Chapter 11:

Lily and James slowly walked to breakfast together. It had been two weeks since that miraculous kiss and the dance was to be held tomorrow. But at that moment the most important thing was the Quidditch match between Slytherin and Gryffindor that was being held today.

Lily stole a quick glance at James. He didn't seem at all nervous. 'Of course,' thought Lily, 'He has no reason to be.' Lily smiled and squeezed James hand. James looked at her and then, with a smirk, pulled Lily into a small nook. A brief session of making out was in order. Lily laughed as James stuck his hand up her robe. Before things could become even more heated they heard a strangled yell from the main entrance to the Great Hall. James sighed, "Always a fucking interruption."

Lily was disappointed as well. James was a great kisser. "Let's see what the commotion's about."

They were just in time to see a shouting match between Audra and Sirius escalate. Audra was advancing Sirius with a dangerous gleam in her eye, "Why you slimy git! You cock-sucking idiot! You bastard! I hope 'Junior' falls off while you're taking a piss and you never have sex again!"

Sirius gasped and convulsively grabbed himself. Once he was reassured that everything was in order he shouted, "I can't believe you said that!" Then gathering steam he continued, "I wish Gryffindor loses the match today and you fall off your broom and land on-on Filch's fat ass!"

"Oh, because that's so likely!" said Audra sarcastically.

Sirius stormed into the Great Hall. Audra paused for a moment before running after him. She reached him just before he sat at the Gryffindor table. "What the hell could you want now?"

Audra's nostrils flared. "I just wanted you to know that I am most definitely NOT going to the dance with you. It's SO over!"

Sirius glared at her. "Well whoopity-fucking-do! It's not like I'll have a hard time replacing you!"

Audra stalked off. It didn't seem that either of them had noticed that the Great Hall, which was full of practically every student and faculty member, had become eerily quiet. Everyone had heard their "lovely" exchange. As Audra slammed the door a hushed whisper rose from the students. Some openly pointing at Sirius while filling in friends who had just arrived on the turn of events. Sirius, upon seeing a little 1st year Hufflepuff pointing at him, lost it and told the room in general to 'FUCK OFF!' before storming out of the Great Hall. He returned shortly after, mumbling about a delicious peach cobbler. Once he had put several helpings on a plate he again left the Great Hall slamming the door with such vigor that it simply bounced open again. James and Lily, who had followed Audra and Sirius unnoticed, both bounded after their best friends. Remus and Peter who had already began eating breakfast simply continued. Both relieved that they didn't have to see Sirius pig out, which was usually so disgusting it caused everyone a loss of appetite.

Lily found her friend in their dormitory writing with an energy that Lily did not know she possessed. "What are you writing there?"

"Nothing," snapped Audra.

"Hey. There's no need to bite my head off."

After receiving no answer from Audra Lily decided to tread on dangerous ground. "So…why did you break it off with Sirius?"

Audra hissed at the name. "Because I hate him. I hate the way he breathes, the way he walks, everything!"

Audra jumped on to her bed and punched her pillow as if it held Sirius within its fluffy interior. "I'm so sick of him! Sometimes when he talks I just want to plug my ears and scream 'La-La-La-La-La!'

Lily tried her best not to laugh. "Listen, Audra. Couldn't it be possible that you and Sirius have spent so much time together these last two months that you may just need a little space?"

"Maybe," said Audra cautiously.

"I mean it doesn't seem like you two broke up for any specific reason. Possibly, it could be that in a week or so you'll remember each others good qualities and want to get back together."

Audra held up her hand, "Whoa now. It's most definitely going to take longer than a week. Look at what we just said to each other a few minutes ago."

Lily giggled. "Make that a month then."

Audra looked thoughtfully at Lily and then crumpled up the paper she had been writing. "I guess you could be right about Sirius." Then she grinned. "Did I make a total ass out of myself back there?"

Lily went to sit next to Audra, "A little. But don't worry Sirius made himself out to be a bigger one."

Audra laughed. "Good." She laid her head on Lily's shoulder. "I didn't even notice all those people watching us."

"Well, you were pretty busy cursing Sirius' dick off. But at least you didn't commit treason."

"How'd Sirius commit treason?"

"I can't believe you don't remember! Sirius said he'd be rooting for Slytherin at today's match. I'm sure that pissed off a lot of Gryffindors."

