"Stupid elevatow!" Homestar remarked, rubbing the side of his head, then looking curiously at his hand for about the fifteenth time in two minutes. "I want my old awms back."
He waited patiently as the elevator proceeded to stop at every floor all the way to the lobby. Homestar of course didn't know it was the last floor, so he waited right behind the door to peek out as soon as it opened, as he had been doing on every floor. This time, when the metal doors scraped open he found himself poking his head out into a crowd of annoyed office personnel.
"Did the elevator break, or what?" A businesswoman inquired of the startled elevator passenger that was Homestar.
"Uh…" Homestar stared blankly.
Upon receiving no response to the inquiry, the group filed past Homestar into the elevator and resumed their complaining that had been so rudely interrupted by the arrival of the elevator.
"Jeez, it's about time… we've been waiting for like half an hour!"
"Thank god it's finally here… I'm gonna be late for the board meeting…"
"I've been saying it for years, they need to get another elevator in this building."
"No kidding. Last week Roy Argeson from accounting got stuck in the elevator with a cart of files for two hours…"
The banter continued, and Homestar stood temporarily overlooked in the corner. But not for long. "So guys, isn't this wide gweat?" He announced cheerfully.
Multiple heads turned to face him with incredulous stares. Homestar shifted uneasily as silence fell on the conversations like a heavy lourde on Homsar.
"I mean, uh… elevatows… are stupid. Yeah. I got my head smashed in the doow." Homestar casually remarked. This seemed to somewhat revive the group of office people.
"That explains a lot," a short, balding man whispered to his co-worker, inciting a wave of sniggering from nearby passengers.
"How on earth did you manage that?" The business woman inquired.
"Well, I was looking out and the doows just stawted sliding closed… " Homestar began.
"This guy sounds like Homestar," the bald man's buddy whispered. Another wave of sniggering ensued, followed by someone asking, "Who's Homestar?"
This question was loud enough to be overheard by Homestar, who ceased telling his story and replied, "Oh, I am."
Once again, the heavy lourde of silence fell, stares and all. Then people started laughing. "Yeah, good one. I suppose you get that a lot, huh? You do even look like him a bit, no offence." The balding man said.
"Well, actually, I'm weawing my staw shiwt undewneath. This is just a disguise." Homestar tried to explain, inciting more laughter. "I came out of the computew scween, and I couldn't get back-"
"Oh man, you're a riot. Nice to meet you, but this is my floor." The bald guy and his buddy exited the elevator along with most of the other office people, still laughing.
"So long, baldy bean! And… you othew people…" Homestar called as the door slid shut. Just the business woman was left now.
"Hey, don't mind them. They're that way to all the new guys." She assured him.
"Huh?"
"Well, you know they- oh never mind." The lady shrugged.
"Those were some nice guys." Homestar remarked.
The woman gave him an odd look, but was silent. Then she asked, "Hey, have you eaten lunch yet?"
"No."
"Why don't you come to lunch with me? I was gonna raid the vending machines, but I'd rather grab some hot food, if you're interested."
"Okay! I am kinda hungry."
The lady smiled at his enthusiasm and punched the first floor button. "I'm Laura. I work in Advertising, graphic design. What department are you in?"
Homestar considered this question for a minute, then replied, "Spowting goods."
Laura smiled again. "I see. You don't work here then." The elevator stopped and the doors slid open. Laura started to leave. "Are you coming?"
"Oh, wight." Homestar stepped out after her.