Diamonds are a Fuzzy Dude's Best Friend

Chapter 9: Attack of the Clones

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to Marvel.

Shout Outs-

Paprika90- Madelyne Pryor is Jean's clone. Watch out for more Jean bashing, literally!

GothikStrawberry- Hee, Kurt and Emma are indeed cute. An appearance from Sinister? Maybe…

TheLegendaryManHimself- Mwahahaa! Maddie is sure gonna shake things up! How can Emma NOT be horny with the way she dresses?

Agent-G- Oh yeah, compared to Maddie, Emma is a saint!

Xavier's-

Bobby Drake was walking through the halls of the X-Mansion when he saw Kurt limp down the stairs. The fuzzy elf also seemed to have a dumb grin on his face.

'Hey Kurt, what's up? You get cramp again in the night again?'

Kurt just shook his head and pulled Bobby into the rec room, where nobody could hear them.

'I don't vant anybody to hear of zhis, okay?'

'If it's a secret you want keeping, you've come to the wrong guy.' Bobby replied.

'I guess I could always go and tell Peter then…' Kurt said.

'Wait Kurt, you can tell me man! I'll keep your secret!' Bobby replied as he grabbed the elf's arm and pulled him back in to the rec room.

'I am no longer a stranger in ze vays of a voman.' Kurt whispered.

'Say what?' The ever-naïve Bobby asked.

Kurt rolled his eyes and groaned.

'Emma and I, you know…'

Bobby just shrugged, he didn't have any idea what Kurt was on about.

'…On the wing of the X-Jet, in the shower, in the bed…'

'I see…' Bobby replied, still non the wiser.

'Okay zhat's it, I give up!' Kurt sighed as he threw his arms in the air. 'I'm going to talk to Kitty's dragon plushie, I'll be able to get more sense out of him.'

Bobby just watched Kurt go, trying to figure out what the elf was talking about. Then, it clicked…

'Kurt and Emma had sex!' He gasped. 'I have to go tell the others…'

Bobby walked into the kitchen to spread the news.

'Guys, you'll never know what I just found out!'

Bobby was stopped from continuing as a stone came through the window and hit Scott upside the head.

'Omigod, Scott!' Jean shrieked.

'There's like, a note attached to the stone.' Kitty said.

Emma picked the rock up and read the note.

'X-Men, meet us at the sight of your first defeat. Signed, the B-Hood.'

'Well that's different form what the Brotherhood usually does.' Rogue said. 'So we gonna go kick their asses or what?'

'You do know that it's a trap, right?' Emma replied.

'The idea had like, occurred to me.' Kitty replied. 'I'll go get Peter, we'll need all the people we can get on this anyway.'

'What did you want to tell us, Bobby?' Jean asked, turning away form the unconscious Scott.

Bobby tried to think what brought him into the kitchen but his mind was a blank.

'My cat's breath smells like catfood…'

'That's nice Bobby but we've got more urgent things to see to than your cat's dietary habits.' Jean replied. 'Go get Mr McCoy to see to Scott, okay?'

Bayville Mall-

The X-Jet landed outside Bayville Mall, the site of the X-men's battle against the Scarlet Witch, and their first defeat.

'My Spider-Sense is tingling.' Emma said as the X-Men disembarked form the jet. 'Something isn't right here.'

'Well you did say this was a trap.' Piotr replied.

'It's not that.' Emma said. 'I can sense a presence, something that I haven't felt for a long time…'

'I don't see why you couldn't wear your regular uniform.' Scott said. 'Isn't this one a little…?'

'Slutty?' Jean finished.

Emma looked down at her uniform, white hot pants, boots, gloves, trenchcoat, and some strategically placed material that formed a naked X across her breasts.

'Looks fine to me.' Emma shrugged. 'The Brotherhood'll be too busy ogling me to do any fighting.'

'I'm still going to have a word with Dr MacTaggart when we get back.' Scott sighed. 'Okay X-Men, fan out and be careful…'

The X-Men did as they were told and split up to search the mall.

Inside-

Madelyne Pryor was already aware of the X-Men's arrival, the rather large jet landing outside was a bit of a giveaway.

'Take down whoever you want.' Maddie ordered. 'But Jean Grey is mine.'

'How come she gets to choose who she fights?' Pietro muttered.

'Shut up man!' Lance hissed. 'Or do you want her to kick you butt again?'

Pietro sneered in reply.

'If only Wanda was here…'

'She'd most probably give her a round of applause.' Todd replied. 'I would.'

With that, the Brotherhood split up to search for the X-Men.

Shadowcat and Colossus-

Kitty and Piotr were searching through the first floor of the mall. They passed a sporting goods store and felt the floor shake beneath their feet.

'Oh yeah, it just had to be him.' Kitty groaned. 'Give it up Lance, you're gonna lose again.'

'That's fresh coming form you.' Lance snorted. 'The last time you were here, we kicked your butts!'

'Only because you had Wanda on your side.' Kitty replied. 'Without her you're nothing but a bunch of losers!'

'A bunch of losers that're gonna kick your butts!' Lance yelled as he let rip with another earthquake.

Kitty stumbled but Piotr was there to catch her.

