She just held me. I hadn't expected for her to say she loved me back, but I knew she did.

I felt so much better, I wasn't alone.

I knew Heather would be back so I could talk to her, and I felt like I could talk to Olivia too.

She understood, some how she understood how much I was hurting and how much I really needed her.

She kissed my forehead and said with giving up," Come on. Let's go get you something to eat."

I shook my head and said," I'm really not hungry Olivia. I just want to lie down."

She finally gave in and said," Okay, I'll come check on you later."

I went into my room and pulled the door to.

I pulled my journal out from in between the mattress and sat down on the floor by my bed to write.

My dad came back, and he hadn't changed. I didn't tell Olivia though. I think maybe I thought she wouldn't believe me. I mean she goes to work everyday and works with victims and perps, and she let one into our house without ever knowing it. I think she blames herself for what happened to me, but I let it happen too. I could have told her, I could have made her believe me…She would have believed me. Something like that, she would have believe me. I finally told her that I loved her. She didn't say she loved me back, but I know that she does. Maybe, never mind, no maybe we could talk more. I'm not very good at talking. My mom and I used to talk all the time. She knew everything about me. That's why I don't talk to Olivia. I can't let anyone into me that deep again, it hurts to much once they're gone…

There was a soft knock on my door. I slid my journal under my bed andsaid," Come in."

Olivia opened the door. She had a sandwich on a plate. She sat it down on the desk and said," I brought you this. Are you okay?"

I said," Yeah, I'm fine."

She looked at me for a minute and then sat down beside me on the floor.

She looked over at the picture of my mom and asked," Do you want to go see your mom tomorrow?"

I was surprised. We hadn't been to the cemetery in a while.

I answered," Yeah, I'd really like to go."

Olivia said," Okay, We'll go after you get out of school tomorrow."

She got up to leave, but I asked," Olivia?"

She turned back and asked," Yeah?"

I said," Can I not go to school tomorrow?"

She said," You need to be in school. Why don't you want to go?"

I said," I can't explain to my friends what happened today."

She sat back down beside me and asked," Why don't you tell them the truth. If they're your friends they'll understand, and they'll probably want to help. Sarah, I know your friends, they would want to know what's going on."

I said," I know, but how do I tell them something like that. I could barely even tell you."

She said," I know… I've been thinking about that too. What about if we found someone to help us talk to each other?"

I asked," Like a shrink?"

She said," Like someone who can help us learn to always talk to each other."

I asked," Can I get back to you?"

She looked at me for a minute and said," Just think about it. I think it will be good for you and for me. We still have a lot of learning to do."

She got up to leave and pulled the door to behind her.

I pulled my journal back out.

Learn to talk to each other? That could be good, but I don't know. My mom knew every thing about me and we were so close to each other. I wanted to die with her. I wanted us to always be together. That saying parents are never supposed to bury their children. I think it's a child should never have to bury their parents. I have Olivia, but she's a cop. My mom just worked an everyday job and she still died. Olivia carries a gun just to go to work. I already love her, but if we get close and I loose her too. I'll really be alone. I don't want to be alone again. I just want to be a normal kid with parents who love them. What am I saying…Olivia does love me. She does. I think I'm fighting it in a way though…when I let her love me, I can be hurt. I can't handle any more hurt in my life. Maybe we should learn to talk to each other. My mom would have wanted us to talk to each other. My mom would have wanted us to love each other and move on. I need to move on. I think I'm going to tell my mom good-bye tomorrow and then not go back for a while.

There was another knock on the door, I hadn't realized an hour had passed. Olivia opened the door.

She asked," Still not hungry?"

I said out of no where," I'm going to tell my mom good-bye tomorrow."

She asked as she sat down beside me," What made you decide that?"

I said," you."

She asked," What did I say that made you decide that?"

I said," That we should learn to talk to each other. You were right. She would want us to be able to talk to each other. She would want me to move on."