Dumbledore awoke from his light slumber. The light was streaming in through the gap in his curtains. He yawned, got up, took a swig of Fire-Whisky and glanced over at his new Kookaburra. It was sitting on Fawkes's usual perch; He had traded Fawkes the night before.
After four pints of Fire-Whisky, Dumbledore decided to go for a drunken stroll through the grounds. Outside the air was crisp and fresh. He was just becoming remotely sober when he tripped and fell. Annoyed he got up to see what had caused him to fall over. His heart stopped. The black Mohawk, skull earrings and Goth bands. The scrawny frame and cowardly stature. Harry Potter lay dead before him.
Out of the corner of his eye Dumbledore noticed something out of place a sausage. The curves, the sweet juicy fragrance. The sausages evil enchantment fell again, this time the greatest wizard alive fell under the spell. Dumbledore picked it up and held it gently too his chest.
And began too sing.
If anyone stuck their nose out the window of Gryffindor tower that day they would see a sight that would haunt them forever. Dumbledore, sitting on the ledge of his office, cradling a sausage in his arms, and caressing it, with one wrinkly tip of his finger. And singing softly.
"Hey look at Dumbledore" said Ron casually
"Must've had too much to drink again" grunted Fred.
"He's lost it"
"No" Fred said. "He's completely sane"
Dumbledore was humming to the sausage when a flap of wings broke him from his stupor. He turned his head sharply. His pet Kookaburra swooped, snatching the sausage from his hand. He felt a loss like he had never felt before. The loss of Harry didn't come close.
Dumbledore lost it. He began screaming hysterically. Tearing his nails at his face.
"Still think he's sane" asked Ron.
"Probably just a hard day at work" grinned Fred.
The Kookaburra stared at him maliciously. The Professor could see the senseless violence in its eyes. No one could take his sausage and live. He lunged forward snatching the sausage from the kookaburra and knocking it right off its perch.
Dumbledore plummeted to the ground at break neck speed, breaking his toe. Suddenly, and without warning he hit the ground. Miraculously the sausage had survived; it lay there perfectly cooked, perfectly shaped and perfectly scented. Dumbledore felt his eyes glaze over, he heard a flutter of wings, then he felt a loss like nothing he had ever felt before. Even the feeling of his own life ebbing away couldn't match this. The sausage had gone. And this time forever. His heart stopped. He heard the kookaburra laughing as everything went black.
He died.
Opened his eyes got up took a deep breath.
And Died.
Inspired by a true story