Disclaimer: I'm serious, man, they ain't mine! What will it take for you to believe me?

A/N: This is my very first Criminal Intent piece, so bare with me. I'm new to the show, so I might not have the characters down yet. If there's anybody that would like to beta this and school be on the characters and such, please feel more than free to drop me an note at the e-mail address listed in my profile. I really do love criticism. I will not die if you don't think this is perfect. Trust me, it helps. Anyway, I apologize for this essay of an author's note.

Growing Up Goren

Robby

"I don't know what you've been smoking, but remind me not to try it."

"What were you thinking, anyway, or did you even bother to think?"

I stuffed another egg roll in my mouth, took another swig of my beer, and rolled my eyes at my two older sisters. My eldest sister, Kate, invited Lindsay and I to her place to munch on some Chinese take-out and for some good conversation. As usual, the conversation took a turn towards my relationship with my long time girlfriend. Lindsay and Kate didn't approve of Miranda and they always made a point of telling me. Kate found her to be too brash while Lindsay just passed her off as oblivious. So now I sat, watching them both have cows, after I smugly told them that Miranda would be their brash, oblivious sister in law.

My sisters and I are pretty close. I think it's because both of our parent's were cops and we were left alone so much that we couldn't help but bond. I'm a lot younger than they are, seven years behind Kate and six behind Lindsay, but we just hit it off. I can count on Kate to be gentle with me and Lindsay's there to keep me in check with her sharp tongue and clear insights. We always get together at Kate's place on Friday nights. It's been our tradition since Kate moved out after she graduated from high school.

"Wipe that grin off your face you little asshole," Lindsay glared at me over the rim of her beer bottle. She brushed a stray curl away from her eye. "Why'd you go and do this?"

"Down girl," I laughed and downed the last of my beer. I let out a satisfied "ahh" and leaned back in my seat. I smiled sheepishly into my sister's dark brown eyes. "What I can I say? I love her."

"Robby," Kate said gently. "You're twenty, you're not even out of college, and you haven't had a chance to enjoy life yet. Are you sure you want to tie yourself down so soon?"

"Weren't you the one that married at twenty-four?" I folded my arms and watched her.

"That's different and you know it," she frowned. She snatched my empty beer bottle from the kitchen table and tossed it in the trash. "I was pregnant."

"How do you know Miranda isn't?"

"Because you value your life," Lindsay laughed in Kate's direction. The two exchanged smiles. "After Mom and Dad got finished ripping you a new asshole, Katie and I would get our licks in."

"And speaking of our lovely parents," Kate ruffled my hair before plopping back into her chair. "They know yet?"

"No, I was planning on telling them at Mom's birthday party."

"What has college life done to you, little brother?" Lindsay shook her head and let out a whistling breath. "That's about the stupidest thing you could do."

"Yeah? I thought that thing I did..."

"When you used Mom's vibrator to mix brownies?" Lindsay shrugged and took another sip of her beer. "All right not as stupid as that."

"Hey, I was eight. How was I supposed to know what it was?"

"Uh...maybe because it was shaped like a penis..."

"Maybe she got it from her bachelorette party," I defended between laughs.

"Yeah, you know Mom, always keeping her kitchen supplies in the drawer under her underwear..."

"Okay, okay," I raise both of my hands in an effort to shut her up. "You win, okay? Seriously, why shouldn't I tell them there?"

"They. Don't. Like. Her."

"They do too like her Lindsay!"

"Robert, you know I love you, but they can't stand your girlfriend," Kate patted my shoulder sympathetically. "Don't feel bad. Dad couldn't stand the sight of Kevin for nearly two years!"

"Yeah, that's because Kevin knocked up one of his little girls."

"If Daddy Dearest couldn't stand Kevin, the Doctor, how the hell is Mom going to take you marrying Miranda the bimbo?"

"She's no bimbo! She may be a little slow..."

"Bimbo! BJ! Bimbo!"

"What did I tell you about calling me that?" I cut my eyes at Lindsay, who just returned my look with a snort.

