Owls flew in and out of Selene's apartments so often over the next several weeks that a few students began secretly calling it 'the second owlery'.
Letters arrived almost daily from Claudius, beseeching his sister to rethink her stance, hinting at a change on the wind without ever declaring it thusly. Hints were dropped about his lord's growing strength, both in health and in followers, and how the chances to change her mind were dwindling. On the heels of those owls were ones sent from a less vexing brother – the enigmatic Julius, who always put Selene at ease. His were always straightforward: 'Don't listen to Claudius, Mama's sick of his rantings, just come home for a weekend, we miss you.'
Other letters came as well. Some from schoolfriends from Durmstrang, inquiring about her life in such a manner as to be almost attempting to uncover hidden truths. Almost entirely likely they were influenced by Claudius or someone close to him. A few from old, trusted colleagues, especially Professor Coulter, who still taught at Durham. Hers scared Selene. They hinted at dark wizardry aimed at Muggles, the very beginnings of the war creeping closer, all being carefully silenced by the Ministry. The latest letter, still in her shaking hand, attested to that fact.
And Severus wonders why I can't decide. How does one choose between shadow and shade? Aren't they both, essentially, the same?
Not always. Shadow doesn't cool. Shade doesn't hide.
Some days, I wonder if I shouldn't just run away and hide where no witch or wizard could find me.
Yes, do that. I hear Siberia's lovely this time of year.
Her conscience never gave her solace these days.
Sunlight began to peek through the curtains, and Selene felt the back of her hand begin to redden and hurt. With an angry admonishment to herself for being forgetful, she pulled back, a flick of her wrist drawing the curtains closed more tightly.
"How badly is it burned?"
By now, she was used to the voice in the room this early in the morning. It seemed to be their destiny – just as she retired, he rose for his day. This was the third time this week alone she'd managed to give herself a sunburn from standing too close to the windows, her mind adrift in thoughts, at sunrise. All three times, he'd asked that question, never once admonishing or repulsed, just matter of factly asking the extent of her recent injury.
Selene shrugged, holding her hand out to him, the other pulling back the sleeve of her nightdress. "It hurts, but it's not peeling."
Severus shook his head at her. Without a word, he reached for a small jar he'd discretely left at her bedside the first morning this had happened in his presence. Taking the jar, he spread the salve over the back of her hand, the skin repairing itself almost instantly. "Get some sleep. You're exhausted."
Selene rolled her eyes. "Sleep isn't easy these days."
He laid a kiss on her forehead in reply. "I know. Try anyway. I'll see you after your evening classes."
She sat down on the rumpled bedding as he quickly and efficiently dressed, black frock coats and robes hanging in a closet filled with midnight blue and dark metallic grey. Yet another silent reminder to her of the unspoken accord between the two of them. So many things were left unsaid, so many decisions left unmade. It bothered her, deep down, but at the same time the knowledge that he was still there, that something was still constant and undemanding comforted her. Life was chaotic enough without having to answer such trivial queries as 'is it alright to leave a change of attire here?' Besides, a set of her own robes hung in the dungeon apartments as well.
As he swept out of the apartments, leaving her behind to curl into her blankets, Galileo running to jump up and stretch beside her, Selene had the same last thought before sleep that she'd had every morning for almost a month now.
What do I say when I tell him I've chosen?
The problem was, she never knew which 'him' she meant.
He swept down staircases quickly, making his way to the Hall before the passageways were filled with students and other faculty. Nothing would have vexed him more than having to explain to McGonagall what he was doing away from the Dungeons so early in the day.
Especially since her new-found hobby seems to be asking intrusive questions about Selene and I. Besides 'how many ways can we tell Umbridge to bugger off without actually saying it', of course.
Exhaustion filled him, and at that moment, he would have sold every book he owned for coffee and the day off.
