Ahem, the author wants to thank all the people who have read or reviewed this story with her deepest gratitude.

Just then, a destructive blow landed beside Frodo, missing just inches, and the missed target jumped in horror from absorbed reading.

"BILBO!" Frodo attempted to fake a happy face and failed completely, "What a pleasant surprise!"

"I've heard the truth." The older hobbit hissed those words out of his gritted teeth and took a terrified Frodo by the collar, "What were you and Samwise doing in Bag End? What have you done to my beloved Bag End?" Others decided to remain mute before the face of this furious hobbit. Old men could be devastating.

On hearing those words, Frodo's face reddened but soon recovered, "My dear Bilbo," He smoothed, "you won't believe those ridiculous arrangements of words, will you?"

"You know what the Gaffer says, (Why are you NOW listening to the Gaffer, Frodo moaned in his mind), 'Where there's a rain, there is a rain cloud', and I'm here to drag out that cursed rain cloud into daylight!"

Frodo couldn't think of anything to defend himself, physically or mentally. On this point, Bilbo continued to scream, "You little bastard! You don't know how terrible it means to me! I have taken care of you since you were still an unwanted hobbit-boy! But WHAT did I get? Nothing! You never return my caring, and you even never care about MY feelings! You spoiled my heritage, you irresponsible legatee-ass! Doing such things in BAG END, in MY bedroom, profaning us Baggins' legacy! And I am not cruel. Once, that's okay. Twice, that's forgivable. But for COUNTLESS TIMES...in THOUSANDS...oh, you male tart, always seducing people to --"

"Mr. Bilbo!" Sam cried, as Bilbo in his fury was about to use his walking stick to knock down the stunned Frodo unconscious, "Mr. Frodo didn't do anything illegal in Bag End, HONESTLY!"

"Then how come Bag End is the primary location of such dirty business?" Bilbo inquired heatedly and strictly, but tone softened compared with the previous.

"I dunno," Sam blushed severely at Bilbo's question, "I dunno how such ideas occur to them. This is absolutely silly."

"See, Bilbo," Frodo told him triumphantly, "Please put down that stick and let go of me -- I mean, mercifully loosen your hand, will you?"

Bilbo left, suspiciously.

"We have been luckier than those hobbits in those stories," Gimli looked at Legolas across the table, smilingly, "Fangorn, Helm's Deep, Lothlorien, the Lonely Mountain, Mirkwood and even Pelennor! Multiple choices of atmosphere. Sadly, we didn't take any of those opportunities."

"Then this should be good news for you, then. You have forgotten where we are, Gimli," Legolas said, eyes flashing mysteriously, "Rivendell."

"Did I tell you how kind you were when you grab me out of snow on Caradhras?"

"And don't you forget your holding my waist during our horseback-riding so that I wouldn't fall off on the road to Isengard."

"I love you."

"And I you."

"Shall we move to somewhere else, together?"

"Oh I'd love to."

They took their leave, holding hands, ignoring others' existence.

Sam gazed at the couple, then turned to Frodo, with a longing that made Frodo shudder.

"Please Sam -- Bilbo may be watching." He begged.

Pippin was trying to draw Merry's attention, while Gandalf was still reading silently by their side.

"Merry, why aren't you looking at me? I think those stories do have some kind of effect on me, you know what, I think I can think more clearly."

"You have never thought clearly enough," Merry insulted; nevertheless, Pippin decided to carry on.

"I think those authors do know my inner feelings and desires more than I do. Shocking yet pleasing, isn't it?"

"Pippin, to be a person of your kind, is to be alone. And mind you, you ARE alone."

"Merry, if you don't find the way, no one will."

"There is no other -- damn, I mean no way."

"Why Merry, you are embarrassed. Your face burns. It's hot."

Merry rolled his eyes under Pippin's piercing stare. "Get away from me, I beg you, you gay-butthead. Take your dirty hands off my face. Frodo is right; you shouldn't have read those. You are too easy to get influenced. For God's sake, Frodo, where are you when I need you most to get rid of this guy?"

"He is discussing important matters with Sam." Pippin answered, "Oh wait, they are dragging each other closer -- GOSH, their lips get STUCK TOGETHER!"

"I am leaving," Merry sighed, standing up from his seat, "Thank you for the laptop, Gandalf. Um, yeah, and one more thing," He said quietly in Gandalf's ear, not letting Pippin hear him, "Bring me some Lothario Spray next time when you go to the shopping mall in the Long Lake Town."

Epilogue

Elrond was still trying to get into the White House, even his eyes hurt and it was already 2 a.m. Suddenly he heard movements. A shiver ran through his spine as he looked around in the dimmed-lighted, quiescent library.

"Am I starting to hear things?" He said to himself, trembling a bit.

"Damn damn DAMN," he thought miserably, "Should I fear darkness! I am Lord Elrond and should I fear darkness!"

Cursing silently, he went on working.

"K1z9opL...wrong, curse you, Sauron...K1z9opM...still wrong, shit...K1z9opN...Man, I will never stop the world from spinning! And stop my ass-kicking headache! I should do something else to divest myself of it! Why don't I, say, write some fanfiction, starting with the following beginning: 'Damn it,' Lord Elrond slammed the laptop cover in frustration, 'Why I just can't get into that website?'..."

Footnote: Aragorn was using Sindarin elvish in this passage. Another elvish phrase he and Elrond used frequently was rhach ha, which means, "Damn it".

The End