Sorry that it took so long, I kind of forgot I was posting this story here. Oo
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"Why are you here?" Alexander asked with a mixture of contempt and surprise in his voice.
It surprised him even more that the Persian did not shun his gaze, but stared back, serious sadness on his face. He emerged from behind the tent without hesitation, revealing his slim form, dressed in old clothes that were too wide and still dusty. Not half as beautiful and attractive as he had been in old times. How is it possible Hephaistion wants him? Did they find… love? A sudden feeling of dizziness made him blink.
Alexander felt another moment of uneasiness as he realised Bagoas still showed no fear. "Did you hear my words just yet?" he bit. "I just allowed that man to kill you…or worse! I said I cared naught." Anything to stop the other's silent approach, but it didn't work.
"My life has always been yours, Alksander," Bagoas said softly. The dark-haired walked closer, halted two meters away. He seemed changed.
"Yes," Alexander agreed with an unstable voice, "yes, that's right. You are mine… But you stayed with Hephaistion!" He had almost spat the name, as new anxiety took over. "You let him use you…"
He recalled when he had found out Hephaistion had rescued Bagoas, and had understood immediately. Another way to oppose him. Another way for silent criticism. Hephaistion would never give up. And Hephaistion never came back…
Bagoas shook his head slowly. "I would sooner die."
"Then why didn't you," Alexander breathed, his face a mask of battling emotions – fear the worst of them. There was something inching closer to him, some dark form of certainty he had miscalculated somewhere. Will my people turn against me?
His mind was suddenly drawn back to the day he had left Bagoas alone in the desert, the day the young eunuch had spoken of Hephaistion… The soft words were etched in his mind.
"I will kill him for you, Alksander. I know fast poison."
After he had struck the Persian in his fury, his fist making hard contact with the other's fragile cheekbone, Bagoas had just sat there, shuddering silently. Even as he was left behind.
And Alexander's blood had boiled. No one plans his death but me – he is mine! He belongs to me in every way, he has from the start. He is under my personal protection… even if he doesn't know it.
Bagoas' full lips, under a too thin face with too large eyes, turned into a sad smile. "He came back, Alksander, then I saw it. I thought you did as well, so I did not interfere."
Alexander's mouth tensed. He must have gone insane. "Stop your babbling. It's too late."
A delicate frown formed on the Persian's forehead, his eyes anguished. "Alksander, you must know you will die, if he dies!"
A new, ice-cold fear spread through his insides, settled in his chest. Ready to set new panic free. "Oh? Who would avenge him, you?" A fake laugh left Alexander's throat.
"I am saving you! Please, do you not understand? You cannot live if he dies! Your fates are…together."
Alexander nearly gasped, his eyes growing painful from a pressure building within him. With the last bit of strength, he tried to keep up his mocking tone of voice, holding himself together. "What has he turned you into? Has he taught you how to read the stars now?"
There was true confusion and fear on Bagoas' face. "I read his eyes! I see yours… You love him, how can you not understand anymore?"
"I don't want to understand!" The shockwave finally hit him. Unable to control his fists he rammed into the Persian's lithe frame, until Bagoas let himself fall down and hid his face.
Alexander was on the edge of a revelation, he knew, the edge of persuasion and the edge of despair. And he did not want to go there. "I don't want to! I don't – want to! I will free myself and-"
It was the first time ever Bagoas interrupted him. "Do you want to die! From inside out? Do you wish to buy your death with false freedom? You know!"
"Stop!" Alexander roared, lashing out with his boot into Bagoas' ribs to silence him.
And the other was silent, curled up into a little ball on the ground, breathing harshly.
Sudden regret flooded through the king, as strongly and quickly as his blind panic had done. It was a strange feeling, something that seemed to set snakes loose in his stomach, as he looked down on what he had created himself. A perfect denial. I used to love him... A shuddering breath left his lungs as Alexander knelt down next to the silently crying form. He slowly laid his hand on the other's arm…his fingers tightening as he noticed his own watery eyes. "No," he groaned through clenched teeth. Why does he have to be so weak! Why am I…?
A loud, desperate curse left his mouth as he jumped up, his eyes spotting the sword his guard had tossed aside earlier. Two steps and he grabbed it off the ground, and he blindly ran towards his own tent. "Get me a horse, now!"
Shocked faces stared at him, and Alexander felt the urge to strangle them with his own hands as they didn't react. But he had no time. "Now, I said!"
Someone pointed him towards a large grey mount that stood not far away. Even in his haste Alexander saw the irony. Hephaistion's own horse! The boy who had just taken the horse down to the water let go of the reins as soon as his king mounted, his eyes wide. The stallion reared, and Alexander gripped the mane tightly with his one free hand and held on. "You will obey," he bit to the horse, "for your master."
He saw the faces around him, and in a flash of clarity he laughed out loud. That this what has become of me… Of us, Hephaistion! Look at them!
He dug his heels into the horse's flanks. Cloud, he thought, run now! Go! The strong stallion spurted forward with a large leap, the white in his eyes reflecting his rider's anxiety.
Reality seemed further away than ever.