Disclaimer: See previous chapter. (In other words, I don't own Furuba or Monty Python)

Fruits Basket and the Quest for the Holy Box

Roles:
The "witch": Kana
Peasants: Random Kaibara students
Sir Bedevere: Secret

Chapter 3: Witch and Duck Test

A stone-faced man is standing on a podium looking bored when he hears the approach of a crowd. He looks up. The crowd is chanting. "What is it?" he asks as they stop at the podium. The leader, who looks suspiciously like Takei Makoto steps forward. "We caught a witch!" he said excitedly. "Can we burn her?" The crowd began chanting "Burn 'er!" The man waved his hands for them to be quiet. "How do you know she is a witch?" he asked calmly. "She looks like one." Makoto answered. The crowd shouted their approval. "Bring her forward." the man sounded bored. The mob shoved a woman with short brown hair in front of him. She's wearing a funnel on her head and has a carrot tied around her nose. "I'm not a witch! I'm not a witch!" She insisted. "But you are dressed as one." the man said gently. "They dressed me up like this." She pointed at Makoto and his friends. They protested. "And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!" Kana continued. The man lifted the carrot, and sure enough, it was fake. "Well?" he looked at the peasants. "Well we did do the nose." Kureno admitted. "The nose?" the man raised an eyebrow. "And the hat. But she is a witch!" The crowd began chanting again.

"Did you dress her up like this?" The man asked again. "No!" was the main reply. "Yes…" Komaki admitted and the others followed suit. "A bit." Kureno said suddenly and the others changed their answers. "She has got a wart!" Makoto pointed out. "I do not!" Kana protested. "What makes you think she's a witch?" The man asked. "Well, she turned me into a NEWT!" Kakeru piped up. "…..A newt?" The man asked after a pause. "…..I got better." Kakeru attempted to cover up his mistake. "BURN 'ER ANYWAY!" "BUUUUUUURN!" The crowd was getting restless. They were so focused that they didn't notice someone enter their village. "Quiet! Quiet!" The man waved his arms. "There are ways of telling us if she is a witch." he explained. "Are there? Tell us! What are they? Do they hurt?" They demanded. "Tell me, what do you do with witches?" the man asked. "YOU BURN THEM!" "BUUUUUURN THEM!"

"And what do you burn, apart from witches?" "MORE WITCHES!" "TAMAHOME!" an orange haired man with a fan spoke up. "Wood!" Kureno added. "So, why do witches burn?" There was a long pause. You see, unlike Naohito and Mayuko, these villagers are very stupid, so it takes time for things to sink in.

"Cause they're…. made of wood?" Momo asked shyly. "Good!" The man smiled and continued. "So! How do we tell if she is made of wood?" "Build a bridge out of 'er!" Kakeru shouted, raising his hand up. "Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?" "Oh yeah…" "Does wood sink in water?" This one the villagers actually knew the answer to. "No! No! It floats!" An idea hit them. "Throw 'er into the pond!" They started to grab her, but the man rolled his eyes. "What ALSO floats in water?" This provoked many answers.

"Bread!"
"Apples!"
"Very small rocks!"
"Cider!"
"Great gravy!"
"Cherries!"
"Mud."
"Churches! Churches!"
"Lead!"

"A duck!" A smooth, but feminine voice called out. The turned around to see a very feminine looking man and a boy with black and white hair. "Exactly." The man pointed at him. "So, logically…" he looked at Kakeru. "If…she…weighs the same as a duck… she's made of wood." Kakeru answered slowly. "And therefore…" Another long pause. "A witch!" Momo piped up and caused more chanting. They pulled a duck and a giant scale out of a plot hole they placed the duck and Kana on two separate ends. It appeared that Kana weighed more than the duck at first, but then the scale evened out. "A WITCH!" the crowd exclaimed excitedly. Not much had been going on in town, so they were eager to burn a witch. "It's a fair cop." Kana muttered, before she was hauled away. The stone-faced man walked over to Yuki and Hatsuharu. "Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?" He asked. "I am Yuki, Prince of the Sohmas." The man looked baffled. "My Liege!" he dropped to one knee. Yuki had already been impressed with the man's wisdom and the fact that he acknowledged him as prince pleased him even more. "Good Sir Knight, will you come with me to Kaibara, and join us at the Juunishi Table?" He asked. "My Liege, I would be honored!" "What is your name?" "Hatori, my Liege." Yuki pulled out his sword. "Then I dub you, Sir Hatori, Knight of the Juunishi Table." Yuki gently tapped both of Hatori's shoulders with his sword.

And the wise Sir Hatori (cursed with the Dragon) was the first to join Prince Yuki's knights. But other illustrious names were soon to follow.