'I have never liked you Alvers.' The Russian said. 'And the thought of you touching Katya sickens me.'

'It all boils down to the fact that I got there first man.' Lance snorted.

'You talk to much.' Piotr sighed. 'Get him Katya!'

Lance spun around to see Kitty standing behind him.

'Nighty-night!' Kitty said as she phased Lance halfway through the floor, stranding him there.

'Care to finish him off, Petey?' Kitty asked.

'Many thanks Katya.' Piotr nodded as he savagely punched Lance in the face, making him wobble back and forth like a teeter-totter.

'What do you say we go see how the others are getting on?' Kitty asked.

Piotr merely nodded and followed Kitty to search for the others.

Rogue and Iceman-

Rogue and Bobby were fighting Blob and Quicksilver on the ground floor of the mall. Bobby had iced up the floor, making it near impossible for Pietro to use his super-speed.

Rogue was taking on Blob and was trying to get close enough to him to use her powers on him. Unfortunately, Blob kept on throwing stuff at her. Bobby saw this and iced up the floor beneath the Blob's feet, making him lose his footing. Luckily, Pietro lost his footing at the same time and skidded across the mall, colliding with a wall.

As Pietro tried to get up, he saw Blob skidding toward shim.

'This is gonna suck…' Pietro winced.

Blob collided with Pietro with a sickening thud, squashing him against the wall.

'Well that was surprisingly easy.' Bobby muttered a she dusted off his hands.

'Yeah, it was almost as if these guys were a distraction.' Rogue replied.

Emma Frost and Nightcrawler-

Kurt was having the time of his life as he observed Emma, in her diamond form, giving Todd a good butt-kicking. His girlfriend was quite the brawler. Well then again, if her fight with Duncan the other week was any indication of her fighting skills, she was nigh unstoppable.

Todd whipped out his tongue and tried to grab Emma by the arm. Fortunately, Emma was ready and grabbed it.

'Second date, no tongues!' Emma hissed as she swung Todd around by his tongue and threw him through a store window.

'Man, you gotta love a voman zhat uses Hellboy references in a fight.' Kurt snickered.

'Yeah, and I looked damn sexy doing it too.' Emma replied as she dusted herself off.

'You still getting that funny sensation in your head?' Kurt asked concernedly.

'Not in my diamond form, no.' Emma replied. 'It's still worrying me, the feeling seemed similar but I can't quite put my finger on it…'

Cyclops and Jean Grey-

Maddie was ready for Scott and Jean as she spied on them form her perch atop the escalator.

'Well it looks like your friends took down my team.' The leather-clad mutant sneered. 'But can you take me down?'

Maddie gestured with her hand and sent Scott flying through the mall window.

'You bitch!' Jena hissed.

'Why thank you Miss Grey.' Maddie replied. 'One never tires of compliments.'

Jean was about to lash out with her own telekinesis until she actually saw the woman's face, the woman looked just like she did.

'Y-you…'

'Yeah, we're identical.' Maddie replied. 'Ain't that a pip?'

Maddie then gestured with her hand and sent Jean flying through the air. However, Jean used her own powers to stop herself and sent Maddie crashing through a store window.

'Is that all you've got?' Maddie sneered as she brushed glass from her hair. 'I can give as good as I get sweetie, and then some!'

Maddie then brought her hands down in a sweeping motion and sent benches flying towards Jean.

Jena tried to dodge but one of the benches smacked into her chest, sending her crashing against the wall.

'Looks like you're going to lose again, Jeannie.' Maddie sneered. 'Unlike the last time, you're not going to walk away form this fight!'

Outside the mall, Scott had barely recovered form Maddie's telekinetic when the ground was rocked once more.

'JEAN!' Scott bellowed. 'NO!'

Before Scott could even move oen step closer, the mall exploded in a colossal ball of telekinetic energy, the shockwave sending him sailing into a tree, knocking him out once more.

Later-

Scott regained consciousness to find several battered figures looking back at him.

'Jean…' He asked weakly.

'I'm here, sweetie.' Jean replied as she helped him up.

'What happened…?' Scott groaned.

'That witch blew us up with a telekinetic blast.' Jean replied. 'We only survived down to me and Peter.'

'We're fine thanks.' Emma sniffed. 'Nothing a massive dose of aspiring can't cure.'

'Ze Bruzzerhood got away too.' Kurt added. 'Man, vhat vas up vis zhat voman? Vas it me or did she look like Jean?'

Something finally clicked in Emma's mind.

'God, not her!' Emma groaned.

'Who liebe, who vas it?' Kurt asked concernedly.

'You remember that Madelyne Pryor cow I told you about? That was her.'

'Oh Scheissen.' Kurt groaned. 'It looks like ve're in for a tough ride.'

'But first ah need a shower.' Rogue replied as she ran her hands through her hair. 'I'm gonna be washin' brick dust outta mah hair for weeks!'

With that, the battered and defeated X-men all limped back into the X-Jet and made their way home.

TBC…

Next: Party on Emma!

Due to the crappy morale after the X-Men's defeat, Moira throws a party to cheer them up. And just why is Jean acting so weird?