"Oh come on, Robby, we've been calling you Bobby Junior since before you could pee straight."

"Yeah, but I can pee straight now, so stop calling me that."

"You so can't pee straight!"

Lindsay and I both eyed Kate strangely. Lindsay coughed and I avoided her eyes.

"On one of the rare occasions that I was engaged in a conversation with your lady friend, she just happened to share with me that you leave...uhh...leave drops..."

"You and my girlfriend actually had a conversation about the way I urinate?"

"I was just trying to make her feel comfortable."

"Yeah, so," Lindsay sucked in her breath and then stood up from the table. She started for the fridge. "You guys up for more beer?"

"I'm straight," Kate held up her hand to fend off the bottle Lindsay was pointing in her direction. "I've gotta go to work bright and early and I still have to go grab Lillian from Kevin's parent's place. Trust me, arriving there drunk as a skunk would give his mother yet another reason to pry her precious son away from me."

"Mrs. Donavan still the Ambassador of Assholelia?"

"I don't think she'll ever give up that title Linds," Kate grabbed the hair tie that was on her wrist and then reached up to pull her hair into a ponytail. "No matter what I do, that woman just continues to treat me like crap."

"Sick Lindsay on her," I said, reaching for a cold egg roll.

"That won't help anything," Kate sighed.

"I'm not doing time because Kate has a problem with her husband's overbearing mother!"

"Who ask anything about time Linds?"

"Kate, you and I both know that by the end of the evening I'd be dangling the woman by her back fat over the edge of her balcony. Mom and Dad might have connections, but I don't think they could get me off the hook for murder."

"God damn," Kate grumbled when she heard her cell phone ring and vibrate on the kitchen counter. Snatching up her phone, she flipped open the flap. "Speak of the devil, it's Dad."

"Oh joy," Lindsay groaned. "What does he want?"

"Hey Daddy! Yeah they're here. Oh nothing, we're just having a few beers and shooting the breeze. What's up? You want to talk to Robby? Dad, what prevented you from calling my house phone? Yeah, all right. Junior it's for you."

"Hey Dad," I said after taking the phone from Kate. Both of my sisters were watching me intensely, eavesdropping--or attempting to."

"Holding your own with the girls?"

"Trying to," I flashed my sisters a dimpled smile. Lindsay snorts. Kate shakes her head. "What's going on?"

"I need you to stop by after your sisters release you?"

"I guess I could stop by on my way home. Is there something wrong?

"Your mother..."

"What happened?"

"I know Lindsay and Kate are listening..."

They were of course. Lindsay was watching me with her hand propped up in her hands. Her curly golden brown hair was fanned over her arms and shoulders, strands of it nearly landing in her box of chow main. She was focusing on my eyes, trying to poke through my purposely-vague responses for some hints on what was going on. Kate just sat with her head cocked to the side, not staring hard, but still focused. She was half-busy putting her unruly mass golden brown curls in a ponytail for the second time and half watching me.

"Uh-huh."

"I need your help with something. I would tell you but Linds and Kate would torture you until you gave it up."

"Give me some credit Dad..."

"And whose daughter's are they?"

"Anyway, I'll see you in about thirty," No sooner did I hang up the phone, Lindsay was hovering over my chair hissing at me to spill. "I could have sworn he asked to speak to Robby..."

"Actually he asked to speak to BJ," Kate held up her hand in an effort to silence me. "Spill, little brother."

"Have you taken time to consider that it might not be any of your business?"

"Have you taken time to consider the notion of my minutes my business?"

"Oh grow up, will you? If Dad wanted you guys to know he would've told you. Besides, he knows the both of you well enough to know that as soon he told me, you'd manipulate into telling you."

"Fine then," Kate shoved my head and walked into the living room. "Next time you come over here you'll be drinking grape juice."

"What? Why?"

"Because, my dear baby brother, you're twenty years old! I don't want to get in trouble..."

"Well on that note," I grinned and smacked the table. "I'm outta here."

