Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I do, however, own this parody.

Hey, everyone! Here's a little New Years present!

The current roles are as follows

King Arthur: Yuki
Patsy: Hatsuharu
The two people at the castle talking about swallows: Kyou's two nameless friends
The others are kept secret.

Note: By box, I mean the box containing the "soul" of Akito's dead father, Akira. And yes, Akira IS Akito's father.

Fruits Basket and the Quest for the Holy Box

Chapter 1: Beginning of the Quest and Swallows

Yuki and Hatsuharu walk up a hill. Hatsuharu is banging two coconuts together and carrying a huge backpack. They stop at a castle gate. "Halt!" They looked up to see a guard looking down at them. "Who goes there?" he demanded. "It is I, Yuki, from the castle of Kaibara. Prince of the Sohmas! Defeater of Fan girls! The sovereign of all bishounen!"

"Pull the other one!" The guard remarked dryly.
"I am. And this is my trusty servant Hatsuharu."
"We have ridden all the way from the honke, in search of knights who will join me in my court at Kaibara. I must speak with your lord and master."
"Ridden on a horse?" The guard asked in disbelief.
"Yes."
"You're just banging two coconuts together!" The guard snapped.
"So? We've ridden them since snow covered this land. Through the kingdom of Mercia. And through-"
"Where'd you get the coconuts?" The guard interrupted.
"We found them." Yuki replied simply.
"Found them? In Mercia? The coconuts tropical!"
"What?"
"This is a temperate zone."
"The swallow may fly south with the sun, yet these are not strangers to our land?" Hatsuharu spoke up.
"Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?" The guard asked, stunned.
"Not at all. They could be carried." Hatsuharu replied in a bored voice.
"A swallow carrying a coconut?"
"It could grip it by the husk." Yuki argued.
"It's not a question of where he grips it, it's a simple question of weight ratios. A five ounce bird can't carry a one pound coconut."
"It doesn't matter. Would you go and tell your master that Yuki from Kaibara is here?"
"Listen, in order to maintain air speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat it wings 43 times every second, right?"
"Please!" Yuki pleaded.
"Am I right?" The guard clearly wasn't listening.
"I'm not interested." Yuki stated. Another guard appeared next to the other one.
"It could be carried by an African swallow." he mused.
"Oh yeah, and African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow." The first guard agreed.
"Oh yeah, I agree with that."
"WILL YOU ASK YOUR DAMN MASTER IF HE WANTS TO JOIN YUKI'S COURT IN KAIBARA?" Hatsuharu had gone Black. Yuki smacked him over the head and he returned to normal.
"But then, African swallows don't migrate." The first guard admitted.
"Oh yeah, so they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway."
At this point, Yuki gave up. He gestured for Hatsuharu to follow him and off they went.
"Wait a minute, suppose two swallows carry it together!" The second guard wondered.
"No, they'd have to have it on a line."
"Simple. They use a strand of creeper!"
"Held under the dorsal guiding feathers?"
"Why not?"
"Actually, why are we talking about European swallows anyway? We don't even live in Europe! Or Africa for that matter."

Chapter Two: Naohito the Peasant
Dennis: Naohito
Peasant woman: Mayuko

"Look, I apologized for the "old woman", but from behind, you looked-" Yuki was cut off.

"What I object to is you treating me like an inferior!"

"Well I am Prince!"

"Oh, prince, very nice!" Nao remarked sarcastically. "And how'd you get that job? By exploiting the workers!" He began to uh…. Dig a hole and shoveled the mud into his cart? "By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma, which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be progress-"

Mayuko showed up and started digging too. She noticed Yuki and Hatsuharu. "How do you do." She said politely.

"How do you do, good lady. I am Yuki, Prince of the Sohmas. Whose castle is that?" Yuki gestured to the castle nearby.
"King of the who?" Mayuko asked.
"The Sohmas."
"Who are the Sohmas?"
"We are all Sohmas, and I am your prince."
"Didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective."
"You're only fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship!" Nao muttered angrily. "A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes-" Mayuko hit him with her shovel.
"You're bringing class into it again."
"Well, that's what it's about!"
"Please, good people! I am in a hurry! Who lives in that castle?" Yuki begged.
"No one." Mayuko said simply.
"Then who is your lord?" Yuki asked.
"We don't have a lord."
"What?"

"I told you." Nao explained. "We're an anarcho-syndicalistcommune. We take turns to act as an executive officer for the week. But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting by a simple majority in the case of internal affairs."
"Be quiet." Yuki demanded.
"But by two-thirds majority-"
"Be quiet! I order you."
"Order? Who does he think he is?" Mayuko wondered.
"I am your prince." Yuki replied.
"Well I didn't vote for you." Mayuko snapped rudely.
"You don't vote for princes." Yuki was irritated now.
"How'd you become prince, then?" Mayuko demanded.

"The Lady of the Lake. She cursed me with the vengeful spirit of the Rat of the Chinese Zodiac. That is why I'm your king. Hatsuharu was cursed with spirit of the Ox, and that is why he is a knight as well as my servant."
"Listen. Strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords is no basis for a government system." Nao tried to put it simply. "Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some idiotic aquatic ceremony!"

"Be quiet!" Yuki was mad now.
"You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart throws a rat at you."
"Shut up!" Hatsuharu was getting angry, too.
"Look, Hiro was cursed with the spirit of the zodiac Sheep. If he went around saying he was an emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a goat at him, they'd have him put away!"

Hatsuharu stomped toward Nao. "SHUT UP, WILL YA? SHUT UP!" He grabbed Nao by his clothes and started shaking him. "Now we see the violence inherent in this system!" Nao shouted sarcastically. "SHUT UP!" Black Haru shoved him down and pulled him back up. "Come see the violence inherent in the system. Help! I'm being repressed!"

"Bloody punk!" Black Haru finally let go and walked back to Yuki. "Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear what he said?" Nao pointed back at him to the crowd developing. "That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me?" Nao persisted.

Yuki and Hatsuharu marched on. They fought with the Black Knight, whose face they never say, but she sounded suspiciously like Akito's mother, Ren. Yuki cut off both her arms and legs, but she still insisted on fighting. So they left her there.

To Be Continued.

Will Yuki find knights to join him? Just go to the next chapter!