Audra's eyes widened. She quickly jumped off her bed. "How could I forget?"

"Forget what?"

"Quidditch!"

With that Audra took off towards the Quidditch field.

At the same time that Lily spoke with Audra, James was trying to talk sense into an insane Sirius…

"Sirius did you hear a word I just said?" asked James, exasperated by his friend's lack of listening skills.

In obvious answer to James' question, Sirius simply continued to work on the project set out before him. He had been doing this since he had gotten back from the Great Hall fiasco. This being vigorously turning himself into a Slytherin Super-fan. He had already decked himself out in black and green, going so far as to write "Slytherin's my Homeboy!" on the back of his robes. Now he was working on a sign to hold up during the game.

James had been trying to talk his best friend out of social suicide. The school would not be very forgiving if Sirius showed up at the match prepared to kiss Slytherin ass. However, Sirius seemed oblivious to everything except his revenge on Audra.

James tried again, "Oh come on mate. You shouldn't let her get to you."

At this Sirius looked up. "James, at this very moment she could be making a potion that will dethrone my crown jewels! Wouldn't that get to you?"

James moved uncomfortably, "Sirius I'm pretty sure she wouldn't-"

"Aha," Sirius pointed at him victoriously, "even you're not positive-"

"Okay, wait, that was the wrong choice of words. I am positive she wouldn't do that. She just said it to piss you off. It may have been a bit harsh but-"

"Harsh! HARSH! That was outright cruelty that was."

"Sirius, that's not-"

Before James could continue there was a knock on their dorm door. James opened it to find Midge Grundy outside holding some breakfast.

James couldn't believe the nerve of that girl. "Listen, Midge, this isn't a great time. Could you-"

Midge smiled serenely, she seemed to have forgiven James for being rude to her when she had asked him to the dance. "I saw that you left without eating breakfast so I brought some up for you."

"Oh, er, thanks." James took the tray. "Well, um, bye." He shut the door before Midge could invite herself in.

At the smell of food Sirius became slightly more attentive to James. James had forgotten what he meant to say to Sirius and more to have time to think than because of real thirst he chugged down the juice Midge had given him. "So…"

Again there came another knock on the door. James cursed, "Midge did you come to bring me fucking lunch too?"

When he opened the door he found Audra standing there out of breathe. "James, we have to go down to the Quidditch field NOW!"

"One second."

"Make it snappy. I'm heading down without you."

"Yeah okay."

James shut the door and turned back to Sirius who had put the finishing touches to his sign and was preparing to leave. Sirius looked at James and muttered a good bye before James could utter a single protest. James sighed no one could say he didn't try to get Sirius to stop. He sat down upon his bed and put his head in his hands. Why did he suddenly feel so fucking sick?

Meanwhile:

Audra was pacing on the Quidditch field, "Where the hell is James?" she snapped to the others on the Gryffindor team. No one volunteered an answer. Audra glanced at Madame Hooch, the Quidditch referee, who tapped her watch when she saw Audra looking at her. Hooch had said that if James didn't appear in two minutes they'd have to play without him. Audra continued to pace, "If he shows up I'll kill him!" She paused to consider what she said. "I'll let him play and then I'll kill him!"

Suddenly, the Slytherin fans began to cheer and jeer. Audra turned towards the crowd to see Sirius slowly making his way towards the Slytherin seating area with Lily and Remus running after him. By the looks on their faces they were arguing with him. Many of the Slytherins began to laugh at the gaping looks that the rest of the school were wearing. Audra was furious, but before she could let out her anger on the nearest innocent bystander she caught the sight of two figures walking towards the field in the distance. As they neared she recognized one to be James and the other person was…ARGUS FILCH!

James reached the field and gave a cheery hello to Audra. Filch was at his side and the two of them were holding hands. Audra was near hysterics. "What-What-What-"

"Yes, Audra?" said James with perfect calm.

Audra really wanted to ask why James was looking at Filch like they had just fucked but she decided to ask another pressing question, "Why the hell are you wearing that?"

James was dressed in…(shall I say it?) a pink and yellow tutu.

"Well, me and Gigi wanted to match and I found these in my dresser so…"

"Gigi? Wait, I don't want to know. Just get dressed in your Quidditch robes."

Madame Hooch had approached by now and had heard Audra's last comment. "There's no time. He'll have to wear it during the game."

