Chapter Six

Realization

: Z :

This was the most astounding thing I had ever witnessed. Here, right before my eyes, memories began to flow into my brain, recreated from this playback I was watching of myself doing things I never remembered. It was as if this were not me, but some other Irken smeet experiencing all of this. And the place I was in . . . it was so different from anything I have ever seen before. The "Protectors", they called themselves? There had been rebellion groups against the Irken Empire before? I never knew that Irkens could be so individual, so different from the rest . . .

But what really got me was all of the familiar faces I saw on the playback. Not only my own and Jiss's, but the Irken that greeted us . . . she was Lonny from IDR Facility Three! And I instantly recognized Kan as Kraak. Now Jewel was someone whom I not only recognized, but feared as well. Her face was printed onto my brain forever. But in all the time I had spent with her, I had never known she could be such a leader, such a . . . different person. She was not the same as I knew her. I never would have guessed Boss to have a part in the erased part of my childhood.

And now some parts of the dream I had had the night before were also becoming clearer. Jewel was Boss's real name. And the hovering bubble with numbers in it had to be the crystal playing my memories back. As strange as the dream had been, and as little as I could recall . . . it made sense. Still, many things remained unanswered, such as why in the dream Boss attacked me, and what the dark figure with the horrible, scarred face had to do with anything . . .

My name! Yes, I understood now how Jiss had known my name! We had met before, and she recognized me. It was as if this missing piece of my life would tie everything together at last, and I would no longer have to question everything going on. But still, many things were blurry to me. And I might possibly never understand them. But as long as some parts were clear, I had no problem forgetting the rest.

One other thing I couldn't understand was the expression Jiss was showing me right now. How come it looked so familiar? She was very formal and serious in the playback, so perhaps it was not her after all that I remembered with the expression, but another Irken, such as Lonny or Boss . . . Whoever it was, I was sure to find out as the playback continued.

Suddenly, a blindingly bright light overtook everything, followed by a low, deafening sound. A gust of wind blew past everything, rocking the tent and carrying with it screams and cries. The crystal that had been hovering before me suddenly lost its anti-gravity ability, and the image it projected disappeared as it broke in two. I reached out my hands as the two pieces fell, and caught them in midair. I put the pieces in my pocket. What had happened? My eyes were still recovering from the light, and my antennae were still pinned against the back of my head.

I jumped off the table and looked around. Jiss? Where was Jiss? She was gone! But she couldn't have simply disappeared, could she? Could she? I knew not if They Fight had access to such advanced cloaking technology. Perhaps they did, but then wouldn't Jiss have told me? Then again, she could have been saving it for later on, when I had mastered a few new Pak Tech advances . . .

I ran out of the tent and saw half of They Fight lying on the ground, covered in dark red blood that was flowing from their bodies like tiny rivers. The others that were still alive were also covered in blood, and running around me, fleeing to the woods opposite the pond. The majority of their clothes were in shreds. I looked to the sky, and saw hundreds of tiny fighter crafts surrounding one large one. It was obvious now what was happening: the Tallest had sent the Irken military to destroy They Fight once and for all, including me. And from the looks of things, a miniature atomic missile had been dropped. The half of the humans that lay dead must have been the closest, and the other half, now mostly out of my sight, had been farther away.

Activating my new holographic disguise so I wouldn't be captured by my own people for treason, I ran after the others, hoping to find Jiss somewhere among them. I prayed I would be able to see her again. But her disappearance was very odd. One second she was sitting next to me, the next . . . she was gone. It was as if she'd been teleported from my side right before the missile had been dropped. But how . . .?

Catching up with the others quickly, I saw they were fleeing to another pond, this one larger and most likely deeper. They were gathered on the shore, all talking and crying and questioning. Suddenly, all of the water in the pond shot sky high in front of them, forming a thick wall of moisture that no Irken alive could withstand. One by one, faster and faster, the humans went through the wall, crossing over to the dry side where the water once stood, until they all were there. How had they managed to do this? Walking on top of the water was one thing, but completely moving a pond full of it to make a wall? There was no possible way! And didn't they know this would only slow the fleet down a little? All they had to do was go over the thing . . .

