Chapter 9
This must be getting really unoriginal. I keep saying the same things over and over again in my author's notes. But what the heck, THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!
Ichigo was yelling. That was normal. He was always bawling at something or the other. Usually at Zaraki Kenpachi (who for some odd reason had an odd liking to Ichigo), Rukia (many shinigamis concluded that Rukia and Ichigo showed their affections towards one another through violence), Ikkaku (usually they argued about hair styles) and Renji (they argued about anything and everything).
So the fact about Ichigo yelling was normal. So why were there so many shinigamis crowding around in interest? The reason for this wasn't because Ichigo was yelling. It was because of who he was yelling with. And in this case, it was our dear tenth division captain.
Of course the crowd would be interested. It wasn't everyday you saw the cocky, bratty but scary little kid yelling his lungs out, his face blazing. This would probably end up in this week's Top Five Shinigami gossip.
"YOU SHRIMPY BRAT! YOU DESTROYED MY DOOR AND-"
"ONLY BECAUSE A CERTAIN DUMBASS FORGOT TO TELL US HOW TO USE THAT DAMN CHIBI SOWRD!"
"IT'S CALLED A KEY, BY THE WAY. YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO KNOW THAT. AFTERALL YOU'RE THE OH-SO-BRILLIANT HITSUGAYA-TAICHOU!"
"WHAT EVER! LEAVE MY BRILLIANCE OUT OF THIS, YOU BRAINLESS, SAD EXCUSE OF A CAPTAIN!"
"YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I'M THE CAPTAIN OF THE FIFTH DIVISION! I'M SURE YOU WERE HOPING TO BE CAPTAIN OF YOUR DEAR GIRL FRIEND, HINA-"
"S-SHUT UP!"
"NOT ONLY YOU DESTROYED MY DOOR, YOU TOTOALLY WRECKED MY HOUSE!"
"BECAUSE YOU WERE KEEPING PORN IN YOUR ROOM, YOU PREVERT!"
"HEY, JUST BECAUSE I KEEP PORN DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN HAPPILY TRASH MY WHOLE HOUSE!"
"BUT YOU SHOULDN'T BE KEEPING PORN IN YOU ROOM IN THE FIRST PLACE! WHAT A FINE EXAMPLE TO SHOW YOUR DIVISION!"
The argument went on and on and on. The crowd was excitedly taking down notes. The editor of Shinigami Gossip Weekly was almost fainting in bliss.
Rangiku and Hinamori were at the fourth division. Rangiku was hiding from her captain while Hinamori was still recovering from shock.
Meanwhile, in Hawaii, Ichigo's father and sisters were watching the news.
"Look, my angels! A house that looks extraordinarily like our house is on television!" exclaimed Kurosaki Isshin, excitedly "It seems to be destroyed or something!"
Karin hits him in the face, "Baka! It is our house!" she yelled, impatiently "Wait a minute! It really is our house!"
"– the house was believed to be destroyed by a giant white creature according to an eye witness. Scientists believed the white creature to be some sort of Egyptian prehistoric dinosaur. The owners are-"
"Our house was destroyed by an Egyptian prehistoric dinosaur…. "Yuzu mumbled, incredulously.
"Yay! Of all houses the dinosaur chose to destroy our house!" yelled Isshin, cheerfully "We should be honored, girls! We are the chosen ones! This is the will of- Barney!"
"BAKA!" shouted Karin. Throughout the entire Hawaii, a loud slap could be heard.
Back at the Soul Society, Hitsugaya and Ichigo had finally stopped screaming at each other. Not because they had made up but because they both lost their voices. The crowd sighed in disappointment. They were waiting to see if the number of foul words Hitsugaya and Ichigo used during the argument exceeded a hundred. So far the crowd recorded ninety eight.
After Hitsugaya got his voice back after gulping down thirty glasses of water, he set out on his quest to murder his vice captain. He couldn't use the bait technique again because no matter how brainless Rangiku was, she couldn't possible fall into the same trap twice in a row.
"Hmmm," muttered Hitsugaya to himself "I can always persuade Kira to help. Even if he doesn't want to, I can blackmail him into doing it." Hitsugaya had found out Kira's little secret a couple of months ago.
"You want me to what?" demanded a horrified Kira "No way would I do that to Matsumoto-fukutaichou!"
"Do it or I would tell the editor of Shinigami Gossip Weekly about you wearing a skimpy, pink bikini to bed every night," threatened Hitsugaya. Kira if possible, became even more horrified.
Rangiku squealed excitedly. "You want to take me out on a sake party?" she asked, happily. Kira nodded nervously.
"Then lets get going!" yelled Rangiku, dragging Kira to the nearest sake supply, namely, Kyoraku- taichou's room.
"Err, I already got the sake," Kira told Rangiku "It's in my room."
"Good boy!" praised Ramgiku, approvingly. "Let's go get that sake and get drunk! Baka taichou didn't let me touch a drunk all week!"
"Erm, Matsumoto-san, I think there is something you should know about the sake-" began Kira, courageously. His conscience was pricking him. He had to warn her.
"What? What?" asked Rangiku, curiously.