James smiled, "Thanks, Hutchie Mama."

Then James turned to Filch, "Bye Gigi." They then gave each other air kisses and rubbed their tutu-clad bottoms together.

Audra suddenly felt the need to vomit. This urge was increased when she got in place to start the game and saw Sirius holding up a sign that said in neon green letters, "AUDRA SUCKS BALLS!"

Madame Hooch blew her whistle and the game began. Zia had the Quaffle and was heading towards the Slytherin goal posts. Audra zoomed towards her but was distracted when she saw James hovering over the crowd and blowing kisses to Filch. "JAMES," she shouted, "get in the game!" James nodded and flew into the center of the field. However, it soon became obvious that it wasn't in pursuit of the Snitch but an opportunity to spin, twirl, and pose on his broom to Filch's exuberant applause. Before Audra could yell another admonishment Zia had lost the Quaffle to Herfbrunner, a burly Chaser on Slytherin's team, who had flown it to the Gryffindor goal posts and scored on Danielle. At this there came a loud cheer from the Slytherins and Sirius turned his sign around to show a slithering snake making it's way around the phrase, "GO SLYTHERIN GO!" Audra screamed for a time out, and flew to the ground with such force that there came a gasp from the crowd, who probably thought she was attempting suicide.

"What in the name of Merlin is going on around here?" Audra's face was bypassing red and hitting purple.

Danielle was close to tears. "I'm so sorry Audra I-"

"Danielle you did all you could." At this Audra turned to James, "Did Filch give you anything to drink today?"

"No. But if we win Gigi said he was going to treat me to some oak-matured mead." After James made this statement he went over to 'Gigi' to get a little 'good luck.'

Audra sighed. "I'm guessing that Sirius gave James a love potion." The team gasped at this accusation.

Zora looked at the fan stands to where Sirius was doing an extremely irritating victory dance. "What are we going to do without James?"

"We're going to lose." Audra said this with the utmost defeat. "I'm not playing that well myself, what with Sirius displaying his true colors." Audra paused for a moment as if contemplating killing Sirius. "Well, hands in, and, well, try your best."

And so the game continued until Humphrey, Slytherin's Seeker, caught the Snitch making the end score to be 350-40. The game was filled with humiliation after humiliation for Gryffindor causing many fans to leave in tears. However, the most embarrassing moment occurred when Sirius, doing his best to sabotage Gryffindor's chances of a closer loss, called out to Audra when she had the Quaffle. Audra turned her head to catch Sirius giving her the full moon. In great shock she spent a second too long looking at Sirius' pearly ass and got hit by a Bludger causing her to fall off her broom. Ironically, Filch was on the field shouting out a love sonnet to James and Audra managed to land on him, softening her blow, but causing her humiliation to increase. It seemed Sirius' wish had come true.

After the game Audra went on a rampage. Lily hurried after. "Look, Aud, it could be worse."

"Oh, How's that?"

"At least there wasn't an announcer, since its usually Sirius' job."

Audra stared. "Well, look how fucking lucky I am. My seeker turns gay and by ex-boyfriend turns traitor but at least the fans only saw that embarrassment and didn't have to hear it too." Audra paused, "Did you note that sarcasm?"

"I got a hint of it." Lily grinned, "I have to admit seeing James act like that was hilarious though."

"Yes, my sides hurt from laughing," she replied sardonically.

By now they had reached their dorm. Lily, it seemed, had only escorted Audra back for fear that she may do something drastic. She left immediately to go check on James in the hospital wing where Madame Pomfrey was trying every cure to every love potion that she knew. As Lily shut the door Audra removed the crumpled up paper from the wastebasket that she had written earlier today. Audra smiled wickedly, "Don't get mad, get even." At this she gave an evil laugh, "Ho, ho, ho. Ha, ha, ha, ha. He, he, he." (and a couple of la-la-las) (sorry I just watched the Wizard of Oz ).

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The pink and yellow tutu returns! Sorry it took me so long to update. But what happened was that I had written a lot of the chapter than I took a two-week break. When I read what I had already written I thought it was a load of crap and had to start all over. But to make it up to you I made this my longest chapter yet! Finally, I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed this story. I am up to 37 reviews, I think. Keep it up and REVIEW, (please). Peace Out.