Sleep hadn't been terribly constant the last several weeks. When he wasn't playing one side of the war's errand boy, he played the other. When he wasn't doing that, he was with Selene, spending what precious time he could before hell completely unleashed its fury on their world. And half of his time spent with her was listening to her rage about the persistence of both sides trying to pull her in their directions.
They no longer mentioned the Order. Ever. It was as if anathema.
Breakfast was never a loud or boisterous meal, thank Merlin and Morgan both. The students slowly filed in, yawning widely, trying to study or finish homework, or didn't even bother to come at all. All in all, the best hours of the day for him in regards to the juveniles in attendance. Taking only enough toast to tide him over, and drinking several cups of coffee, he left the students and other faculty behind, immediately spiraling down staircases to the dungeons, planning to throw himself into his work in order to focus his mind for the day.
He'd spent part of the evening before meeting with Dumbledore, revealing the latest bits and remnants of information he'd gleaned from a rather boisterous drinking session with Crabbe and Goyle. The two might be moronic rejects from early evolutionary processes, but ply them with enough firewhiskey and they talk as freely as Trelawney. The rest of the evening was spent in Selene's apartments, the pair of them silent as they graded essays before he crept into her bed.
She hadn't joined him until an hour before dawn.
He understood. If only because of the vampiricism, Selene wouldn't be able to sleep at night. But the letters were never kept secret. Severus knew what was written on parchment that flew in her bedroom window every morning. He knew the pressure she felt from family, from old schoolmates, from himself. He stopped bringing it up to her, out of respect. Selene didn't need the added pressure.
Neither did he.
The meeting with Dumbledore had ended with another debate about his unwillingness to twist Selene to join their side. To push her meant to push her away.
He'd done that once. He refused to do it again.
The tension was growing. Dumbledore had vanished, Umbridge had placed herself in control over the school. Severus grew more guarded than before. The mark on his arm rarely gave him an evening's peace, burning and twisting, beckoning him to the side of a madman.
The last time he'd been able to slip from the castle, it was not only the Dark Lord who demanded a word.
"Sinistra." The name was spoken with disdain and a practiced boredom.
Claudius Sinistra glared at the younger man before him. "My sister knows not of what we speak. You will keep it that way."
"I hardly intend to go running to her with this amazing tale."
"If I were you, I would not be so flippant. Regardless of our Lord's impressions, I don't believe in your loyalty."
"That's nice. What do you want from me? Your sister grows anxious when I don't return before dawn." The dig was intentional, stressing their tenuous connection. It was childish, to say the least, but it gave him a little more sure footing.
Claudius' eyes narrowed tightly. "Selene would be wise to let go of her stubborn pride and walk away from this odd fascination she has with you."
"I, for one, would never doubt Selene's intellect. You, on the other hand, used to bully her about it, if I recall the tale."
"I didn't pull you aside for such nonsense." Claudius bent his head forward, his eyes narrowed tightly. "You heard the Dark Lord's plans tonight. You know what is about to occur." Severus nodded silently. Claudius' voice grew more guarded. "Selene will be in danger when such plans come to action. Again, her stubborn pride. She wants to cloak herself in neutrality and anonymity, and she refuses to see that cannot continue much longer."
"If you're asking me to influence her, forget it." Snape's voice grew cold, and his mind reeled. Why did everyone seek to turn her into some sort of pawn for their own intentions? No wonder Selene avoided discussions of the war. "Like hell will I try to push her into one decision or another. She has her reasons…"
"Her reasons are idealistic!" The hissing sound slurred the words, and the accent grew heavier. "I don't give a damn which side she truly is on. I just want her out of that damned castle."
For the first time, Claudius Sinistra let down some of the arrogant barrier that surrounded him, and showed a true human emotion.
Fear.
"I assume all those owls you've sent your sister have made that desire abundantly clear."
A low growl came from Claudius' throat. "She seems to listen to you more these days than her own family. And although that level of trust in you seems unfounded and dangerous, I need you to help persuade her to at least listen to me in this matter."
