Wow, where did all these reviews come from? You guys are awesome!
hidden-notes: (scratches head in confusion) there are 16 chapters – now 17, I'll blame for that one
Gymskate: thank youKarryAnne: now if I told you that it would give away the ending.
The Irish Mob: that you for pointing out my ignorance with Judo, I don't actually know that much about it as you noticed so I'll have to go back and change that. I'll keep an eye out for spells that I spelt incorrectly as well since I'd planned on re-posting some of the earlier chapters when I had time to re-edit them over Christmas break.
tammy01: thank you
Leelo77: glad to know you like Adrian, I've been working very hard to make sure that she doesn't end up being a marry-sue. And it's relieving to know I've kept Snape in character, I try but I'm not always sure I manage it.
news paper taxi: Lucky you on holiday, I've been writing end-of-term exams. Glad to know you're enjoying the story though.
sweet as lemonz: glaring at Lucius would be a good thing, keeping a close eye on both him and his son would be even better.
Chapter 17: A Simple HugI didn't sleep much after leaving Severus. Immediately upon getting back to my rooms I disposed of my blood soaked robes and had a long shower to get rid of any traces of blood. I slept fitfully for the next few hours before giving up on sleep and going to see Grandpa to tell him what had transpired last night.
Given the extent of his injuries I was not surprised to see that Severus was not at breakfast that morning. I considered it a stroke of luck that today was Saturday so no one would expect to see him and it gave him the entire weekend to recover.
Then I saw the front page of the Saturday edition of the Daily Prophet.
The picture showed a group of half a dozen Death Eaters torturing muggles and torching their homes before fleeing. I skimmed through the article and a couple phrases leapt out at me '18 muggles dead', 'bodies unidentifiable', 'dissaperated upon the appearance of ministry Aurors', 'attack led by Azkaban escapee Lucius Malfoy'. My eyes travelled back up to the photo where I spotted a Death Eater with a lock of long blond hair falling out from under his hood torturing muggles. As I watched the action progress I saw a Death Eater call to the others in warning and watched the others dissaperate. The Death Eater then came over to Lucius to tell him to leave and consequentially came into the light of the fire and I stopped breathing. Death Eater mask and robe or not I'd recognise him anywhere, it was Severus.
Feeling sick I started to rise only to be given a stern look from Grandpa that told me to remain in my seat. I obeyed but I couldn't bring myself to eat any more breakfast.
- - - - -
A couple hours later I sat in my office staring at the first year papers in front of me. Any other day I would have had them done by now, I probably could have marked them in my sleep, but I couldn't concentrate on the words. My mind kept replaying images, the one of the cover of the Prophet this morning, Severus' argument with Lucius in Hogsmeade, Draco kicking in Severus' ribs as he said to consider it a warning for the next time he interfered with a Malfoy's plans, the fact that muggle torture was Lucius' "area of expertise", Severus lying in a heap on the path to the castle last night soaked in his own blood and half dead…
A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts and I looked up trying to keep what I was feeling from showing on my face as I waved Harry in.
"Professor I wanted to ask…" he started then changed direction mid sentence. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, I simply had a long night. What was it you wanted to ask?"
"Was Snape involved in the Death Eater attack last night?"
I immediately grabbed my wand, cast a silencing charm on the door and point Harry to the seat in front of my desk. "What makes you think that?"
"Because he was missing this morning at breakfast and all the order members were whispering among themselves and you're acting stressed out about something."
I studied Harry for a long time, trying to decide what exactly to tell him. Giving up on coming up with anything elegant I settled for bluntness. "Yes. And before you say anything he was there because Dumbledore told him to do whatever Voldemort told him to, which includes torture and murder."
Harry got up and headed to the door. "He still chose to be a Death Eater I the first place."
"I'd say you need to learn more about him before you condemn him to such harsh judgement. He had a rough childhood."
"Because my father bullied him," Harry asked his hand on the door. "I don't think what I saw in his pensieve would…"
"What did you say about a pensieve?" I demanded.