"The sake is-"
Just then, Hitsugaya passed by coincidentally and said out loud, "My, what a nice day! I'm pretty sure one of my friends would like to put on his skimpy pink bikini now and go sun bathing!"
"- the sake is very delicious and I'm sure you would enjoy it!" burst out Kira. Hitsugaya smirked as he left them. Rangiku stared at her captain, baffled at his odd comment.
"Right," Rangiku, raised an eyebrow. "Taichou's acting weird, Kira."
"Is he? Wahahahahahaha!" Kira sweat dropped nervously.
Rangiku smelt the sake. "It smells different," she concluded at once "I've tried all the sake in Soul Society and not one smells like this."
"That's-that's because it's a new kind of sake!" said Kira, shooting Rangiku a fake smile. "This sake was-uh- just brewed last week! It's quite good, I heard."
Rangiku shrugged and chugged down a bottle. "Hmm, this is not too bad," Rangiku told Kira "It tastes like regular sake but it's got a weird after taste. But as long as it contains alcohol, it's fine with me."
Kira nervously sipped a little of the sake. Hitsugaya had guaranteed that the sake would not harm him but he didn't really trust the scary white haired kid.
After finishing nine bottles of sake, Rangiku got drunk and fell asleep on the spot. Kira sighed in relief. Nothing bad was happening to Rangiku yet. He quietly sneaked out of his room. If anything bad did happen to Rangiku, he didn't want to know about it. Sometimes, ignorance is really bliss.
Rangiku stirred slightly and opened her eyes groggily. She still felt a little tipsy and disoriented from all the sake but she wasn't called the Goddess of Sake for nothing. She got up slowly and was surprised. Her body felt surprisingly – light.
Rangiku clumsily walked to the door and opened it. The sun light helped clear her mind a little. Just then, a shinigami passed by. He gawked at her and stammered, "Konochiwa, M-Matsumoto-fukutaichou!"
"Erm, konochiwa?" Rangiku replied. The shinigami sped off leaving a very confused Rangiku behind. "What's going on?" she thought.
Then it hit her. Her prized chest had shrunken about thirty times smaller! Her chest was now probably as big as Yachiru's. That's why she felt so light! With the absence of the two usual dumb bells her body was bound to be much lighter.
When the fact slowly got through her sake filled mind, she was in panicked tears. "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!" she shrieked out loud.
Every shinigami within fifty miles heard her. The male shinigamis rushed over to help, hoping to get a chance to save the Bust Queen and be her knight in shining amour.
Rangiku heard them coming and panicked even more. "I can't let them see me like this!" she thought, desperately. She quickly climbed out from the window and ran out.
She hid behind a bush. She concealed her spirit power and prayed that no one would find her. Rangiku was still bewildered. How on earth did her double D size chest shrink in a few hours? She pondered over this for a few moments.
"The sake!" she suddenly thought "I thought it had a funny taste. Besides, it was the last thing that I ate or drank before this happened!"
"Search the area!" she heard someone yell. "We must be ready to help dear Goddess in her time of need!"
"Yes sir!" about a hundred voices roared. Ukitake surveyed the situation from a rooftop. "If only the men were just as enthusiastic in their shinigami duties as they are now," he muttered to himself.
"Ok, having fans and admirers are not always a good thing," Rangiku mumbled. She was stuck in the bush for half an hour and the men were still searching for her.
"We shall search the fourth division now! Matsumoto-fukutaichou always goes there nowadays!" yelled somebody. The others agreed and they left, much to Rangiku's deep relief.
She got up and sneaked away from the bush. Just as she was congratulating herself for her quick thinking, she bumped into something hard.
"Gin!" she gasped in horror. The third division captain flashed his trademark creepy grin.
"Rangiku, what did ya do with yer boobs?" he inquired, still grinning "I almost didn't recognize ya."
"What-what are you doing here, Gi-Ichimaru-taichou?" stammered Rangiku, trying to cover her chest.
"Please, call me Gin," he replied. Rangiku wished that he wouldn't smile so creepily. "Why can't I be here? This is my division, fer yer information. I'd thought ya'd know. Perhaps the loss of somethin' so -dear- to ya has caused some disorientation?"
Rangiku flushed. Of course! She was in the third division. After all, she went to Kira's room, didn't she? She didn't know what to do so she just nodded.
Gin's grin widened, "My, oh, my. Ya have my sympathy. Cheer up though. They'd grow again, ya'll see!"
Then suddenly, he was gone. Rangiku cried tears of both relief and regret. Well, no time to brood over that. She had more important things to attend to. Like how to get back into her room without being spotted.
She pondered over it. It was near impossible! She would have to be spotted by someone or the other even if she was careful. Unless, she would allow them to see her but they won't know it's her? A disguise?
A tall figure could be seen skulking into the tenth division in a black cloak covering her face. . No one guessed that the tall figure was Rangiku yet. It was mainly due to her recently flat chest.
She sighed in relief when she reached the tenth division. Rangiku marched in triumphantly. "See? I'm not a total brainless bimbo!" she told herself.
"You are a total brainless bimbo," Rangiku jumped in surprise when her smirking captain appeared beside her. "A total brainless bimbo with an A size chest, that is."