This chapter is the first of two parts, because it grew a bit too long. So I decided to divide it in two parts.
My sincere thanks go to my wonderful betas, as always: Persephone Lupin for wrestling with my original and lucidity for losing a lot of hairs over my rather adventurous translation. I would be lost without you!
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Autumn 1
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„You are what?"
Not believing his ears, Snape stared at Kingsley. The Auror grinned at him, obviously happy to finally drag the Potions Master out of the grim lethargy he had vegetated in all morning.
"Albus believes that since I am an Auror, I should be capable of keeping a class of studiously students in check," Kingsley explained, smiling impishly while his fingers picked at Snape's duvet.
Studious students, really, the Slytherin thought. Nerve-wracking brats, whose ever-distracted skulls where anywhere, except at the tasks assigned to them, would apparently fit better. He stifled an acerbic remark – his friend would find this out soon enough. So Kingsley was the new teacher for Charms then. Interesting…
"Albus was obviously looking for a Ravenclaw to replace Filius and since I am available at the moment, the solution seemed fitting." He lowered his head when mentioning the name of his former Head of House. It was clear to Snape that Flitwick's demise affected his friend deeply, even if Kingsley tried to hide that fact behind his jovial façade. Well, they hadn't had time to mourn their losses yet, he thought gloomily, while surveying the black Auror's sorrowful features.
"Kingsley," Snape stated dryly. "Didn't you have a job?"
Pulled out of his thoughts, the Auror lifted his head. "Oh! Well… I got myself released from work," he said noncommittally. "You-Kn… Voldemort is no more, and since most of the Death Eaters are in Azkaban already or at least waiting for their trial, the ministry can spare my services for the time being."
Surveying his friend thoughtfully, Snape pressed his lips together. He had certain suspicions about the true reason behind Kingsley's prolonged stay at Hogwarts. And as much as he detested being patronised or dependent on other people, he was not unhappy at the further prospect of having the Auror by his side.
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The day had begun exactly how the prior one had ended – dismally. The previous evening Madam Pomfrey had provided the Potions Master with a light supper and then gave him another dose of dreamless sleep, from which he had awakened in the very early morning hours. Eventually, autumn had arrived and the dull, rain cloud-loaded sky reflected Snape's general frame of mind only too well. Kingsley had finally left the hospital ward and moved into one of the professor's flats, and so Snape was left alone with his gloomy thoughts to kill the seemingly long hours until the crack of dawn. His injuries ached under the dressings and he felt thoroughly sore. One time he tried to shift his position, only to be rewarded with nausea due to the galling sensation he experienced when he realised how awkward it felt to move the stump of his leg. This once again painful realisation, that from now on ten kilogram of his body were just gone, again brought tears to his eyes – leaving him grateful to be alone, so nobody could see his renewed weakness. However, just a few moments later he would have given all his most treasured potions encyclopaedias just to lure Madam Pomfrey and her painkilling draughts to him. Being an experienced Occlumens, he finally resorted to drawing his consciousness back into the depths of his mind, awaiting the morning return of the healer in semi-somnolent doze.
The fact that Madam Pomfrey removed the infusion-needle and instilled some potions along with a clear soup for breakfast didn't bother Snape to come out of his phlegmatic doze, and not until Kingsley arrived did he resurface from his withdrawn consciousness.
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Snape surveyed the Ravenclaw, who was sitting beside the bed, lost in thought and staring into space. Actually, their acquaintance had begun just so, beside a sickbed, almost two years ago now – what irony… He snorted quietly and curled a lip.
"A Knut for your thoughts, Severus…" winked the Auror.
"I've just realised we've come full circle."
Kingsley smiled. "And I was just reminded that I want to break you of the habit of talking in cryptic riddles."
"Hm. There will be flying flubberworms first, I assume."
"I'm a patient man, Severus," the Auror chuckled and helped the ill wizard take a sip of tea. "So, what were you just thinking?"
"Of the incident at the Department of Mysteries. And of the time afterwards."
"You're talking about St. Mungo's?" Kingsley asked, his expression serious. "Perhaps you won't believe it, but you actually helped me a lot back then."
"Exactly…" mumbled Snape and lowered his gaze.
Interesting, how everything seemed to repeat itself in reverse, the Slytherin thought. Seemingly on a whim, Dumbledore had sent him to the hospital to look in on Kingsley, after he had been injured by Bellatrix Lestrange. At first he had thought that the headmaster just selected him because Snape had been the only dispensable Order member at that time. But then, after a couple of visits and long conversations in the hospital ward, Snape realised the apparently different intent of Dumbledore's decision.
Pushing one of those damn lemon drops from one cheek to the other, the head of the Order had surveyed him over his half-moon spectacles.
