Zach opened the car door for Summer then worked his way to the driver's side. As he reached for the door handle he noticed his palms were sweaty. He frowned and wiped his hands on his pants before getting into the car.

Summer glanced over at Zach, who had yet to say a word to her. They drove in silence for a while, and Summer tried to think of something to say. It wasn't like she and Zach had ever spent hours engaged in deep, soul-searching conversations. Not even minutes. But there was never this incredible awkwardness. The more she thought about it, the more it annoyed her. She wondered if she should give voice to her thoughts, but then worried it would hurt Zach's feelings.

As quickly as that thought came, however, she dismissed it. She didn't do anything wrong, after all. Zach was the one who was acting like a freak. What would it hurt for her to say something? It's not like she and Zach were an item or anything. So nothing to lose there. The worst that could happen would be for her and Zach to feel even more awkward around each other, and since Summer couldn't conceive how that could happen, she made up her mind. She decided she may as well say something and risk everything--she had nothing to lose.

"Zach! Pull over!"

"Why? What's wrong?" he asked although he pulled over without the answer.

"Zach, this is crazy. I can't stand feeling awkward around you. Now I'm sorry that you're not comfortable with me. But seeing as you're Jenny's cousin and I'm one of her best friends we don't have a lot of choices here. We can forget what happened or not. Whatever we do, though, we better do it soon."

With that she got out of the car, leaving Zach to look after her, dumbfounded. He was more surprised to see her turn around after a few steps and come back to the car. She paused with her hand outstretched to the passenger door, then thought better of it. She checked for oncoming traffic and made her way to the driver's side, where she knocked on the window. Zach obediently rolled down the window.

"One more thing," Summer added as Zach looked at her mutely, "It's not that big of a deal. So we were holding hands for a few seconds. It's not the end of the world. It's not even that exciting. If I had wanted to make you feel weird I would have done something much more dramatic. So get over it."

Then she left again, but this time she didn't come back, choosing instead to walk home the remainder of the way.

Zach could only sit and stare after her, stunned. What had gotten into Summer? She was never this outspoken before. He couldn't believe what she had said to him. Then he took a moment to actually process what she said. He had been so taken aback by the fact that she was ranting that he hadn't actually been listening.

The nerve! The way she told it he was the only one to blame for the weirdness between them. And what was with the crack about it not being exciting? Maybe it was an everyday occurrence for her but when they were holding hands Zach felt...and what did she mean by something more dramatic? It sounded to Zach's male mind like a dare. So, she thought she would just get to say her peace then leave? Ha! He would show her! But how?

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The phone rang and Jenny's dad called up, interrupting her study session.

"Jenny! Telephone!"

"Hello?"

"Hi. It's me, Tom."

"Oh hi." Wow, it seemed like ages since she and Tom had talked on the phone. "What's going on?"

"I wanted to apologize for the way I acted this morning. You were right. I shouldn't have gotten so upset about you wanting to help PC and Slug. I overreacted and I'm sorry."

Tom was apologizing? It seemed so, well, out of character. Jenny realized he was waiting for her to say something.

"Oh. Well, that's okay. I understand why you'd be upset."

"Do you?" Just then Jenny heard the moment of silence that usually indicated there was a call on the other line. "Jenny? That's my other line. I'll be back in a sec, okay?"

As Jenny waited she wondered what Tom had meant. Why did he think she would not understand his reaction that morning?

"Jenny, it's a call for my mom. Listen, why don't we go out this weekend? Just you and me?"

Jenny's stomach tightened for a second. She forced herself to relax and respond.

"Ok."

"We'll work the details out later. See you tomorrow. Bye."

"Bye."

As Jenny crawled into bed that night she couldn't help but feel relieved that she and Tom did not have a chance to have a more serious talk. She was having a hard time coming to grips with all of these new feelings. Maybe going out with Tom this weekend was just what the doctor ordered. It would be a return to normalcy.

She realized she was absent-mindedly twisting the ring Julian gave her as she thought. As she looked at the gold band it came to her that she had to face the very real possibility that Tom wasn't okay with Jenny wearing Julian's ring. Maybe he did not understand like she had assumed. They really needed to talk about it. They really needed to talk about everything. She may have assumed too much already. As she lay there Jenny wondered if there was a normal life for her to return to. And would she want to, given the choice?