The water began glowing green, and suddenly spread out infinitely in all directions, rushing everywhere! Up, left, right, back, and . . . directly at me! I would be the last member of They Fight alive to be engulfed by the enchanted water. There would be no dry spot any more. The planet was being covered with glowing green water! Closer and closer the wall of water came. I was panicking! What would I do? I had to think. Come on, Zim! Think!

The force field. It would block everything, including water. I crouched down, and silently screamed out the thought command in my head. The holograph that had hidden me disappeared. Two small, pointy prongs emerged from my Pak and generated an ectoplasmic energy shield around me just as the wall of water flowed over me. I closed my eyes. I knew there was immense pressure just outside of this tiny bubble, and staying in it was my only hope. Perhaps the strange "water" would merely go away.

I opened my eyes and looked up to see all of the Irken ships explode into a million pieces, bits of green flesh and purple blood in the debris. Everything fell to the ground as if the water was not water at all! There was nothing there resisting the Earth's gravity. But what did that mean? This was all an illusion? This wasn't real? Wait! Of course! This was just another dream! I was completely safe. I was sound asleep, back in the tent with Jiss by my side. She had probably stopped the video playback for me so I could see the rest when I would wake up.

I wished I could wake up now more than anything. I had to wake up! This was a dream! It wasn't real! It was just an image generated by my subconscious! Please, please let me wake up! Please!

I glanced at the humans. They were just fine. Nothing had happened to them at all. In fact, they were already beginning tending to their wounds. I saw Dib in the crowd, yelling out commands. But I saw no Jiss. Where was she? If this was a dream, and I was not going to wake up yet, then I at least wanted to know what was going on and where she had gone.

I glanced behind me. There was another figure not unlike my own, crouched down with an ectoplasmic energy shield around it. But it wasn't Irken, so it seemed. It . . . it was Jiss! She had preformed the same move I had! But why? She told me she had certain water repelling Pak Tech advances, and that was how she was able to dive in after me and save me from drowning. If that was so, then didn't she only have to use them now? Or was this something different?

Careful not to move my limbs out of the energy shield, I began crawling towards her on my hands and knees. The shield moved with me, being generated from my Pak and all. I was inching closer and closer to her. I could see her eyes were closed, and she was gritting her teeth. There were tears all over her face, and she was holding her head in her arms while rocking back and forth slowly. Why was she so upset? Perhaps one of her human friends had been in the half that had died or something. This was so pathetic for an Irken warrior like her!

I was only feet away from her. I could hear her whispering something. Chin? Chim . . . shim . . . Zim! She was whispering my name for some reason. Why my name? Why me? What had I done to cause her to be so upset? I felt so guilty now, seeing the way she was acting. Even though no Irken should ever behave this way, it was still sad. I never meant to hurt her feelings, whatever I'd done.

"I'm sorry," I apologized to her. "I didn't mean to make you upset."

Her eyes snapped open, and I found she was looking directly at me with what seemed like fear. She backed away slightly, energy bubble following her. What on Irk had I done? I apologized to her. Was it my appearance? I quickly looked over myself, and found everything to be in perfect condition besides what the water had effected that Med Team hadn't fixed. What was wrong? Dear Tallest, I wish I knew!

"What are you!" she cried, almost losing her balance and falling, she was backing away so fast. "Zim isn't alive! There's no way! He never would have known . . . What . . . what are you?"

"It's me, Jiss," I said to her, still trying to figure out what was going on. How could I prove to her that it was me? And what was she talking about, saying I wasn't alive? Such a strange dream this was, yes . . . so strange. And she looked so scared . . .

"Zim?" she asked with much doubt. "Zim, is that really you? You're alive?"

I nodded, hoping that not saying anything would help the situation. Suddenly she leaned forward and her bubble bumped into mine, forming one slightly larger bubble around both of us. She wrapped her arms around me and cried. What had happened that I'd missed? There was an attack on They Fight's camp, and the remaining humans fled to this pond place, where the water destroyed the Irken fighters when it took over everything. And now suddenly Jiss was holding me close to her and crying.

