I am SO SORRY for not updating earlier! One word: school... It's like all my teachers have decided to give me loads of homework at the same time.

You're now reading the re-written version of How the movie Mulan was made. After I read a certain review from A Cute But Psycho Bunny, I decided to write the following chapters more like a "normal" fanfic. I actually have started to change the previous chapters – I still have them saved on my computer, you know – but I guess it'll take a while before something actually happens. Thank you Bunny, for warning me!

I want to apologize for a grammar mistake in chapter 11. I wrote "hunt Shan-Yu" when it should've been "chase Shan-Yu". Sorry!

This chapter is rated PG for some bad words.

I found the word "moot" in the novel The Soddit or Let's cash in again by A. R. R. R. Roberts. It's a parody of The Hobbit or There and back again by J. R. R. Tolkien, as you probably can tell. "Moot" means uncertain.

Chapter 13 – Moot? Are you kidding me, man?

The huns lock the army in down the cellar of the optician's house.

"Ha ha!" laughs Hun # 18. "Expect water and bread 'til you die, you chinese nerds!"

"Don't you have fish sticks?" asks Chien-Po worriedly. "Or beer? You must have beer, you cannot live without beer!"

"We know!" smirks Hun # 3. "Funny, isn't it? We'll sit upstairs getting drunk, while you're dying down here. Life really is moot."

"Hrmf", mutters Ling.

The huns leave, laughing manically.

After a while, Mulan speaks. "Maybe we should check the door. It might not be locked, I've got experience of unlocked doors." (AN:You remember chapter 7, don't you? No? Well, that's where Mulan escapes from her punishment, that Spice Girls thing you know.)

Yao tries to open the door but can't. "Nope, it's locked."

"Darn", swears Shang.

"Double-darn", swears Mulan.

"Triple-darn", swears Mervyn.

"Darn multiplicity with four", swears Ling.

"Darn multiplicity with five", swears Yao.

"Darn multiplicity with six", swears Chien-Po.

"Darn multiplicity with –" starts Soldier # 3, but gets interrupted by Chi Fu.

"This is bloody illegal!" swears Chi Fu. "I'm gonna tell the emperor about this, captain, that you let the soldiers swear when they are in duty!"

"Oh, but you swore too, didn't you?" Shang points out. "You said: 'this is bloody illegal'."

"Eh...um..." Chi Fu's face is turning into a very red colour. "What about, I didn't hear you swear and you didn't hear me swear? And we won't say anything to the emperor, will we?"

"Oh no, of course not." But when Chi Fu turns around, relieved, Shang brings his note book out of his pocket and writes: Note to self: when getting to the emperor, tell him that his council said 'bloody'.

"So", starts Yao, "how to get out of here?"

They all sit down, trying to come up with a plan.

"I KNOW!" screams Mervyn suddenly.

"What? What? What?"

"Mulan, do you still have that chainsaw of yours? The one you used to cut down the pole in the training camp?"

Mulan stares at him. "Mervyn, do you know what you are?"

"The best bus driver on earth?"

"You are a bloody GENIUS!"

"'Course I am!"

Ling looks confused. "How can you know about the chainsaw? That's in chapter 2, and you don't appear 'til chapter 4!"

"I'm all-knowing. Ask me something and I know the answer."

"Really? Then... um... what's the name of the Swedish king?"

"Gustav II Adolf. That's right, isn't it?"

"Why, I don't know. I'm Chinese, not Swedish."

Right now, the author jumps in. "Actually, the king's of Sweden name is Carl XVI Gustav. Gustav II Adolf lived 1594 – 1632. He died in Lützen while fighting the Germans. He got one child, Kristina, who became queen when she was eighteen years old. Later she abdicated and moved to Rome. She had a cousin – "

"OKAY OKAY WE GET THE MESSAGE!" everyone shouts.

Author looks offended. "Hey, this is history! Always good to know. And I'm warning you, do not shout at me, 'cause I'm the author and I can write you out of this fic right now if I want to!"

"As if. You'd never do that", says Soldier # 2.

"Try me."

"Oh c'mon. We know you aren't the toughest author out there. You wouldn't dare to write, for example", he points at himself, "me out."

"Oh, wouldn't I?" Author sits down and types furiously on her keyboard. Soldier # 2 notices a strange light surrounding him. "What the h – "

ZAP!

He disappears in a puff of smoke. Everyone stares on the spot where he was just a few seconds ago.

Author grins evilly. "See?"

Everyone nods nervously with silly grins. Shang writes in his notebook: Note to self 2: never, EVER mess with the author.

"You are allowed to destroy the door."

Mulan brings out her chainsaw and turns the door into very little pieces.

Everyone cheers. "Yay!"

"Shall we beat the crap out of the huns now?" asks Yao.

"Nah, I have to go to the loo", says Mulan. "And you wouldn't want to start without me!"

She goes to the loo. The others are waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

2 HOURS, 43 MINUTES AND 17 SECONDS LATER...

"What the hell is taking her so long!" exclaims Mervyn.

"Maybe something's wrong", says Shang. "I'll go and ask her." He walks away and stops outside the loo. "Mulan? You okay in there?"

"Finally!" Mulan's muffled voice can be heard from the other side of the door. "I've been waiting for hours! I've run out of toilet paper!"

"But why didn't you tell us?"

"Well, airhead, I shouted and shouted but no one came. You were too far away! Now get me some toilet paper, quickly!"

"Sure. I'll be right back!"

Unfortunately, Shang doesn't find any toilet paper. He has to find a shop where he can buy some. So we'll end this chapter here while we're waiting.

Yes, I know, this chapter was short, it sucks and it's good for nothing. I'm just having a really guilty conscience about not updating for so long. I hope you like it anyway!

Goddess of Idun