But that was for later. For now she concentrated on her feelings for Julian. Of course she devoted way too much time to this subject already, but when she was alone she tended to allow it to take over completely. There was a dull ache in her chest and her breathing became hitched as she naturally thought about his death again. It had been a while since she had thought about it. She tended to spend more time focusing on their shared dreams.

With a tremendous force of will she forced herself to reflect instead on her own changed feelings for Julian. When had they changed? She really needed to get all of her thoughts in order before she could attempt to explain them to anyone else. And she had the feeling the time was fast approaching when she may be called upon to do just that.

She had told herself that the fire had burned away the part that responded to Julian. But then in the boats she had admitted to Julian that she cared about him. Come to think about it she had pretty much admitted that fact to Dee and the others, for they were in the boat too, she reminded herself. But she wasn't going to worry about it now.

Jenny decided that everything had crystallized when Tom picked her up and tried to take her away from Julian. She remembered the tantrum she had thrown. She wasn't going to deny its cause--she had wanted to be with Julian. Maybe he was right and eventually would have proven that he was too far gone in the dark for her to save him. That didn't mean she didn't want to try. But then he sacrificed himself for her and it was over.

Sure she had tried to be brave, reassuring herself that nothing could be done and that this was how it was. And even as she got into the cab and wished Julian well, should he be reborn someday, she was trying to act like, well, like everyone expected her to. What an idiot!

But lying in the dark with no one watching--anymore, she amended silently--she realized that she felt angry. Upset that she had been denied the chance to end things with Julian on better terms, her terms...if she had even wanted to end them. Given an automatic do-over would she have left Julian to the Shadow World? Or would she have decided to try to relate to him more? Gotten to know him? Sat down and really talked, one on one? Seen if they could have had a relationship?

She felt a twinge at the direction of her thoughts. Here she was, musing over the possibility of a relationship with someone who wasn't Tom. Granted, that someone was dead but still, there was Tom to consider. But like Scarlett, Jenny was not going to think about it until tomorrow. She wanted to think about Julian some more, and try to understand the thoughts tumbling around in her mind.

So where was she? Oh yes, thinking about the what-if of her and Julian having a relationship. Would it have been possible? They already had an enormous gravitational pull towards one another. She gave a chuckle, thinking of the sheer inadequacy of the English language when it came to quantifying this sort of thing. It was all right to examine it now that she was alone. And examining the sparks was infinitely more preferable than crying over his death again.

She lay in bed trying to think of a word to describe the intense nature of their physical, well actually their overall attraction to one another. Chemistry? Yes. Desire? Definitely. But she loved Tom, right? Tom...what was she going to do about him? Since her mind went back to him she decided to indulge that topic.

She felt herself changing, had since the first Game. She was willing now to branch out and become her own person, not just part of the Tom-and-Jenny unit that had controlled her life for so long. It's not that she didn't love Tom anymore, she told herself, it was just that she loved Julian too. She had realized it before and knew that he was now going to be categorized as a lost love.

Jenny felt as though she was at a crossroads, and the only thing certain about either direction was that neither road led back to any semblance of her life before the Games. She knew deep down that she couldn't go back to Tom, after Julian. And she couldn't be with Julian, so where did she go?

She indulged her fantasies for a while, detailing a life with Julian that would never exist. After a while, though, she had to stop herself. It was too tempting to lose herself in these visions. She became angry for torturing herself with them and not dealing in reality. But the what-ifs lingered at the back of her mind. Jenny groaned and rolled over onto her side, wondering if never knowing about a future she and Julian might have shared would ultimately kill her.

Where did that come from? That was way too depressing. She began to cry again, full of self-pity, until she wore herself out. Thinking how unfair life suddenly was and how growing up was nothing like the brochure said it would be, she fell asleep with a last sigh.

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Author's note: Thank you so much to all people who read and review...to know that there are other people out there who take the time to read and write is just such a wonderful feeling! More please!

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing. All characters belong to LJ Smith, et al. But if that's not enough :--( Swings pocket watch back and forth in front of lawyers' eyes) In a monotone voice..."You will not sue me"..."You know I mean no harm"..."You have better ways of spending your time"..."Cluck like a chicken!"