Chapter 4 - Epilogue
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Notes/Disclaimer: "The Left Hand of Darkness" belongs to Ursula K. LeGuin. And an excellent piece of work it is. I am making no money from this work.
The title is supposed to be a kind of subtle reference to the fact that at the winter solstice, the daylight starts coming back, even though the story doesn't really take place around the winter solstice. ; Not that anyone would possibly come up with that on their own without me having to explain it. Ah well. Hooray for esoteric-ness.
Kharidish Glossary:
amha - parent in the flesh (mother) (although I will occasionally use "father" in place of this term)
kemmer - the stage in the Gethenian sexual cycle, when the beings become sexually active and develop a gender for a set period of time, generally a few days
kemmering - lover
secher - stage 1 of kemmer, hormonal release
thorharmen - stage 2 of kemmer, establishing a sexuality
Handara - a religious community
Handaratta - inhabitants of the Handara
I know I fudged the ages a bit in this. Technically, Korcha and Sorve should be ten years apart in age at the VERY least, according to the novel's timeline. But I'm choosing to ignore that and mess with the ages a bit. I'm assuming that Korcha is around 17 or so. Call it poetic license. :P
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I watch my love's face in the firelight as he watches his amha dance. In two years it has lost none of its softness, nor its beauty. In this time I have seen it in melancholy and in joy, in love and in pain.
I feel his pain with him. I know that he wants a child, desperately. But he refuses to even attempt a conception. He will not allow us to be torn apart. But I sit and I watch him and I wonder. How long before his longing for a child eclipses his need for even me? Are we doomed to repeat my amha's fate? I for one know that I could never give my Korcha up, not for anything. But even for me, the thought of a child...
He catches me watching him and flashes me a quick smile. My heart flutters slightly at the sight of it. I am perhaps a bit more emotional than usual right now; our kemmer is close. But even at the opposite end of the cycle, the sight of his smile can still weaken my knees. My dear, dear Korcha.
I turn my eyes back to the dance, watching as the Handaratta dance wildly about the fire. Such beauty in all of them, even the elders. Perhaps this is where Korcha gets his beauty. Even though we are merely returning for a visit, Korcha blends seamlessly into this world, as natural as the stone on which he sits.
I rise from my seat and make my way around the outside of the bonfire circle so as not to disturb the dancers. When I come to Korcha, I rest my chin lightly on his shoulder. He nuzzles easily against me.
"Having fun?" I murmur in his ear.
He smiles and raises a hand to stroke my hair. "Mm," he answers positively. I rest a hand against his waist.
"He looks very beautiful dancing," I say, glancing back at his amha.
Korcha pauses for a moment. "He looks... sad," he says finally.
I look back up at Ashe. Sad? I peer closely, but I cannot sense anything from him other than his beauty and his joy in the dance. "How so?" I ask.
Korcha does not look at me, but instead continues to stare at his amha. "He misses father. I can feel it. Look at his eyes. Can you not see the way they stare into the distance? As though he's looking for someone? It's like he's dancing for someone that none of us can see."
I take another look, and find that it is just as Korcha said. There is a distance in Ashe's eyes. He never looks at anyone in the circle, his empty eyes instead restless and searching. As though he were dancing with a ghost. A shiver creeps up my spine. I would not be surprised if spirits attended the Handara dances.
Korcha turns to me suddenly, with an intense expression.
"Promise me that you won't die and leave me," he whispers fiercely. "Promise that you won't leave me alone."
I'm a little taken aback by his intensity, but I try to answer as best I can. "Korcha, dearest, of course I would not like to die and leave you alone. But death is a natural part of life. Either you or I will die first, Korcha, and we cannot help that. All we can do is be together now and love now, in this moment that we have."
He hugs me fiercely then. "I will not let you go," he utters. "As long as I live, I shall never let you go."
I kiss him lightly to reassure him, then settle him into my arms. "While we both live, you shall never have to worry," I assure him.
The dancing flames from the bonfire leap in arcs of light and shadow across our bodies, warming us both.
- The End -
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