"Oh, Zim, I thought you were dead," she sobbed. "I thought you were destroyed by the Species DNA Power Four! I . . . I'm just so glad you're okay." What was she talking about? And what had happened? I was so confused! I hated dreams. I hated dreams so much that it wasn't even remotely humorous. I had never, in my entire life, seen any Irken act this pathetic.

Deciding enough was enough, I demanded, "Tell me how come you disappeared earlier, and explain what happened with that pond and the glowing water. I order you to tell me this instant! Tell me!" I pushed her away and she fell backwards, separating our bubbles once more. She looked upset, even behind her holographic disguise. But her emotions didn't affect me in the slightest. If anything, I only viewed them as annoying.

"I used the latest, most complicated Pak Tech advance Earth could offer," she began, "and was able to teleport to another location. I'm sorry I left you. But when I saw the rest of They Fight heading for the Species DNA Power Four generator, I knew I had to take cover. I couldn't teleport back, because it takes too much energy to teleport once to try it again. So I ran as far away as I could before the Species DNA Power Four generator activated, and I surrounded myself with an ectoplasmic energy shield. That's what happened, okay? That's what happened."

I didn't understand. Pak Tech had advanced far enough to make teleportation possible without a destination programmer or tele-pod? And what was a Species DNA Power Four generator? I'd never heard of anything like that before. So many holes in this dream! So many unanswered questions! It was maddening!

"What's a Species DNA Power Four generator?" I asked, hoping this time to get a better answer. Or any answer, for that matter. Perhaps it had something to do with the strange pond and its glowing green water . . .

"It's like a Vetkin Detonator System," Jiss answered. "It was designed to take out anything with the DNA it's matched to, and They Fight programmed it to recognize Irkens. Any Irken who is touched by the lasers and anything surrounding them will be completely obliterated. Didn't you see what it did to those ships and their pilots? They were dead before they knew what was coming! If you hadn't activated your energy shield . . ." She let that hang. She knew I understood. But it still didn't explain the connection with the pond. Or perhaps it was never a pond at all! Maybe it was a Species DNA Power Four from the start, and it was only disguised as a pond, like so many other things are disguised around here. And the water wasn't really water. It was the deadly laser that was programmed to rip apart Irken flesh.

I understood completely now. The Irkens had come, and used a mini-atomic on They Fight. The survivors had fled to the Species DNA Power Four generator to lure the ships close enough, then activated it and destroyed them. Jiss had teleported away, but then found out about the generator and surrounded herself with an energy shield. I had run after the fleeing humans, but panicked when I saw the generator, and also surrounded myself with an energy shield. The humans weren't affected by the lasers the generator released, but the Irken ships were ripped apart. Jiss and I would have been also, if not for protecting ourselves.

This was no dream; this was a close call.

-----

Jiss and I were walking around the pond now, just thinking over the events that had happened two days ago and making light conversation. I was completely out of my disguise, but she still hadn't removed the hologram that concealed her. It was sunset, and the gray sky had tints of orange, red and purple where the sun was – not that the sun itself was visible. Birds added to the chorus of crickets that sang, filling the air with Earth's many antennae-piercing sounds. But it had gotten to where I could simply ignore it until it became too overbearing. To add to the situation, there was a slight breeze that caused the trees to sway every once in a while, and the temperature was a bit cool. For some strange reason, while we were walking and the wind caused me to shiver, Jiss took off her own jacket and wrapped it around me. True: I was much warmer, but I couldn't figure out why she had done this.

Still, I let it go and we continued walking. Around and around the pond we went, only to witness the light fading and the sharp noise the crickets created get louder. We passed the same group of Lilly Pads at least five times. By then, I was only in need of pausing to rest for a moment, but by now I was exhausted and almost out of breath. Jiss, however, looked as if she could continue on into the twelfth of never. How did she do it? Well, perhaps four and a half years of training had something to do with it, but personally, I always believed she was just amazing.

