"I'm not going to put your god damn limiters back on!"
"Gojyo, please-"
"You'll die!"
"I'm going to die anyway!"
There was a sudden moment in silence, broken only by Hakkai's labored breaths. He hadn't meant to shout at Gojyo like that, but he didn't understand. He was clinging to false hope, and it would only make Hakkai feel all the worse for letting him down. "Gojyo, please…I don't want to die in this form. It reminds me of my sins."
Gojyo reached half-heartedly into his pocket. Withdrawing his clenched hand, he turned it skywards, and slowly uncurled his fingers. Almost as if alive, the three metal limiters winked at him in the sun, mocking him with their merry shimmering, oblivious to the situation at hand. He wished he could say that Hakkai wasn't going to die, that he'd scrape through just like they all had done so many times before, but seeing the way he trembled with pain as his hand clutched at the new wound on his stomach and the sweat that had gathered on his forehead from the sheer effort of just living robbed him of all words. With Goku and Sanzo looking on in stricken silence, Gojyo snapped the limiters back onto Hakkai's ear.
The points of his ears receded and rounded, and his long talons shrank back into human-sized fingernails. His eyes lost their cat-like appearance, and the vines disappeared back into his skin. But as his demon features melted away, the strength his other form had afforded him with also vanished. He was once again nothing more than a human, lying on his back, gasping for the air that seemed would not enter his lungs.
Goku watched as Hakkai's weak hand began to slip away from the wound he had been covering on his stomach. Wide-eyed and frantic, he took Hakkai's hand and helped him hold it there in a futile attempt to staunch the life that seeped from his body in the form of pulsing crimson torrents. "What can I do?" he asked the healer, his voice trembling with the tears that threatened to fall. This was his fault, too. He had been weak. Hakkai once told him that for Sanzo he must be strong. He had worked so hard to be strong for Sanzo…and in the end he hadn't been strong enough for Hakkai, gentle, smiling Hakkai…
Hakkai looked up at Goku, and did his best to manage a smile. "R-remember me…" he managed to rasp, feeling faint with the effort of speaking. Blood was entering his lungs quicker now than it had been. It stained the corners of his pale lips, and flowed from between his fingers that Goku helped him press against the wound. His smile fell as he began to fight in earnest for breath.
Gojyo wiped the sweat away from Hakkai's brow with a cleaner corner of his shirt. It killed him to know he couldn't offer him more than that. He couldn't even give him the comfort of dying in a clean bed. His life would end on a field that reeked of blood, surrounded by death.
'He's drowning…suffering…' Sanzo thought, watching as more and more blood flowed from the corners of his mouth. Sanzo hadn't felt this helpless since the murder of the one person in his life he ever cared about, the one he had been unable to save. Now, the cruelty of Fate had decided that he would relive the whole thing again. At least his master's death had been quick. He hadn't lingered on in agony as Hakkai was doing. He hated himself for standing and watching, feeling guilty for doing nothing to help ease the pain and suffering of his fallen friend. But, he knew if he were to end his suffering, he would bear the guilt of being Hakkai's murderer for the rest of his life.
"Sanzo! What can I do?" The panicked voice of Goku drew him from his thoughts. Tears were streaming down his flushed face, and clouded his golden eyes. His hand was still pressed tight against Hakkai's wound, and the other faithfully held onto Hakkai's other hand as if he feared that if he let go, Hakkai would slip away from him. Sanzo tore his eyes away from Goku's pleading gaze and looked to Gojyo. He still knelt by Hakkai, but seemed to be looking at a stop just beyond where he lay. He'd never seen the redhead look so numb.
"Take your hand off his wound, and move over to the side," Sanzo finally answered, his voice trembling despite his best efforts to be emotionless. "Gojyo, take his other hand." Had he not been so preoccupied, Sanzo would have been surprised at how Gojyo simply did as he was told, rather than starting an argument.
"What are you doing…?" Goku asked slowly, watching as Sanzo knelt down besides Hakkai, dirtying his already ruined robe in the mud that had been formed by Hakkai's blood mixing with the dirt. Sanzo never heard Goku's question. His eyes were locked on Hakkai's, which continually slid in and out of focus. "Do you want me to end it?" he asked softly, knowing he would hate the answer to the question either way.
Every inch of Hakkai's body was on fire, starving for oxygen. The more he began to panic, the worse the waves of pain became, but he couldn't control the mindless terror that held him tight in its grip anymore. He was drowning on dry land, being suffocated by his own blood. It burned at his throat. Yet every so often he managed to catch a breath of air, an innate effort of his body that only served to prolong his suffering. He barely heard Sanzo's question over the sound of blood pounding in his ears. It hurt. Oh God, how it hurt. His stomach was beginning to fill with blood as well, adding to his pain. "Yes," he managed to choke. "Let me go home…" Hakkai turned his head, and fell to coughing, fresh blood bursting from his lips until the spasm abated. Goku clutched Hakkai's hand, tears pouring down his face in steady streams. He wishes he could do something, anything, that'd save him. He stayed silent though, unwilling to protest if this is what Hakkai wanted. Gojyo looked on as if through a haze, wondering detachedly if this were all part of one really bad dream.
Being careful not to cause him any further, unnecessary pain, Sanzo moved to straddle Hakkai's waist. As gently as if he were handling a porcelain doll, Sanzo placed his hands on either side of his head, his thumbs resting right before his ears. Unexpectedly, Hakkai's glazed eyes focused, locking onto Sanzo's in a moment of perfect lucidity. "I'm scared," he whispered, sounding like a sick child alone in a strange, dark place. Sanzo's throat tightened painfully, and a slow tear fell from his eye. He leaned forward ever so carefully, and pressed his trembling lips against Hakkai's forehead in a soft kiss. "Paradise awaits you, Cho Hakkai," he rasped painfully, drawing back just enough to look into his eyes once more. Hakkai smiled, and then closed his eyes, concentrating on the two others who held his hands, summoning the last of his failing strength to give each of their hands a reassuring squeeze. He had promised them once that he'd always be there as long as someone needed him. The tears of Genjyo Sanzo and Son Goku, and the silence of Sha Gojyo told him louder and clearer than any words that they still needed him. His last thought was he could only hope they'd forgive him in time for leaving them so soon.
In one sudden, fluid motion, Sanzo turned Hakkai's head violently to one side, silencing Hakkai's labored breaths with the sickening snap of bone breaking. His body went limp, his head resting heavily in Sanzo's pale hands. He laid his head gently on the ground, and smoothed away his hair from his sweat-slicked yet peaceful face. Time crawled on, but they couldn't bring themselves to move. Goku and Gojyo still held onto the lifeless hands that began to cool in their grasp, and Sanzo still hovered over the body that no longer drew breath. They sat in silence, their tears falling like rain, washing the blood from their fallen friend.