Chapter 4:

James blurrily looked at the clock hanging above the entrance to the Hog's Head. Even though he tried his best to make out the numbers and arrows it all appeared quite out of focus.

"What's wrong, poopie," slurred Sirius as he put his arm around James. James looked at him strangely. It seemed that once Sirius was drunk he'd hit on anything that moved. Gender seemed to become a rather trivial matter.

"I was trying to find out what time it was."

Sirius squinted at the clock. "It's either 3 o'clock in the morning or afternoon." Suddenly his voice turned husky. "Not that it matters, baby. I party 8 days a week, 24 hours a day or…night."

"Strange, I believe there's only 7 days in a week."

At this Sirius looked slightly puzzled but then he just shrugged, looking at James lustfully. James stared back wondering if he should awaken Sirius from his fantasy world. Suddenly Sirius moved his hand, which was still around James, further down. He squeezed James' nipple area. James jumped out of the booth they were sitting in, feeling violated. But James' distress was not even remotely as bad as Sirius'. "Oh my Fizzing Whizbee! Audra, why did you get your tits removed?" shouted Sirius in utter dismay.

"Sirius, I'm not Audra!"

"Oh. Hi James." He went to sit back down when what just occurred hit him like a bolt of lightening. His face was alit with horror. "I didn't just…Did I?"

"Yes. You did just grab my left nipple."

Sirius made a gagging noise. "This doesn't leave the bar, okay?

"Oh, like I want to tell anyone," replied James sarcastically. "Actually I was going to go around and tell everyone Sirius grabbed my nipple, and for 5 knuts you can too."

"I was just making sure." As he said this he looked around. "I guess I had one to many firewhisky." Their entire booth was filled with dozens of empty bottles. So many that a few had toppled on to the surrounding floor. Sirius' looked over at James, "Should we drink some more?"

"Sure." James didn't even hesitate in his answer. "I may never learn", he thought.

And so they sat back down to drown their thoughts in firewhisky. Not knowing that later in their drunken state they would find themselves in a truly humiliating circumstance.

Meanwhile…

Lily and Audra were at Lily's house in outer London sitting on Lily's bed discussing all manners of things. Lily was just finishing describing Petunia's latest suitor. "…Oh, and when he was here earlier this month for dinner all he could talk about was his father's drilling business."

Audra grinned, "I'd really like to meet this Vernon guy. I have a feeling he'd be fun to play with."

"Are you insane? I don't even believe he has the slightest idea what it is to have a sense of humor. His closest thing to a joke was 'If it's not drilling. It's not a business."

"Where's the pun in that?"

"I don't know! But I can tolerate that better than Petunia's constant gushing. 'Vernon's my hero. He's so handsome. He's Superman.' As she said this Lily made mock gestures of Petunia batting her eyes and she turned to her window to blow kisses at an imaginary Vernon Dursley. "It amazes me that she could ever think that because he looks like an overfed walrus who hasn't had a proper bowel movement in a week." Suddenly Lily shrieked.

Audra looked at Lily worriedly, "This guy really has you worked up. Maybe we should go back to bed. After all it's almost 4:30 in the morning."

Lily just shook her head and pointed a trembling finger out her window before running into her bed and putting a pillow over her head.

Audra ran to get her wand then peered cautiously out the window. The sight made her gape. There, beside a large willow tree, stood James and Sirius dressed in matching pink and yellow tutus. James seemed to be riding an imaginary pony. While Sirius twirled in circles singing "I'm a Pretty Princess." All of a sudden Sirius came to a shaky stop. "OY, Audra! James came here to serenade Lily with a beautiful song." James giggled, a goofy grin on his face, "I did?" Then a look of dawning came upon him, "Oh right I did." Sirius smiled, "Shall we get in our positions." James nodded. Sirius went to face the willow tree, James facing the same way a foot behind Sirius. "Ready?" he called. Then simultaneously they burst into song.

"Oh baby, baby
How was I supposed to know
That something wasn't right here."

Their words were slurred but they seemed to know the lyrics surprisingly well. Audra couldn't help but laugh, "Lily you have to see this!"

"…Oh baby, baby
I shouldn't have let you go.
And now you're out of sight, yeah"

At this Sirius began to hump the willow tree. James stopped singing for a moment to remind Sirius that that was not part of the dance.

"Show me how you want it to be
Tell me baby 'cause I need to know now, oh because."

At this time they got into a new position. Sirius bent over with James hovering over him.

"My loneliness is killing me
I must confess I still believe
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign
Hit me baby one more time"

At this James repeatedly smacked Sirius' ass. Which seemed to make it's own rhythm. Slap, Ow, Slap, Ow…Both of them seemed to rather enjoy themselves.

Finally the song came to a close. Sirius and James each took a curtsy. Audra turned back towards Lily who still had her head under her pillow. As Audra tugged the pillow out of Lily's grasp Lily turned to lie on her back. Tears were streaming down her face and she seemed to be gasping for air. "Lils, are you okay?" Lily started to cry harder, "Okay? I'm great! That was hilarious. I mean it was frightening but hilarious." At this she turned to the window. "Are they still here?" As if to answer her James and Sirius started an off-key rendition of Enrique Iglesias' "Hero." And so it went for the rest of the night.

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I loved this chapter! It was a lot of fun to write. The next chapter will be the one where they finally go to Hogwarts. PLEASE REVIEW. Finally for the 3 people that have reviewed this story so far, Thank you SO much. It gives me such a warm fuzzy feeling in my insides when you do. So, again, please take the time to review. Peace Out.