"Before I answer that John there is something you need to know." Natalie said. She didn't feel right to lead him on when she was still a married woman.
John tensed up understanding that this was a serious matter that she needed to tell him. He nodded but didn't say anything.
Natalie looked around then sighed. Turning around to unlock the door she motioned for John to follow her into the apartment. "Please come in, I don't want to do this out here," she said. When John nodded she led the way into the apartment.
Turning on the lights as she went Natalie led him to the living room, where there was a couch and 2 chairs. Natalie took a seat and motioned for John to sit as well. He sat in the chair directly across from her and simply looked at her, waiting, as if knowing that she needed a minute to compose herself.
After a minute Natalie finally looked at John and said, "John, I can't get involved with you. I'm not free."
John looked at her more intensely and asked, "What do you mean by 'not free'?
"I mean I'm married." Natalie said shocking John. "I'm getting a divorce but right now I am still married." John looked relieved when she said that. "Besides which I'm just not ready to get involved with anyone right now. There are things going on that you don't know about and I don't know, I just don't know." Natalie said frustrated at how hard this was. "I don't want to lead you on. Its not fair to you."
John was silent for a minute. He was trying to think of the right thing to say. After another minute of silence John finally said, "Look Natasha I know that someone pushed you around. I know that you are afraid. I won't hurt you. I really like you. I do want more then friendship from you but if friends is all we can be then I can handle that." He paused for a full minute before saying, "Can we be friends? I won't ask for anything else until you tell me you are ready. I can wait."
Natalie was shocked at his speech. That was more then he had ever said about his feelings in the entire month that she had known him before. She was also shocked that he had guessed about the abuse. She had thought she hid it well. "I don't know if I will ever be ready John," she said softly.
"I understand." John said quietly. Even if friends was all they could be John knew he needed Natasha in his life. She brought light to his dark world and he needed that.
"Ok," Natalie said hesitantly, holding out her hand she said, "Friends."
John smiled, "friends." He shook her hand and asked, "so friend can I walk you home tomorrow?"
Natalie nodded and said smiling, "If you want to."
John looked at her and said, " I definitely want to. What time do you get off?"
Natalie told him and as they walked to the door she said, "thanks John."
"For what?" He asked
"For not pushing, for being my friend." Natalie said softly.
"I'll always be your friend, Natasha" John said.
"Natalie," she said.
"What?" John asked confused.
"My name. It's Natalie not Natasha. I changed it. My real name is Natalie."
"Natalie, it's a beautiful name. A beautiful name for a beautiful woman." John said swallowing back the questions that welled up in his throat. He wanted to ask her why she changed her name and who she was obviously running from. 'Natalie' he thought why did that name sound so familiar? He knew he had heard the name before. He just couldn't remember where.
"Just don't call me that at the bar," she said, "I need that job and they would fire me if they knew I lied about my name. I know that you have questions, being and FBI agent and all, but all I can say is that I am not running from the law. I just needed to disappear for a while."
John looked at her carefully trying to decide if she was lying. He didn't think she was, he could usually spot a liar so he decided that she was telling the truth. Realizing that she had trusted him with something huge he said, "I won't ask for more right now. But I hope you tell me everything in time."
Natalie sighed in relief. "Thank you John," was all she said as she showed him out the door.
John turned around after stepping out the door and said, "I'll see you tomorrow Natalie," saying 'Natalie' as if he were savoring it. Then he turned back around and started walking toward the bar, back to his car.
Natalie watched him go. She was still reeling at what she had told him. This was so unlike her. For some reason, unknown to her, she trusted him. Deep down inside her, in her soul, Natalie knew that she could trust John. That scared her more then anything else that had happened to her in the past year. After Cris she didn't think she could ever trust any man again. She didn't even trust her own judgment. After all she had thought Cris loved her. She had thought that Cris was the most wonderful man in the world. And look how that had turned out. Still there was something about John that spoke to her.
Natalie shut the door and went to her bedroom. Still deep in thought about her ever growing feelings for John McBain she knew she needed to talk to someone about it. She probably would have called Vicki but Natalie knew that she was in London getting a treatment for her heart. So as per the usual, whenever Vicki wasn't around, she called Jessica.