So what's the problem, Lennie?" his sponsor asked in his thick brogue.
"Who said anything about a problem," Lennie responded, as he slid into the booth where Sean and two cups of hot coffee were waiting for him.
"You're face did. It gets any longer you'll trip on it. Come on, tell you're old buddy Sean, what the problem is."
"I don't know, a little of everything I guess. You know, I've started working at a new precinct with a new partner?" Lennie asked.
"Yeah, I thought you were pretty excited about that, going back into a homicide squad as the lead detective," Sean observed.
"Yeah, I am. It's just, well – the guy they got me working with, it's like somebody up there's got a wicked sense of humor, you know," Lennie said looking up a bit as he referred to heaven.
"Whatd'ya mean?" Sean asked him.
"Mike, that's my new partner, his mom was an alcoholic. She died of cirrhosis. He told me today about taking her to her first AA meeting, and then how he had to help her sponsor's daughter pick the two of them off a barroom floor a few weeks later. He thinks all drunks are like that, and here I am watching his back." Lennie explained
"Look Lennie, you can't do more than atone for your own misdeeds. Your partner's mom did wrong by her boy, and it would have been nice if she could have done all twelve steps and made amends to her own son, but she didn't, and that's all there is to that. You'll get nowhere taking on guilt that's not your own. 'Course I should have known when you said your father was Jewish and your mother was Catholic that you'd be an A-1 champion at hording guilt." Sean gently chided Lennie.
"Maybe, the thing is, I'm not doing all so hot on step 8 myself," Lennie admitted.
"Oh, and what makes you say that?" Sean asked him, as he took a big drink of his coffee and waited for Lennie to unburden himself.
"Well, I'm still not on the best of terms with either of my ex-wives, and my oldest girl Kathy, well, I don't know, it just seems like every time we try to talk, we end up hurting each other more. She's too much like me, I guess, at least that's what her Mom always says. And then there's my brother, I don't even know what I did to make him angry at me, so it's pretty hard to apologize," Lennie concluded, sounding frustrated.
"Lennie, step 8 is about your being willing to make amends, it's not a guarantee that the people you reach out to are going to be ready to accept your gesture. You may never be on good terms with your ex-wives, that may be something you just have to learn to live with, and your daughter Kathy, well she's young, she may very well come around, give her time, just keep your heart open to her. As to your brother, why don't you ask him what he's mad about, maybe he doesn't remember either, and you can both have a laugh about it and get back to being brothers."
"More likely he knows exactly why he's ticked off at me, and the fact that I don't know will piss him off even more." Lennie answered morosely.
"Perhaps, but you'll never know unless you ask," Sean insisted.
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained, huh?" Lennie asked. Sean just shrugged.
"I must be getting better at this sobriety thing, because there was a time when the thought of facing my big brother and telling him I had no idea how I'd ticked him off, but I was sorry, would have had me heading straight to the nearest bottle," Lennie admitted.
"Your brother a big bruiser is he?" Sean asked.
"No, now that you mention it, not really. I'm a good 3 or 4 inches taller than he is, and being a cop I'm a lot tougher than he is too. Don't know why he scares me. I guess it's all that big brother, little brother crap he used to pull on me when we were little guys. Even then I could probably have beaten him in a fight, but he'd always run tell Dad on me, and then I'd be in serious trouble."
"And here you are a grown man and you're still afraid he's going to run tattle tale to Daddy?" Sean asked with a note of humor in his voice.
"Wouldn't do him much good, the old man's been dead for years now."
"So, not much to worry about then, is there?"
"Hm. I suppose not," Lennie said, taking another sip of his coffee.
Sean raised his coffee cup, "Here's to making amends."
Lennie raised his cup and hoped Sean was right. He also hoped somehow he and his new partner would find a way to gel, despite the amends that would never be made to the fiery young man.