I'm no good at English. Please forgive me.

Chapter 2 – Get that arrow? Are you kidding me, man?

In the camp...

"Are you sure these are real men?" hisses Mulan to Mushu. "To me, they seem to be the most terrible sorts of pigs or something in that way... No, no, wait, I changed my mind, there aren't any faults in pigs..."

"Of course they are real men", whispers Mushu from inside of her pocket. "Now, you must act like them."

"I thought I was supposed to act after the script."

"You are. It was just a line."

"Ahaaaa..."

"It's okay. Look here, for example."

A tall, skinny guy, a short guy with a black eye and a guy with a big tattoo on the chest stands right before them.

"Look! This tattoo will protect me from harm!" The Tattoo Guy looks very satisfied with himself.

The short guy has a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Hmmm."

The short guy punches Tattoo Guy in the stomach. He falls to the ground. The tall, skinny guy is laughing as if his life depended on it.

"Hahahaha! Hope you can get your money back! Hahaha!"

"I don't think I can do this", says Mulan nervously.

"It's all attitude", Mushu assures her. "Be tough, like this guy here."

Mushu points at the short man with the black eye.

The short guy notices Mulan watching him. "Whatt'cha looking at?"

"Punch him, it's how men say 'hello'", whispers Mushu.

Mulan punches the short guy. He grins at her.

"Oh hello little fellow! Nice to meet 'ya. I'm Yao."

The tall, skinny guy decides to present himself as well. "I'm Ling."

A VERY big man appears. "And I am Chien-Po."

Mulan scratches the back of her neck. "Er, ahem, hi guys, my name is... is... I mean..." She hisses to Mushu: "What's my name?"

"Umm... Ping, say Ping! Ping was my best friend growing up!"

"Ping! My name's Ping!"

"Hello Ping!" says Ling, Yao and Chien-Po happily.

Meanwhile, in the tent of the highest quality...

Li Shang, General Li (his father) and Chi Fu (lovely, the snobbish man again) are in the tent.

General Li is motioning with his pointer to a map of the region.

"The Huns have struck here, here and here. I will take the main troops up to the Tung Shao Pass and stop Shan-Yu before he destroys this village."

Chi Fu takes every chance to suck up to him. "Excellent strategy, Sir. I do love surprises, Ha ha, ha, ha."

Nobody's laughing.

"Ha ha...er...um..."

"Li Shang, you will stay here and train the new recruits", orders General Li. "When Chi Fu believes you're ready, you will join us...Captain."

He hands a sword to Li Shang, who stares at it.

"Captain?"

"Yes, yes, captain. Are you deaf? What a son..."

Li Shang takes a closer look at the sword.

"Cut! This is plastic!"

"I know", says the Director. "We couldn't afford real swords to everyone."

"But all the others get real swords!"

"Yes, but somebody had to get a plastic sword, and we decided to give it to you, because you would hurt yourself on a real sword."

"But how shall I kill any Huns with this?"

"You can't. You have to trust your soldiers."

"I'm never allowed to decide anything by myself. Everyone's against me, even the director. Sure the emperor is against me too", pouts Li Shang.

General Li punches Li Shang's back."Oh, c'mon, son. It's not the whole world. I have to go now. Good luck, captain."

He walks out of the tent. Chi Fu follows him.

"Yeah, yeah. 'It's not the whole world'", mimicks Li Shang to himself. "HE shouldn't say anything. HE isn't the one who is for ever doomed to fight with a plastic sword..." He looks closer at the plastic sword "... 'made in Taiwan'. Hrmf."

He exits the tent. All the recruits are playing "catch" with Chi Fu's best hat. Chi Fu is running between them, in some desperate tries to catch his hat.

"My hat! Give it to me! Give me my hat! Give it to me! Now!"

Yao has the hat for the moment. "Come and get it!"

He throws Chi Fu's hat to Ling.

"Ha! Come and get it, if you can!" laughs Ling.

Chi Fu runs toward Ling, but falls to the ground and in the mud.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" All the recruits roar with laughter.

Chi Fu crawls away from the mud.

"These aren't my last words! I'll give you for this! I'm gonna tell the emperor! I am his council! He trusts me!"

"You gossipmonger..." mutters Yao.

The Director is crying. Mulan wants dollars instead of Swedish crowns. She becomes a friend to Ling, Yao and Chien-Po immediately. The recruits are playing "catch" instead of struggling. No one's acting according to the script.

"(Sob! Sob!)Why me? Why me? Ancestors, what do you have against me? (Sob...)"

Next day, Shang begins to train the recruits.

"Soldiers! You will assemble swiftly and silently every morning. Anyone who acts otherwise will answer to me."

