like.
But until that day you're also gonna be as we are and come over here, I want ya to start to live again, as light-hearted and cheerful as ya used to be in former times. Carry on and live on!
But don't forget us and don't think with sad feelings 'bout us, but remember us with joy.
Please, Pony, promise me that ya wanna keep to it as soon as ya wake up!"

I sniffed and answered determined, "Yeah, Johnny, I promise! I'm gonna give my best to be, as ya wish. I'm gonna overcome my grief and live again. I'm just gonna look back in joy at the time with ya and don't sink in my grief any more. And I'm gonna do somethin' out of my life."

Johnny smiled at me and hugged me.
I hugged him too and wouldn't have let him go never again, but I knew that he was right; I soon had to wake up from that beautiful dream and go into the reality again, where he isn't here any more, physically.
He parted the hug gently sometime, smiled at me once more encouraging and together with Claudia he waved goodbye at me.

Then I woke up!

And a warm smile spread on my face, when I thought back at the dream.
A smile, which I haven't shown so many months any more.

But I had comprehended it with that dream and I whispered quietly, "Yeah, Johnny, I wanna keep to the promise and live again and do somethin' out of my life!"

Then I got up and set off to cope with my grief over my best buddy in the end!

A step into a new life!

THE END

A/N: Well, since we're not allowed to refer to single reviews in the story itself any more, I'm going to say itsubsumed at the end of the story:
Thanks to all those who reviewed this story and also thanks to those who read it so far :)
I hope it didn't sound cheesy or something like that
and sorry once again for my bad grammar and the errors and so on, but as I said english isn't my native language...