Title: Unrequited (5?)
Rating: at the moment PG, or whatever ffn's equivalent is
Content: sap, angst
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters mentioned herein, and no disrespect meant
Summary: Lita is falling. Will someone catch her?
A/N: Two chapters in a week. Go me! Hope you like, but I think you're gonna kill me!

Somehow, sleep did come. It was turbulent, and brief, but it did come. It was only when he awoke in the morning that Randy knew something was wrong.

Pulling on a T-shirt, he walked out of his room into the kitchen, half expecting Lita to be sat there brooding over a coffee. She was always an early riser, and when she was troubled would sit in front of the huge bay window that looked out on to the fields behind her house.

She wasn't there. All that greeted Randy was an envelope on the table. His heart sank, he knew what would be in that envelope. He knew she was gone. With a resigned sigh, he sat down and opened it.

Randy,

I'm so sorry sweetheart. I'm so sorry this has happened this way. Please don't love me Randy, please don't. I don't deserve it. Trust me Randy, I'd only hurt you in the end, it's what I do. Just ask Matt.

I'm sorry, I had to go. I can't face you right now, I can't really face anyone. I'll be OK though, don't worry. I'll get through this, you know me, I always do.

I don't really know how I feel about you Randy. I sat all night thinking about what you said, about that kiss. It made me feel something that I haven't felt in a long time, but I'm scared. There, I admit it. I'm scared of how I feel so I'm going to run away from it for a while.

I want to stay friends with you Randy, at least until I've worked out how my head works. If that's too difficult for you, I'll understand. I'm sorry, this must be hurting you and that's the last thing I wanted.

I've just reread what I've written, and I'm contradicting myself. I guess that shows how completely messed up my head is. Don't blame yourself. This isn't because of what happened last night. This has just brought to a head everything I've been feeling for the last few months.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is, don't wait for me. If love comes along, take it. If I lose you, that's my own fault. I hope to god though that no matter what happens, we'll still be friends.

I love you Randy.

Lita

PS I got a cab to the airport, you can take my car. Just leave the keys with the car park attendant.

That left Randy even more confused than before. He guessed that was probably how she was feeling, but it didn't ease his own heart at all. He wanted to tell her that it didn't matter, that he was happy just to be her friend, just to be what she needed, at least until she knew where her heart lay.

He was due to fly out to Europe that afternoon, and was hardly in the state of mind to do it. It wasn't likely that he would run into Lita while over there, the two rosters would be pretty much separate the whole time. Nevertheless, he wanted her to know that he understood, that he was still there for her. Maybe the time apart would do them good.

Grabbing his cell phone, he sent her a text. It was short, but never had so much thought gone into such a message.

Li, I understand, its ok. If u want 2 call me Im always here 4 u. What happened last nite changes nothing. Love u babe, Randy.

She didn't reply, but he hadn't really expected her to. It was with a heavy heart that he packed his things and got ready for the drive to the airport, a drive that would take him further away from being with her.

Lita was torn between thinking about Randy, and pretending that nothing had ever happened. Every time she thought about him she hated herself for running away, for hurting him even more. She couldn't believe how blind she'd been. How could she not have noticed that he loved her? He was always there for her, he made her feel safe, feel wanted and needed, how could she have ignored that feeling?

He was good looking, there was no question. Many saw him as arrogant and self-centred, but to her he'd never been anything other than kind, generous and caring. He was smart, most of the time, and the kind of guy any women would be lucky to have. So why was she doubting this? Why was she seemingly intent on running away from what could have been the best thing to happen to her?

It had been so long since she'd properly been in love, and been loved, that she'd forgotten what it felt like. Did it feel like this? She wasn't even sure any more. All she knew was that Randy deserved better. He deserved someone who wasn't a walking career killer, who wasn't so self-absorbed, who wasn't so bitter, unstable and incapable of reciprocating love.

She didn't deserve him, and she wouldn't destroy him as she had Matt. If that meant not following her heart, then so be it. Even though she did have feelings for him, she couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't.

Randy was worried. Lita had texted him a couple of times, so he knew that she was ok, but she hadn't called. He wanted to call her, but respected her distance. Besides, he didn't really know what he'd say. Would it just be like they normally were, or would it be tense, would there be unspoken words clouding the conversation?

It was down to her to call though, and she would when she needed him. He hoped it wouldn't be too long though. He had heard a few things from the guys in the locker room that had concerned him. It sounded like Lita's self-destruct mode had re-ignited itself. Randy could only see himself as to blame for that. If he'd kept his feelings to himself, then she might not be doing her level best to annihilate herself. She was fragile enough, and he'd just laid all this extra pressure and guilt upon her. He was supposed to be the one person she could rely on, the constant and unwavering friend, and he'd ruined it.

It had seemed like so long since they spoke that he could hardly believe it when her name flashed up on his cell phone.

"Li? Hey babe, you ok?"

"Randy." She sounded tentative and nervous, so he was keen to put her at ease.

"I'm glad you called me angel, I've missed talking to you." He hoped his own nerves didn't show through.

"Me too," she smiled, grateful that it wasn't as awkward as she'd expected.

"So, you ok?"

"Yeah, I guess." He knew full well that meant no, "you?"

"I'm not doing too bad. Apart from the looming prospect of Hell in a Cell of course."

She laughed, "oh yeah. Looking forward to it?"

"Like I look forward to the dentist," he relaxed a little, they'd fallen into the easy conversation they'd always been able to have. The chat and gossip flowed freely, and it was almost like nothing had ever changed. Almost. There was always something behind the words, behind the laughs and giggles, that betrayed that something had changed between them.

"So, wanna tell me what's up?" Randy figured after a while that Lita felt comfortable enough to reveal a little more about how she felt.

"I was wondering when you'd ask," she swore sometimes that he knew her better than she knew herself. And that was unfortunate, because she didn't really know where to start. If she couldn't understand how she was feeling, how could he?

"So?"

"I don't really want to talk about it. I don't really understand myself."

"You know I'm here for you Li," when she didn't answer, he was concerned, "you do know that, right?"

"I know, Randy." Suddenly those unspoken words were shouting loudly in her head. Something inside of her was screaming, wanting her to tell him how she felt. Something else was warning her away, telling her she wasn't good enough for him, that she would ruin his life if she gave in to her heart.

She wondered if Randy could sense her inner turmoil, wondered if he'd speak. His voice came like a soothing balm for a wound, "whenever you're ready Lita, whenever you need me."

It almost broke her heart. "Thank you." Her voice was barely a whisper but he heard and understood.

"It's gonna be ok, Li. I promise you. One day, it will be."

She hung up. How could it be so complicated? How could it be that every time she spoke to him or thought about him she loved him more and hated herself more? How could she carry on like this, hurting herself, hurting him? Something would have to change. She would have to do something.