Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm trying to fix that, but no luck as of yet.
A/N: Nicolle(someone5)! This one's for you, babe! Happy Holidays! This is my bracebridge05 challenge fic for LJ. The challenge was to see Rory, Jess, Luke, Lorelai, Liz, TJ, Jimmy, Sasha, Lily, Richard, Emily, and Christopher together at the dinner table. Anyway, assume that the whole "Luke has a daughter" thing never happened. Also assume that it's about two years or so down the line, and Luke and Lorelai are married. Besides that, well, we'll see what happens.
Family Dinners and Firing Squads
"Pass the potatoes, please." Lily said, pushing up her glasses and looking expectantly at Emily Gilmore, who she was seated next to at the dinner table.
Emily stared at the young lady, who couldn't be more than 16. "What was your name again?"
Richard sighed. "Really, Emily." He picked up the bowl of potatoes and extended them to Lily. "Here you are, Lily."
Lily smiled shyly. "Thank you, Mr. Gilmore."
Richard smiled at her and said, "For the last time, you can call me Richard."
Rory smiled gratefully at her grandfather and placed the gravy boat in front of Lily. "They taste better with gravy."
Jess took Rory's hand and lightly kissed it and adjusted the engagement ring that graced her finger.
"Hey!" Lorelai called, "We agreed that there'd be no PDAs tonight!"
"Well then maybe you should stop playing footsies with Luke over there." TJ commented.
Everyone at the table snickered at that, with the exception of Emily, who looked angry, and Christopher, who looked just as uncomfortable as he had the entire evening.
"Well thank you, TJ, for being a huge help like always." Luke said sarcastically.
Liz smiled and said, "How 'bout we all get out one PDA right now and get it over with?"
Luke and Lorelai shared a long kiss on the lips, as did TJ and Liz, as well as Jimmy and Sasha. Richard embraced Emily, but she turned her head away as he tried to kiss her. Jess kissed Rory lightly on the lips, before the two continued to stare goofily at each other. Lily smiled brightly and made a face at Christopher, the only other one who didn't have someone to share a kiss with at the table. At least she had an excuse. Her boyfriend lived in California. From what she could tell, Rory's father was just single and bitter.
"Well, that was completely unnecessary." Emily said, smoothing the front of her blouse.
"But fun!" Lorelai said, smiling at her husband. Luke smiled back at her, trying to ignore Emily's eyes burning holes into him.
"So Jess, Rory…" Emily began. The couple stiffened visibly. Emily hadn't had a nice word to say to Jess all night. "Where are you planning to live once you're married?"
"We haven't decided yet." Jess answered. It was the answer they'd agreed upon as the safest before they'd decided to have this dinner to celebrate their engagement.
"They have so much time to do that, Mom." Lorelai said, clenching her fists under the table. "Nothing needs to be decided tonight."
"Well, it's the sort of thing a couple should know before they even begin to think about marriage. I won't apologize for worrying about my granddaughter. I seem to be the only one." Emily said, not attempting to mask her hostility.
"Emily, really…" Richard began, reaching to touch his wife's hand.
"Don't 'Emily' me, Richard! You knew how I felt about this engagement before you dragged me to this affair." Emily said. "And I think I have to know what this shiftless boy's plans are when he marries Rory!"
Rory sighed. "He's not shiftless!"
"Mom, it's Rory's engagement dinner. Really, can't you just eat now and disapprove later?" Lorelai asked, desperately trying to keep the matter civil.
"Actually, I think it's a fair question, Lor." Christopher said, speaking up for the first time that evening. "Especially with his family's history of up and leaving."
"Hey!" Both Jimmy and Sasha protested at the same time.
"What?" Christopher demanded, turning to Liz. "Did he or did he not leave you when Jess was a baby?"
Lorelai dropped her head in her hands and said, "This is the reason I never tell you anything, Christopher."
Liz smirked at Jimmy and Sasha. "Yeah, the Hot Dog King and I had our disagreements. I thought he should help raise his son, and he disagreed." She followed the statement with a light laugh, which Jimmy answered with a nervous chuckle.
"You did OK on your own, Lizzy." Jimmy said, calling Liz by the same name he'd always called her.
"Don't lie to her, Jimbo." TJ interjected. "The boy ain't exactly well-adjusted."
"Hey!" Liz said, smacking her husband upside his head. "That's my kid you're badmouthing there."
Sasha turned to her daughter and said, "And you thought you'd be bored and need a book."
"You thought Dad and Liz were going to go the whole night without speaking." Lily retorted.
Sasha shrugged. "I had a good chance! They haven't spoken in about 20 years. I thought they could make it like a record or something."
"Actually, it's been about 22 years." Liz said, turning her attention to Sasha.
"Really?" Jimmy asked. "It feels like only yesterday we were arguing over…well, everything."
