Disclaimer: Final Fantasy 8 and the characters do not belong to me. I am just playing with them, I promise to put them back on the shelf once I am finished.

Warning: OoC-ness

This was not a date. Even if Laguna pressed as closely against his side as humanly possible, and chattering endlessly, about how great his bouncing baby boy Squall was; this was not a date.

A date was between two people in love. Seifer, most definitely was not in love with Laguna. How could he be? The man was twice his age. He was the father of his rival. He was the president of Esthar (not that it was something that should even matter, it just did). He was not even that attractive. Well, he did look cute in his little Hawaiian shirt and those sandals.

Wait, just where in the hell had that thought come from? Seifer pulled away suddenly, sending Laguna once again stumbling off balance. It would not look good for the president to return with bruise, so Seifer had to grab him to keep him from falling.

"Sorry, I'm so clumsy" Laguna apologized, scratching the back of his head.

Once again, Seifer questioned whether Laguna was Squall's real father. The two looked nothing alike. They were not alike in personality either. The only thing that even connected them was Raine, Laguna's wife and Squall's mother.

"It's alright," Seifer mumbled.

He was supposed to take Laguna somewhere to keep him out of Squall's hair. So, just how had they ended up walking around the endless circle that was Balamb Garden? Who knows? Seifer was too busy watching Laguna's lips as the man talked to pay attention to his surroundings.

"Hey, talk some more about the Sorceress's Knight movie."

Laguna blinked, he had just been in the middle of telling the story about how he first met Squall. He was surprised that anyone was a fan of the movie, and shuddered as he reminded what had happened during the productions.

"Well, let me start by saying that was a real dragon. A really, big ass dragon" Laguna started.

xxx

"So it was a success?"

"He's asleep, if that's what you're trying to ask."

"Excellent."

Seifer was not sure whether to be amused or afraid. Squall had always been a little weird, but never this morbid. Just when did Squall start wearing glasses; and how the hell did he manage to make them glare over like that? Was that even possible to do outside of—

"You've been watching that damn show again, haven't you?" Seifer asked suspiciously.

Squall's clasped hands covered the lower half of his face. "What would make you think that?"

Seifer made an exasperated little sound. "For the love of Hyne and chocobos, Leonhart! How many times do we have to tell you that show is not cool? A bunch of retarded mechas do not make a good show."

"They aren't mechas. You just don't like the show because you can not possibly comprehend the truth" Squall replied.

"The truth? It is a goddamn show that mixes Judeo-Christian myth with crappy anime story telling skills. "

"Get out."

Seifer did not need to Squall to tell him that. Sitting around discussing a stupid cartoon with Squall, who was on a brand new level of strange today, was not his ideal way of spending the rest of his night. He walked out of Squall's office, slamming the door behind him. Hopefully someday, Rinoa would realize that Squall needed serious help. The boy had issues. True love could only fix but so many problems.

xxx

"So you see, what I did was…"

Rounding the corner, a grin came to his face as he saw Zell talking to some girl. If he remembered correctly, she was the girl from Balamb.

"Well, well Chickenwuss, so this is where you've been hiding." Strolling up to the two, he threw a casual arm around Zell's shoulders. He could feel Zell's muscles become tight and wondered if he was planning to try to fight him. Not that he would mind, it had been a while since he had been in a good fight.

"Get the hell off of me," Zell said through gritted teeth, trying to shrug Seifer's arm off him.

The girl had some good sense, because she began to back away, before finally turning and running off at full speed. That had been Seifer's goal. With his goal fulfilled, he let go of Zell with a little push.

"Well now that I got that done with," Seifer said a satisfied smirk on his face as he started to walk off.

He barely dodged the first punch, and had to throw himself to the side just to avoid the second one. Zell was as agile as he thought the little punk would be.

"So you actually learned to stop shadow boxing and go after your real target. I'm proud of you," Seifer said.

"Hah! Big words coming from a guy whose ass I already kicked!" Zell said.

That floored Seifer, who was too distracted to avoid the lethal punch to the head. He went down quicker than a sack of potatoes.

"Holy shit, didn't think I'd actually knock him out" Zell muttered, before looking around to see if anyone had saw what happened, then took off.

xxx

"I don't think Seifer is gonna appreciate that, ya' know?"

"SHUT UP!"

"Fine, but you're gonna be the one explaining why his ass hurts, ya know?"

It smelled like cinnamon buns. Was he at some bakery? His vision was blurry for a second as he opened his eyes, staring at a familiar grey ceiling. On the ceiling, there was an armored clad man who, suspiciously enough looked like Laguna.

"What…Why does my ass hurt?" Seifer mumbled as he sat up on the small cot that he called a bed.

Raijin and Fujin were standing near his bedside. Raijin looked nervous and Fujin looked, well Fujin's expression never changed, so he could not tell how she looked.

"Well…we found you in the hall, ya' know?" Raijin started, before Fujin stamped on his foot.

"KICKED!"

It took Seifer a minute to decipher Fujin's speech pattern. Maybe getting her speech therapy as a Christmas present would be better than the glitter heart eye-patch he was planning to get her.

"So you found me in the hall and decided to kick me in the ass to try and wake me up?"

"AFFIRMATIVE!"

Seifer wondered if she realized how crazy that sounded. What ever happened to just pushing him or yelling his name out loud? What would kicking him in the ass accomplish?

"Okay" he mumbled, letting himself fall back against the bed. This had been a weird enough day, no need to go and make it even weirder by trying to analyze Fujin's behavior. It would be best to go to sleep and pretend that this day had never happened.

"Don't wake me unless hell has frozen over and Squall becomes the devil," Seifer mumbled as he pulled the covers up over his head.

Author's Note: I wrote this at two in the morning, with songs from Jesus Christ Superstar blasting in my ear, sorry if it wasn't as funny as the first. In addition, there will be some Seifer/Laguna in the next chapter, I promise.