"Where's Mom?" I ask as soon as Dad opens the door.

"Out with Mara."

I shuddered at the thought of Mara Phillips. Imagine, if you will, a fire hydrant. Now put a black football helmet on top of it. Then wrap the whole thing in a pastel jogging suite. She looks like a cross between Snow White and one of seven dwarfs. She and my mother met when Mom joined Vice. Mara worked as a server at the Italian restaurant Mom frequented and for some odd reason the two hit it off. Mom hooked Mara up with my uncle David and even after those two broke up, Mara still hung around. I could picture the two of them now sprawled out over Mara's couch watching action movies and munching on popcorn.

I grab a beer out of the fridge and sit down in the living room where Dad's watching Court TV. He immediately turned off the TV when I plopped down on the couch.

"Put that back in the fridge BJ," Dad eyed the beer bottle in my hand. "You're not twenty-one."

"Aww come on..."

"Robert."

"Okay, okay," I sit the bottle down on the glass coffee table and then crash against the pillows. "So, what's so important that you couldn't tell me over the phone?"

"Your...uh...your mother's birthday's in two weeks and I need your help."

"With what?"

"I need you to write a song about her."

I've been singing since I was twelve, and while Dad comes to my shows, he's never really showed this must interest. Dad's the customary father when it comes to my singing. Pride shines in his eyes when I go on stage, he smiles when I sing, and stands up to applaud when I'm finished. He takes me to eat after every performance, envelopes me in a hug, and then goes about his merry way. Dad has asked me to bring my career into our relationship. I don't rather to be afraid or excited.

"Are you trying to get me to help you woo my mother?"

He just blinks.

"I guess not. What do you want it to be about? Do you want something people can step to? A ballad?"

"Something like this."

He pulls himself from the couch and stares over to his freakishly organized music collection. All of the CD cases are in alphabetical order, by release date, and in some case lightest to darkest. One of the golden rules of the Goren household is ever remove one of Bobby Goren's CDs if you can't return it to the exact spot where you got it from. If you break such a rule you will be forced to endure one of his grueling lectures on clean as you go and completing one task before you start another. Me being me, I managed to learn that lesson by experience--on numerous occasions.

"One of my favorite pieces," he said.

Maybe it's the way you listen when I ramble

Maybe it's way you help when I take more than I can handle

Or could it be the way you stand behind me when I take risks

No, it's that you're willing to listen to me cuss and vent

I don't think I can summarize what we have into just a sentence

I've tried but it runs on until it's endless

I just can't seem to categorize

That feeling I get when I look into your eyes

Or the way you smile when I hug you

I'm not doing it justice when I say I love you

Ain't no words to describe it, In French or English

The only way I know how to explain it

It goes just a little something like this...

I only found one word the seemed to meet

My criteria, I wasn't sure but I just had to conceit

To this word, it just reminded me so much of you and me

You and I

Can't you see

Every time I think of you I feel complete...

My voice halted abruptly and I found my Dad holding the pause button the remote. My mouth was gapping open. I knew Dad had seen me perform, but I didn't know he actually listened to it.

"You..you like it?"

"Of course I do," he looks hurt for a minute, like I was supposed to know that he cared. "What made you think I didn't?"

"I.."

"Because I never say it," he interrupts.

"Yeah."

"Well, Robby..."

A polyphonic version of Parliament's Flashlight marked the ringing of my cell phone. I reached to silence it, but Dad gives my shoulder a squeeze and heads into the kitchen. I glance at the digital clock on the television screen. It's approaching eleven and without looking at the Caller ID, I know it's Miranda. Her photo flashing on my screen confirms my suspicion.

"Hey, Hun? What's up?"

"Where are you?" she whines into the phone. I can picture her leaning on our counter in our kitchen, running her fingers though her long, brown hair. Her full bottom lip protruding and her hand on her hip. "It's getting late? I tried Kate's place a little while ago and she said you left for your parent's house."

"Wait? " My body jerked forward. I can feel the anger pushing at my temples. "You called my sister?"

