Author's Note: Hi, everyone! This is something that I wrote over the break when I was bored and kinda depressed. I don't know if it's any good, and I don't like the ending, but my friends all liked it and told me to post... so don't blame me! Please? Suggestions on what I should do better would be greatly appreciated. Also if someone has all ready writen something like this, I'm sorry.
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or 'Easier to Run', they belong to Hiromu Arakawa and Linkin Park.
This is for Diana, Jamie, and Gracy (my beta).
Easier to Run
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
After the shock of loosing Mom and almost loosing my little brother, I realized that I had had to keep moving forward. To move forward I got automail, I couldn't very well fix things with a missing arm and leg. I had to set my sights on getting Al back his body to try to forget the pain of almost loosing my brother and best friend. I was glad Al was still here; it would have been much harder to face my failure alone.
Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played
When the human transmutation failed, the Gate not only took my right arm and left leg but something deeper. I don't know how to explain it. No one knows, not even Alphonse- especially not him. I've been affected by this a lot more than I let on. Every night, every time I close my eyes I see Mom dying, Al being taken by the Gate crying out for me to help him, arm outstretched, the thing we created. It's been happening ever since that fateful day we tried to forbidden science, human transmutation.
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
I'd change if I thought it would make things better. I wish I could give this pain back to the stupid Gate, the pain that Al, Winry, Pinako, and I feel. Every night I imagine what would happen if I didn't do certain things. If I didn't read about homunculi and human transmutation, if I listened to Al and stopped, if I didn't ignore every sign posted… would every thing be better? I want to take the blame for what happened and take the shame to the grave. I don't want Al to blame himself.
Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past
To say I remember my past every now and then would be a lie. I carry a reminder in my pocket, always telling me 'Don't forget 3. Oct. 10.' I remember everything clearly. Sometimes I think of forgetting, getting rid of the memories. 'Just forget the past. The road ahead is too hard, give up,' part of me tells the other. I won't listen to it. Al is counting on me.
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change
Instead of changing, I hide from my helplessness. I hide behind a cocky façade. I pretend that I don't feel misplaced; I know what I am doing. I am not a child, some teenager, trying to be grown up but an ordinary state alchemist searching for the Philosopher's Stone.