"Severus," he had said, and his calm voice was still ringing in Snape's ears as if it had been yesterday. "Kingsley is in hospital and he is not well. And since the holidays have begun, and you are the only order member available for the time being, I would like you to look in on him."
"Shall I bring flowers, perhaps? Or hold his hand?" he had sneered, annoyed over the fact that Dumbledore dared to intrude on his precious holidays. As if the expectation of the next Death Eater summons would not have been unnerving enough!
And yet he went. Like he always went on the Headmaster's assignments. After he had grazed the happily waving flower seller in the lobby with a glare that must had paralysed her for a week, he had glided up to the fourth floor, determined to keep his sojourn in this disinfecting potions-dripping atmosphere to an absolute minimum.
In the end, that minimum stretched out over four hours, and at the time when the nurse finally entered the ward to notify the Potions Master about the end of visiting hours, the both of them were engaged in a lively discussion over the ministry's Muggle politics. And that forced visit to St. Mungo's had not been his last, no, from now on he even marked his calendar and overcame his aversion to hospitals in general and the uncomfortable sensations the atmosphere there caused for him. He was no altruistic man and the happiness of convalescent Kingsley over his regular visits had been concomitant at the most – however, he enjoyed availing himself of the Auror's company.
Had the wise old headmaster foreseen Kingsley as the one person missing in the cranky Potions Master's life? A peer to exchange thoughts, to confide in…?
Similar to him, Kingsley was most erudite, competent in various domains, and where he was no expert he was at least interested in closing the gaps in his knowledge. Adding to that was the fact that the good-natured Auror accepted him as he was and – even more important – knew when to shut his mouth when Snape had one of his more than sporadic ill tempers. Dumbledore's disguised plan seemed to have worked out at last – there might even be a bit of a Slytherin slumbering inside the old wizard…
"Severus…"
"Hm?" Pulled out of his musings, Snape looked up.
"Stop brooding," Kingsley smiled. "Look, even the clouds are disappearing." He pointed at the window, through which some flimsy sunbeams reluctantly permeated the ward.
The Slytherin frowned. "Fantastic," he mumbled dryly and lowered his gaze on to his right hand, the thumbnail of which forcefully tried to bore into the tip of the forefinger.
"Poppy had a really good idea this morning," the Auror told him, while watching his friend closely. "As soon as the weather is better, I'm allowed to take you out."
Snape looked at him, arching a bewildered eyebrow. "Which means…?"
"She said that some fresh air and a change of surroundings would do you good, and I agree. We are going to take a little afternoon-walk on the grounds later."
The ill wizard sighed bitterly. "Spare your jokes, Kingsley. I'm really not in the mood." He lowered his gaze. "How could I…"
"Severus," the Auror interrupted him sternly. "It was no joke. Do you honestly believe you're going to spend the rest of your life in this bed?"
"Hm. No," was the low answer. Certainly he won't, he was well aware of that. Nevertheless, he also knew that he won't ever again be able to walk as he once did. And this bodily shortcoming increasingly gnawed on his self-esteem, the longer he brooded over it.
"Come now, Severus. Some distraction will do you good, I'm sure. A breath of fresh air and some sunshine will positively lighten up your thoughts."
Sunshine, certainly, that was definitely what he needed now of all things, the Slytherin thought gloomily.
"Furthermore," Kingsley added. "It won't be long until the students return, and I assume you'd like to enjoy the autumn garden while it's still tranquil."
"And apart from all this, It's an order in my function as your healer, Severus. Plain and simple, whether you like it or not." The resolute voice of Madam Pomfrey caused both men to look up. The nurse had entered the ward and approached with quick paces.
"How do you feel, Severus?" Placing her hand on Snape's forehead, she smiled. "No more fever, that's good… And you've even gained some colour to your cheeks again."
"Kingsley, let me see to your arm," she addressed the Auror. "I think the bandages are no longer required. Does it still hurt?"
"Not really," he answered, while Madam Pomfrey removed the dressings and began her examination.
"The wound is nicely healed," she stated. "What do you think?"
The Auror moved his arm carefully. "Everything's alright, Poppy. It tweaks a bit, but it no longer hurts."
"Good," the nurse nodded, satisfied. "What's left of the tweaking will be gone in a few days."
"I have full confidence in your skills, Poppy," Kingsley smiled and rose. "I promised Albus to meet him for lunch today," he told Snape somewhat excusatory, who eyed him silently. "He wishes to see my proposed curriculum for the term." He smiled somewhat whimsically. "I cannot deny that I am a bit nervous over all this."
Snape snorted derisively. "Why are you nervous, Kingsley? I agreed on your comment before without another thought – being an Auror, you of all people should be more than capable of holding a gang of students at bay. Even if they are hopelessly incompetent and obstreperous brats, they are still just children."
"Now now, Severus," grinned the soon-to-be-professor. "I guess they are not that bad."
