SMALL CHOICES

A NEON GENESIS EVANGELION fanfic By Tezza

Rating: G

Disclaimer: N.G.E. not owned by me. GAINAX and Anno have that distinction. Bollocks!

Please be gentle with me it's my first posting!

Self confessed man about town and spy for just about everyone, Kaji was coming out

of a general store when Shinji spotted him. "Hi, Mr Kaji!" he said. Looking startled and

slightly sheepish for a moment as he put something in his pocket quickly, Kaji waved the

boy over and had his usual air of casual friendliness in place by the time Shinji arrived.

"Why hello there, young Mr. Ikari. What brings you to this side of TOKYO-3." he

inquired cheerfully.

"Actually, I was looking for you." Shinji said, frowning at being called Mr. Ikari. "And

it's just 'Shinji'. I'm not my father."

"Of course. My mistake. Shinji it is then." Kaji looked contrite, but inside was glad that his bit of misdirection had stopped the boy from asking just what he was doing in that store.

"Well then, Shinji, what can I do for you on this fine day?"

"I need to ask your advice about something."

"Don't you have the lovely Misato for that."

"Not about this." Shinji was looking uncomfortable.

"So, you have come to me about something that you can't ask the Captain. I'll take a wild guess and say that this would be about the fairer sex, then?" Blushing, Shinji nodded. "Well then, let's take a walk, shall we. This is going to take a while."

Clapping the Third Child on the shoulder, Kaji started them walking towards one of the many parks dotting the city.

"So, has some special girl caught your eye, or is this just a general enquiry?"

"Someone." he said meekly. "Ah! Let me guess. Someone at school, or someone you work with."

"Both." Kaji's eyebrows shot up.

"Well, THAT narrows it down somewhat. Which one has caught your eye?" Shinji mumbled something.

"I didn't quite catch that, Shinji." he said, sounding more and more amused at how flustered

the boy was getting. "Asuka."

"Interesting choice for someone who has made a career out of avoiding any sort of personal conflict, don't you think?"

"I just wanted to talk about her with someone who knows her. I'm sorry to have bothered you with it." Shinji turned away and started to walk off.

Kaji stopped him and looked him in the eye. "No, I'm sorry Shinji. You caught me by suprise. I'm listening."

Resuming their walk, Kaji continued to talk. "I do have to ask 'why'? Having had her in my care for a time, I know what she is like. What is it about her that makes you want to have a relationship with her. And forgive me for saying this, but what makes you think she will let you?"

Shinji thought about his questions for a time. "I just want to understand her and get to know her. And yes, maybe even go out with her. I know her personality is a bit prickly, but every now and again, I've seen what's underneath it, too." He sighed, "You probably know her as well as Misato does. I guess I just want you to tell me if you think I have a chance?"

Kaji took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to figure out a way to get his next point across without crushing the Third Childs ego completely. "In a word, no."

Shinji stopped dead. Looking more than a little shocked at the older man's choice of words, he asked Kaji if he would care to expand on that last statement a little more.

"Shinji, I know her and I've read your file. For any sort of healthy relationship to happen between you two, there would have to be some MAJOR personality shifts from the BOTH of you. Asuka is moody, irrational, frighteningly intelligent and has some serious issues in her past to face yet. Plus she is aggressive and very stubborn. Every weakness you have, she will exploit. Every strength you display, she will undermine. And if you manage to defend yourself against her verbal attacks there is every chance it will turn physical. Nothing is beyond her if she sees you as a threat. Her childhood was even less pleasant than yours and the memory of it drives her to be the way she is now. And more than likely she will self-destruct because of it. If you try to save her, she will hate you for it and try to take you down with her."

If Shinji was shocked before, he was completely stunned now. In the short time he had known Kaji, never had he heard such a hard and bitter tone escape the man's lips before.

Noting the boys expression, Kaji gave a weary smile and continued, "Don't get me wrong, I like you both tremendously. It just wouldn't work."

"Why? How can you know?"

"Because I've been where you are right now."

"HUH! When?"

"Seven years ago. With Misato."

Kaji saw the boys face and decided to clarify. "Oh, I don't mean to say it was exactly the same situation but there are similarities. We both thought that we could make it work despite our differences but in the end we just hurt each other terribly." Putting a lid back on his regrets, Kaji slipped back into the persona he now showed the world these days. Turning to Shinji and speaking to him as an adult, "I guess the point I'm trying to get across is this; if you want to fall in love with Asuka and be with her, go for it. Love, in itself, is never a bad thing. But this is not something you can start and not see through to the end if it gets too hard. That was OUR mistake. She may fight you all the way, but everything worthwhile in this life has a price."

Breathing deeply once more, Kaji continued in a lighter tone, "Sorry to lay all of that on you in one lump Shinji, but I just want you to consider what you are letting yourself in for. I DO like you both but I couldn't let you walk into this blindfolded. When it comes to love, there are no small choices. Now, you go off and think about our conversation. That's all I ask."

Shinji nodded and waved good-bye as he tried to process all that he had been told while walking home. Kaji watched until he was out of sight. Then, shaking his head at the thought of what that boy was thinking of letting himself in for, he patted his pocket, turned and resumed his quest for the day.

"Now, where would be a quiet, safe, out of the way place to plant some watermelons?"

THE END

NOTES: This is actually the second thing I've written. I did it mainly to see if I could write a short story because the other piece I am working on is turning into a monster. Technically, this could be seen as a prologue to that. Anyway, it works on it's own as a conversation that could have taken place somewhere early on in the series. Calling Misato a Captain tells you where I think it belongs. Besides, those seeds had to come from somewhere. (Amazing what bugs you in the middle of the night!) So, bring it on! Praise and constructive criticism will be treasured, flames will be fed to my salamander, Spanky.

P.S.: Much thanks to my soulmate for all her help with this.