"You are my sausage, my only sausage. You make me happy when skies are grey…"
Harry Potter sat at the top of North Tower, cradling a sausage in his arms and cooing softly. He had successfully isolated himself from his non-existent friends in order to enjoy his lone-time in the company of the sausage.
He rocked it gently in his arms, stroking it in a very peculiar way with the tip of his finger. Suddenly, his euphoria was abruptly broken. A flap of wings was the cause.
Then, even more suddenly, he felt a loss in his hands that was like no loss he had ever experienced before – his parents' death didn't even come close. His sausage was ….GONE!
He looked up in horror, expecting anything but what he saw…
It was…
A kookaburra.
It was sitting in the tree, mocking him. Then he saw the senseless violence in its eyes.And it hit him – that was no ordinary sausage. It was a Sausage Slash Horcrux!
He reached for the nearest weapon he could find – a rock placed conveniently near his foot. He knew he had to make this shot, but he'd never thrown a rock before, or anything for that matter. He was one of many severely overweight cases in the wizarding world.
The rock emitted a long, slow-motion NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO as it was released from the palm of his hand and hurtled towards the kookaburra, having to perform a 180 degree turn to get there.
It hit the kookaburra square in the face. It dropped the sausage, and Harry lunged forward heroically and slightly stupidly, before realizing he was still at the top of North Tower.
He plummeted at break-neck speed, breaking his neck along with every other bone in his body.
Then the most suddenly yet, he hit the ground with a terrible thud. Harry groaned. Miraculously, the sausage had survived. It was in his hand.
There was a flapping of wings. Then, Harry experienced a sense of loss that he had never experienced before. Even the feeling of his own life ebbing away couldn't match this. His sausage was gone. And this time forever. His eyes glazed over and …
He died.
He then woke up again, took a deep breath, got up…
And died.
THE END
Inspired by a true story