" " Speech

' ' Thoughts

Slushette- I have completely reconstructed this fanfic. R&R please.

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING.

She had always known that she wasn't as pretty as most women and would never be the beauty of the court. She wasn't fragile, docile, or a doll to be dressed up. She heard everything that was said. The lies, the rumors, and the slurs on her honor all because she was a Lady Knight. She had never once shown anyone the real her, the part of her that wanted the endearments and devotion from a man. The part of her that like the pretty things, that wanted to be beautiful, and get the guy. The part of her she wanted was buried from the many times she looked in the mirror and was grounded from her thoughts of how hopeless it would be to try. She had achieved her goals, her dreams, but was this all that she wanted… She didn't think that this lifestyle would seem so lonely.

It had been a while since she had been knighted, almost a year, and already most of her friends were married or courting. Somehow she felt left behind and didn't know whether or not she should do something about it.

"Keladry, Are you ready?" Neal called from outside her door. A small sigh escaped her as she grabbed her gavel and went to meet Neal. Maybe she could collect herself over a few duels. Maybe…not.

He was raised to believe in all that his father wished of him. It was purely for his survival but when survival changed to instinct he didn't know what game he was playing anymore. He knew the way he treated women was wrong and the way he saw his mother treated was a scar deep in him that burned in hate. His hatred of his father, his realization of what he had became was the only thing that made him survive his Ordeal. He had changed from the moment his mother shed her last breath. He now looked to retribution as he last hope for a far better life, a life his mother would love him to have. He saw no point to his playboy ways. He knew no one could love him after all he has done. He knew that all the girls ever cared for was his looks or his money. That wasn't something he wanted. He dreamed of a life, protecting Tortall, and having a family. Deep down, the only person that loved him was gone and all he had left was the hope that one day he could live a life without regrets. The only thing he had right now was his will to be a better man. A man that his mom would have been proud of. He pondered everyday if he could truly let himself be forgiven for all he has done…

His train of thought was interrupted when Zahir walked into his room. Zahir was a quite man by nature and when he said something it was heard. He had been the one that stayed by Joren's side through the change. Zahir had always been neutral when it came to certain torments that the group would play. He was the one that listened and stuck by. He would even back you up in a fight. He was a Bahzir. He was a tall, with dark hair, and had piercing dark eyes that at times seemed black. It was rare that you could tell was Zahir was thinking.

"Joren, I came to see if you wanted to join me in the practice courts. We haven't dueled in awhile and it seems like you could get some stuff off your mind. You have been quiet lately." Zahir stated in soft baritone. Joren just nodded knowing that Zahir knew him too well. He needed to be distracted.

Neal side glanced at Keladry as they were walking through the court yard. He saw how much she has changed. Her hair had got so long and her hazel eyes didn't show much of the glow they had when she was younger. She seem elegant and refined not so much the ugly duckling anymore. Her skin held the slight tan from the sun, her body had evened out with maturity. Her body was ripped in lean muscles that accented her height well. He blushed lightly as he observed her. She had grown into a very attractive women and she moved with such grace that it was hard to believe for a second that if he hadn't of known her he would have never truly guessed that she were a Lady knight. That she had seen and fought wars and buried many men out on the battle field. He pondered for a moment if he truly knew her, if he had been too blinded by his hormones and the court Lady's to notice that he never took the time to know her. He wondered if he had missed something important, he had been there through it all but had he truly ever seen who Keladry was…

The courts were empty when they arrived. Keladry and Neal stretched as they made light conversation when truly they were stuck in their own thoughts.

"How is Yuki? I haven't been around much lately and wondered how she was. I was stuck in Patrol at the Northern Border. I missed the birthing, didn't I?" Keladry said with slight idleness as flexed her muscles feeling the slight sore wear from practice that morning.

Neal's head bobbed up as if to determine if she had really spoken. He hadn't noticed how stagnant the silence was until her low velvet voice rose through the air. He caught himself, "Yuki is doing great. You did miss the birthing of our daughter, that's ok. Yuki knows how important your duty to Tortall is. She would like to see you though. I think I might be driving her a little insane over her getting rest and everything. She was really weak at giving birth that I got to protective…"

"Neal, She just became a mom. She needs to adjust. Everything comes naturally as a new mother and she will rest once everything falls into place for her. She is smart enough to know not to over push herself. She know that she needs to stay healthy for you and the baby." Keladry stated in a motherly tone as if she were giving her own son advise. It was as if she were the elder telling him what needed to be said. That he needed to relax and let everything flow. She could tell he their was slight tension at the mention of home life.

"Alright, now you're here to tell me what I needed to hear, I could have used that when Yuki went into labor and nearly murdered me! Let's duel and see if you still and beat me like you used to or have you got to soft in your old age!?" Neal said all too dramatically. Keladry burst forth with laughter, 'ah good old Neal.'

Joren could see that they wouldn't be alone in the practice courts today. There was a duel going on in a very aggressive pace. From a distance he couldn't help wonder if it was an arguement or a duel to the death instead of just practice. They both looked very skilled. One seemed to have a quicker pace and held a rythmn that was almost hipnotic.