Sir Kyou the Brave (Yuki had wanted to dub him Sir Kyou the Stupid, but Sit Hatori had convinced him not to, Kyou was cursed with the spirit of the Cat)

Lady Tohru the Pure (A young priestess with a motherly instinct)

Sir Momiji the Hyper (A sweet, energetic blonde boy who had been abandoned by his family, cursed with the spirit of the Rabbit)

Sir Ayame the Beautiful (He was in fact Yuki's long-lost older brother who was cursed with the Snake. Yuki had knighted him after trying to cut his head off)

Lady Saki the Denpa (She refused to allow Lady Tohru to go on this quest with just a bunch of men)

Sir Shigure the Perverted (Had laughed upon hearing his title until he realized that Yuki was serious. Cursed with the dog)

Lady Arisa the Yankee (She opted to help Lady Saki protect Lady Tohru)

Lady Kisa the Timid (Cursed with the Tiger, took a liking to Lady Tohru)

Sir Hiro the Sarcastic (Sheep, was only going because Kisa was going)

Sir Kakeru the Stupid (Complained about his title until Yuki threatened to remove his head)

Lady Machi the Disorganized (Didn't want to come, but Yuki and Kakeru insisted)

Sir Naohito the Uptight (Was dragged along by Sir Kakeru)

Lady Kimi the Flirt (Came just to irritate Yuki's fan girls)

Sir Hatsuharu the Strong (Ox, was already a Knight)

Lady Rin the Sexy (Horse, Sir Hatsuharu begged her to come)

Sir Kureno the Obedient (Rooster, was only coming because of the Lady Arisa)

Lady Kagura the Violent (Boar, wouldn't let go of Sir Kyou)

Sir Ritsu the Not-Quite-So-Brave-As-Sir Kyou who had nearly apologized to the Seahorse of Angnor, who had nearly apologized to the vicious Rooster of Bristol, and who had personally apologized the battle of Boar Hill (Monkey, wants to be more confident)

And finally, the aptly named, Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Fan-Fiction.

Together, they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries: The Knights of the Juunishi

Chapter 4: "Knights of the Juunishi Table"

Prince Yuki and Sir Hatori were babbling about something about earthquakes. ("And that my Liege, is how we know the earth to be onigiri-shaped.") When all of a sudden….

"Look, Kuso Nezumi!" Kyou shouted, pointing over a hill. There was a big castle that looked like a high school.
"Kaibara!" Yuki said in awe.
"Kaibara!" Tohru gasped.
"Kaibara!" Kyou muttered.
"It's only a model." Hatsuharu whispered to Momiji. Yuki hushed him. He turned to his knights.
"Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride to… Kaibara!" Stupid music began playing in the background. Everyone began singing.

We're the Knights of the Juunishi Table
We dance when e're we're able

We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable!

We dine well here in Kaibara
We eat o-ni-gi-ri here a lot! (Wait, that doesn't rhyme…)

Everyone starts to can-can dance. Tohru "accidentally" kicks Kagura in the face.

We're Knights of the Juunishi Table
Our curse forms are quite hug-able!

But many times, we transform back
And are quite un-view-able!

We're angst mad here in Kaibara
Our school trip's somewhere in Nara!

Everyone is still can-can dancing. Kazuma, who is chained to the wall, is clapping.

In fights we're tough and able
The Prince is un-beat-able!

Akito throws vases
And Hatori erases the memories so it all seems like a fable!

It's busy here at Kaibara!
"I'm often beat up by Kaguraaaaaaaaa!" Kyou sang the final note.

Yuki shudders. "On second thought, let's not go to Kaibara…. It is a silly place." Everyone nods and they turn around.

Chapter 5: Akito

Suddenly, there was a bright light and rumbling noise. A manly voice rang out. "Yuki… Yuki… Prince of the Sohmas." Everyone looked up. It was Akito! Her image was in the clouds. They all dropped to their knees. "HEY! Don't grovel unless I say so!" Akito boomed angrily. "Sorry." Yuki apologized as everyone stood up. "AND DON'T APOLOGIZE! Every time I talk to someone, it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy" I mean geez! I already know that! What are you doing now?" She noticed no one was looking at her. "We're averting our eyes, Akito-sama." Shigure explained. "Well don't! It's like those miserable banquets, they're so depressing." Akito rolled her eyes. "Knock it off!" she commanded. "Yes, Akito-sama." Yuki looked at her.

"Yuki, Prince of the Sohmas… Your Knights of the Juunishi Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times."

"Good idea, Akito-sama!" Tohru exclaimed in admiration.

"Of course it's a good idea!" Akito snapped at the poor girl. "Behold, Yuki. This is the Holy Box." Akito's image faded and it showed a small, black box. "Look well, Yuki, for it is your task to seek and obtain this box. That is your purpose, Yuki. The Quest for the Holy Box." The image faded.

"A blessing! A blessing from Akito-sama!" Ritsu said happily.

And so it begins…….. Fruits Basket and the Quest for the Holy Box