"Or getting ridiculously stoned so we wouldn't argue about everything!" Liz said, amusedly.
"Well, that's charming." Emily mumbled under her breath.
"Well this is fun." Jess said wryly. "Let's talk about something else!"
"An excellent idea!" Emily said. "Where are you going to live after you're married?"
"Mom!" Lorelai said, exasperated. Luke grabbed her hand and patted it gently.
"No, it's OK, mom." Rory said, getting defensive. "Grandma, Jess and I have been thinking about moving to Philadelphia."
Lorelai's eyes widened and her mouth fell. She had known of their plans already, but couldn't believe Rory would pick tonight to share it with Emily.
"Uh-oh." Luke said, squeezing Lorelai's hand. "Here it comes."
"Philadelphia?" Emily asked, outraged. She threw down her napkin on the table. "Philadelphia? You want to take my granddaughter that far away from her family? From everything she knows?"
"It's only about 4 hours away." Rory said.
Jess mumbled, "213.9 miles."
Rory looked at him with a smirk and said, "Do you Yahoo?"
"You know I do." Jess said, matching her smirk with one of his own. "If only Al Gore knew how I was using his precious internet."
"Everyone knows the internet is for porn!" TJ said, taking a bite of his steak.
Rory laughed. "Glad you're an Avenue Q fan, TJ."
"What's Avenue Q?" TJ asked absently, digging into his steak.
Lorelai smiled. "Never mind, TJ."
"Can we pay attention to the fact that they plan to move four hours away from here?" Emily exclaimed.
"It's where Jess's work is." Lorelai said calmly.
Luke nodded his agreement, adding "And the publishing house really isn't going to move for him. Rory can find a great paper to work on in Philadelphia."
Emily's eyes widened. "You knew about these ridiculous plans of theirs? And you approve?"
"Yes, mom. Rory's 23 years old. She can move to Philadelphia with her husband if she so chooses." Lorelai said.
Luke nodded again and said, "They're adults, Emily."
"I don't remember asking for your opinion!" Emily exclaimed.
"Don't talk to him like that!" Lorelai exclaimed. "He's your son-in-law."
"Well, that's your fault, not mine." Emily retorted, looking over at Christopher. "I had higher hopes for you. Granted, not much higher, but still."
There was a silence at the table as Lorelai glared daggers at her mother.
Rory stood and said, "I'm gonna go get some more rolls. Jess, help me?" She begged. As the two stood, the table erupted again.
"I can't believe after all of this time that you still can't accept the fact that Luke is the one who makes me happy!" Lorelai shouted.
"Oh my God." Rory said, bringing her hand to her forehead as she and Jess entered the Inn's kitchen. "This is a nightmare. It's like ten firing squads sitting at one table.
"I'm glad we wore our bulletproof vests." Jess said, wrapping his arms around Rory's waist.
Rory touched her forehead to his and said, "This was an awful idea."
"The worst possible." Jess agreed.
"What made me think they could all get along for a few hours?" Rory asked, wincing as she heard her grandfather trying to quiet Emily and Lorelai.
"A blind, misplaced faith in humanity." Jess responded, pulling Rory close to him. "I think you'll lose it over time."
"I had to invite my grandma." Rory said apologetically. "I'm sorry she's been so horrible to you. She's just trying to take care of me."
Jess sighed and kissed her forehead. "She does realize that'll soon be my job, right?"
Rory smiled at the thought and said, "Do you think you're man enough to handle the challenge, Mr. Mariano?" She leaned into him and placed a soft kiss on his lips.
"I'm always up for a challenge." Jess said, kissing Rory. "Are you?" He demanded, pulling away.
"What do you mean by that?" Rory asked, running a hand over his dark hair, messing it slightly.
"Let's bail." Jess said, raising his eyebrows at her.
Rory laughed lightly and pulled away a little. "Of all the times you've suggested that, I think this is the most inappropriate."
"C'mon." Jess said, pulling her to him again. "Your grandmother doesn't need me in the room to berate me, and no one else will even notice we're gone."
Rory seriously thought about the offer. She cringed again as she heard Lorelai's voice escalating. Now, there also seemed to be a secondary argument going on between Sasha and TJ.
"You're a bad influence." Rory said, kissing Jess again. "Let's bail."
Jess smiled against Rory's mouth. He released her waist and took her head. "I love you, Rory."
"I love you too. I'll love you more when we're out of this Inn and can finally hear ourselves think." Rory responded as they quietly walked towards the door.
"Or hear ourselves do other things." Jess said suggestively, prompting Rory to giggle quietly.
Lily looked up at the giggle she heard from the doorway. She set her eyes on Rory and Jess just as they walked out the door. Jess caught his stepsister's eye and winked at her before closing the door quietly.
Lily smiled amusedly, turned to Richard and said, "Will you pass the potatoes again, please? They're just delicious."