Hopefully we would be heading back to the campsite soon - or at least what was left of it. After the role call, we were informed only twenty-three of us remained, including Jiss and me. Luckily, none of her human "friends" had been obliterated with the fourteen that didn't make it. She was very lucky. Other members had lost brothers, sisters, best friends, and relatives to the enemy. Strange, how I referred to my own race as "the enemy". I never had before. But according to Jiss, this cause was something better to fight for compared to universal conquest, so I was on another side now. In a way, I guess my race was the enemy.

Jiss put her hand around me and we stopped walking. She sat down, and I did the same gladly and without question. I was so tired . . . I didn't care if I never got up again. I could sit here forever and be very happy. I sighed of relief.

"Zim, I have something very special to give you," Jiss said to me. I wondered what she meant. She had a gift for me? Or perhaps just another Pak Tech advance for my training. Whatever it was, I was sure I would enjoy it. Jiss seemed to know exactly what I liked somehow. I suspected it was because of the time we had spent together in the past.

"Look at that insect," she told me, pointing to a nearby bug with two sets of long, crystal clear wings and a stick-like abdomen. I had seen them before around here, but I had forgotten what they were called. "What do you think its purpose is in the universe? Do you think it will make any difference to anybody if I just killed it?"

I wasn't sure I understood the question. I shrugged, answering, "Not really." What significance did one tiny, infantile creature with half of a brain have? It didn't, that's what. There would be no tears shed for it if it were to die in an instant; no people to mourn over its death. It had no place at all, as small as it was. Who cared if she killed it? If she didn't, I would without hesitation.

I noticed she was staring at me with pity in her eyes. Why was she looking at me that way? I was perfectly fine. The remaining effects the water had on me had completely worn away yesterday, and the Species DNA Power Four had done nothing to me. I was alive and well, as was she. Everything was perfect! So there had been a loss of fourteen people. So what? Was that why she was upset?

"You're wrong, Zim," Jiss said sadly. I was wrong? How? "Life is something that should be valued, no matter how small or seemingly worthless. This tiny, blue Dragonfly could contribute to a scientific breakthrough that would end cancer, as impossible as it seems. Even the smallest ant has a purpose. And if you think about it, we are no different than insects. We live, multiply, and do everything we can to survive until our death. Comparing us to Earth's insectesoid life, wouldn't you say our lives are meaningless as well?"

Our lives: meaningless? It didn't seem possible. Jiss was fighting for human freedom, as was I now. If we won, the humans would no longer have to suffer under the Irken rule, and life on this planet would return to normal. Our lives were not meaningless at all! We had a purpose now . . . didn't we?

"Of course not," I answered, hoping I was answering correctly. I wasn't sure what she was asking, exactly. She had said life was worth valuing, but now she was asking me if our lives were meaningless. It didn't make any sense. Her mind was so complex compared to any other! She was confusing me. But what was she going to give me? She had said she was going to give me something, didn't she?

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a tiny microchip, this one a little different from the others I had seen. But it still resembled a Pak Tech advancement, so that was most likely what it was. I hoped this one would be easier to master than the other I had tried out. That almost led to my death. Hopefully this time, the Tech had nothing to do with water. Water was painful. But I didn't understand how the meaning of life tied into a Pak Tech advancement . . .

"This is an overrider chip," she explained, further confusing me. I had no idea what an overrider chip was. "It will disable the emotion block your Pak contains. I know you don't understand what I'm talking about yet, but you will in a few days or so. Just give it some time, and things will be different. Your view on life and the cause we fight for will completely change. So turn around, and I'll insert it for you."

I was eager to find out what she was talking about. I liked to understand things. So without question or hesitation, I turned my back to her, and allowed her to, once again, fiddle with the tiny circuits and wiring inside my Pak. It didn't take her long; she was done within less than thirty seconds, and she closed off the opening that had been made and patted the thing a couple of times.

"Done," she announced. I expected to feel different, but everything was the same. Nothing had changed at all! Goodness, what had she done? It was like she only upgraded some old technology; everything felt the same, but I could tell something was different. I still couldn't place what. I tried using a thought command to activate the thing, like I had done with Pak Tech 4407218, but nothing happened. I was confused. Why had she added something that had no purpose?

"What is it supposed to do?" I asked, a little annoyed. Come on and explain already!

