Olivia sat there for a minute before she said," I'll make an appointment for tomorrow around lunch. We'll sleep in and then go see your mom, get some lunch and then go there."

I asked," What about school?"

She said as she got up and picked up the plate," We have more important things to do tomorrow. You can go back on Monday. Good night Sarah."

I smiled and said," Night Olivia."

She shut my door on her way out. I changed clothes and laid down in my bed.

I pulled my covers up close and slowly drifted off to sleep.

That night I wasn't haunted by my dreams.

Right after I had fallen asleep it seemed like I was waking up on the beach. The warm white sand under my body and the low rumble the waves made when they crashed against the shore. I sat up and saw a woman walking along the beach a few hundred yards away. Her long hair was blowing gently in the breeze. She walked tall, strong, and confident. I heard her singing something, but I couldn't make out the words over the waves. The closer she came I could understand the words. I closed my eyes and listened to her voice," Hush now my baby, be still Love don't cry. Sleep like you're rocked by the stream. Sleep and remember my lullaby. And I'll be with you when you dream." That song, the song from my childhood. It was the only way I would go to sleep. She always rocked and sang to me. When I got older she made a tape of the song and I listened to in the darkness of my room. The night she died was different; she came in and sang the song to me herself. I never knew why. Maybe she knew she was only going to have one last time to sing to me. When she was close enough I saw her face. It was my mom. She sat down beside me and kept singing," Drift on a river that flows through my arms. Drift as I'm singing to you. I see you smiling so peaceful and calm and holding you I'm smiling too. Here in my arms safe from all harm, holding you I'm smiling too. Hush now my baby be still love don't cry sleep like you're rocked by the stream; sleep and remember this river lullaby and I'll be with you when you dream. Here in my arms safe from all harm holding you I'm smiling too. Sleep and remember this river lullaby and I'll be with you when you dream. Sleep and remember this river lullaby and I'll be with you when you dream. I'll be with you when you dream." She looked at me and then she kissed my forehead and got up and walked away as she continued to sing the last lines of the song," Sleep and remember this river Lullaby and I'll be with you when you dream…" I listened until the waves drowned out her song and then she disappeared into the distance. I whispered," Good bye mom." It was like she was standing right beside me when I heard clear as day," I still love you the mostest. Good-bye my love."

I woke up so peacefully the next morning and walked out into the kitchen.

I sat down across from Olivia and said," I dreamed about my mom."

She asked," Was it a good dream?" She knew I had had nightmares since the accident that took my mom's life.

I shook my head and said," She was singing me that song she always sang…The River Lullaby. Then she walked away down the beach. I whispered good-bye when I couldn't see her anymore and I heard her voice answer back."

Olivia smiled and asked," What did she tell you?"

I said," She still loves me the mostest."

We both laughed. My mom had been telling me that my whole life and I had even gotten in an argument with a teacher in school when I was younger for writing it on a card we had to make. I said it was right, she said it was wrong, and my mom took my side. Then she sat down and explained to me at home that, that was our special word that not everyone would understand.

Olivia said," I never figured out where she got that word from. She told you that the day you were born, so maybe the painkillers where what led to the word, or maybe it was just that there were no words to describe how much she loved you."

I smiled and said," She was different than most."

Olivia laughed and said," That she was, but she always knew what to say at just the right time. It was like she could take one look at you and see into the deepest part of your soul. She could tell me things about why I did things before I even knew why I did them. She understood me more than anyone I ever knew."

I said," sometimes I didn't even have to say anything and she would know, and it wasn't always a good thing."

We laughed at the memories, then Olivia asked," You ready to head out?"

I shook my head yes and went and put on my shoes before we headed out the door. We rode quietly to the cemetery. We walked together to the tombstone that marked the spot where my mother lay. We sat down beside each other on the ground. I didn't say anything. I wasn't sure what I could say.

Olivia broke the silence," I promise to always take care of her like you did. I know she misses you; I can see how much she's hurting to be with you. I know I'm not always the mother you were, but I'm trying my best and doing the best with what we have. Things will get better. Don't worry. We'll be okay. I'll take really good care of your baby. I still love you the mostest…you're my best friend…"

I looked over and saw the tears rolling down her face. I realized she had never said good-bye to my mom either. Olivia had known my mom longer than I had.

They had been best friends since high school. My mom was thirty six when she died and they first became friends when my mom was only 15…wow…I never realized how long they had known each other and how much Olivia must miss having my mom to talk to, for twenty one years all she had to do was pick up the phone and call her and my mom would listen about dating problems and work and life's struggle in general.

Now there wasn't anyone to call about what to do when I failed an English paper and she didn't know what to do. She got me and she lost her anchor.

It was like I was this new boat and she didn't have anybody to help hold me down and steer me the way I was supposed to go. We were in this alone; we had to help each other, because each other is all we had.

I leaned down so close to the stone I could feel the coolness from the stone. I brushed the debris off her name," Annie Elizabeth" tears slipped from my eyes as I kissed her name and said," Good bye mommy. I'll always love you the mostest." Then I pulled myself together and we got up and walked away together.

When we got back into the car we sat there for a minute before Olivia turned to look at me. She said," I have something important to tell you. I know you've wanted to hear it for a long time and I'm sorry it's taken this long, but…"