He turned back towards me looking sheepish. "I looked during Occlumency lessons last year. It was an accident."
"Sit down." I ordered suddenly having a slight understanding of why Severus hated Harry so much. "One hardly looks in a pensieve by accident."
Harry sat down and looked at his shoes. "He'd been bulling me and going through my memories, so when he was called away by Malfoy I couldn't help it."
I pinched the bridge of my nose. Truth be told I would have done the same had I been in Harry's place, but he didn't need to know that. "What exactly did you see?"
"My father and Sirius hexing him just because they were bored."
"Harry look at me." I waited until he had before continuing. "That, while possibly a bad incident, was probably not the worst thing you could have seen."
"He threw a jar of cockroaches at me for it! What could have been worse anyway, he seen all the times my cousin and his gang had beet me up and how my aunt and uncle starved me and locked me in the cupboard under the stairs."
Suddenly I found myself in the mist of a flashback to twenty years ago when another boy had told me of the injustices his parents did to him. I shook my head to will the memory away and concentrate on the boy in front of me.
"Are you okay?"
"I think that you and Severus have much more in common then you'd think."
"What do you mean?"
"Tell me Harry, have you ever wanted to take revenge on those who hurt you?"
He looked confused. "Not really, no. I guess if I did it wouldn't make me any better then them."
I looked at him for a long time finally understanding what Grandpa meant when he said that the only weapon to defeat Voldemort was love. "That is a great gift, Harry. A great gift that you are able to forget what others have done to you and rise above it. Most other people who had grown up in your place would be only to eager to find a way to take revenge upon those who hurt them. Even if it means becoming the worst thing they could possibly be."
"Are you saying that Snape became a Death Eater because he wanted revenge on people like my dad?"
"That was one of a couple reasons but yes."
Harry slumped back in his chair looking shocked. "I couldn't ever imagine doing that."
"And that, Harry, is why you will be able to defeat Voldemort when no one else can."
"Just one more question, why did you take Snape back after he became a Death Eater?"
"Because even those who become the worst they possibly can may still desire to be cared for, to be loved. And as long as they are willing to find redemption they can still be a good person."
Harry left looking more weighed down then he had when he came in and I knew that I had to talk to Severus, and soon.
- - - - -
Shortly before lunch I made my way down to the dungeons and after receiving no answer at his office I let myself into Severus' rooms. He emerged from the bedroom looking like he had just showered and gave me a surprised look.
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to see how you were since I hadn't seen you all morning."
"I'm surprised you were still worried after what appeared on the front page of the Prophet."
"I know that you're doing that as part of your cover. Besides that was never what I was angry with you for in the first place."
"I am sorry about what transpired with Narcissa," he said softly and I realised that there was no deception in what he was saying, he was being to open. Gone was his usual sneer and nasty demeanour that he used to drive people away from him, so he could hurt them before they had a chance to hurt him.
"I wasn't thinking about anything but myself when I did that, and it took me a long time to realise it. When you left I told myself it had nothing to do with me, then when you didn't come back I convinced myself that you were dead so I didn't feel guilty. But then you came back and the illusion I had created shattered, and I realised that everything had been my fault. I'd lost the best thing in my life and it was my fault. The only thing I could hope for was that you'd forgive me and put it behind us like you always had, but you didn't and I realise that I've run out of chances, that you've already forgiven me for more things then I ever deserved."
Reaching out I took his hands in mine. "Maybe that's true, I'm sure many people would think that, but I've already forgiven you. Last night when I realised that by holding a grudge about something that happened long ago I was forgetting that you're putting your life on the line for us and by the time I finally cease being stubborn it might be to late."
He stands there staring at me in disbelief before pulling me into a hug. I hold tightly to him with my head rested on his shoulder like so many other times when we'd been young and it had seemed like a simple hug would heal any hurt. Now we're older I'm not so sure it will, but I wish it would.