A corner of the Slytherin's mouth twitched. No, they are even worse, he thought. Longbottom's incapability combined with the infernal trio would make Kingsley face the facts within the first week. Although it was frightening to think that he might actually enjoy teaching – for reasons shrouded to him, the Ravenclaw liked those brats! Snape shook his head.
"You are very welcome to unveil all expected difficulties later today, Severus," Kingsley said slightly amused. "However, I am afraid I have to go now, I really should not keep my new employer waiting."
"Certainly, Kingsley," Madam Pomfrey agreed. "I have to look after Severus now anyway."
The Auror nodded at Snape and the nurse and swept out of the door, not before winking and mouthing another 'promenade' at the bedridden man.
"Alright, Severus…" the nurse said, turning to Snape.
"Poppy," the ill wizard interrupted her impatiently and slightly annoyed already. "What's all this about this blasted garden walk?" The sensation of helplessness rushed anew through his body, making him flinch. "I certainly cannot… I mean, what do you expect?" An apprehension dawned on him that made his guts clench abruptly. "I most definitely will not let myself be floated around the school…"
Madam Pomfrey cast him an astounded glance. "What… No, Severus, no! Where did you get that idea from?" she tried to calm down the Potions Master, who had anxiously lowered his gaze. "Nobody will float anybody around here." A brief smile passed her features at the obvious utter lack of knowledge of her patient in these matters.
"This morning I sent for a wheelchair from St. Mungo's," she explained. "Even if this contraption is a Muggle invention and rarely used in our world outside of medical facilities, it proves rather useful at times."
Snape looked up and furrowed his brow. "A wheelchair?" Dimly he remembered equipment in the hospital where the definition seemed fitting. People who were not able to walk on their own were being pushed around in these by others. He didn't like the idea at all. Besides…
"Hogwarts has quite a few stairs…" he stated dryly.
"My dear professor," the nurse smiled, "even if this is a Muggle device, it doesn't mean that it's not a bit amendable. Medical artefacts are subjects to special exemptions, as Arthur Weasley kindly informed me."
Madam Pomfrey apparently found the less than enthusiastic reaction from the Potions Master slightly irritating, since she sighed quietly.
"I'm very sorry, but you don't have any other option for now," she said. "After your shoulder is healed and your body has regained its strength, you will get used to crutches…" A gasp from the Slytherin made her cut off in the middle of the sentence.
"Poppy," he hissed quietly, head downcast and eyes closed. "I don't want a wheelchair… and no crutches either." He clenched his eyelids tightly together, feeling a suspicious burning sensation rebuilding behind them. "I want my leg back," he whispered.
Silence…
Then he heard the healer sit down beside the bed and felt her hand on his shoulder. He swallowed hard on the lump in his throat and opened his eyes. Carefully trying to keep the bandaged stump out of his field of vision, he looked at the nurse, blinking.
Madam Pomfrey squeezed his shoulder gently. "Severus," she said soothingly, "I am well aware of how you feel. Albus, Kingsley… we all know what you are going through. And I can assure you that we all will help you through this difficult time."
Snape pressed his lips together, swallowing, while the nurse continued stroking his shoulder soothingly.
"We all certainly know that this loss is not easy to digest for you," she said. "However, you must not let yourself go now. Yes, Severus…" she added when the Potions Master cast a strange glance at her. "You must accept the situation at hand – for your own sake. I don't say that it will be easy, but even with a disability like this you will be able to lead a nearly normal life."
Just – nearly… Snape heard the voice of the healer, yet her words of comfort hardly permeated his mind. Just that very moment another painful throb in his stump came like a reminder, and he couldn't prevent a tear from trickling down his cheek. He knew that Madam Pomfrey was right. It was not so bad, true, and his rationality told him once again that he could have been far worse off. However… He sighed quietly.
"You need some time, I know," Madam Pomfrey said gently, wiping away the tear. "That's why you will get some fresh air this very day, because it will give you a distraction as well."
Snape nodded mutely, his head downcast. Smiling, the nurse gave his shoulder one last encouraging squeeze and rose.
"Are you in pain, Severus?" she asked, now having regained the professional tone of a healer.
The constant pounding in his head and injured limbs made Snape nod quicker than he actually wanted. He looked at Madam Pomfrey, his brow furrowed in pain.
"At least I can help you with that immediately," Madam Pomfrey said, measuring the already familiar drops onto a spoon which she put in the Slytherin's mouth. She held up the flask against the light to examine the left over contents. "For this alone you should bounce back soon," she winked. "My stock on healing potions is running low, and I am sure you would most trust your own expertise in brewing."
The corner of his mouth twitched, as Snape arched an eyebrow and grazed Madam Pomfrey with a slight sneer.
She laughed. "Good to see that you've at least regained your familiar expression, Severus."
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