He takes off his shirt and grabs a bow and quiver of arrows.

"Whoa, that's what a call a great physique!" Mulan says to herself.

"Ooooo, tough guy", says Yao with a smirk.

Shang points with the bow and an arrow at Yao, who suddenly looks kinda scared.

"What the heck!"

Shang shoots the arrow into the top of a high pole.

"Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow."

"I'll get that arrow pretty boy. And I'll do it with my shirt on!"

"One moment, you seem to be missing something."

Chi Fu hands Shang a weight which seems to be VERY heavy.

"This represents discipline", says Shang very authoritative.

He ties the weight to Yao's hand. It's taking Yao's arm with it to the ground.

"Ouch! My toe!"

Shang takes another weight from Chi Fu.

"And this represents strength."

He ties it to Yao's other hand. This time, whole Yao is falling to the ground. The troops laugh, "Ping" the loudest of all.

"You need both to reach the arrow."

Yao tries bravely to climb the pole, but slips down under the weight. Ling, Chien-Po and "Ping" each take their turn and fall down.

"We've got a long way to go", sighs Shang (AN: As if he could do it any better).

Shang throws staffs to the recruits. He starts to sing "I'll make a man out of you".

"Let's get down to business – "

He throws up two clay pots with his staff. The recruits are very impressed.

"Wow!"

" – to defeat – "

When the clay pots falls down to the ground, he breaks them with his staff. Unfortunately, they are filled with rice... Shang stops singing.

"ummm...the Huns?"

There's rice all over the camp.

Silence.

After a while "Ping" steps forward.

"Hrr-m, okay gentlemen, thanks to our new friend captain Li Shang, we'll have really fun watching him picking up every single grain of rice."

"Yay!" shout the recruits.

They spend the whole day watching Shang picking rice.

"What did I say? What did I say? Everyone's against me! Everyone!"

As I said, Shang is picking rice the whole day, so the real training can't start until next morning. Shang is in a very bad mood.

"I suppose no one has discovered an idea of reaching the arrow yet, so, let's start with the real training. Ling, you'll try breaking big stones with your head, Chien-Po, you'll run over a river by using poles, Yao, you'll cross a field while the rest of you are shooting burning arrows across it. And, Ping..."

He smiles evilly.

"You'll spend the day fighting with me. Heh heh heh."

"Ping" shrugs it off. "OK, captain. It'll be a pleasure."

Surprisingly, "Ping", Yao, Ling, Chien-Po and all the others make their tasks perfectly.

"Damn", swears Shang.

But, still anyone hasn't reached the arrow. One night, "Ping" looks at it with irritation.

"I'll get that silly little arrow, even if it'll be the last thing I do! Emmh, okay, maybe not the last thing I do... hmm... hmm..."

"You, sister! I've got an idea!" says Mushu.

He whispers something in "Pings" ear.

"Great idea!" exclaims "Ping". "Why didn't I think of that?"

She runs to her tent and comes out with – a chainsaw.

"Ha!"

She cuts down the pole.

"RRRRR-RRR-RRRR!" says the Chainsaw.

"Timbeeeer!" shouts "Ping".

The pole falls to the ground and hits a tent. A scream can be heard.

"Oopsy Daisy", says Ping, but doesn't sound like she really regrets it.

Chi Fu crawls out of the rests of the tent. He has a huge bump on the head.

"Oh, is it only you?" says "Ping". "I thought it was someone people actually like."

"Ouch, my head, I'm gonna tell the emperor about this, be sure!"

Ping doesn't seem to care.

"Hey, wake up everybody! I've got the arrow!"

Heads poke out of the tents. Ling runs forward to "Ping" and holds "his" arm high in the air.

"Hip hip hurray for Ping!"

"Hip hip hurray!" screams the army.

Chien-Po punches "Ping's" back so that she falls to the ground. "We're proud of you, Ping."

"What was your tactic?" asks Yao.

At last, they see the fallen pole.

"Great idea, to cut it down by using a chainsaw! Why didn't I think of that?" asks Ling.

"Because your 'brain' isn't capable to do such things", answers Yao helpfully.

"Why you little..."

As usual when it's about these two, Yao and Ling starts to struggle and gives each other bruises and bumps. Did I ever mention Chien-Po's highest wish is "peace in the whole world"? He likes to chant and is always trying to mediate between Ling and Yao.

"Excuse me?" interrupts Chien-Po. "Whatt'cha mean I like to chant and is always trying to mediate between those two? It's fun to see them struggle! C'mon Ling! Hit him in the eye, Yao!"

Oh, I really like writing this story! Please review.

Goddess Of Idun