John came back about 15 minutes later with a huge grin on his face. "What are you smiling about?" Natalie asked him curiously.
"Nothing. I'm just so glad you're alive and with me. So what did my brother say? Are you ok?" John asked concerned.
"He said I'm fine. Obviously I have a gunshot wound." Natalie said with a ghost of a smile, "I have a cracked rib and lots of bruises but no internal bleeding." Natalie said repeating what Michael had said. "he did say that we couldn't have sex for at least a week though," Natalie told him, blushing.
John grinned at Michael's bluntness, "he said that? He actually told you that?" John asked again laughing when Natalie turned an even deeper shade of red. "Its ok, he is a doctor. He is supposed to say things like that." John said.
"I know" Natalie replied, "but he is your brother and it was embarrassing."
John just smiled at her, charmed by her shyness. Natalie was like no one else in the world. She boldly set out to seduce him then got shy when talking about sex. Shaking his head John asked, "so can we leave yet? I know that there are a lot of people that want you to come home."
"Soon," Natalie said with a secret smile. "Michael is running one more test."
"What test is that?" John asked worried, not noticing her smile.
"A pregnancy test." Natalie said.
John was silent for a minute trying to figure out what to say, "Did ummm... Did Cris rape you, Natalie?" he finally asked, voicing the question that had been bouncing around in his head since he had seen her torn shirt back in that awful basement. Praying that it wasn't so he held her hand and waited for her answer.
Natalie looked down then straight into John's eyes, "No, but he came close. If it hadn't been for some bad drug deal he would have. Then today he wanted to but I hit him with the pipe." she said softly. "I am getting a pregnancy test to find out whether am pregnant with your baby."
John smiled a joyful smile and asked, "would you hate me if I told you that I hope you are?" He smiled even wider when Natalie shook her head.
"I think I am John. For days I have been dreaming of a little girl. In my dream she is our daughter, John. She is so beautiful. The dream just felt so real." Natalie told John emotionally. As crazy as it sounded she really believed that the little girl in her dream was their daughter. "It might sound crazy but I think that she is real, John. I think that I was dreaming about our daughter."
"It's not crazy. When you were missing I felt you. I felt when you were in trouble. Jessica felt it too." John said softly. "Do you want to talk about what happened? You might feel better." John asked.
Natalie nodded, "You better tell Bo to come in. I know he needs my statement to arrest Cris." Natalie said then fell silent thinking about Cris. "How is he?" She asked softly.
John sighed, he hadn't wanted her to know quite so soon. "He didn't make it, Natalie." John said gently. He hadn't wanted Natalie to have to deal with something like this.
Natalie sat there for a minute digesting the information before asking, "If I say that I'm glad does that make me a horrible person?" she asked tearfully.
John enveloped her in a hug, "Of course not! You're a wonderful person and I love you!" Natalie began to cry as everything that she had gone through hit her. John simply held her while she wept.
After a while she stopped crying and calmed down. John went to go get Bo. Bo hugged her when he came in then sat down in the chair at the side of the bed. John also sat down. Natalie began her story, telling it softly and with emotion. She had to stop several times but finally got it all out.
John sat very still as Natalie told her story. Hearing all the details he knew that if Cris wasn't already dead he would have strangled Cris himself with his bare hands. John felt terrible for all that Natalie had been though. Silently cursing Cris John simply held Natalie's hand tightly in his.
Bo was shocked at all Natalie had been though. He had thought that she would have told someone of gotten help. "Oh Natalie!" he said, "Why did you say something. We could have stopped Cris from hurting you."
"Uncle Bo you don't understand. I know you have dealt with domestic abuse cases before but you don't know what its like. Not really." Natalie told him. She knew he didn't understand, he couldn't, not unless he had been through it.
"It's hard to explain, I thought it was my fault. That if only I tried harder things would be better. I know it sounds stupid but I couldn't tell anyone. I was ashamed." She tried to explain.
"Ashamed?" Bo asked. He was trying to understand how someone as smart as Natalie could have gotten sucked into this. She was right, Bo thought to himself. He really didn't understand. Even after all his years on the force he had never been able to understand how women let men hit them and demean them.
John understood. He had spent the better part of his life taking responsibility for things that weren't his fault. So he could understand how Natalie had taken responsibility for Cris's actions. He could understand how her love and compassion for Cris had blinded her to who he was and what he was doing to her.
"I felt that I failed Cris. That I wasn't trying hard enough. That if I were a better wife I could have helped Cris get better. I thought that I had let everyone down because Cris wasn't happy. Cris made me feel like I was the only one that could help him and when I couldn't I just felt like.. like... like I had not only failed him but also myself. It wasn't until later that I saw that I wasn't at fault and that I couldn't save Cris. That he had to save himself. That he had to want to." Natalie explained further needing to get it out. She needed to say all this out loud.
John knew that Natalie needed to say this, needed to let it out. It was her way of letting the past go. Of moving beyond all the pain and hurt. He moved to the side of her bed and sat down. Taking her in his arms he pulled her to him and hugged her gently, mindful of her ribs.
Bo felt awful that Natalie had gone thought all this alone. "What made you finally realize that?" Bo questioned softly.
Natalie smiled over John's shoulder and said, "John did. He helped me see that I wasn't to blame. He helped me see Cris for who he really was. I didn't want to see what was right in front of me because that would force me to deal with the fact that Cris didn't really love me." Natalie pulled back from John to look up at him then back to Bo. "John saved me when I did think I deserved to be saved and I love him."
Bo, wanting to bring the conversation to happier things, smiled and said, "yeah I kinda figured you guy's were in love." Looking at John bo asked, "Did you tell her about the job yet?"