"What do you want me to do?"
Claudius reached into his pocket, pulling out a small box. "Just give her this. She'll understand." As soon as Severus had taken it, he turned on his heel, storming off to join a knot of conversation with other similarly-cloaked treacherous men.
An hour later, he stood in his own apartments, handing the box to Selene.
"My brother actually spoke to you? Without raised voices?" She sounded as disbelieving as she felt.
He nodded. "All he asked was that I give you that package. He refused to comment further. Apparently, he still dislikes our arrangement."
Selene winced slightly, hiding the involuntary action by turning at the last possible second. 'Arrangement'. The word seemed to completely and correctly describe their current situation. She needed to stop fooling herself. This wasn't about love or affection, or even a relationship. Those words never were spoken, and it often felt as if any chance to speak of them had passed. Perhaps they might have come to be said aloud, if they'd remained even a day or two longer at the small house in which he'd cared for her. But now?
Stone walls hide more than just the school, these days.
It still broke her heart, how she'd never trust herself to admit the confusing feelings she felt inside. Nor would he be able to confess to her; the mixture of thoughts that came from him told her that. Two grown wizards, both easily in their thirties, and neither could simply say 'I care about you'.
If this is the way we are today, what happens when tomorrow comes?
Severus caught the look in her eyes, a feeling of total awkwardness coming over him. She had that look in her eyes. The same one she seemed to have so often these days. It was that haunted sadness, that catch of darkness and twisting confusion that hid in the back of her eyes, in her guarded posturing. It was in the way she curled in on herself when she thought he was asleep, or the rigid hold of her back when she sat in the Great Hall.
He had no idea what to do to alleviate it.
She's scared to trust you.
As well she should be. I wouldn't trust me if I were her.
You always say that. But you never tell her how you feel.
That's because I don't know how I feel. How can I tell her if I love her or not when I don't even believe I do?
You're holding on to a memory so tightly it'll break you in half if you let it.
But that memory was so different than this. Desi felt so easily. Selene complicates everything past usefulness.
Desi was also a girl. Selene's a woman. One who has never had an easy life. She's lived in the shadows for most her years. Can you blame her for complicating things?
Desi gave me everything. What does Selene give me besides silence?
Companionship, for starts.
I just don't understand how she just can't tell me things. Desi could…
If all you ever plan to do is compare one to the other, she'll never give you anything. You utterly stupid wizard.
Selene sat down on the leather couch, her fingers quickly opening the box. The necklaces inside didn't surprise her at all. If she'd given it more thought, she would have guessed this is what would be inside.
Two rubies caught in gold. One on one chain, one on the other. One already pulsing with a shimmer of power, the other plain.
Sanguini charms.
Severus leaned forward, staring. "A birthday gift I wasn't aware of?"
Brown eyes narrowed, and a hint of annoyance shot through her. "My birthday isn't until June. It's…something else." That tone of voice made him back away slowly, withdrawing from her, retreating behind his walls. That retreat annoyed Selene even more than before.
"I need to be alone for a while."
Severus nodded in understanding.
Moments later, Selene was standing in her tower, under moonlight.
Damn you, Claudius.
Fastening one necklace around her neck, Selene held the other jewel up to the moonlight. Her sleeve slid down her arm, baring the familiar puncture marks to her. With a grimace, she bit into her arm, blood trickling down to her elbow. Instead of feeding, however, she trailed the ruby through it before reciting Latin words, the translation pounding through her mind.
"Blood calls to blood and binds me to thee."
A deep red shimmer settled over the ruby, and faded away. Immediately, she could feel the power settle into the charm. Now, she would return the necklace to Claudius, and although she hated it completely, they would be bound. If anything happened to either of them, the other would know immediately.
This was the sign he told her to expect.
Holding onto the parapet with both hands, Selene bowed her head and shed the tears that tried to drown her heart.
The war was coming, and she couldn't stop it anymore than she could stop the sunrise.