Difference Between Hearts and Souls

It was the first time on the 'practice mat' when I told myself that I had to kill him, and that this was the way to do it. After years of being trapped in four walls with a roof over my head made me realize that it's a large world after all. Walls don't even satisfy me anymore, so I usually sleep outside sitting on my ass. No point on sleeping with society... society's a bitch.

It's raining tonight, and I realized that the 'youthful amateur' had finally gone off somewhere to someone as unfortunate and as insignificant compared to what I used to be. I've no will left like having lost my middle finger on my right hand—something I barely remember among all the carnage and bloodthirsty regions of despair and hate.

Second time on the 'practice mat' I knew that I'd kill him someday... slow, hard, and merciless.

Third time on the 'slaughter mat' gave me irrefutable power: sweat and blood interlocking together, making some concoction of scent which aroused my killing potential. All rage flooded me and gave birth to want and adrenaline. It wasn't clean. It wasn't quiet. But it was satisfactory. It's not what I was trained to do, not me in loosing a bit of control at that time. But having grown an animal in me, surprisingly, I broke a lot of rules.

Times pass. Years pass. Changes grow into something else I didn't recognize before. Student surpasses master. Darkness overwhelms him and makes him hunger for more. It was strange at first. Again, all I knew was that I had to kill him someday and that was my purpose; my everything; the center of my universe. So I did. And I liked knowing that I did because he was the most difficult weasel you'd ever come across let alone murder, so I guess it was the time that I realized I've gotten stronger—a lot stronger. Many years of imagining insufferable people to be him; many years of dreaming the day I cut his throat into ribbons, make him pay for making my life a living hell—everything felt good.

But guess what, it wasn't good enough.

There was something else in me. It grew while I was there on the mat. Grew so big I didn't even see it. Sure I killed him, but I needed more. More power. More challenges and more power so I did what I had to do: kill, threaten, gain some allies and make some foes— it was refreshing. I lost my will, but so what? Every guy I ever faced off, I saw in my mind's eye that he was my brother: alive and well again and ready to fight and die a horrible death. It gave me company even though everybody thought I was alone.

"Can't kill somebody if you don't have a reason..."

Now I guess you're thinking what a heartless bastard I've grown into, right? Sure, I had my fair share of control, but every time I do somebody else takes it away from me. Him. The other guy. The guy who I squared off lately only to loose pathetically. Damn. Him with his 'Eyes of Fury', 'Face of Justice', 'Hands of Right', 'Loins of Love'— Mr. Blonde-haired-Lancelot to the rescue...

"If you're trying to kill them, I will stop you." You say. Now where did I hear that before? There I was branding the village mine when all of a sudden YOU pop out of nowhere, making this little high and mighty pose and letting loose a smile, but you were boiling inside. I was so confident that I can beat you, so confident because every time we fought outside the lines sometimes I left you bleeding to death. This time we weren't outside the lines.

Is that what you meant? Is that what you've ALL been trying to tell me before? Of course after that long and agonizing battle that I have just lost, it was inevitable that I lay my thoughts on the line even though my will had gone through my head. What if I had stayed? What would've happened to me if I just became accustomed in my four walls and a roof? What if I looked at her that way? Would I have gone any different?

Damn.

I didn't even know why I was thinking like this. It was then I remembered that I lost my middle finger earlier this day when he ripped it off my hand. It's not wrong to think, not wrong to obsess with somebody with a passion, not wrong to kill either—but he had grown so much... that it scared me. That I realized that he had actually captivated her and lulled her to his thumb in a way that I can't help but feel... jealous. I realized that if I had stayed and saw her the way she used to see me it would be my thumb that was over her. My hand she would be eating. My lips she would be kissing. Is this what she's been trying to tell me? Sure, I have my collection of souls in my closet, but once you see the difference of our logic you'd tell me that you've been collecting hearts instead.

Hell, if I stayed with you guys I could've kept my middle finger.

I didn't. I crossed the road of no return and enjoyed sunlight streams which flowed out of my bedroom, the common feminine scent laid across my bed. I enjoyed bloodlust raised to an inch of every bad boy. I enjoyed ripping people's nuts off in exchange for fear and more rising power. Now here you are: the rising star of the world; the strongest man to ever defeat the only Uchiha menace; the perfect man alive; perfect husband, perfect father, perfect friend. I guess that if I crossed the other road I would've been all that and more, eh? But I didn't. I left some scraps and you took em' all.

Shame.

I could've overshadowed you. I could've stolen your little girlfriend back then and broke your heart. I could've blasted you down to bloody smithereens. I could've become the father of your precious Fujitaka 'fruit of your loins'. And you could've gone through the dark side and, who knows? Maybe I could've beaten you now, here and then... and I could've kept my bloody middle finger.

But I didn't. You went to your path and I went through mine. Hearts and souls don't cut it anymore, but my finger does. I'm not complaining. Just thinking. Right now my brother's nothing but the past and my goal right now is to beat you and kill you. Slow. Hard. And merciless.

I may be a bit jealous but I'm not complaining.

My only friend.

My only companion.

My second enemy...

So... I guess there's a difference between stealing souls and stealing hearts after all. He did the other thing, and I did another.

A/N: This is not involved in my Through the Glass story. It's just one of the earlier fanfic one-shotsI wrote as a test drive whether or not I'm ready writing Naruto! This is the only one-shot which survived, though.

The next chapter of ThG will come later, hopefully it hasn't lost its spark, for slowly I've been drowning in my own self-doubt whether or not it's still interesting for you guys, or if ithas the certain interesting aspects to begin with :sweatdrop: But I do have to thank TonyG and StarlightAngel of Heaven & Earth for uplifting my spirits so.

Thanks guys! Oh, and please, R&R!