Jiss smiled at me. "You'll figure it out eventually. It shouldn't take long." She paused and looked up at the stars appearing in the sky. "Well, I'm going to go back to the campsite. You just take the time to think about that Dragonfly." She got up and stretched, then began walking towards camp. She turned for a moment, still walking, and waved to me. I didn't understand why. What on Irk had she done to me?

She was out of my sight. "Take the time to think about the Dragonfly," she had said. . . . But what was there to think about? It was just an insect. It had no purpose. That tiny, blue dragonfly only ate mosquitoes, mated, and left its waste on the ground. It had no purpose. Why did she want me to think about such a boring, pointless creature?

I stared at the thing. It was resting on a blade of grass that was poking out of the water. The wind blew the grass blade, causing it to hover (and me to shiver), then stopped and the Dragonfly landed once again. I stared at it very hard, concentrating. The wings had a pattern like broken glass, now that I took the time to look at it. And the blue abdomen had tiny stripes that separated the bending points. The thorax had six legs protruding from it, three on each side. The head consisted of two large eyes, a pair of antennae -which made me smile thinking of the humorous similarity- and mouthparts.

What was special about this creature? I still didn't understand. . . . Looking around, I realized there were more than one of the insects. At first, they all appeared to be the same, aside from color. But analyzing them more closely, I realized each was different. Every one had individual features that distinguished it from the others. Something stood out on each one. The one to my right had wings with a tint of orange, where the one to my left had wings tinted blue. And the one in front of me had wings with no tint at all - crystal clear.

Each was different. I realized if one was destroyed, nothing could ever replace it. Its individuality and natural beauty would be lost, gone forever and not able to be brought back. Perhaps this was what Jiss had wanted me to realize. Still, these pests were a waste of my time thinking about. True: if one was lost, it could not be replaced, but they were still just insects. Nobody cared about insects . . .

Jiss had compared our civilization to these insects, though. And now, I saw that there was more truth to this comparison than I ever thought possible. No two Irkens were the same, as were humans and virtually everything else in this universe except clones. Compare: . . . If one insect was destroyed, it could not be replaced. Its distinguishing features would never be remembered. If one Irken was destroyed . . . or if one human was destroyed . . .

They could not be replaced by another. What made them the way they are was not their physical features, though, like the bugs of this planet. No. What distinguished Irkens and humans and many other races were the thoughts and feelings and emotions we experienced. All of our ideas, and our accomplishments. Our talents, our weaknesses, our pleasures, our dislikes . . . all of the work we put forth to get to where we are today . . . all gone if we were destroyed.

All gone in a heartbeat.

I reached out my hand and held out a finger in front of the Dragonfly. Slowly and cautiously it climbed onto me, curious about the new surroundings that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. I brought it close to my eyes and looked at it carefully. If I killed it -which I easily could- it would no longer exist. The intricate broken glass pattern on its wings would forever be lost, and the many pupils inside of its large, dome-like eyes would never again see the light of day. The colorful patterns on its thorax would also be gone, as would the stripes on its abdomen. It may not be missed . . . but it could not be replaced.

Tears formed in my eyes as I thought of all the lives that had been lost to the Irken Empire. The Dragonfly flew away into the night air, free and happy and eager. The humans could not fly away, though. They were forced to work for us. And what was sad was that . . . what made them beautiful and unique was not allowed to be shown. We had made it so they were all the same -slaves- and not even one could be different.

I brought my knees up close to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. My antennae had fallen to the sides of my head in sorrow. What had I done? The reason the Irkens were on Earth and tormenting the humans was because of me. I had begged the Tallest to let me become an Invader, so they sent me here. If only I had accepted my punishment on Foodcourtia and never left. If only I hadn't ruined Operation Impending Doom One. If only I hadn't created the Infinite Energy Absorbing Thing. If only . . . I hadn't been created. It was all my fault . . .

I cried.

-----

Author Notes:

And he realizes that NOW. Goodness. But why now? What happened? The answer is obvious, readers: the overrider chip that Jiss gave him. It has a purpose: to disconnect the emotion blocks that keep Irkens from "feeling".

And now that he's free to understand and cry and feel guilty . . . I wonder what other emotions he will run into.