"Yeah?" she answered warily. "Is that a problem."

"No, except for the fact that I'm an adult. You know my cell phone number for everything else, Miranda, why didn't you just call me?"

"I called to speak to you, she let on that you left."

"Hey," I said gently. "I didn't mean to snap at you like that."

"Let yourself in when you come home," she said coldly.

"Miranda," I shut my phone and slammed it down on the table. "Fuck!"

"Woman troubles?" Dad asks from the threshold. He's holding two glasses of what looks like Coke.

"More like temper troubles," I relieve him of my class when he hits down and take a long sip. It's actually root beer. "I just bit Miranda's head off and spit it out."

"What happened?"

"She called Kate's place to ask about me and I assumed she was calling to interrogate my sister about why I violated curfew. I don't know why I responded like that..."

"Probably because she does it a lot and you just figured she was doing it again."

"Why does she act like that all time?"

"Probably because she's afraid you'll leave. How's her relationship with her father?"

I downed the last of my soda. "Dad, no."

"What?"

"Don't go tapping into my girlfriend's mind."

"You asked."

"I meant in general! Look, it's getting late and I have classes in the morning. I'll call the guys and see what we can piece together of Mom's song. Kiss Mom for me."

"Please don't tell Kathryn and Lindsay about this," he said, handing me my coat. "They'll just tell your mother."

"Like Mom can't coax information out of me," I shake my coat on and pat his shoulders. "Night Dad."

On the way home I thought of my relationship with my father. When I was a little boy I was fascinated by him. Wherever he'd go, I was always toddling behind him. Dad always treated me like glass, like if he made one wrong move I'd crumble into tiny pieces. He indulged me most of the time. He allowed me to come on errands with him, like to the grocery store or to pick up the mail. I relished those times, but nothing compared to those rare occasions when he took me to the precinct with him to pick up files. I loved the place. He'd sit me on top of his desk, ruffle my hair, and search for the things he needed. Sometimes, when Mom wasn't there, he rummage through her desk looking for things. After he found what he needed, he'd stick the files under one arm, and scoop me up with the other. Then we'd go to the burger joint around the corner for a huge all American lunch and just talk. I smile and pull out my key chain. There in one of plastic photo holders is a picture of me and Dad sitting on his desk. I'm grinning from ear to ear, holding his badge and smiling widely. I loved my Dad, I still do, but it bothers me that we'll never be that close again.

"How nice of you to join me," Miranda barked as soon as I shut the front door and flipped on the light switch.

"Look, I'm really sorry about snapping at you, it's just that I thought you…"

"Thought what, Robby? That was playing mother and calling your playmates to ask why you hadn't come home?"

"Wait a second! I know you're not going to sit there and pretend like you don't call my sisters, my friends, hell my parents to grill them about my whereabouts! I know that."

"Well forgive me for giving a damn about the man I love! My bad!"

"Miranda, I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I know your father…he skipped out on you when you were a kid, all right? I just want you to know that I'm not him. I'd never do that to you.

She's quiet for a minute. Her back is to me and judging by the soft sobs she lets escape from her lips, she's crying. I make my way over towards her, nearly tripping over her running shoes along the way. Just as I'm about to reach for her, she whips around violently.

"Get away from me!"

"What? I…"

"Get away from me," she repeated, only this time she didn't yell. "As a matter-of-fact, get the hell out of my house. Get your shit and go!"

"Wait? What? You can't be serious?"

"I'm serious as a heart attack! You can come back in the morning, but I really can't stand to be near you."

"Where am I supposed to go at midnight?"

"Sounds like a personal problem to me. You can bed down with one of your sisters, hell you can bed down with the bums at Saint Vincent's! You can go wherever you please, just get the hell out of here."

"You know, if this is what marriage to you's going to be like, maybe I made a mistake."

"Yeah, well, you could be right."

I guess the Goren insight didn't work so well this time. I sigh and start down the hallway back to my car. Thank God Mom and Dad kept my old room intact.

A/N: I caught tons of mistakes so I corrected them...