Author's Note: These aren't Christmas specials, but as of late I've been able to come up with four new parodies on account of getting the soundtrack to the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie! And, in doing so, I was able to get the lyrics to the four Oompa-Loompa songs and turn them into Little Person songs. I had a lot of fun doing these. Imagining the Little People singing always cracks me up! This one is a parody of Augustus Gloop turned into Bradley Stretch. Oh, and even though their called Little People, I had them singing Oompa-Loompa all the same…it just sounds better that way. 

Bradley Stretch

Evra brought out the Little People's cooking pot and sat on his knees as he scraped it out with a spoon. He couldn't help but wrinkle his nose – whatever the Little People had been eating it sure did wreak. Ew!

Just then, something golden and shiny fell onto the grass. Stopping, he leaned forward and studied it. When he realized what it was his breath caught painfully in his throat and he nearly choked. He looked at the scraps of meat that lay upon the ground, and his face turned greener than it usually was as he quickly became nauseous. It was…it couldn't be…

"Oompa-Loompa, Oompa-Loompa, Oompa-Loompa, Loompa, Loompa, Oompa-Loompa…"

The steady chanting brought him back to reality. He whirled around in alarm, only to see that the Little People were filing one-by-one out the tent behind him, their hoods down, revealing their ugly gray faces and sharp, grinning teeth. A drumbeat started up out of nowhere in tune to the chanting, growing louder as more instruments were added. Evra watched in alarm as the Little People gathered in a circle around the tent, and, to his horror and amazment, they began singing, and dancing as if they'd been made to do that their whole lives.

"Bradley Stretch! Bradley Stretch! The great big greedy awful wretch.

Bradley stretch, so cruel and vile, so insulting, rude, and infantile.

'Come on,' we cried, 'the time is ripe, to send him shooting to paradise!'

But don't, Dear Evra, be alarmed," (it was the Little Person with the limp who sang this line)

"Bradley Stretch was never harmed; Bradley Stretch was never harmed!"

During the music break their strange dance continued. At one point when the music grew soft, they linked arms and swayed from side-to-side, humming, and then the music quickly sped up.

"Although of course, we must admit,

He was altered quite a bit.

Slowly temperatures rise to heat,

And we added some extra chunks of meat.

We boiled him for, a minute more, until we were absolutely sure,

Then out he came, by God, by grace! A miracle had taken place, a miracle had taken place.

This giant brute, this louse's ear, is loved by people everywhere

For who could hate, or act so shrew, against a luscious bit of STEW!"

After the explosive last word of the song, the music softened and the Little People began to drift away, putting their hoods back on and going back to their stiff, robotic way of walking.

Evra was too disturbed to talk about this anyone.

Author's Note (cont.): (claps enthusiastically) Aren't they just delightful? Are they charming? More to come soon!